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tussock



Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Sep 23, 2016 - 08:12 Reply with quote Back to top

More draws have been made! Terence, I can barely contain myself.

Image An SWL season 66 conferences preview bought to you by ... apparently it's the good goblins. The colour of money, fans, superb.

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That's bribery and corruption talking, Phillip, they've seen to it there's to be four conferences by setting themselves up for an early run at the Premier division, many palms were greased, the admins looking very happy with themselves, it's all anyone's talking about.

--

Didn't they get last in regionals, Terence? Again? How does that earn a promotion?

--

We're here to celebrate the season 66 conferences, Phillip, not trouble ourselves with minutiae from seasons past.

Blue Mountain Dragons conference has a fair swathe of giants but just the one true killer team, and only the one true killer therein. These are the big softies.

Image Prancing Unicorns Rating 231, half a million banked, 7th season after skipping the cup sees these growing greenskins continuing to develop into a mature and dangerous team. They're talking the talk, can they walk the walk?

Image Asha'maniac Rating 215, 400k banked. These old 12th season maniacs have seen a lot of turnover in their player base, losing Damer Flinn in the Cup, but the current team remains an exceptionally strong one. Looking to return to premier for another shot at the title.

Image Psych Lab Rating 215, treasury bare. 27th season for the Lab rats, they're in fair condition with a handful of older players leading the way, a bit of a bench, and experienced players galore. If only they had a killer and another superstar gutter.

Image Eau de Toilet Rating 208, 400k banked. Rocked our premier orcs in the cup, but lost Fresh Cut Glass later, the rookie replacement has to slow progress in this 10th season of theirs, especially against the bigger teams.

Image Bribery and Corruption Rating 195, treasury void. Unequalled in their historical performance, this is a special team indeed. Not just 7th season stunties, but a powerful representation that will feast on the inducements available against the giants here.

Image Banner of the Black Stag Rating 161, 100k banked. Grumnir continues to drag a selection of rookies, and not a bad Snow Troll, into these devastating match ups against more broadly developed teams. They'll get some inducements in this 11th season of theirs, and need them.

Image Southern Warpstone Scavengers Rating 157, 250k banked. The 6th season underworld are maintaining a fair roster of experienced players, and even a star. Rumours of a tense rivalry with the Humans here are spreading.

Image Wildcard Nats Rating 142, 300k banked. This professional outfit is technically 3rd season, but with only eleven recorded games (including a close thing against our Premier champs in the cup!) it could be time for some outside stars to play their part. Strangely had a few questions for us.

--

There's a team there clearly doesn't deserve to be in Conferences, Terence, those goblins ...

--

Those goblins will certainly smash anyone who doesn't deserve to be up here, and on with the previews! Seriously, Phillip, those are the sponsors, that's your job to know that, mate.

Technically Minded conference is all about the mismatches against horrible monsters, how suitable a name that is. This is the cruel one.

Image Public Service Announcement Rating 215, a million in the bank. They're back, Night Patrol leads this dual premier winning, devastating squad of superstars into their 16th season. Top form already in the Cup, have to be a top pick to make premier.

Image Steaked Rating 203, 100k banked. Our Bob Borc Cup winners, in this 11th season they're talking rebuild and looking after what's left of the team, could it be a ruse, can they really fail to trounce this conference?

Image Urban Nightmare Rating 198, 800k banked. A good number of team originals in this 6th season shows they know how to look after themselves, and a top record shows they can win plenty along the way. They want prem, there's a few tough teams here might stop them again.

Image New World Winers and Diners Rating 193, 600k banked. 6th season now and a more professional outfit could well trouble the bigger teams here, and walk right through the smaller ones. Great record for bloodsuckers, can they make it even better?

Image Compare the Meerkat Rating 189, 100k banked. 3rd season rats that are looking to go straight to premier, these foes are a more serious test for them, but some sharp coaching could keep the team intact with ever more wins on the board. Legends in the making.

Image ❄︎❆❅White Fluffy Stuff❅❆❄︎ Rating 166, 600k in treasury. Do not underestimate the power of the agile dead when given copious inducements, back for their 4th season could easily earn some upsets here if the team holds together.

Image Office Rats Rating 153, 100k banked. A solid core has developed for the team's 6th season, but the continued player turnover sees them struggle to put together a string of wins. Not a bad conference for building on their core.

Image Redgum's Revolutionaries Rating 127, 200k banked, will they get the whole pact together and be able to stand up to the bigger teams in this 3rd season? It's been a hard road for the Revolutionaries, inducements or not they'll likely struggle here.

--

Is it really any more cruel than Premier, or the other Conferences, or even the Regional division, Terence?

--

It's probably as easy as it gets for the teams at the top to make it that way should they choose. It'll take some wise inducements to put the proper fear into their attack while keeping some protection against the remaining threat.

Intoxicated Mayhem conference, despite its name, is home to a fair flight of elves and other fast runners, with little conventional mayhem in sight. This is the big fast one.

Image Dallas Drowboys Rating 213, 200k banked. This is a perfect hunting ground for the Drowboys, back for their 5th season they should thrive here and bounce straight back to the premier in better form than ever, though they might have been better finding themselves in this one with all those elves.

Image Port Macquarie Snowleopards Rating 206, 200k banked. 9th season woodies, Bolwgan Softrock continues to dominate scoring records for the whole SWL, just a couple more turnover scores through the season and they'll be premier bound on his back. So long as they avoid the snake festivals.

Image Madness Mountain Misery Rating 205, 600k banked. Solid recovery last season saw the team maintain a good overall record going into their 7th season. They've work to do yet to make a solid premier squad, but more than capable down here.

