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Joined: Jan 22, 2009

Post   Posted: Feb 28, 2019 - 00:21 Reply with quote Back to top

Love that ex-convict underestimated Khleveland in writing. Might be the best thing we have going for us this season.

Joined: Jun 28, 2005

Post   Posted: May 26, 2019 - 16:03 Reply with quote Back to top

NBFL AFC Overview

Well chumps and chumpetts, we only have two weeks left to go in yet another riveting NBFL season! The AFC is still very closely contested on many fronts, with no less than eight teams with at least 40 points so far. Let's take a look at the conference standings first:

1. Jakesonville (8-3-1 // 65)
2. Miasma (7-2-3 // 55)
3. Kaepsburgh (5*-3-3 // 51)
4. San Dogo (5-5-2 // 50)
5. New York (5-4-3 // 47)
6. Oakland (4-6-2 // 46)
7. Houston (6-1-5 // 45)
8. Indy (4-4-4 // 40)
9. Vigilante (2*-6-3 // 39)
10t. Khleveland (3*-3-5 // 37)
10t. New Elfland (3*-3-5 // 37)
12. Baltimore (2*-4-5 // 33)
13. Kansas City (4-1-7 // 31)
14. Deadver (3-3-6 // 30)
15. Titannesse (3-0-9 // 21)
16. Buffalo (2-1-9 // 17)

*indicates an additional forfeit win

As far as each division goes:

-Jakesonville (65) has clinched the South.

-Miasma (55) leads New York (47) and has the tiebreaker advantage (2-0-0 H2H) in the East; the Dolphlegms can clinch the division with either a win or two ties (NY maxes out at 61 pts with two wins; two Miasma ties gets them to the same 61 with tiebreaker edge).

-Kaepsburgh (51) has the edge on its rivals in the North, and can clinch with a win or a tie. Vigilante (39) must win out and have Kaepsburgh lose out as well (fortunately for the Shingles, these two play in the season finale) to steal the division. The Khrowns (37) could fan-dangle things into tiebreakers by winning out, along with Kaeps losing out and Vigil losing and then winning. This would leave both Kaep and Khleveland at 51 pts, and they split the season series with one win a piece. How things will divulge from there with tiebreakers, I leave to someone else to figure out.

-Finally the San Dogos (50) just won't roll over, as they currently lead the West over ancient rival Oakland (46). The Chompers can clinch by winning out, while a tie+win, combined with the Raiders winning out, will leave the two deadlocked at 60 pts each. Naturally, they tied both matchups this season, creating an equally elaborate tiebreaker scenario as in the North if this played out.

As far as wildcard longshots go:
-anyone within 13 points of current #6 Oakland (46) has a shot if they win out and enough teams ahead of them choke under pressure. Thus even lowly Baltimore (33) could slingshot their way upwards and into the playoff mix with the right results.

#7 Houston (45) plays Jakesonville then Titannesse
#8 Indy (40) plays Buffalo then New Elfland
#9 Vigilante plays Deadver then Kaepsburgh
#10t Khleveland plays Oakland then Kansas City
#10t New Elfland plays Miasma then Indy
#12 Baltimore plays Kansas City then Oakland

With only one playoff spot locked up so far, there are literally 11 teams with various insignificant odds to make it into the tournament. How will the division races end up? Can the current wildcard teams hold onto those spots? When will Jakesonville finally get their due ass-whooping?

We look forward to finding out!

Part of the NCBB and the NBFL.

Don't drop the soap.

Joined: Aug 01, 2015

Post   Posted: May 26, 2019 - 21:39 Reply with quote Back to top

Playoffs Hunt (NFC Edition)

NFC South:

Carolina on 52 points, Atlanta on 45.

If Carolina loses both their next games, Atlanta can take the lead with one win and one draw, which is looking like a possibility, given that Carolina faces the two strongest teams in the NFC East to finish out their schedule. Predicting Atlanta grabs the Division lead from behind, leaving Carolina sitting on 52 points hoping for a wildcard slot.

NFC East:

Weaklington on 58, New York on 58 (Round 5 game yet to be played)

Neck to neck, much lies on the end of the schedule. Both of these teams play Tampa and Carolina, so they basically have identical schedules. If New York gets the win over Phulloselfia, they’re the favorite to win the division, and Weaklington looks to have locked up one of the wild cards with 72 points.

NFC North:

Green Ball on 61, Chicagovania on 51.

