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Trickey



Joined: Oct 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Mar 02, 2020 - 08:40 Reply with quote Back to top

Well folks we are here again! It is OSBBL season the biggest secret in these far reaching isles. I am the Mascara Snake, one time session Clarinet player for our own plutocrat Silky. Now I am forging my way as a sports journalist and so lucky to have the resurrected spirit of the first lady of Osbbl Laskarina Bouboulina with me. Many of you will remember our all star and first winner of Silky’s Starfish award. Unfortunately a rogue Zombie placed a boot in her face to end her illustrious campaign. Laskarina handing to you. How are you?

Laskarina fantastic thank you Snake I am just happy that my noble Sacrifice handed the Griffens the victory they need.

Snake “Oh Nuffle, nuf said let us look at the teams this season”.

1. SMEBORG - TREMBLING TREE-HUGGERS - KURNOUS Image

We will start off with these fella’s really is some kind of petting zoo gone wrong this a mass of unwashed hippies force feeding these shapeshifter vegan fare well it isn’t fair and they are angry. What do you think Laskarina?

Well there is never a point in getting angry in this league it will not get you anywhere. They avoided the Smack competition apparently due to the hasty nature of its schedule and their Yoga practices. This team is capable of going into a play off though. Though Hard Tofu is an easy pick for me it is Pearl who is the player to watch with a solid passing and running game she will be a marked women, beware the Zombie.


2. BARBERFETT - DISGRUNTLED BUS DRIVERS UNION - BLORF
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The new cart system that Silky has been trying to implement has it’s fair share of issues mostly of them coming through their union ever the wheeler dealer Silky felt he should just get the union into the league so here they are. What to make of these angry dwarves Laskarina.

Oh I don’t know some people will make nice little trophies out of these fella’s hopefully! I do not like them one bit. They have an ungodly look about them (Says the floating corpse -ed). They will do well I think though much depends on the draw. With the right opponents in front of them and our Nuffle smiling will they sneak a place in the final. George is there all rounder and certianily the one to watch in my eyes picking up a string of casualties in pre season friendlies.

3. BARBERFETT - LITTLE TROUBLE IN BIG CATHAY - CATHAY
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This team seems to have been around forever playing exhibition matches before hitting some real trouble. The Cathay animals took a fair beating and it is uncertain if they are yet ready for the street fight that is Osbbl. Laskarina you have observed this lot intently.

Yes Snake these lot got into, well big trouble in some of their final exhibition matches. The mess saw Miao Yin as one of the big names to be buried and to be honest this side has been reeling ever since. They have some good players and will upset some people but the soft centre may haunt them through the season success for them may just be surviving the season. All hopes will be pinned on Gracie Law if she can perform the team may just rally around her.

4. TRICKEY - TROUT MASK REPLICA - NAUTICAN
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Now these are just about the most bizarre squad to appear in the Osbbl (That's saying something-ed). They washed up on the southern shores of the deserted Isles and somehow ended up playing Blood Bowl. Many pundits said they shouldn’t have bothered. The fact that the locals tend to hunt the cresters and take their faces as a mask in some strange tribute has been shocking and luckily their manager has now taken to hocking repila masks hence the name. Do they have any hope Laskarina?

To put it Frankly no but they may take out the Mullet. They did manage to upset a few locals in preseason outings and have scoring options but you can only score with players on the pitch. Everyone who watched them get bullied by a Gnome side know that they are squishy. The big question is how many replica masks will be sold over how many real ones will be taken. Still the duel threat of Pachuco Cadaver and Moonlight on Vermont will serve them well until they are squished.

5. CHEESE EATING BLENDER MONKEYS - MRCUSHTIE - MOULDER
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This team has been described as an angry Mincing machine and certainly they have proven that in the preseason. The rat invasion of these fair isles continues and though teams like this have graced the league before they are certainly a different bucket of beasts. Keen on the rats Laskarina?