Image Horrors of Skye Rating 201, 400k banked. 21st season and clear of the old legends that so troubled their treasury, the Horrors are a solid team with the speed and resilience to do well here.

Image Mexican Standoff Rating 196, 100k banked. With their best ever premier season safely behind them, and that disaster in the Cup against Colour of Money a swiftly fading memory, they could do well here in their 19th season, once the team recovers.

Image Striking Thunder Beards! Rating 181, 400k banked. 4th season after finding the premier a step too far, they dominated their last conference, but things have moved on and the overdose of speed here could trouble them just as it did in premier 65.

Image Wonga Wonga Whalekillers Rating 180, 200k in treasury. Our former four time premiers have returned to a beast of a Southern Wastes League for their 26th season. They'll need time to retrain some of the important skills on a team and uncover some new stars, but this is a fine place to get on with it.

Image Macarbre Morticians Rating 167, 500k banked. Inducements galore for a more direct undead team here, always testing the referee's patience, really needs more dirty players. Should collect a few candidates for free in their 4th season.

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The smaller teams there are higher rated than some of the biggest from just a season or two back, Terence. Such a massive conference, and so many of them are giant elves!

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That's right, Phillip, and that means they can't all make premier next season. This will almost certainly be our last elf-laden premier division for some time.

Black Crowes conference has the rest, but mostly, this is the one with the Glee Club.

Image Blackwater Glee Club Rating 235, 200k banked. Damien Halford leads a proper team of killers with some seriously talented ballers behind them, they've shown great form in the cup (whoever gets them first can thank the Fun Police for their exit) and have to continue with that to make premier after their 7th season.

Image Hostile Kiddies IV Rating 203, flat broke. Following on from their best season, the Kiddies remain in confs off a mid-table finish. If they can crack some skulls here, their 8th season could be another best yet and finish closer to the top.

Image Sacred Spawning of Sotek Rating 200, 600k banked. 16th season now, regular premier visitors, Chuhui continues to disrupt the opposing drives and take apart their defence. Nothing for them to make the most of this mix, could easily clean up and make premier.

Image Chaos All Sorts Rating 199, 200k banked. 9th season now the team looks mostly refreshed after a harsh Cup exit, though still carry some key injuries on their hitters. Have to expect more hard-fought draws, it's in their blood.

Image Large Head-on Colliders Rating 184, 600k banked. 26th season return for our five time premier winners, they'll be looking to rebuild a while yet, and eyeing up the cheaper squads for a way to achieve that. François Englert is back, but his efforts to train a new sidekick are proving a rocky road in the SWL.

Image High Elvis Rating 172, broker than you. Now well into the rhythm of High Elves, the Elvis in their 7th season have nine permanent players and a fair base to support building some more, depending on how the Glee Club game goes, of course.

Image Henson's Henchmen Rating 171, 100k banked. Back for their 3rd season, the Henchmen have massive potential if they can survive the rigours of growth. Great record for a young team, could easily snatch a few wins here, bit of a bench, need games for the cash to build a bigger one.

Image Colour of Money Rating 148, 400k banked. Fair last season for these lesser goblins, and what a Cup performance. They'll show the money to many a referee this season, and if recent performances are anything to go by could easily have a few wins here.

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Are you sure it's not the good goblins sponsoring us, Terence?

--

We continue to disagree on exactly which goblins are the good ones, Phillip, but those last are not our sponsors.

--

Well, then, perhaps we need some new ones, bribery and corruption never do anyone any good.

--

A devastating team they are indeed. There's thirty-two great teams in our conferences, looking to make premier, looking to grow, looking to survive, looking to create a legend in the SWL.

Conferences were named for early norse premiers Blue Mountain Dragons, recently seen on the fringe tournies and recent premiers Technically Minded, recent hall-of-fame entrants Intoxicated Mayhem, and a scary blast from the past with the Black Crowes.

Regionals are being drawn soon, a neat eight teams, four new permanent triers and a few fillers. Apparently some halflings have turned up, of all things. With the Ogres gone missing, it may not be the Goblins handing out the greatest of upsets in the SWL any more.

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Luohghcra



Joined: Nov 18, 2008

Post   Posted: Sep 23, 2016 - 14:43 Reply with quote Back to top

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<Ricky d'Bono> Gooood Evening Sportsfans, and welcome to this... The Big One. The FINAL!

<Pavel Stiffly> Rick, what a competition we've had - a truly grand spectacle, full of highs, lows -

<Ricky d'Bono> And plenty of mayhem!

<Pavel Stiffly> Too right, Rick. Bombs from the heavens, Star players galore, Leaping daggers to the face...

<Ricky d'Bono> The real winners have been the fans, Pav - they've been treated to some truly awesome games, be they close-fought, overtime grinds, or one-sided scorefests. But enough natter from us, we're being exceptionally rude. Tonight, ladies and gentleman, we are finally joined by the Special Guest we promised for last week - SWL Sphinxes team Captain, Ziggy Sta-uh, Grave... Tombdust?

<Ziggy Gravedust> Gravedust is fine, Ricky me lad. And it's Ex-SWL now, but thanks - it's a pleasure to be here.

<Pavel Stiffly> And a pleasure to have you here, Ziggy!

<Ricky d'Bono> Well, there's the formalities out of the way, we should get stuck in! Let's have a look at the teams that made it all the way. First up, it's...

The Ugly

<Foul Albert> Look, it was funny the first thirteen fkn' times but now it's just getting o-

<Ricky d'Bono> We're talking about the Fun Police, Al.