Green Ball seems to have this division locked up, even if they end up losing vs Hot Arizona after being decimated by Fan Foulisco. Chicagovania is looking to pick up one win somewhere to try and fight for the wildcard, but they won’t have a particularly easy time of it, facing the Glams and Destroit.

NFC West:

C’attle on 51, Los Angeles on 47.

Another close division race. Los Angeles faces Chicagovania next round, which will be a tough game because both teams wants to win. If Destroit can keep up their performance, this division could come down to a heads up match between the Glams and C’haos in the final round.

Final Prediction:

New York and Green Ball with byes in the playoffs.
Atlanta and C’attle take the next 2 spots
Weaklington takes wild card with 72 points
Chicagovania takes the next wild card on 58 points

Teams that go home crying:
Glams on 54 and Carolina on 52

Joined: Jan 05, 2016

Post   Posted: May 27, 2019 - 04:48 Reply with quote Back to top

bah, Cattle Chaos is ending this season with war goat farts.

Joined: Jun 28, 2005

Post   Posted: Jun 09, 2019 - 15:40 Reply with quote Back to top

Ex-con's Playoff Preview: NBFL Season 22

Once again it is playoff time in the NBFL; twelve teams now vie for a singular title, and it'll take everything they have, and more, to acquire it. If you recall from my season preview, I had predicted that the C'attle C'haos (NFC) and Kaepsburgh Kneeler's (AFC) would meet in the championship game; that will obviously not happen. Due to being cursed (by me), C'attle went into their season finale vs the Glams needing either a win or a tie to secure a playoff spot...so naturally they got bamboozled by the elves. Kaepsburgh, at least, made the playoffs as the four seed in the AFC. Regardless, this means I have to make new predictions; let the curse continue!


1. Los Angeles Glams
2. Green Ball Attackers
3. New York Deviants
4. Atlanta Falchions
5. C'attle C'haos
6. Chicagovania Provocateurs

1. Weaklington
2. Green Ball
3. Atlanta
4. Los Angeles
5. New York
6. Chicagovania

Holy shit, I got five out of six correct? Er, I mean, I'm surprised that only five out of six made it! Hahaha... *coughs*

Ahem. Sitting in the byes are Weaklington, pro elves on a hot streak of eight straight wins, and Green Ball, who's toads seek one last chance at glory before hopping off into the sunset (word from management is that they plan to go Ape-shit on the league from now on). Rounding out the division winners are Atlanta's lizards, and the aforementioned clutch elves from Los Angeles. The underdog wildcard teams, though certainly not to be counted out, are resurgent dark elves from New York, and Chicago's masters-of-the-night.


#3 Atlanta Falchions (7-1-4) vs #6 Chicagovania Provocateurs (7-4-3)

The ATL has a solid, developed saurii core to clear the way for three extra-agile skinks to secure the ball. Chicago has a very good group of vampires, with a coach who knows how to use them. In addition, the Prov's will have inducement help to keep them in the fight.

Prediction: Atlanta 1 - 2 Chicago

You are getting very sleepy...


#4 Los Angeles Glams (6-5-2) vs #5 New York Deviants (8-3-3)

Normally I'd just assume a team with eight wins is vastly superior to one with six...except that the Glams have only lost twice all season (and yet barely scraped into the playoffs...what a conference race). However the cost of entry was high, with three players set to miss the wildcard contest. The Deviants recovered from last season's debacle and have a well-rounded squad, still led by their two stat-freak draftees. They may have not won the division, but they are fortunate to get LA when they are vulnerable.

Prediction: Los Angeles 2 - 3 New York

Although a wounded beast is fiercest when it is cornered, the Deviants have a great opportunity that they must take advantage of.

Divisional Round

#1 Weaklington Frailskins (9-3-2) vs #6 Chicago

The 'skins are riding an eight game winning streak into the playoffs, and receive the lowest seeded team as their first opponent. However such a streak means nothing; Oakland once went unbeaten in the regular season (4-10-0), but could only manage one playoff win. Chicago will be quite the test for Weaklington, and it seems like they got banged up quite a bit during their streak (four relatively new positionals).

Prediction: Weaklington 2 - 3 Chicago (OT)

While the 'skins may be the higher seed, Chicago looks to simply be the better team on paper.


#2 Green Ball Attackers (8-5-1) vs #5 New York Deviants

While the Attackers no longer have the services of the legendary Krox Matthews, they still have an ok team. And unfortunately for the Deviants, the frogs are well-equip to stymie their slippery rushing attack.

Prediction: Green Ball 2 - 1 New York

Ape escape!

