39 coaches online • Server time: 13:48
Forum Chat
Log in
Recent Forum Topics goto Post Secret League Americ...goto Post DOTP Season 4goto Post Skittles' Centu...
SearchSearch 
Post new topic   Reply to topic
View previous topic Log in to check your private messages View next topic
Poll
Who is teh sexiest OBBA star?
The Duke
49%
 49%  [ 26 ]
The Duke
50%
 50%  [ 27 ]
Total Votes : 53


pythrr



Joined: Mar 07, 2006

Post   Posted: Sep 01, 2015 - 05:09 Reply with quote Back to top

And we're off! Congrats on playing the first game of season 23!

_________________
Image
Image
Cavetroll



Joined: Jan 21, 2009

Post   Posted: Sep 01, 2015 - 05:19 Reply with quote Back to top

MLS Season 23 pre-season predictions

[Charlie] Charlie Stilettoinya here, alongside Johan Sharks, and tonight we're going to make our predictions for the OBBA Season 23 MLS division

[Johan] That's right Charlie. After several seasons of being able to field two divisions - MLS proper and the USL Pro feeder division, the two groups have merged back into a single division of 10 teams. The rumor is that with the ouster of George A., several of the coaches were found to be running multiple teams for competitive advantage.

[Charlie] Considering who keeps winning the MLS Cup, I don't know how much advantage those teams were getting. But let's not dwell on the past. We have 10 teams in MLS this season, and the breakdown is as follows - 2 Simyin, 2 Necro, 1 Lizard, 1 Human, 1 Dwarf, 1 Pact, 1 Vampire and 1 Undead.

[Johan] In addition, we have 8 returning coaches, 1 coach that played in the Summer Sand Pit, and 1 newcomer with a rookie team. The two new guys are going to have a tough road to hoe without the old USL Pro division to help build them up.

[Charlie] And don't expect any mercy from the veterans either, Johan. So here's my predictions for the playoffs: Seattle Pounders (Lizardmen), Milan Gladiators (Human), D. Cong United (Simyin) and Chimpanzee United (Simyin). I figure Seattle will win the division and get #1 seed again, win their first playoff round and lose to the eventual winner - Milan Gladiators

[Johan] Charlie, I couldn't disagree more. First, you picked all the highest TV teams to make the playoffs. None of these teams will look the same at the end of the season. Second, everyone knows how much of a Milan homer you are. My predictions are as follows: Vancouver WHITE Walkers (Undead), St. Louis Steamrollers (Dwarves), D. Cong United, and Chimpanzee United. Chimpanzee United will be the #1 seed and will roll everyone to win the entire thing

[Charlie] Actually, Johan, you could have disagreed a little more. You picked two of the same teams I did. Everyone knows you are a secret monkey lover. You also just picked coach happygrue cause he's a filthy lucker who depends on nuffle's blessing on his dice.

[Johan] Hey Charlie, better lucky than good. Also, bite me hater. Your humans are going down in a crumpled heap of pain.

[Charlie] Well folks, that's all the time we have for this week's show. Looking forward to another great season of soc-, er, footba-, er blood bowl! See you all on the pitch.

[Johan] Have a great season everyone. Charlie, put some pants on. We didn't have a bet this time.

_________________
Image
nerf indigo 2016
The_Great_Gobbo



Joined: Aug 04, 2014

Post   Posted: Sep 01, 2015 - 13:54 Reply with quote Back to top

Der Great Gobbo previewz der OBBA conference south.

Rite, furst off I woz bribed inter doin dis which iz fine wiv me. Wen itz yoar turn doant not do der work, it ent ard an it mekz leegz speshul.

Havin sed all dat itz ard fer me ter do predikshunz wen yew az only played wun game an rit nuffin on yer teem in der bio sekshun. Der effort I spendz previewin yer teem will reflect ow much effert yew az put in.

Ratalanta BC (UngratefulDead)

Only fing wurf notin bowt dis teem iz der brilliantly named German Denis.

E'a Taesi Bears (Rat_Salat)

Evun wurse den der last teem. Der only excuse fer avin a bunch o playerz named afta der fonetik alphabet iz if dey woz all siblins an dere mum woz a catholic nymphomaniac wiv a bit o foresite.

FC Ratzelona (Arale)

Dey az a nice badge but ent played any gamez, ow iz I ment ter predict ow dey will do?!! I dunno, fourth mebbe?

Gobbo Vallecano (me)

Now we iz talkin! Obviuzly der favoritz ter win der leeg az I iz der koach, expect an emphasis on passin an technique wiv a bit o triksy footwork frown in az well. Fer der gratest fan protest of all time Youtube Rayo Vallecano fans Simpsons protest, geeniuz!

Hellas Verdona (awambawamb)

Dese boyz iz frum Tilea, long noted fer itz mastery o der defensive game. Dis feory will be tested ter der limitz az dey iz a teem o gobbos. Wurf keepin an eye on.

IpsWitch Town FC (Mav13she)

Nuffin ter say except der will probably be a lotta konfushun az ter wich baffroom dese lotz use. Ardly surprisin wiv dis bein a teem frum Norfolk, a part o der world where people go ter family reunionz ter find a date.