<Pavel Stiffly> A team as ugly off the pitch as they are on it.

<Foul Albert> ... Well too fkn' right. Anyways, yeah. The Fun Police. Rode their way to the final on a wave of soft, pillowy fkn' cushions and nancy-boy shenanigans.

<Ricky d'Bono> I don't think they had it quite that easy, Al. That early game against their Villainous counterparts could just as easily gone the other way.

<Ziggy Gravedust> The games after that were a bit soft though. They even did for the Skink rather handily. Handbaggingly, even.

<Pavel Stiffly> Fun Police have a decent record against the Skink, so I think few we're surprised with how that one went.

<Ricky d'Bono> Least of all their coach! Ziggy, the Fun Police were lucky to have slipped the worst of the elven teams on their way to the final. Do you think they could have made it thus far with a different draw?

<Ziggy Gravedust> Mate, the Police have traditionally struggled against the elves, yeah? But the coaching staff look like they're onto the weakness of the team and have done some hard yards tryin' to patch the gaps, as it were. Coming into the final, they look a really tough proposition for any team, and with Steaked coming off the back of that semi-final looking quite bloody...

<Foul Albert> Be a rare coach what favours himself against 'em, hey? Rare? Bloody? No? Ya fkn' sods.

<Pavel Stiffly> I think that brings us around to...

The Bad

<Foul Albert> ...I hope yer fkn' referrin' to them Darkies, Pav.

<Ricky d'Bono> Paranoia so early, Al?

<Pavel Stiffly> Steaked have had a far tougher ride to the final than their opponents, despite critics claiming they also had a 'soft' draw.

<Ziggy Gravedust> I think they had a bit of a mixed bag, Pav. They saw off some other elves pretty handily. The biggest challenge they copped was definitely in the semi-finals though, yeah?

<Ricky d'Bono> To give them credit, the Necromanteia crew came off a game-less first couple of rounds to turn it on and give Coach Jev a run for his money.

<Foul Albert> And fkn' gave the Steaked lads a nice bit of biff too.

<Ziggy Gravedust> Oh yeah, it's always nice to see some of the lads getting stuck in. I thought it was particularly poignant to see Roasted get pasted and then kick the snot out of a couple of his former mates. Quite poetic, really.

<Pavel Stiffly> Ultimately though, Steaked overcame the necromantic threat, and found themselves facing a far larger threat. Dual prem winning, Legend-led Chaos.

<Ricky d'Bono> PSA came back into the competition like they'd never left, and nearly made it all the way.

<Foul Albert> They 'ad that game in the fkn' bag. In the BAG.

<Ricky d'Bono> But that Filleted and Boned combo was a recipe for an upset Chaos Coach.

<Pavel, Ziggy, Ricky> laughter

<Foul Albert> What? That gets you all fkn' hysterical? *muttering*

<Pavel Stiffly> Well, time to get to grips with it. It's...

The Good

<Ricky d'Bono> Our good this week was of course, the game itself. I'm not sure anyone knew what to expect - another overtime thriller? A whitewash? If the latter, from whom?

<Pavel Stiffly> The bookies were favouring the Fun Police, and I think the vast majority would agree that was a pretty safe bet.

<Foul Albert> I know one fkn' elf who bet the other fkn' way and made out like a fkn' bandit.

<Ziggy Gravedust> Well I must admit I put a little flutter on the game, and I have to say I was not convinced by the anti-elf capabilities of the Police.

<Ricky d'Bono> Well. I rather wish I'd had you on the show last week to tell me that, Ziggy.

<Pavel Stiffly> I think we'd both be much happier men...er, elves. Both.

<Foul Albert> I fkn' warned youse.

<Ricky d'Bono> Well anyway. The Fun Police were looking to test their elf defense, especially with a big season in an Elf-heavy environment coming up.

<Pavel Stiffly> Unfortunately for them, it was found rather lacking.

<Ricky d'Bono> Meanwhile, Steaked came into the game with plenty of cash to spend, and their shopping spree pleased the fans no end.

<Ziggy Gravedust> Eldril and Rakarth, a suckerpunch combination. I must say I'm glad I never 'ad to front up to that particular combination in my lifetime. Eldril on his own is bad enough.

<Foul Albert> Too many fkn' blitzin' threats from the elves. Where the fk' do the Nurglers go to defend? Screen for the gaze? The leapin' fkn' stab?

<Pavel Stiffly> The first half involved quite a lot of cat and mouse. The elves managed to screen back and forth, and the Police never really pushed for the ball, held as it was deep in the backfield.

<Ricky d'Bono> They did try to sort out the receivers who went deep early; either the pressure of a big match or something else got to them though.

<Foul Albert> It's fkn' elves, Rick. I tried to tell yas this last week - elven fkn' bulls-

<Ziggy Gravedust> I think the main problem the Police had was just the number of threats. They 'ad Terry front and centre which is proper, and he had a nice bunch of elves to keep him company. But even he was havin' an off day and the Steaked lads just kept slipping through. I'm certain I counted five elves all screamin' for the ball in the Fun Police back 'alf. Speaking from experience, you can only pull a slower team back and forth so many times before the defense is gappier than Albert's grin.

<Foul Albert> Et tu, Ziggy?

<Pavel Stiffly> We did finally see a hit on the ball, but it was unsupported and ultimately easy for Boned to break free and toss it to a waiting team mate.

<Ricky d'Bono> With only minutes to spare, the Nurgle set up for a quick one, and managed to push deep enough into Steaked territory to give themselves a chance.