Conference Championship

#2 Green Ball Attackers vs #6 Chicagovania Provocateurs

A dream coaching matchup sees Grue's frogs and Relez's vamps clash over a trip to the Super Bowl; this has the feel of dramatic chess championship, where one wrong move will decide everything!

Prediction: Green Ball 1 - 0 Chicago

Frogs don't blink.


1. Kaepsburgh Kneelers
2. Jakesonville Jortles
3. San Dogo Chompers
4. New York Wrecks
5. Baltimore Mavens
6. Indianapolis Crypts

1. Jakesonville
2. Miasma
3. San Dogo
4. Kaepsburgh
5. New York
6. Houston

Four out of six, hot damn.

The less flashy conference finds the pointy-eared Jortles in command, along with the foul disease of Miasma with a bye. Average men from San Dogo and wolf-men from Kaepsburgh also won their respective divisions. Finally, perennial chaotic New York and newly-spawned lizards from Houston round-out the playoff teams.


#3 San Dogo Chompers (6-6-2) vs #6 Houston T-Rexans (7-2-5)

This may arguably the best wildcard coaching matchup, featuring the fearless Kryten and the lizard-demigod Baz. The Chompers mostly refused to lose all season long, while Houston was more feast-or-famine as they learned on the fly; it will make for great theater on the field!

Prediction: San Dogo 2 - 1 Houston

Despite the services of Slibli, the T-Rexans have yet to evolve enough skills to deal with the deep, versatile humans that will look to make a few of the dinos go extinct.


#4 Kaepsburgh Kneelers (5-4-4) vs #5 New York Wrecks (7-4-3)

If the other AFC wildcard matchup featured the coaches, this one will feature star-power players: Teresa "Aladdin Sane" Gervase SL vs Broadway Joe Bryant [HAW]...except that Joe is slated to miss the contest due to injury. Can the rest of the Wrecks scrounge up enough offense in his apparent absence?

Prediction: Kaepsburgh 1 - 0 New York

While strength teams give necros problems, the Kneelers will find a way to pull this one out of their hairy asses...in lucky BS fashion (5+/5+/1d POW).

Divisional Round

#1 Jakesonville Jortles (8-4-2) vs #4 Kaepsburgh Kneelers

The Jortles elfed into the right to face the lowest remaining seed for this round, and here they find the fortunate Kneelers coming into town. Jakesonville will have some trouble dealing with the uber-wolves, but will they steal the pants off of yet another team?

Prediction: Jakesonville 2 - 1 Kaepsburgh

No pants dance!


#2 Miasma Dolphlegms (7-3-3) vs #3 San Dogo Chompers

Miasma spent several seasons building up to this campaign, culminating in a strong year that saw them earn a bye. However it came at a cost, losing a Beast, Pesti, and two Bloaters in the process. While they still field a respectable team, does coach Poods have the psyche left to keep on winning?

Prediction: Miasma 1 - 2 San Dogo (OT)

He does, pushing Kryten to the limit, but the gods then abandon him in overtime, much like how he is abandoning us after the season Crying or Very sad

Conference Championship

#1 Jakesonville Jortles vs #3 San Dogo Chompers

A potential high-scoring matchup awaits fans in the AFC championship game, as both of these teams can score as fast as lightning. However, the Dogos have a distinct lack of tackle, and it will catch up to them here.

Prediction: 3 - 2 San Dogo

Can't stop, won't stop!

Super Bowl 22

Green Ball Attackers vs Jakesonville Jortles

The Grues find themselves on the rare perch of both glory and retirement, while the Jortles have an even rarer opportunity to literally end a dynasty.

The first half finds motivated elves coming out on fire, capitalizing on an early fumbbl by lackadaisical frogs. A better offensive drive follows, but a ballsy sack attempt pops the ball free, and a clutch long-bomb throw leads to another elven score right before the half ends.

Down 0-2, the Grues finally put down their retirement brochures and emerge from the locker room with renewed focus: they easily thwart a two-turn sideline cage, as the Jortles sought to put the nail in the coffin. Instead, the leapy bastards force a turnover of their own, secure the ball, and reverse it to the opposite side for a turn 4 score. With the lead cut in half, the Jortles nervously take the field as sweat starts to pour down their coach's arms: should they attempt another quick score to virtually lock-up the title, or protect the ball as long as possible and hope they can simply hang on?