No not one bit, vile things they are. They tread a fine line this lot and though they have gone big on the casualties they leak touchdowns. I think they will scare the life out of a lot of teams but the 4 hulking Rat ogres will have to perform if they are to get anywhere. The locals hosting the rats have not really enjoyed their fouling and marking of all the territories but fouling might be the key. Cuddles is the beast to look out for in my opinion.

6. BANDA SAGRADA - ARTHURWYNNE - MYRMIDIA
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The Goddess of war sent these fine folk a message and that message was bring the pain to the Osbbl. A rookie side questing under Myrmidia’s banner for glory in all it gory detail. Rumour has it this lot could out talk a sea elf bureaucrat when it comes to tales of battle and honour. In visiting the local schools on their missionary work many report them having left herds of sleeping students as they go through their long winded chat about wind direction (Will go down well on these isles) and the scent of the battlefield. Do they give you the sent of victory Laskarina?

Dark horses are apparently their steed of choice and who am I to go against that. Yes these warriors will be difficult to stop once they start as witnessed by careers advisors up and down the country. Myrmdia is a fickle mistress and who knows what lies below can they top their league, I say yes. Dominica Martínez will never replace me but she certainly is one to watch.

7. FRONT YARDERS - NEBULA - GNOME
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They are back oh yes they are and just as savvy as ever. A forgettable season for these fellas last season and filling Silky’s Chum bucket with the bodies of their dead certainly is something they will wish to forget about. What do you make of the Yard?

Well they barely scored last season and they lost a lot of players there have been big questions about where they found the replacements. Their ace in the hole Chase is missing the opener and they will need him to perform if they are to do anything. Personally I think they are more Chum fodder and we will see them in the Mullet come the close of the season.

8. DSR - BLACKCAPS - ESHIN
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The Rats are back oh yes they are and they will be happy to be away from cup action which saw them getting close to a final despite being battered by the dryads. This team are fast perhaps too fast as they keep tripping and dying. We know you love the Rats Laskarina.

Yes can’t stand the vile things but my goodness can they play. We witnessed them score for everywhere last year and they certainly can be dangerous on both defence and attack. They were unlucky not to go all the way in both the league and the Sucker cup last time round. I definitely think they will make the play offs this time round. Who is the rat they count on well we know it and so do the crowd that is why they scream “give it Kimimaro he will score for you”.
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barberfett



Joined: Mar 27, 2016

Post   Posted: Mar 03, 2020 - 06:42 Reply with quote Back to top

Fanbloodytastic Trickster! Great job yet again
ahalfling



Joined: Aug 16, 2008

Post   Posted: Mar 03, 2020 - 08:27 Reply with quote Back to top

How is there not a Giant Crab named Antennae Jimmy Semens?

_________________
Beat Claw, Play AV7

(Hell, I ran a forward passing orc team back in the '90s. You probably shouldn't listen to me. Ever.)
Trickey



Joined: Oct 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Mar 03, 2020 - 10:57 Reply with quote Back to top

9. BEARDS, BEER AND BIKINIS - GEOFFRO - IRONBREAKER

So this season brings dwarves apparently these dwarves were going to make it for season 1 but they are not know for their pace. Bringing with them a trainee cheer leader squad that has apparently been turning heads (in the opposite direction ed). Their big chant is “here we go, here we go here we go………….” repeat until they finally get there. Are you a fan of the Dwarves Laskarina?

One coach said it is like chewing on shot playing against these fella’s and it certainly can be difficult you do not often see them without 11 players and that kind of metal will serve them well in the Osbbl. Can they score though? Well when they do the fastest dwarf in the south is the one who does it Broudgran is their man.

10. GREEN FOR THE GREEN GOD - BUNDERLOG - SAVAGE ORK

These savages rocked up to the Secret smack and dominated it they say they are just a bunch of Green fella’s playing with their puppy a nasty troglodyte. Everyone knows that historically the winners of the smack have had mixed results in the league itself. These green boys though have a panache for dealing out pain and an eye for a touchdown. Laskarina will anybody stop these savage brutes.