<Foul Albert> They left that great big fkn' hole for Butterflied to fkn' run through but.

<Ziggy Gravedust> Yeah, I think putting Butterflied in touch with the ball was just skylarking though. The real work was done with a typical elven shuffle to put up a solid screen for those pestigors to contend with.

<Pavel Stiffly> The real surprise came at the 2nd half kick off.

<Ricky d'Bono> Steaked still had an elf in the reserves box.

<Foul Albert> fkn' Elven Bullsh-

<Pavel Stiffly> I know! The Fun Police were really off their game. But they looked determined to grind down the half and push an overtime win.

<Ziggy Gravedust> Coach Semi must've thought his lads would start getting elves off the pitch sooner or later, yeah?

<Ricky d'Bono> Well we finally started to see some solid hits, and the stretcher-bearers were soon working double time.

<Foul Albert> It was all fkn' fodder though. Them key players were left looking fkn' pristine.

<Pavel Stiffly> With players off or counting stars on the pitch, Steaked screened as best they could...

<Ziggy Gravedust> Then Eldril thought he'd have a solo jam. I've seen that in him before, sees a big beastie and just has to give it the Eye.

<Ricky d'Bono> How well did it turn out for Steaked though?

<Pavel Stiffly> Not so great for Eldril, but that sendoff left yet another huge gap.

<Foul Albert> Rakarth was always gonna fkn' exploit a gap like that.

<Pavel Stiffly> Yep, but I was most impressed by the rest of the team and the way they seemed to move as one to anticipate that sacking blitz.

<Ricky d'Bono> It was elven brilliance at it's most brilliant. Despite the bet, I think I was thrilled to see the game turn this way.

<Foul Albert> The fkn' nurglers were caught flat-footed and flappin' their tentacles.

<Pavel Stiffly> It was a decent recovery by the Police, but Rakarth was like a dog with a bone...

<Ricky d'Bono> A goblin with a scab...

<Ziggy Gravedust> Karma with a prone player...

<Foul Albert> My Aunt Ethel and her fkn' milking stool.

<Pavel, Ziggy, Ricky> ...

<Foul Albert> What?

<Pavel Stiffly> *ahem* Well, it was pretty much over at that stage. The last TD was aided by the hired wizard who I'm sure pretty much everyone
had forgotten about.

<Foul Albert> Filleted showed his nouse and his fkn' huge bollocks to play for the ball...

<Ziggy Gravedust> And then casually leap free from Terry's sweet embrace.

<Ricky d'Bono> Boom, nail in the proverbial. Uh, no offense, Ziggy.

<Ziggy Gravedust> None taken Ricky me lad.

<Ricky d'Bono> Well, that's all we have time for this week! Thank you Ziggy for joining us; Pav, Al you're welcome as always, being able to sit down with a real star is always a treat, and this week you had two!
We'll be taking a bit of a break while next season ramps up, but you can still catch us on the Chirpfeed. Make sure to follow @SWLGrndstnd for up-to-date news and bits that we had to cut for primetime because of Albert's potty mouth! Until next time, thanks for listening!

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ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Sep 23, 2016 - 23:09
FUMBBL Staff
Reply with quote Back to top

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Team Challenge - LXVI Boys Club

Cobber Ponzi, CEO of Wasteland Pachyderm Banking Coorporation was furious.

"What do you mean there are no girls this year?!"

The Office Lackey recoiled in fear, "umm, the Domestic Blitz coach was a founder of FOUL, I guess he has divided loyalties"

"That's ridiculous! He must be thrilled to get away from the rotting flesh, into the bountiful bossoms of those beauties. Selfish bastard! Not sharing! Who will we use for our promotional material this season?"

"The HEROES still have a couple of lovely ladies. And I hear Iolas is quite popular with the gay community", offered the Lackey helpfully.

"Good thinking boy. But there's still the most important issue to resolve", pondered Cobber, "if there's no Amazon team in Wastepac, what table do I drink at during the LXVI awards?"
Daudy



Joined: Aug 28, 2008

Post   Posted: Sep 24, 2016 - 03:35 Reply with quote Back to top

PSA: PSA

It has been brought to PSA management's attention that there have been some dubious claims by some personalities that the Wanja Warriors' premier win in season LXII was the first time since league inception that a coach had won premier on their first go.

PSA management would like to remind all sub-ordinates that this is factually incorrect and mere propaganda used to further false agendas - namely, legitimate HoF consideration. One only needs to look at season L, arguably the biggest seasonal milestone mark in SWL history, to see glorious PSA taking premiership victory on Coach Daudy's first attempt with 24 points. Coach Daudy and PSA would then procede to win the very next premiership undefeated with a magnificent 32 points, proving there was no question.

In other news, after a few seasons of allowing competitive hope to flourish and then taking leave to further facilitate this aim, PSA are back in action against White Fluffy Stuff in round 1. This is on the back of a strong cup campaign, where in the name of diversity, PSA graciously allowed the eventual winners Steaked to take their spot in the final.

Glory to Night Patrol! Glory to The Violent Tango! Glory to PSA!

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tussock



Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Sep 24, 2016 - 05:56 Reply with quote Back to top

The final draw is up Terence, the regional division, what a diverse set of newcomers we have in SWL this season.

Image An SWL season 66 regional preview bought to you by the Bakersfield Butchers, due to be serving up tremendous feats at every game of theirs this season!

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Halflings, what is the place coming to, Phillip.

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You're the one supports those useless Goblins, Terence, why don't you tell us all about the new teams that'll show them up.