Lizapool FC (Alcrab)

I az ter diskloze der fakt dat I iz an Evertonian, so I opez diz teem getz wiped owt every game an rage kwitz az dey iz skum. We ent fergot Heysel mush.

Wimbledon FC - The Crazy Gang (flydd)

Ent played, ent rit nuffin, ent interested.

FC United of Middenheim (Silent_Hastati)

A very interestin teem wiv a lotta time spent on it. Dis manager klearly kares abowt iz lads, an iz wun I ope does well. Romimi Ayelislome az alreddy got 30 SPP in only 8 gamez an lookz very dangerous. Kan dese elves survive in wot iz a bash lite leeg? If dey kan, an dey kan get a few skillz an avoid der injuries dey kud be a title contender.

Rite datz yer lot, gizza me point!

GG
Mav13shc



Joined: Jun 01, 2015

Post   Posted: Sep 01, 2015 - 14:12 Reply with quote Back to top

Although a very true reflection on the peoples of Norfolk, mr gobbo would just point out Ipswich are from the better county of Suffolk
The_Great_Gobbo



Joined: Aug 04, 2014

Post   Posted: Sep 01, 2015 - 14:57 Reply with quote Back to top

Meh, klose enuff! Wink
Silent_Hastati



Joined: Nov 04, 2014

Post   Posted: Sep 01, 2015 - 16:13 Reply with quote Back to top

The_Great_Gobbo wrote:

FC United of Middenheim (Silent_Hastati)

A very interestin teem wiv a lotta time spent on it. Dis manager klearly kares abowt iz lads, an iz wun I ope does well. Romimi Ayelislome az alreddy got 30 SPP in only 8 gamez an lookz very dangerous. Kan dese elves survive in wot iz a bash lite leeg? If dey kan, an dey kan get a few skillz an avoid der injuries dey kud be a title contender.


Man, no pressure at all Laughing
Wotfudboy



Joined: Feb 17, 2004

Post   Posted: Sep 02, 2015 - 01:14 Reply with quote Back to top

Season 23 - OBBA Premiership Predictions

As he flicked the ash from his cheap cigarette, the old hack stared blankly at his trusty snotling-o-writer. The ink stained snotling just stared back, shrugged, and went back to chewing a well gnawed wart on his thumb. Editor pthyrr had been on the blower again, whining on about deadlines, threatening the sack, offering extra gold, and mentioning being locked in a cupboard with Ripper the Troll. Nothing had worked. He'd been doing this for years. Inspiration, when it came, would flow through his barren mind like a storm flood through a dry ravine.

He glanced down at the OBBA Premiership teams that he'd scrawled on the back of a half consumed packet of Goatalite during the press conference. Another season and another collection of hangers on, rising stars and general attention-seeking scum... and that was just the coaches. The teams themselves were as hard as nails as you could get. They had fought tooth and claw season after season, struggling to seek promotion into the glory of the Premiership. No matter what the lower league marketing campaigns said on their pre-season banners, nothing compared to the 9 games of hell that awaited each team in the OBBA Premiership.

Top of the pile are the CA Bloca Juniors - reigning champions. He remembered interviewing the teams star Werewolf Raul Rivas as the post-match showers were in progress after a game last season... the stink of wet dog was overpowering at best. Leaning over the side of his chair he spat phlegm just to clear the taste from his mouth and to try to exorcise the memory from his taste buds. Shuffling uneasily through his notes, the team didn't look much, and many had underestimated them previously, including him. Never mind that - move on. 6 clear wins showed that they have swift scoring ability despite the abundance of shuffling zombies. Unfortunately the stato-goblins had failed to compile the season 22 player records... he scowled... but the high agility ghoul Marco Esteban Soria seemed to combine well with Raul Rivas, and the rest of the team shuffled around to protect their star colleagues. The teamsheet did show a remarkable lack of factual historic evidence to record their OBBA exploits... disappointing for a Premiership team these days.

Interestingly their first game would be against Accrington Stanley Originals, the only team to beat them last time around. That should sort the men from the boys. The shuffling bags of dust should be looking to get one over on the Juniors after they suffered the indignation of finishing second to the necros. Amazingly the kings of the sand had only been around collectively for 5 seasons, and had risen to the top very quickly indeed. They too looked underwhelming on paper and clearly lacked the star quality of many teams. Coach uzkulak looked to big Jimmy Anders to take down as many opponents as his lumbering swings could whilst Thomas Dixon showed genuine athleticism for a walking xylophone of bones. The Originals will be doing well to surpass the other teams in the league again, but clearly the dark arts were strong in coach uzkulak.

Next up were the foul-tempered bearded shortlings, the Watford Hornhits. 5 wins were good last time around, but 3 losses were painful as the Juniors, Originals and Swampsea all claimed three points from them. The long time stalwarts of the team had quickly been thinned out over 12 hard seasons. There were more rookies in the team than coach Wotfudboy had cared for, but frankly, he whined more than a beastman kicked in the knackers and should be grateful for the talent that remained. The two Bulls - Jenkins and Blissett - were still doing their stuff, backed up by the ever-grumpy Barnes who was looking to add to his 126 matches. With only 1 claw on the team the old hack had to think that their best of times was behind them.