Well I hope so I really do but watching the green swarm in the Smack they have some real momentum at the moment. They pound everything in sight and rely on pitch removal. There are some interesting matches ahead for them I am sure but can they keep the pitch clearing up? I would pick them to top a table though it is hard for a commentator to pick out anyone in the sea of green their blitzer Warrgh is the one too watch.

11. HAKA CHIBI - LICTOR - 4 NATIONS

Their coach says they are here from afar to educate the plebs on how the game should be played. With a bizarre style of throwing, running and often fans screaming “stick it up yer Jumper”, this rabble have been thoroughly entertaining the locals really enjoying their aftermatch antics and firm hand shakes. The question is how will they go Laskarina?

I just do not understand the style snake cant get my head around it at all but it is entertaining. Who knows it may take off here but I doubt it. The men too watch are 'Fridge' Lewis and 'Tank' Thomas these boys are at the top of their game and seem to have it all.

12. WEST PARK - IRISH - KURGAN

West Park has arrived much to the horror of the Northern shores. They have been terrorizing local dairy farmers and have developed a following of young vagabonds following their trail of destruction. Silky says it is fine and somehow they have been placed under his protection there have been issues with them just continuing the melee of the game into the crowd and spilling into the village before arriving fresh from their rampage to the next match. Laskarina when will the violence end?

They are brutes damn filthy and I feel for the unsuspecting people of this land. They have enslaved a number of local youth and I feel this could be their weakness. They will bring the hurt that is for sure and I would tip them to top a table not that they would care. The player who has everyone talking is Satan. He is a natural.

13. GRIFFONS - FOOL - AVELORN

The Griifons are back and we will love to see them go again after there near flawless season last year. [Laskarina interrupts]

Near flawless.. What do you mean I thought we were unbeaten.

[Snake] Oh yes I mean it was a big flaw letting that zombie near you, if you get my drift. Someone bury the Cable vision replay. You will be backing your ladies though Laskarina.

Yes we will go back to back though I am not with them my spirit lives on through Boudica.

14. HERESY - FELIX - SLAANESH

Yes they are back and need no introductions before they begin the seduction. A middling season after the Bastard Squig Henri skinned the Engorged Sensinator but they had a respectable season despite the disturbing amount of groin strain suffered in the league. They bring passion for the game a whole new meaning. Laskarina you’ll be glad to be out of this lots reach.

Certainly not the type of crowd you would like to meet in well any confined space really. They will be disappointed in last season's record and I am sure they will put it right. The player most people want to see happy ended is old Cacklehead, the obnoxious little man that he is but it is Cocaine Carl with an eye for the line that you need to watch.

15. SHHHH ITS A SECRET - KINGLYDON - FOREST GOBLINS

This mysterious lot suddenly appeared from the dark places in the forest to the west and started throwing the ball around with no end of interesting and dark forces all scurrying around the pitch it will be interesting watching this squad wont it Laskarina.

Well what can I say I do not like them one little bit and I can not see them doing so well in their first season but I may stand corrected as ever the Mother in law is the one to watch.

Well that is it all the confirmed teams in and we will hand over to Silky to work his magic. There is one Mystery meat package still to arrive Laskarina but whoever it is, it is bound to be exciting.

Yes thank you Snake it will be nice to be in the commentary box far from all the rouge zombies and blood thirsty Kurgan.

We will catch you later to see how things are progressing. Have fun sports fans.
Trickey



Joined: Oct 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Mar 03, 2020 - 10:59 Reply with quote Back to top

ahalfling wrote:
How is there not a Giant Crab named Antennae Jimmy Semens?


The education continues why thank you, coming soon to table top.
Felix17



Joined: May 23, 2019

Post   Posted: Mar 03, 2020 - 23:01 Reply with quote Back to top

In the Warp, a languid storm swayed back and forth, back and forth to it's own unholy, monsterous beat, reaching out tendrils here and there to unhinge and deprave those it touched with ecstasy and torment. It looked with greedy, starving eyes on the world below, desperately eager to become flesh once more, to feel, to touch, to become sensate.