--

You know well they won't get a chance this season, Phillip, bribery and corruption are at home in the conferences, this is a pure sporting place now.

Dodgy Dan regional celebrates a recently lost legend to introduce the new squads trying to make their own, or just enhance their reputation around the fringes.

Image Western Warthogs Rating 156, 100k banked. These fringe pact are the big boys of the regional, a good bit smaller than those of most seasons, they'll still face significant inducements for their opponents most games.

Image Comfortably Average Rating 144, 400k banked. Heavily involved in recent trials, the Average have made the jump to give the new teams a rematch. Should finish mid table, if the name holds.

Image Styx and Warpstones Rating 130, new squad. The underworld ooze forth another abomination, can these match the rising fame of the Scavengers? They'll no doubt revel in trying.

Image Sinnedbad's 1001 Wights Rating 130, 100k banked. An invader from across the sea, they won't be accepted long term but will no doubt make quite an impression in their time here.

Image Rigorus Mort Rating 130, new squad. The brains of the regionals. Wait, no, the Brians? Looking a little unskilled, but should develop quickly this season, we're all hoping to see a top fouler emerge here.

Image Norlanders XI Rating 129, 100k banked. In a shock return, these berserker are claiming right of entry from season 41! I expect administration will clear them out before long, 25 seasons absence is just outrageous!

Image Domestic Blitz! Rating 127, new squad. Dangerous looking team, winners of the season's Trial of Blood, underestimate these ladies at your peril. They'll be looking to take premier by storm in short order.

Image Bakersfield Butchers Rating 107, new squad. These little ones don't look much like they belong on a bloodbowl pitch, but watch out for the trees that accompany them, and no shortage of boots laid in too. Performance may well depend on the quality of the meals provided to encourage the little ones.

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Only the best meals from our little sponsors, Terence, naturally.

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I'm a little sad that our regional lacks a monster goblin team this season, Phillip, I'll be watching for those halflings to make a nice impression in their absence, with their little boots, on the other player's skulls.

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Won't we all, Terence! Good luck to the new teams, they'll need to develop their skills in a timely fashion to survive the rigours of the conferences, let alone make the premier division, or go on to create a legend in the SWL. Coming matches, full coverage, and replays of regionals can be found in the same place as the grown up divisions, on cabalvision, just read to the bottom.

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Dlock



Joined: Mar 08, 2014

Post   Posted: Sep 24, 2016 - 08:52 Reply with quote Back to top

- Hi coach.

- Hello.

- So, we have dark elves coming our way first.

- Yep

- can we win?

- Yep

- How?

- bah, right, ok, here's the plan; we hire same wizard that we had against Fun Police - he did ok, only this time I want more than mere stuns, couple badly hurts or something. We'll let them score early, then score ourselves fast and watch them try to hurry their 2nd score in the first half, fumbling it and we'll score our 2nd taking 2 - 1 lead to 2nd half.

- Sounds easy

- it is. And then 2nd half, we might decide to score fast just to get some star players points or whatnots.

- any problems with the plan - I mean they have plenty of strength, and that stupid runner they have for the ball usually just ditches it somewhere just when we getting block in him.

- Yeah, look, with that extra strength they have and Tinuviel missing the game, I cant see us getting decent shots on their ball carrier- thats why the brilliant plan with mage.

- Ok.

- Yeah, just dont tell anybody our plan.

- sure coach.
Patdragon



Joined: May 04, 2016

Post   Posted: Sep 25, 2016 - 07:38 Reply with quote Back to top

In an actual secret location that doesn't smell or have all the previous problems.

[LID - Francis]: Now hopefully you've all read the files and digested the information I sent you so I'll begin.

[Peanut]: Peanut not read. Peanut try read. But then head hurt. Then hungry. Then nibble turn into no file.

[Michael]: I suppose that counts as digesting the information, but I do have one question before we start where's the old Lead investigating detective.

[LID]: He is currently dealing with a individual mission I gave him and coming to terms with our change in rank.

[Peanut]: Both smell same. Unless you wear costume. Then you more rank.

[LID]:Anyway, after all our investigating, planning and undercover ops we have finally managed to get into the division with two of our most likely suspects for the distributors of the snot green wyrdstone that's been travelling north and causing issues in our home town.
We will very soon we will commence a raid on our first suspect, the Psych Labs who we believe are refining and processing the wyrdstone to make it look the way it does. If all goes to plan here we will finally get back on track to try and get out of this bloodbowl thing and return to our normal lives back home.

Using the intel that Michael got on his last mission these guys are or second most likely suspects but they still have some connection with wyrdstone as their blitzer Marios V has recently grown a claw and he's been boasting about it. We will proceed as detailed in the files, each of you have your own task to do, and unlike previously winning the game is not important no matter what the Secondary Detective says. He will still be giving you training as we need to put up that front but the operation comes first. Just survive out there.

[Leo]:Eh boss, who are our main suspects then?

[Studs]:Yeah who are we actually after?

[LID]: Ok quick question who read the files I sent.

---looks around and sees over half the hands stay down.

[LID]:Sigh... The Southern Warpstone Scavengers our our primary suspects. It practically in their name. Now go and read your blood files and get ready for the game or you can have extra training with George.
m0gw41



Joined: Jun 12, 2012

Post   Posted: Sep 27, 2016 - 17:54 Reply with quote Back to top

Recipe Preview from the new NWBBQ&BC Cookbook =>
"The Lord of the Grill: My Stunty Wastes Culinary Journey"
- - - Out now in all good book shoppes! - - -

"Honey Glazed Horror au Bourignon"

1. Take a large ripe horror, pound repeatedly and then tackle to death until it regenerates all nice and tender.

2. Marinade in the juices of a freshly murdered firewyrm (avoid the blue juices, just go for the green ones) for 3 turns.