DaCoach stuck in the mind. He had guided the ever-leaping Slann team to more upsets than should have been possible. The frogs simply wouldn't stay down, and Michel Vorm was living proof of that clocking up 188spp in just 65 games. Was he in danger of becoming the new The Duke? However, could this team be a threat to the top places? Hmmm, consistency was the key, and this team just didn't have it. Flicking the notepad over dismissively he moved on to the next contender...

Ah, Nicodemus... another dog-walker. Could his Beitar Jerusalem had been any more attached to the midtable spot last season if they tried? 3-1-3 was hardly impressive, made all the worse by having unplayed games. However, they are lead by a wily coach, and the stars on the team are truly impressive - Hen Azriel alone had more SPPs than some entire Premiership squads, and certainly much more experience. Suspicions of a better season lay in wait for this motley crew.

Meanandugl's Dark Elves are some of the most agile and tricksy pointy-eared freaks in OBBA, with Clawkiller and Ghosthunter leading the way to the delight of their fans. The key to their success will be to get a Dirty Player on their side and a couple more bods on the bench, because frankly they look fragile. They might snatch a win here and there, but the old hack didn't fancy their chances of seeing the season out without a good deal of bruising much like last season.

Tranmare Rovers would be one of two Undead team featuring in a decidedly morbid Premiership in Season 23, and unusually they would both start as the weakest teams to feature in it. The teamsheet seemed to contain a lot of unnecessary TV bulking... perhaps there was a strategy to it, but 4 cheerleaders, 2 assistant coaches didn't seem worth it, when you could get a perfectly good extra inducement for the same value... but hey, the hack shrugged, who was he to criticise... he'd come last in the office Fantasy League last time, to everyone's delight. The Demon was an experienced coach and obviously knew what he was doing, and had avoided the drop last time and were up against new-to-the-league Scourgehampton this season.

Who were they? He didn't take much notice of the lower leagues, but clearly this chaos side of coach Erickan had kicked some serious butt down there and and risen to the Premiership with a strong foul-smelling bunch of defilers. 3 MB/Claw combos account for 72 casualties between them, with Davis leading the way. TD's seem to be spread across the team, probably as the ball is an afterthought, but one last note - Yoshisa has the tantalising combination of Dirty Player and Sneaky Git... perfect for OBBA! Watch out for this lot, but will the amount of inducements arranged against them cut them down to size?

The second newly promoted fodder... sorry... team the hack scrutinised was the second Undead team, Ragenham 'N Dedbridge. Your typical beat down and foul team, with a Ag2 Ghoul leading the scoring table! Just wrong. I suspect coach m0gw41 is haunted by the sound of Suarez's teeth snapping as he crumpled to the floor squealing in agony. A 14/4/8 record so far would suggest potential, but experience counts a lot in this division and coach m0gw41 has that even if his team doesn't.

Last but not least are DatMonsta's incredibly free-scoring Elf team - Pro-Russia Dortmund. As the shining light of the powers of good in the division, this team has it's work cut out, but they look every inch the team to steal a win off the most unsuspecting coach. Only snakes and tackle/MB/Dirty Players are the things they will fear. Success will come at a price, and it will only take one bad game for it to all fall apart.

What a rag-tag bunch. Now. Time to earn the money. Predictions:

Top three contenders (in alphabetical order) - CA Bloca Juniors, Pro-Russia Dortmund and Scourgehampton. Controversial choices maybe, but there is clearly talent coming up from the lower divisions, and last season's survivors don't look as strong/complete as a season or two ago. Will be a close one!

Bottom three contenders (in alphabetical order) - Barmbek Bloodletic, Ragenham 'N Dedbridge and Tranmare Rovers. Just don't think they will have the all round ability to consistently overcome their opponents to beat the drop despite the talent of the coaches.

Mid-table mugs (in alphabetical order) - Accrington Stanley Originals, Beitar Jersualem, Swampsea City, Watford Hornhits. The teams look good enough to get a few wins together over the weaker teams, but will need all the experience, wit and dice they can get to challenge for the top 3 places. It's a difficult one to call, and a few bad dice rolls could change the outcome of the top 5 places very easily.

Satisfied with his evasive and non-committal musings, the hack lit up another wilted underpacked cigarette as the snotling-o-writer completed it's final whirring and inking.

Now, on to choosing a winning Fantasy team...
pythrr



Joined: Mar 07, 2006

Post   Posted: Sep 02, 2015 - 01:30 Reply with quote Back to top

Big calls! Big Predictions! Whatdya think, coaches?! comments, questions, abuse?

_________________
Image
Image
Apojar



Joined: Aug 05, 2006

Post   Posted: Sep 02, 2015 - 02:04 Reply with quote Back to top

FOE: Good morning to you, OBBA fans. Welcome to our Season 23 preview show. I'm your host, Rechukka Foe, here with a special segment this year, previewing the upcoming play for Conference North this season.

Along the way, we'll have some discussion and input from some former players and fellow network commentators from NBC (National Blood Channel) Sports.