It had played once before on this world, bestowing hugs and cuddles to many. But not enough time, and nowhere near enough cuddles given, for its love was as infinite as it was twisted, its hunger insatiable. Its last memory there was of a pair of giant Squigs leaping for it, mad piggy eyes glaring and gigantic maws agape. Oh the memory of that, so much pain and so much pleasure, it had shrieked with joy even as it had howled with pain. Such a wonderful memory.

It must have more. It would be back. And soon, very soon.....
Felix17



Joined: May 23, 2019

Post   Posted: Mar 03, 2020 - 23:16 Reply with quote Back to top

In the changing room of The Delicious Heresy, head coach Trevor the Unutterably Depraved, looked over his team with the glazed eyes of a lotus-eater and the scowl of the displeased.

"Look, I know we're meant to be here for the sex, drugs and rock-n-roll, but we're also here to win some Blood Bowl. Thundercock, get your hand out of The Gimp's codpiece. Save the fun for after training"
"Sorry Boss" giggled Tom.
"Right, last season was a bust, we were still getting to grips with how to play together. We definitely threw the best aftermatch parties....., all right, calm down you lot, no-one loves a good torture orgy as much as me, except maybe our living avatars of damantion here", as he nodded to the Daemonettes, who hissed back with a look that said they'd be playing the hooks and funnel game later "but we need to win some more games. We're here for the glory of our Lord, the Dark Prince herself. What's more, we need to get some wins, to resummon our Mistress of Cuddles. We can all hear her howling in our dreams, let's play hard and get the cash to get her back. Then our orgies will really take off" The team cheered in agreement and began to fondle and caress everyone and everything around them, pipes, bottles, small packets of powder and weirdly shaped toys coming from every pocket in the room.
"Right, trainings over" said Trevor. "Who wants to get naked, oil up and do some blow? Oh, you all do.... Well, let's go"

The Heresy are indeed ready to go! See you all in the season Very Happy
Trickey



Joined: Oct 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Mar 04, 2020 - 05:07 Reply with quote Back to top

Shocked Be afraid Osbbl peeps be very afraid.
Trickey



Joined: Oct 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Mar 06, 2020 - 11:00 Reply with quote Back to top

Osbbl Season IV Kings Conference

Well what can a say Silky arrived at his Crystal tower in great form today with all the old stars of Osbbl was a real who’s that of Blood bowl. He then cast his balls into the void and made the league draw. Your Humble reporter the Mascara Snake will pass over to Laskarina Bouboulina to look at the first round of the Kings conference and yes you remember the Kings well don’t you Laskarina.

Sure do Snake sure do…….

The opening round of the seasons shows some classic match ups with all the teams scrambling to make an early impact. DSR Vs Beards Beers and Bikinis is an interesting match up raw speed Vs well no speed. But the Beards will be looking to dish the pain. If the rats score 3 the Beards won't be able to match it.

The battle of the forest with the Vegan loving Trembling Tree Huggers take on the secretive Forest goblins of Shhhh it's a secret and we all know we love a secret. I think this has draw written all over it personally with both teams playing it coy in the early rounds.

In the other mismatch the might of the Valkyrie Blimp meets the strange dances of the Trout mask replica these odd bods won’t know what has hit them and rather than predict the score because the mask can score we would like to predict the Blimp to take 3 crester face masks in what will be seen as a purge.

And finally everyone's favourite servants to Chum the Gnomes of the Front yarders take on the Smack champions. Can Lenny and big cat get that big machinery making. Will the Savages even pick up the ball. What tricks does Chase the ace have up his sleeves? I could put a bit on this being my Boublina Boil over of the week (What the hell is that-ed), yes you heard it the Gnomes are going to take this one.
Trickey



Joined: Oct 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Mar 06, 2020 - 11:18 Reply with quote Back to top

Ok Laskarina so with those controversial predictions what do you make of the almost glorious I mean Glorious (just break it to her already-ed) Griffons first round.