3. Hold the horror in front of a prone crippled flamer, boot flamer in the nethers until it runs out of fire by which point the horror should be thoroughly blackened.

4. Garnish with finely chopped tentacles.

5. Serve.

Beer Match: IPA

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Balle2000



Joined: Sep 25, 2008

Post   Posted: Sep 28, 2016 - 01:13 Reply with quote Back to top

- Get off boat troll!, Fish Oil blared. He was in a bad mood. He hadn't eaten properly in a long while, and hadn't played bowl for even longer.

Hungrnir let out a long, glum roar, and stared off into the distance. The troll was sitting in its usual spot, which was now blocking the way ashore for the crew.

- Move! Us wants off! Fish Oil started pushing on the troll's back.

The troll roared again, even glummer this time, but didn't budge.

- Uuuungryyy, the troll added.

- Yes, many food on land! Move! Fish Oil repeated.

The whaling vessel WS Wonga Wonga had just arrived back in Wonga Wonga after several months at sea. During the journey the troll had eaten way more than planned, so for half their trip they were forced to eat out of their own catch. The sea was scarce enough of whale as it was, so the small catch had got even smaller. The conclusion being whaling still dead down hereunder. And the coffers were almost empty again. They were all in a bad mood.

- We all hungry. Get! Off! Tried Fish Oil again.

- Are you okay there Sir Nilsson? Asked !Mbele. He couldn't recall having seen the team captain this agitated before. 'These creatures can be quite stubborn when they don't get what they want y'know. Relax Sir, we will have a splendid supper soon and everything will be tip top', continued the Southerner.

- I have idea, said Tore Terkelsen, one of the more agile of the crew.

He motioned to Skinkfeet Sturlasson, and soon the two swung themselves ashore by one of the many ropes. Once ashore, they ran over to the butcher's, and soon reappeared carrying a huge chunk of rancid looking meat between them.

- Hungrnir, food!, chirped Tore enticingly.

The Troll turned it's head towards land. And upon seeing the piece of meat, it blinked for a second as if not believing its own eyes. Then, when realizing it wasn't a mirage, it sprung to its feet, blitzed off the ship, and raced towards the cadaver -- Tore and Skinkfeet dodging hastily out of the way. Hungrnir couldn't wait to get its fangs into this meat. Rancid or not. So the troll went for it - spurting towards its meal.

The next thing everyone heard was a loud bemused "Rawr?" followed by a large bang, as the troll slipped, flew through the air, and slammed into the brick wall of the butcher's, knocking itself out cold. Some of the younger crew members gasped.

- Typic troll, Bein Boraksson sneered, as a startled butcher's boy popped his head out the shop door, only to disappear even quicker when seeing what had just smashed the wooden bench they'd kept outside.

After some collective head shaking, the crew then gathered their stuff, and started moving off the Wonga Wonga and on to the docks of Wonga Wonga.

- Gorm not happy. Gorm wants beers, said Happy Gorm Gormsson.

- Yes, we go beers! Said Fish Oil, and soon the whole crew was heading straight for one of the dockside tavern halls. Except for Steinar Suitsson, who had to go home to put on something nice first.


They all had a merry time that evening. Eating local meats. Drinking local beers. And purchasing various bathing related services from the local wenches.

Botolf-Botolf even happened upon a young ulf rummaging the trashbins in a back alley, and after giving it some whale-jerkey, it was soon entertaining everyone with clumsy tricks.

They all drank, laughed, and tried to put the trip behind them.



Later..... after a long night, most of them were back at the club house, and going to sleep. The troll had also been led back eventually -- and was now feeling sorry for itself in its enclosure.


Fish Oil was happy to be back. It was just a couple of days until they were playing in this new Cup competition, and after that, the next season was coming up soon. He was in dire need of getting on the Blood Bowl pitch again. They all were.

He went to bed, looking at the picture of Martha on the wall as he blew out his candle.

-Ach, I still miss, he said, falling asleep...

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The Whalekillers were back in the Wastes. Ready to climb towards Prem again.

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ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Sep 28, 2016 - 01:52
FUMBBL Staff
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The Freezy Trees had played Autumn's Leaves twice before. Tomorrow night would be the third. Three times under three different Captains.

Pop was a much loved captain. Not much of a talker, he spoke with his actions on the field. He'd never ask of his team mates anything he wasn't prepared to do himself (and later famously died on the line of scrimmage). Against the Leaves he carried the ball, took the hits, and injured an opponent.

Yertle was a fearsome leader. His team talks were abusive and terrifying affairs. Against the Leaves he achieved nothing.

And Old Fish? More the subdued thinker. Not afraid to get things done on the pitch, but not suicidal in doing so. His leadership style is gaining respect of his peers and they adore him almost as much as they did Pop.

In the dressing room after the final training session before the match, Old Fish said nothing. He simply nodded to his team mates, walked up to a wall and pinned to it a scrap of paper. On it was written:

"Season 59: 1 - 3
Season 63: 1 - 3
Season 66: "

There was no score written on this final line. Instead there was a simple and crudely drawn picture, of a boot.
Dlock



Joined: Mar 08, 2014

Post   Posted: Sep 28, 2016 - 02:26 Reply with quote Back to top

- Hi Coach

- Hi

- So, we didnt win.

- Nope

- And no mage showed up...