We'll be tackling each team in the division, in no particular order. We hope to discuss team rosters as they are currently comprised, as well as where we feel the teams are headed. Without further ado, let's begin by looking at a team that has the most experience thus far.


1. CELTIC CHAOTIC

Race: Chaos
Impact Player: Mark Onehorn McGheeHorns, Block, Mighty Blow – 20 points.

FOE: The Chaotic come to the pitch with the most experienced squad of Conference North thus far. There aren't a lot of skills to go around as of yet, but that doesn't seem to stop Head Coach luxyluxo from posting points in every match. They've yet to experience a defeat in their brief career. They are also putting up numbers such as scoring 1.2 touchdowns per match, as well as a staggering 3.0 CAS per game, while only taking 1.0 against. With those numbers, there's no wonder why they are posting positive results.

Going forward, these guys are going to need some support for their stars, so we'd like to bring in one of our supporting stars here at NBC Sports, Mr. Gobbie Hurle. Welcome to the programs, Gobbie.

HURLE: Pleasure to be here, Rechukka.

FOE: We've just briefly discussed the Chaotic, talking about the impressive numbers and results they've posted thus far. What do they need to do to keep up the trend?

HURLE: They need to develop a few players further to act as the backbone for their stars, Rechukka. They're going to need to bring up a few Guards to compliment both McGhee and their Chaos Warrior Rab Douglas. The way these guys win is by out-blocking their opponents, both in quality and quantity. With Guard, you're able to support throwing more blocks, as well as keeping a few extra blocks from coming your way.

FOE: Good point, Gobbie. Any other areas to address?

HURLE: The other thing they'll need to develop soon is a ball-handler. There's nothing more frustrating to a Head Coach than to have to spend precious rerolls on simple actions like picking up the rock. Once that area is settled upon, you can save those rerolls for things like dodging, blocking, you know... those things that you'd far rather be doing.

FOE: Gobbie Hurle, thank you very much for your input. We'll be speaking with you again later in the program.

HURLE: A pleasure, Rechukka.

FOE: Our next squad is also hoping to make its mark known on their opponents by leaving some indellible hoofprints on their foreheads.


2. FC HOOFSTAMP

Race: Chaos
Impact Player: Phil 2K(+ST) – 11 points

FOE: Same race, but a different path thus far for Hoofstamp. Head Coach Alimack seems to have some serious voodoo powers in his bag, as half of the skills his team has thus far are stat bonuses. A third skill was a double for Goatse. This team certainly seems to be going in the right direction.

There is a drawback to their development thus far: the squad has yet to write a win in its books, having drawn with 4 of their 5 opponents. These boys have the opposite numbers as the previously discussed Chaotic. They ARE scoring a touchdown per game, but conceding 1.4. They have also taken a LOT of casualties, taking on 2.4 CAS per game, while inflicting less than 1.5. That kind of attrition makes it difficult to stay competitive. The fact that they only have 1 loss to their record with such depleted forces is a testament to good coaching.

Their needs, going forward, are rather similar. They do need to establish a ball carrier. They also need to start fleshing out their identity with support, hitting, and a kicking game. These boys are still very young, so they have plenty of time to bring it about.

Our next squad to look at subscribe to a different type of game plan.


3. CARDIFF CRUSADERS

Race: High Elf
Impact Player: None Established Yet

FOE: These boys rely on grace, speed, and agility to get the job done. They're scoring 1.5 TD/match, though with only 2 games under their belt, this number can prove to be misleading. Their casualty numbers are nearly even right now, but they're taking 1.5 cas per match thus far. We don't want to get too hung up on that number, as it IS only 2 games, but this team certainly can't expect to have a large amount of success until it can keep its players on the pitch.

These boys have posted 25 spps in their two matches, with the points being rather evenly distributed across the roster. If they're able to keep up that kind of pace, they should be more than able to compete for a promotion this season.

For a second opinion, we'd like to turn to another of our excellent analysts here on NBC Sports, Mr. Wobblie Gusto. How's it going, Wobblie?

GUSTO: Well, thank you Rechukka.

FOE: Tell us what we can expect out of the Crusaders going forward this season, Wobblie.

GUSTO: I think you'll see some serious growth out of the squad, and quickly. These guys can rely on their agility to carry them away from trouble. They can effectively play keep-away with the ball from their opponents. As their Lion Warriors develop, nobody will be surprised to see these guys putting up 3 or 4 touchdowns per match.

FOE: Any short-comings to look out for?

GUSTO: Health, Rechukka. If these guys have a go with the injury bug that seems to go around the agility squads, even Head Coach billiebob will find it frustrating to keep doing more with less. It won't be unheard of to see a 3 TD/match ratio, just as long as they can stay on the field of play.

FOE: Wobblie Gusto of NBC Sports network, thank you for joining us today.

GUSTO: Take care, Rechukka.

FOE: Our 4th squad has the rest of the experience in the division, having already played (and got abused in) their first match.


4. BARNSLEY UNITED

Race: Human
Impact Player: Sam WinnallCatch, Dodge, Block – 6 points

FOE: Humans tend to be the “jack of all trades, master of none”. They can run, pass, block, foul, kick, and play defense on par with most anyone out there. These guys are still very young, searching for any kind of an identity.