Thank you Snake and I am looking forward to watching the footage of last year's final once you track it down.

So West Park the losing finalists of the Smack take on the Thunda Down Unda. Just when you thought you had seen all the squigs sides you ever needed to see another one pops up. These seem different from the clueless cretins from South Paw and could be the first squig side to win a match. West Park look mean and will look to show their dominance. I would tip them to win and advise everyone in the province to vacate while their post match rampage goes on.

The Cheese Eating Blender monkees though the very sight of them is enough to turn even the deads stomach they entertain and though the Disgruntled Bus Drivers Union are not know to entertain they have a number of tricks up their sleeve I think they will sneak this one but how many bus drivers will be left for round 2?

Banda Sagrada de Magritta are here to entertain and they will have to be top of their form to do anything against my beloved handmaidens. Boudicca will take my memory to further glory.

And in our final match up and oiled lubed and ready to go in the words of their coach are Tom Thundercock and the Delicious Heresy taking on The Haka Chiba Hako Siva Tau. I really hope that Haka Chiba do not offer to share a bath at the end of the game as this would just be horrible. The strange form of the game we love that they play might just get them a draw here though.

Well that is the Juice back to you Snake.

Well my contractual obligations are done so I will see you all at the mid way point or possibly earlier if our man Silky throws us a gold piece or two.


Last edited by Trickey on Mar 07, 2020 - 08:07; edited 1 time in total
barberfett



Joined: Mar 27, 2016

Post   Posted: Mar 06, 2020 - 19:36 Reply with quote Back to top

Fantastic stuff!
Trickey



Joined: Oct 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Mar 25, 2020 - 01:08 Reply with quote Back to top

Well Laskrina Boublina this was a real festival of colour wasn't it.

Yes Snake I cant believe the crowd!

Damn straight I think those Forest dwellers were put off with the sheer number of fans all in the now popular trout masks. It certianily didn't warm them up when they invaded the pitch immediately before kick off.

So Laskrina you were quite adamant that the Troutmask wouldn't get a result all season so this was a real turn up for the books wasn't it.

Errrr I think you were just as adamant Snake despite purchasing the mask and supporters gear. To be honest everything went right for the Fish folk today. On defence to start the harried well and turned over the ball. The Troll Mother in law needed a firm kick and was hopeless for the secret. Probably the move of the game was when the crab handed the ball to Moonlight on Veremont to score Just past the first quater. In the preseason Smack the crabs showed they liked to get there claw on the ball.

True Las true, hard to bring down those crabs and the referee was clearly influenced by the crowd.

Yes Snake he had a shocker! The Secret managed to walk in for a score but didn't count on that crab again. Suddenly on the last drive the crab flings Paucho Cadaver through the air for the Crester to dot down on half time. The crowd went wild.

2-1 with the Mask to receive it was them in the driving seat and they took control of the ball slowed the game and despite a late run of blood from the secret they held on to the victory. Quite a game Snake.

Yes Las, some game lets see where this plays out now. Will they get revenge on the savage orcs in round three I doubt it but lets wait and see.

Stay weird Osbbl peeps.
Trickey



Joined: Oct 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Mar 30, 2020 - 12:01 Reply with quote Back to top

Well Laskarina they call it the Nauts and Crosses game and did it live up to the hype.

Well Snake the Nauticans were up for this one but seemed to be a player down the entire game. Hair Pie Got stuck into the Greenboys Puppy but nobody sat this game out for long. A scrambling defensive play by Hemlock.

The Green God's talismanic player who is hard to identify from the others scored after regaining the ball. The Troutmask tried there token throw a Crester move but to little avail and the half ended 1-0.

Hemlock managed to score in the second half to give the fans something to cheer. The Orcs continued to bully the fish though and showed excellent control to take the game 2-1.

Watch these Green folk they will be in the play off I believe.

Stay weird Osbbl peeps.
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