- nope

- And next we have norse team, all good at blocking, dirty buggers to the boot and plenty of bodies to throw on line...

- Yes, I know all this you eejit. Do you have a point here and if you do, get to it, will you?!

- Can we win?

- Yes

- How?

- See, all that blocking and fouling they will be doing will actually help us. They will more likely than not forget about the ball altogether and we just go and score... a lot... maybe 6 or 7 times I recon.

- Ah, ok.

- See, I always have a plan. Other teams strengths can be their weakness.

- Ok, boss... I just hope we have players left on the field to actually pick up the ball...

- Oh, shut up!

- Yes coach

-
RedMaul



Joined: Jun 10, 2006

Post   Posted: Oct 01, 2016 - 01:54 Reply with quote Back to top

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Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Oct 02, 2016 - 07:34 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome to the SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 65.

It’s our pleasure to announce this season's representative squads.
Firstly, we must yet again apologise for the delay in this announcement. In this case, that delay has been so long that an entirely new competition, the Bob Borc Cup, was created, competed and won by the highly impressive Dark Elves of Jevouse’s Steaked. So congratulations to them, along with the overdue congratulations to the Slumbering Skinks, winners yet again of SWL Season XLV, whom we belatedly celebrate here tonight.
And so… tonight we’re pleased to announce The SWL 'All-Stars' Team.
All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXV:

Shntsyeooa (C) Skink, Slumbering Skink
Huge Axeman Wolf, Error 404: Afterlife Not Found
Damer Flinn Slayer, Ashamaniac
Mighty Mushroomy Bull, Easy Mode Maniacs
Salmonix Ghoul, Macabre Morticians
Hoover Widowmaker Thrower, Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Bolgwan Softrock Catcher, Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Aymar Catcher, Daemon Ex Tesserae
Robert Vileorc Zombie, Macabre Morticians
Llstrr Saurus, Slumbering Skink
Garnamarr Jr BOB, Wäŋa Warriors

Shntsyeooa continues to collect well-deserved accolades as his amazing career continues. Again, a Premier Champion, and undeniably now a Legend of the SWL. This is his third consecutive selection to the All Star team, and for the first time he has been named Captain of this illustrious group. He has taken his game from strength to strength, showing no ill-effects from that fractured skull, and using his astounding agility and skinky pace to find the endzone again and again. He was the leading individual scorer in LXV Premier, with 8TDs.

Another frequently named All Star is back in the team after a successful Season LXV: Huge Axeman continued his bloody career path as one of the deadliest players in the league. His CAS record made him the biggest star of the Prem season, and the visceral thrill of seeing him play continues to draw huge crowds (pun intended). Strong, fast, frenzied, and capable of tearing nearly any opponent to shred, he’s had a career making mockeries of even the most armoured foe. This is his fourth selection to the All Stars, making him one of the most awarded SWL players in history.

Damer Flinn is (was) the best Troll Slayer in SWL history: a ferocious force on the field and able to strike fear into the largest opponents. He was dauntless in his approach, throwing himself into every block, regardless of the personal risk. No surprise then that he survived death at least once, in his 65th game when a Beast of Nurgle nearly ended it all. Rumours from sources close to the Asha.maniac dug-out that day suggest the Slayer was furious to have been denied such a glorious death by the ministrations of the apothecary, and that he only redoubled his attempts afterward. His 7 CAS in Premier Season LXV are a credit to his memory, as is the Silver Shield and Conference Representative Team selection he achieved back in Season LXI. To these honours we now add the posthumous title of All Star.

Mighty Mushroomy is one of the youngest players ever selected to the All Star team. A standout up-and-comer from the LXV Regional division, he has made a huge impression even this early in his career. His 10 TD season established him as a potential successor to the great tradition of All Star Bulls, like Englert and Snowman before him. He’s remarkably quick, seeming to be able to cover the ground with ease even at a jog, and achieving truly prodigious speed when he takes the bit between his teeth, and the ball beneath his arm, and runs hard. He uses his strengths to break away from those opponents who would mean to stop him, and if he can continue to learn the game, he will be a powerful asset for the Maniacs in their climb through the divisions.

Another youngster already making his mark in the All Star team is Salmonix. This ghoul is remarkable for both his speed and agility, and has already proven himself a very capable scorer. In the Conferences he scored an incredible 11TDs in season LXV, helping the Macabre Morticians to quickly establish themselves as a credible threat in Conferences for Season LXVI. No doubt there’s some powerful Premier teams looking over their shoulder at the team Tribalsinner is assembling here, and when they do Salmonix will be the first player they see.

It’s yet another All Star selection for Hoover Widowmaker. The elf has proven over the past few seasons that he is the premier passer of the modern SWL, and though others have challenged him, his record is hard to deny. 133 passing yards in Season LXV ensures that he closes in on that 1,000 career passing figure, a milestone within striking distance during Season LXVI. His burgeoning trophy cabinet is a credit to application of training and skills. He’s a student of the game, rather than a natural athlete, and while he has all the advantages one would expect of a Wood Elf, it’s his strong arm, sure hands, and safe throws that make him the player he is. So quietly and efficiently does he go about it that he’s rarely acknowledged as the MVP, but his coach Pyates knows his value to the Snowleopards, and the All Star selection panel recognises that tonight with this selection.