Their first match together didn't turn out so well, having been shut out on the scoreboard and taking a number of casualties out of the gate. Let's hope that this first match was just a fluke; a cruel joke by Nuffle played on Head Coach philipprocter.

The early, wide-open field favors United, as they have a basic set of skills already on board. Comparitively speaking, they're already starting a step above most squads, with 4 players coming into play with the Block skill. It may not seem like much, but it amounts to a huge early-campaign advantage.

We now have a number of brandy-new teams we'd like to discuss, beginning with some new speed demons.


5. DREAM TEAM BARCELONA

Race: Skaven
Head Coach: dreamscreator


FOE: These new rats on the (cheese) block are the new speed-mongers of the division. Skaven tend to fly out of the gate, and this should certainly prove to be no exception. They open their season against fellow new squad...


6. QPR

Race: Chaos Pact
Head Coach: Apojar

FOE: The OBBA finally gains a new Pact squad with the entrants from Bloat Us Road. Their head coach is accustomed to playing in leagues from the "wrong side of the pond", such as the NBFL. He doesn't seem to perform well in North America, so, sadly to say, we don't expect them to fare much better on the vastly different league front.

The next squad stinks... and I mean that in the literal sense of the word.

7. FC ROTTER BAYERN

Race: [b]Nurgle

Head Coach: dieter_h

FOE: At first glance, you'd think that this is also one of the league's rookie teams, but SURPRISE. They have a game already under their belt, as well as a Pestigor with Block in the person of Rheuma Kay"kannstNixfurdeinKonterfei".

They incurred 2 casualties in their first match, both of which were deaths. One was able to be regenerated. That doesn't seem to matter to the squad, as they fired up 2 touchdowns on the scoreboard, earning the team a much-welcomed win. I would expect times to be slightly more difficult at the start, due to a lack of skilled players that will certainly need rerolls. There's no question, however, that the coaching is there for these boys. They should be in the mix for promotion.

Our 8th squad seem to perform the best in the shadows of a dark forest.


8. NAGGAROTH FOREST

Race: Dark Elf
Head Coach: patches

FOE: These boys have been training deep within the forest. As such, there are very few people, outside of the coaching staff, that has heard of the squad. The better they play, the more fans they'll draw, and quickly. Many fans adore the agility and the finesse that any kind of an Elf squad can provide its fan base. They gain an advantage of having 4 Block players on the squad already, which they'll take full advantage of.

Our final squad to speak about are a nice bunch of lovely ladies making the jaunt from North America's Midwest.


9. GREEN BAY

Race: [b]Amazon

Head Coach: android18

FOE: We here at NBC Sports know that Amazon squads are extremely difficult to compete against in the very beginnings. 4 players employed on the squad are Blodgers, with everyone else coming with Dodge. For new squads, they could spend half of a match just trying to knock down a single Linelady.

These ladies also have not gathered a fan base on this side of the ocean... yet. They should have a nice following after just a few short matches.



FOE: Fans, we've now brought you a short blurb about each of the squads in Conference North this season, so I'd like to bring back our two guest analysts to get their opinions on predictions. Please welcome back to the program Mr. Wobblie Gusto and Mr. Gobbie Hurle. Gentleman, welcome back.

GUSTO: Thank you, Rechukka

HURLE: Thanks for having us back, Rechukka.

FOE: Wobblie, let's start with you. Thoughts on how this will shape up this season?

GUSTO: I feel as though you're going to see an odd pair at the top of the conference this season, with the boys from Rotter Bayern finishing as the Champs, with the Crusaders right on their heels.

FOE: Why is that, Wobblie?

GUSTO: The skill set that FC Rotter Bayern employs seems to be a great fit for the type of opponents they are going to face this season. Combine that with some excellent coaching, and you have the makings of a winner. With Cardiff, I just feel like they have the proper mix of weapons already in place that will grow to be a force much faster than their opponents can develop.

FOE: Gobbie Hurle, your thoughts?

HURLE: Well Rechukka, I tend to agree with the top pick being Rotter Bayern. I think they're game plan is nearly tailor-made for this Conference. As for the runner-up, I have hope in the ladies from Green Bay. I think that opponents will find it very frustrating early on to deal with these agile ladies. They'll be able to take full advantage of that in the early going, and should develop well enough to earn that second promotion.

FOE: Anyone you gents think is going to struggle out of the gate?

HURLE: For me, that's an easy one. I don't forsee a good opening season for QPR. With all the bigs on the squad, and few... well, NO skills to speak of at the start, life is going to be tough going for them.

GUSTO: I'm inclined to agree with you, Gobbie. I am also slightly hesitant on the boys from Barcelona. They COULD struggle out of the gate if they can't stay healthy. If (and this is a big IF) they can avoid any serious injuries through the first 2 to 3 matches, they should be okay. If they get a bit dinged up, however, it's going to be a long season for the Skaven.

FOE: Guys, thank you both very much, and so we bid you, the fans, adieu for this segment of our never-ending coverage of OBBA action, right here on National Blood Channel Sports, otherwise known as NBC.

We'll be back to our show after this brief product advertisement.