We'll never know, as the Grues dial up a blitz! The frogs swarm the backfield, as if the ball had been covered in flies; the elves frantically attempt to clear it and make some semblance of a cage around it. With only three turns left, Green Ball can feel the elves start to crack under the pressure, as they lose two players to KOs. Coach mrt senses that his defensive-offensive is about to break, and goes for the big-dick play: a long-bomb punt near the enemy endzone! Dramatically, the initial pass fails, but the thrower gracefully catches his own bobble, re-cocks, and chucks it as far as possible.

With just two turns left to tie, the Grues have a lot to do: send someone back for the ball, free up a few options near midfield as a 'cut-off' man, and secure a scoring threat within range on the final turn. It takes coach Grue all of twenty seconds to complete these tasks.

One turn remains for the Jortles to try and prevent the Grues from tying the game, as they mark as many frogs as possible and blitz their way next to the only one left within scoring range. As mrt shakily clicks 'end turn', he has to wonder: will it be enough?

Grue calmly advances the ball forward, throwing to a frog near midfield. Then, the little bastard hops his way over to the elven defenders laying siege around the lone scoring threat, leaps over them, and attempts to hand the ball off. The 4+ roll works, as does the leap out of danger: the only thing left inbetween the frog and the endzone is green grass!

...and a GFI roll. The frog summons up the last of his strength; his aching legs ready for rest on the beach, or swamp, or wherever he chooses (after the frogs win against the crumbling elves in OT, of course). But on this day, the choice is made for him, as he gets to rest in eternal hell after snaking the GFI and killing himself in the process!

Prediction: Green Ball 1 - 2 Jackesonville

Coach mrt hangs on by the skin of a snake, ending the frog dynasty over the league!

However, the NBFL will later watch in horror as the world burns around them, after an uprising by the Apes destroys civilization as we know it.

Part of the NCBB and the NBFL.

Don't drop the soap.

Joined: Feb 16, 2004

Post   Posted: Jun 09, 2019 - 17:45 Reply with quote Back to top

Chicagovania Provocateurs are going to stun the world and win it all.

Hail to Dread Scott! The latest charioteer to DIE for bloodbowl! - Slain, by the Charlestοwn Cheifs

Joined: Jan 05, 2016

Post   Posted: Jun 09, 2019 - 17:51 Reply with quote Back to top


Thats what a curse feels like, eh? outch....

Joined: Feb 26, 2011

Post   Posted: Jun 09, 2019 - 19:19 Reply with quote Back to top

Arktoris wrote:
Chicagovania Provocateurs are going to stun the world and win it all.

Focus not on things you can't control, like bad dice. Focus instead on things under your power, like how far you flip the table.

Joined: Feb 16, 2004

Post   Posted: Jul 08, 2019 - 05:20 Reply with quote Back to top

prophecy unfolding?

Hail to Dread Scott! The latest charioteer to DIE for bloodbowl! - Slain, by the Charlestοwn Cheifs

Joined: Jan 05, 2016

Post   Posted: Jul 08, 2019 - 10:56 Reply with quote Back to top

Ex con did it again. Cursed those frogs. hahaaa

Joined: Jun 28, 2005

Post   Posted: Jul 08, 2019 - 14:12 Reply with quote Back to top

That's not how the curse works

Part of the NCBB and the NBFL.

Don't drop the soap.

Joined: Jan 05, 2016

Post   Posted: Jul 18, 2019 - 21:49 Reply with quote Back to top


And the curse indeed stroke again, mrt1212 lost in the end in the SB 22 to Relezites vamps. This SB will be remembered as the FAIL BOWL. Never seen so many 1s by elves nor vamps before. Both rerolled into double skulls at some point. Both failed insane amounts of gfi's, etc.

Vamps's big hits and the sun made the difference in the end. Leaving 5 elves on the pitch for overtime. Although they got the ball, there was not much they could do...

Grats Relezite! Well played mrt!

Joined: Jun 28, 2005

Post   Posted: Jul 26, 2019 - 17:24 Reply with quote Back to top

Breaking News

TV Reporter: After years of a rumored rift between Oakland's coach and upper management, the inevitable finally happened: the two have mutually agreed to part ways. The Raiders brought in a rising star, coach Doofr, along with his entire squad to try and break through the AFC gauntlet. Meanwhile, New York (NFC) quickly moved in to sign the displaced veteran coach, hoping his years of experience would be worth a damn. We now come to you live, as New York introduces the next coach of their franchise, Ex-convict.

*Ex-con makes his way to a podium in front of a half-dozen reporters*

Reporter A: Coach! It's been quite some time since you lead the franchises in New Elfean and Dallas; how does it feel to be back in the NFC?