And yet again, Widowmaker is inseparable from his team-mate Bolwgan Softrock. A source of continuing amazement and admiration, this elf has come back to the field after a broken collarbone, an injury which has led to the premature retirement of so many SWL players, and not only has he shown that the effects of that injury can be overcome, but he has become a Legend of the game. There is no doubt that his unnatural speed is the basis for his game, but as he has gained confidence we’ve seen him increasing the flair and excitement he brings to the field. Leaping over would-be tacklers, side-stepping much stronger opponents, ignoring overwhelming pressure to keep his nerve and gather in the most amazing catches… Softrock is the sort of player who the punters come to see, and the sort who leaves them breathless in the stands.

The other option for Widowmaker on this All-Star team is another elf and an All-Star debutante: Aymar of Daemon Ex Tesserae. He’s a much younger elf, barely 30 games into his career, but he has amazing speed and nerves of steel. As well as being an obvious scoring threat (11 TDs in his Conference season will attest to that) he’s also a surprisingly tough player, using his Pro-Elf strength to bring a different aspect to his game. A budding all-rounder, Aymar’s combination of passing, catching, rushing and hitting have him already on the verge of Legend status.

On the LXV All-Star line-of-scrimmage once again features a powerful Saurus, this time Llstrr, of the Slumbering Skinks. He’s a player with a wealth of experience, who’s not afraid to step up, toe-to-toe with anyone in the game. He’s had a few injuries over the seasons, but they barely affect his game. He’s as capable today as ever, combining powerful blows with his tackling skill, and his ability to guard his team-mates in the trenches. He has an uncanny knack of stepping aside from his oppnent’s pushes and blocks, and though it looks clumsy it’s very effective. He threw 64 blocks in Premier Season LXV, an incredible effort and one worthy of All-Star status.

Beside Llstrr, stands a much different player, Robert Vileorc. He started his career as a make-weight player for the then-undermanned (under-elfed?) Griffon Gate Sentinels in their game against the Macabre Morticians. It was an inauspicious game, resulting only in his death, but the Morticians coach saw something the rest of us missed and raised the elf-corpse to be one of his own. In his early games for the Morticians, Vileorc remained unremarkable, but in Season XLV he discovered a hidden talent, and has since excelled as one of the dirtiest players in the SWL. In a single season he committed 30 fouls, often effective and usually unseen by referees either too corrupt or too incompetent to put a stop to the brutality.

The final member of the All-Stars, and the third of an intimidating line-of-scrimmage, is LXV Premier runner-up, Garnamarr Jr. While team-mates like Ubir III might attract more headlines and feature in more highlights reels, no player was more present than Garnamarr. He played 111 turns of the Wäŋa Warriors’ season, and held up his role on the line with strength and courage. He took hits so that the big-name players didn’t have to, and it was his graft and effort, his constant presence, which allowed his team to come within a hair's breadth of being Premier Champions. A great blocker, tackler, and guard for those around him, Garnamarr is the sort of player every coach would love to have. Send him out to do the job, and you know it will be done right.

Congratulations go to all those named in the All-Stars Team. There were a lot of very impressive All-Star debutantes this season, and again the quality of young players proving themselves in Regionals and Conferences bodes well for the future of SWL. Still, some of those who are returning are ready to stake their claim among the all-time greats of the league, and for several the opportunity remains to write their name into the history books… provided the opposing coaches and pearl-hunters don’t stop them dead in their tracks. One thing remains certain: only 11 spots are available among the All-Stars, and for those recognised it is an honour which will remain theirs forever.

A hearty congratulations also to the players selected in their divisional Representative teams (with special recognition to Jibadee Hockitt, the first Snotling ever selected to a Representative squad):

LXV Prem-Stars
Huge Axeman Error 404
Shntsyeooa (c) Slumbering
Ubirr III Wäŋa
Mazrim Taim Asha
Alejandro Marquez Standoff
Damer Flinn Asha’maniac
Shntf Slumbering
Llstrr Slumbering
Cabbapult Error 404
Garnamarr Jr Wäŋa
Viola Condors

LXV Conference Rep team
Aymar Daemon Ex
Salmonix Morticians
Bolwgan Softrock Snowleopards
Flesh Eau d’ Toilet
Hoover widowmaker Snowleopards
Made to Messure Eau d'Toilet
Dan "Asereje" Rollins Glee Club
Chuhui Sotek
Robert Vileorc Morticians
Rancid RedMaul Fun Police
Iolas Griffon Gate

LXV Rising-Stars
Mighty Mushroomy Maniacs
Kendokat I Meerkats
BellyDanceKat I Meerkats
The Journo Maniacs
Kickbacks B&C
Crockat I Meerkats
Diabolical Dapperdan © Maniacs
Bzzark the Bellicose Charnel
Dirty Pool B&C
Phoolan Devi Revolutionaries
Jibbadee Hockitt PoP

So that ends another awards post-season.
That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!

_________________
Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...


Last edited by Redgum on Oct 02, 2016 - 13:22; edited 2 times in total
Faulcon



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Oct 02, 2016 - 09:26 Reply with quote Back to top

A statement released by a Slumbering Skink Spokes Saurus:

Yes, belated congratulations once again to premier *ahem* Runner-Ups Wäŋa Warriors. An understandable clerical error on the part of an otherwise exceptional contributing author.


Last edited by Faulcon on Oct 02, 2016 - 13:39; edited 1 time in total
Redgum



Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Oct 02, 2016 - 11:18 Reply with quote Back to top

The All-Star selection committee would like to extend their genuine apologies to all those rightfully aggrieved by their clerical error in mid-awarding the LXV Premier Title to the undeserving runners-up.
Edits have been made, records corrected, and all the appropriate reparation payments rendered.
Hopefully now those terrifying lizard sounds outside the committee members' windows will be silenced.

_________________
Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...
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