ZAKUANI: Hi, I'm Gabriel Zakuani, Dark Elf Blitzer from Championship League team Peterboroug Un-United

On the pitch, I frequently send my opponents here, but...

Off the pitch, I find myself relaxing with one...

Image
uzkulak



Joined: Mar 30, 2004

Post   Posted: Sep 02, 2015 - 02:33 Reply with quote Back to top

I think Wotfudboy has it about right - there is no clear favourite this season, so it will hopefully be quite close throughout Smile Its a long season, so nothing will be won in round 1!
spock



Joined: Feb 15, 2006

Post   Posted: Sep 02, 2015 - 06:35 Reply with quote Back to top

[Announcer] Welcome to this Cabal Vision broadcast of Blood Bowl Tonight!

Tonight's special guest is the up and coming OBBA Coach Spock!

Coach Spock Tell us about your team in OBBA.

[Spock] Greetings Frank it's not much to tell for how the team was created. A captain friend of mine delivered to me a hold full of failed Mutineers. Instead of hanging them I took them, a Chaos Troll and a Chaos Ogre another friend of mine was trying to sell off and created the team 'Temper Bay Mutiny' in honor of how and where most of the team came into my hands.

[Announcer] well it's great to know the history of your team. What can you tell us about the rest of the MLS division?

[Spock] I'm pretty new to the division, but I'll be happy to discuss all of the teams in the divisions.

[Announcer] well let's start with the most valuable team in the division, Cavetroll's D. Cong United

[Spock] D. Cong is an impressive Simyin roster to be sure. With 2 + ST and a plethora of Block, i'm not looking forward to that game. I expect to lose at least a few players during that game. I expect they'll be in the top 2 of the season.

[Announcer] interesting, well what about another Simyin team, Chimpanzee United .

[Spock] Chimpanzee United is even scarier than D. Cong, less block but a lot more Mighty Blow. Another very tough fight. Hopefully I won't lost anyone during this game but hopes aren't worth much when Nuffle is involved.

[Announcer] you seem concerned about losing players for both of those matches. Are there any coaches you're not afraid of at this point?

[Spock] with a field of 10 other players our TV is within only 150 of only 1 team. Every other team we're down at least 500 TV to as much as 910 TV. We're very scared of this whole season, we're hoping that at least ½ of the original players survive to see our second season.

[Announcer] well that seems fair, let continue to the final Simyin team. Village_Idiot and the Real Salt Ape

[Spock] Real Salt Ape is the team Simyin team I fear the least, not only do they have the lowest TV of but they also have the least offensive skills. I do expect to win this game, with the help of a chainsaw and possibly Morg. The guards will be a paid to deal with, hopefully a few well placed boots will help remove them

[Announcer] it's nice to hear you've got something a plan running there

[Spock] well they are my first opponent for the season.

[Announcer] I thought your first team was against Resarf and FC Edmonton

[Spock] Unfortunately some post season start hijinks caused a shuffle for the MLS division and now I'm playing against Real Salt Ape first.

[Announcer] well that seems to be unfortunate as FC Edmonton is the team you're closest to in TV.

[Spock] it is indeed. I would have loved to play against FC Edmonton first, would have given us a chance for a skill or 2 before being thrown to the wolves, but such was not to be.

[Announcer] well while we're discussing FC Edmonton anyways, shall we finish talking about them?

[Spock] hopefully a straight forward game, with only 11 players we can hopefully take 1-2 out early and beat them with numbers.

[Announcer] a solid Blood Bowl plan from an aggressive team. Well lets move onto your round 4 game, the St. Louis Steamrollers.

[Spock] wow, a lot of agility for a dwarven team. 2 AG 4 players and a dodging blitzer. They'll be hard to stop but hopefully not too hard to slow down. I don't always enjoy playing against dwarves, but I rarely lose to them.

[Announcer] What about the Seattle Pounders?

[Spock] ahh the pounders, a local favorite. The Lizardmen have always been a favorite team of mine. Usually to play as not against but I am very familiar with how to play, but 3 blodging Saurus will be difficult to play against. Especially as one is ST 5. and then 2 blocking Skinks. It will be an up hill fight the whole way. But with the right skills and mercenaries it should make for an interesting game.

[Announcer] always interesting to play your normal team isn't it? Well what about the Timisoara Dragons?

[Spock] the vampire team? I don't know what to think of them. I've sadly never had as much luck as I'd want versus Vampires. 4 vampires and 6 RR I have to hope for lots of 1's on OFAB rolls. With only 9 thralls currently hopefully I can reduce those numbers enough to have the vampires run off on their own. But I'm actually not very hopeful on winning this game.

[Announcer] lets move now to your thoughts on the Columbus Death Crew then

[Spock] for a Necromantic team with 30 games their TV is quite low, but a ST 4 ghoul is going to be a hard ball carrier to bring down. Like most of the games this season, Ugroht Bolgrot will be seeing a lot of play, and hopefully some easy CAS.

[Announcer] hmm, so planning on a chainsaw most matches, are you planning on bribes as well?

[Spock] well I don't want to reveal too much now. The strategy will evolve as the season goes on anyways.