Ex-convict: I can't say for sure yet, as I've only just arrived in town. However it will be nice to coach in, what has historically been, the less physical and more finesse-styled conference. Perhaps our team depth will be tested less come season's end.

Reporter B: Does this mean you feel that the AFC is the better conference?

Ex: Certainly not; while there are a great many franchises in the AFC that have proven their worth time and again, the NFC certainly has its power players as well. Both Green Ball and Los Angeles need little introduction, although the Attackers look to be switching their style of play this offseason. Atlanta has perennially had a strong team in place, regardless of who has been coaching there. And of course the now-defending Super Bowl champions reside in Chicago.

Rep. E: What about your division, the so-called 'NFC Elf'?

Ex: We certainly look to be in the middle of a large transition overall. Phull-o-s'elfia will somehow be the veteran squad of the group, and they only just started their new look snobby-elves last season. I believe Dallas plans to plant a bunch of trees around their new stadium, hoping to attract woodland elves to come and hug them. And rumor has it that Washington's elves have become darkened after years of playoff disappointment, to the point where they may be a little sadistic now.

*Rep. B lowers his head, staring at the ground, and starts mumbling something; his body begins to shake slightly*

Rep. D: Uh...Jim, you ok?

*Rep. B, aka Jim, continues muttering something while visibly shaking*

Rep. C: Ahem. So is it true that New York plans to complete the division's vision for an all-elf grouping?

Ex: If we did, odds are that scoring would go up, which would increase fan interest and bring in money for both the teams and players. While I can't reveal the type of tea-

*Jim interupts, with a low, growl-y voice*

Jim: There's something else that the fans like even more

Ex: Pardon me?

Rep. F: Jim, if you're not feeling well, you can always go and sit in the-

*Suddenly, and with a look of malice in his eyes, Jim turns and punches a hole straight through the chest cavity of Reporter F*

*Reporter A screams. Blood spurts everywhere as Rep. F's body falls to the ground, dead. Jim, or whomever this was, lets out a demonic laugh*

Ex: ...who are you? And what do you want? Before I left Oakland, I made sure to pay off the strippe-

* "Jim" cuts him off with a deep, booming voice*

"Jim": PATHETIC! An all-elf division?!?! Disgusting! WEAK!!! I care not for this 'sport', only that it be played in a way that honors its name, no...my name: BLOOD Bowl! There can NEVER be enough blood spilled in a game.

*The coach and four remaining reporters can only stare in shock at this seemingly possessed person rants on*

"Jim: High Elves; weak! Arrogant! Wood elves; even weaker! They get crushed so easily! Dark elves; at least they have the right idea, yet they have not the tools to quench my thirst. And now, you want to try your hand at PRO ELVES?!?! Fragile! Incapable of hurting a mere goblin!!! You couldn't even sniff a Super Bowl whilst coaching cowardly elves!! But you're going to try again???

Ex: We made the AFC Championship onc-

"Jim": And lost to Poods.

Ex: ...

"Jim": Who was coaching Khemri.

Ex: ...

"Jim": For all of your "experience", the only thing you have experienced is cowardice. You ran from your opponents without the ball; you still ran from them with it. You were afraid! Afraid to spill blood!!! Afraid to have yours spilled!!!

Ex: ...where are you going with this demonstration?

"Jim": I offer you a pact, mortal. I shall lend you my daemons, and in return, you will spill blood for me; Blood for the Blood God!! More skulls for my throne!! And if you succeed, you shall be rewarded!!

Ex: With a Super Bowl victory?!?!

"Jim": ...I was gonna say 'with more blood to spill', but sure. Do we have a deal?

*Ex-con ponders for a moment, but his desire for playoff success is too great; if he could not coach his players around his opponents, he decided to coach the bastards through them...literally. He nods towards "Jim", a former reporter seemingly possessed by the chaos god Khorne.*

"Jim", smiling: Good...now prove your loyalty by spilling the blood of these unfortunate mortals.

*The reporters take a step back, aghast at the notion. Surely a respected NBFL coach wouldn't-

The door to the media room locks, as if by magic.

The four remaining reporters look at it, and then turn back to the podium.

Ex-con had a shank in his hand (you don't want to know where he was hiding it).*

Thus the Khorne era in New York began.

With blood, of course.

Part of the NCBB and the NBFL.

Don't drop the soap.

Joined: Feb 26, 2013

Post   Posted: Jul 26, 2019 - 18:19 Reply with quote Back to top

Yes! Finally a weirdo team!

Joined: Sep 01, 2008

Post   Posted: Jul 26, 2019 - 19:46 Reply with quote Back to top

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