[Announcer] Alright then. Only a couple of teams left to discuss. Whats your opinion on the only human team in the division? The Milan Gladiators.

[Spock] ahh the gladiators. A well built team with lots of skill increases, including a one turn scoring catcher. Unless I can find a way to stop that catcher this will be a very hard game indeed. Hopefully by the time I have to play them someone else will have solved the problem for me.

[Announcer] the final team of the division is the Vancouver WHITE Walkers

[Spock] 3 dirty players and 6 guards on 13 players. A very tough team to go up against. And of course is run by the league commish, Pythrr. I'm willing to bet he's got every ref bribed for every game he plays. It'll be a rough game. Hopefully someone will survive the unforgiving boots that are sure to be thrown at my poor players on the ground. May the refs refuse the bribes and Nuffle curse his dice with 1's.

[Announcer] what's your thoughts for how the division will end?

[Spock] I think the Seattle Pounders will win overall, followed by D. Cong United, and the Vancouver WHITE Walkers coming in 3rd. I'm personally hoping to end up in 4th overall.

[Announcer] Thank you Coach Spock. That's all we have time for today on Blood Bowl Tonight!
Medon



Joined: Jan 28, 2015

Post   Posted: Sep 02, 2015 - 14:49 Reply with quote Back to top

For the premiership, I only know that Pro-Russia Dortmunt kicked my butt in a friendly with 4-1 loss for me. These elves were everywhere across the pitch I didn't stand a chance at all. So for me Die Prorussen are my bet for the title...
DeZigma



Joined: Aug 21, 2011

Post   Posted: Sep 02, 2015 - 18:22 Reply with quote Back to top

Frederic: Good evening ladies and gentleman.
My name is Frederic Preuss, your moderator. Welcome to a special broadcast of Urban Brawl. Today's theme is the start of 23rd OBBA Season.

One success story without parallel, based on the perpetually selfless work of the OBBA officials. After the nerve-wracking speach of OBBA President George A. and an exciting draw, it can be established that the teams are ready to meet the challenges.

This block we will dedicate to the League Two. 9 Teams, 3 intermediate, 4 losers and of course a title. Our three experts will give us accurate predictions. Let's be surprised! We will be back in few minutes, stay tuned... >>>>>>

Frederic: After dissolved licensing issues we can register a returning team. Hajduk Blitz! A favorite, an aspirant? Let's consult our Croatian expert Josip "Joe" Josipovic, a renowned artist of pictograms for toilet houses. Joe what do you say? Will Hajduk be the winner of this league?

Joe: Well, when we talk about quality, and we do that, then it is obvious that we will find them in a red-white chequy. Consequently, these teams with the appropriate Coat of Arms are the potential champion. These are primarily Hajduk Blitz, Monstar Zrinski and Southorcton. The flophouse, well, half Spanish and the other half English. Balkans style 50/50. Guess, just, Crottigham remains in the league. And yes the ladies too. I like ladies. So everything has been said from my side.

Frederic: Ohhkkiee.... Let's ask our Dutch expert Dr. Trans veer Marktde (transfermarkt.de). Is this also you opinion? Is famous Joe right?

Dr.Trans: Well, first of all i would like to ask my collegue, if he ever designed a pictogram for "Piss off"?

Joe: No, I didn't!

Dr.Trans: You should start! I completly disagree with this chequy theory. Well, I maid a deep analyse of the situation and any case we have to concentrate to the 4 main pillars of evaluation for teams.

Frederic: Ahmm, what are these ... pillars?

Dr.Trans: Thank you for this questions! Basically it is the so called AssetFactor, FranchiseFactor, TeamFactor and last but not least CoachFactor.

Frederic: AssetFactor?

Dr.Trans: Yes. It's the % TV increase of each team, multiplied by TV of each team, divided by 100. The spread is not that far away, but anyway there we see a differance. The Top3 are Hajduk Blitz (7,5), Doncaster Belles (7,1) and Real Club Celta de Vigo (6,7).

Frederic: Ok, but ...

Dr.Trans: I'm not finished now! FranchiseFactor, Mister, i call it FranchiseFactor! This is a bonus to the AssetFactor, based on the franchise value of the franchise team.

<< Dr.Trans shows wierd tables >>

Just for explenation in case of Hajduk Blitz. The franchise of Blitz (Hajduk Split) has value of 21 Mio. EUR (source: transfermarkt.de), which reflect 14% of the value of the related league (source: transfermarkt.de). Additonally big franchises get a bonus. Look, all the team franshises have a global value of 784 Mio. EUR and the relation between own value and global value, gives addional bonus. Multiply these bonuses with own AssetFactor and add the result to the AssetFactor and you will get a completly changed picture. A completly changed picture!

Frederic: Picture, yes, picture ...

Dr.Trans: For sure. The Top3 are Tots 'n' Ham Hotspur (9,4), Hajduk Blitz (8,8) and Doncaster Belles (7,5).

Frederic: Well, from my point of view not a big change.

Dr.Trans: We are not finished yet. For TeamFactor you just have to multiply all wins by 3 add the draws and divide by the games played by the TEAM.
And for CoachFactor you just have to multiply all wins by 7 add the draws by muliplier 2 and divide by all games played by the COACH.
Just add everything together and THERE WE ARE.

The promotet teams will be Tots 'n' Ham Hotspur (14,5), Real Club Celta de Vigo (12,6) and Hajduk Blitz (12,2).

Frederic: Ppfff, a lot of calculations! Just a last question left, who will be relegated?

Dr.Trans: Relagation. Unfortuantly it will hit AFC Hell-Mouth (8,0), Southorcton (7,9), [OBBA] Monstar Zrinjski (7,8) and Silver Wardens FC (6,3)

Frederic: Well anyway, let's turn to our last expert, Prof. Dr. Maps Google. Wise words say, "Ask google". Maps, what will be your favorite?

Prof. Google: Experience shows that in this kind of envoirement, only the fitest and thoughest survive. Looking to this, time is most critical issue. Time to rest, time to recover...

So my prediction is linked to shortest driving time during this season. And from my point of view that's the ranks.

Rank 1; Doncaster Belles --> 88 hours

Rank 2; [OBBA] Monstar Zrinjski --> 112 hours

Rank 2; BilboKaos Football Club --> 112 hours

Rank 4; Hajduk Blitz --> 116 hours

Rank 5; Real Club Celta de Vigo --> 120 hours

Rank 6; Southorcton --> 127 hours

Rank 7; Tots 'n' Ham Hotspur --> 129 hours

Rank 8; Silver Wardens FC --> 135 hours

Rank 9; AFC Hell-Mouth --> 145 hours

Frederic: Hah, ladies and gentleman, 3 experts 3 opinions. Who knows what this season will really bring. Guess Nuffle knows, even better than Google! So cheer for your favorite team.

Mates, thanks you for being here. Wish you best!

After a short commercial, we come back to the topic -- Are mushrooms emotional people? See us in seconds ... >>>
Royston



Joined: Dec 05, 2008

Post   Posted: Sep 02, 2015 - 23:06 Reply with quote Back to top

Coach Royston here, Head Cheerleader (the bastard owners demoted me after getting the team relegated last season) of the infamous Bath City Bladuds, bringing you your unbiased view of the league everyone is talking about:

The Championship

We start with the team formally known as The Duke, the incomparable Bristol Reavers:

Player to watch: Ebbie Weebie Jeebie - this Goblin rookie has been impressing in pre-season training and those in the know are touting him as the new Duke, watch out for him teaming up for signature plays with experienced Troll midfielder and crowd favourite Teh Fans.

Overview: You can never rule Reavers out in any league, the oldest, most established team in OBBA with many a trophy to their name. In a league filled with heavy hitters expect these Orcs to come out punching.


Next we have the ineffable Bury'd:

Player to watch: Gary Smelly - emerging star zombie head kicker, this dirty player normally sits back and lets his team mates do the hard work before laying in with elbows, teeth and headbutts to the groin.

Overview: Lacking the pre-requisite 12 DPs, this established Undead team will be also rans this season.


Ugh! Dwarfs! The inedible Daggerinhand Redbeards:

Player to watch: Dwarf teams live and die by their runners and of the two to choose from, star of the team Taktak Gonzolo picked heads. All plays run through Taco or his counterpart Unpronounceable Unpronounceable-Dwarfname. Expect nothing more than a singular touchdown per match from this pair.

Overview: Plenty of 1-0 wins from this team, or 2-1 losses - either way Dwarfs can't score more than once per match. With 170k in the bank, this coach asks where the Deathroller is, 'cos those things are hilarious!


Next up we have the 3rd best (and oldest) Nurgle (all hail Nurgle's pus-filled goodness!) team, the interbred Fulham Fallen:

Player to watch: this has to be one of the 4 pestigors in the team and easily falls to star of the team, captain and Liverpudlian legend Danny Murphy. With 9 TDs and 12 casualties over just 34 games, if Danny stays fit he could mean the difference to promotion and relegation for this team.

Overview: This could be Fulham's year to start playing with the big boys, but only if they can outplay newly relegated Premiership veterans Bury'd, Bath'd and Brizzle'd.


Parley-voos Frenchy? Non? Then get out my league Le Zebre Toro, you invertebrate foreign Dwarfs!

Player to watch: Casualty leader, star chaos dwarf blocker Asamoah - this tiny person has an impressive 5.44 blocks per game and a point three eight cas rate. Stats do not lie, this player is a killer and one to avoid at all costs, especially because of his nasty garlic breath.

Overview: The snail eaters are one to watch, season 22 league cup winners could easily translate into promotion - this time next season we could all be wolfing down bagels and croquets. Vive la French.


Tune in tomorrow night for part 2 as Coach Royston regales you with his review of tonight's Great British Bake Off. He'll also get round to reviewing the other 5 teams... well maybe...

_________________
Image
pythrr



Joined: Mar 07, 2006

Post   Posted: Sep 02, 2015 - 23:35 Reply with quote Back to top

Royston, I am thrilled you have highlighted our new secret weapon, the gobbo.

_________________
Image
Image
Display posts from previous:     
 Jump to:   
All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Post new topic   Reply to topic
View previous topic Log in to check your private messages View next topic