licker
Joined: Jul 10, 2009
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 Posted:
Dec 19, 2016 - 21:48 |
 
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Yess...
Yessssss
Your tears only makes us strongers.... |
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ignatzami
Joined: Aug 18, 2008
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Dec 19, 2016 - 22:18 |
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I would be shocked if I won the NFC East... I'm seriously not that good of a coach. |
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mrt1212
Joined: Feb 26, 2013
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Dec 19, 2016 - 22:22 |
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| ignatzami wrote: | | I would be shocked if I won the NFC East... I'm seriously not that good of a coach. |
Sometimes Nuffle likes a blithe spirit. |
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licker
Joined: Jul 10, 2009
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Dec 20, 2016 - 00:08 |
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So I pulled some stats because the week before XMas is so sloooooow at work...
There is a clear run away for league MVP, so big of a run away that it's not even worth mentioning any one else for anything else.
So congratulations Kelvin Benjamin of the Carolina Panties!
2 completions, 13 TDs (4 more than the next closest group) and 7 casualties! 7th in total rushing yards too. And all of that in a mere 141 turns. Probably 60+ players with more turns than Kelvin, and none of them seem to have done much of a damn thing.
The only other category which counts (fouls) has Josh Mauga of the KC Brew Chiefs leading with 40. 40 fouls in 93 turns on the pitch, impressive sir, very impressive.
If you feel any of your crappy players were slighted by not getting a mention... well maybe next season you should actually accomplish something with your dumb teams.
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mrt1212
Joined: Feb 26, 2013
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Dec 20, 2016 - 00:13 |
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| licker wrote: | So I pulled some stats because the week before XMas is so sloooooow at work...
There is a clear run away for league MVP, so big of a run away that it's not even worth mentioning any one else for anything else.
So congratulations Kelvin Benjamin of the Carolina Panties!
2 completions, 13 TDs (4 more than the next closest group) and 7 casualties! 7th in total rushing yards too. And all of that in a mere 141 turns. Probably 60+ players with more turns than Kelvin, and none of them seem to have done much of a damn thing.
The only other category which counts (fouls) has Josh Mauga of the KC Brew Chiefs leading with 40. 40 fouls in 93 turns on the pitch, impressive sir, very impressive.
If you feel any of your crappy players were slighted by not getting a mention... well maybe next season you should actually accomplish something with your dumb teams.
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So you're saying I should play cdorks to compete?  |
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licker
Joined: Jul 10, 2009
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Dec 20, 2016 - 00:21 |
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Eh? Were any players I mentioned CDorks?
Look, NA may be the reigning super bowl champs, but they've done next to nothing this season to stand out.
Winning the AFCE is simply a birthright afterall |
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mrt1212
Joined: Feb 26, 2013
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Dec 20, 2016 - 00:23 |
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 That last line made me snort tea out of my nose. |
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happygrue
Joined: Oct 15, 2010
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Dec 20, 2016 - 02:09 |
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3 NFC north in the playoffs would be awesome. Go my brothers, whom I hate more or less than other teams depending on how the last games went (and whom I have mostly luckered big time this season)! |
_________________
Come join us in #metabox, the Discord channel for HLP, ARR, and E.L.F. in the box!
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ignatzami
Joined: Aug 18, 2008
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Dec 20, 2016 - 19:18 |
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| mrt1212 wrote: | | ignatzami wrote: | | I would be shocked if I won the NFC East... I'm seriously not that good of a coach. |
Sometimes Nuffle likes a blithe spirit. |
Seriously though, I joined the league to try to learn how to not suck. I don't think I've had a game where I wasn't completely out-played. Every coach I've played is fantastically good. It's a humbling experience to say the least. |
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mrt1212
Joined: Feb 26, 2013
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Dec 20, 2016 - 19:40 |
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| ignatzami wrote: | | mrt1212 wrote: | | ignatzami wrote: | | I would be shocked if I won the NFC East... I'm seriously not that good of a coach. |
Sometimes Nuffle likes a blithe spirit. |
Seriously though, I joined the league to try to learn how to not suck. I don't think I've had a game where I wasn't completely out-played. Every coach I've played is fantastically good. It's a humbling experience to say the least. |
Ride the wave dude, ride it right into the championship! |
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Nicodemus1
Joined: May 06, 2006
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Dec 29, 2016 - 14:12 |
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Does anyone have playoff picture atm? |
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Why cant we all be friends! Said the dying elf... |
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ryanfitz
Joined: Mar 24, 2009
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Dec 31, 2016 - 01:18 |
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ex-convict
Joined: Jun 28, 2005
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Dec 31, 2016 - 03:07 |
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Ex-con's NBFL Season 17 Playoff Preview
Once again folks, it's time for the best part of our league: the playoff previews! Not even the playoff games themselves will live up to the crazy, near-impossible odds that our psychic analysts will come up with! From server-crashes, New Angryland Curses, saying "Team A" when I really meant Team B, and everything in between, welcome back to the fabled Ex-Con's Playoff Preview! [guaranteed to be wrong, or your money back]
As best I can tell without a group page, we've had yet another outstanding NBFL season. With two winner-take-all division crown season finales, not to mention several other tight races, we've had a very competitive campaign right up until the very end. The legendary Green Ball franchise will be hunting for their fourth overall championship, while the infamous New Angryland squad seeks to become the first ever back-to-back winner in league history. In their way are classic NBFL franchises, such as San Dogo, Oakland, Carolina, and Detroit, in addition to several newer faces! How will the best of the best fair against each other in the ultimate win-or-go-home tournament? Well, lucky for you, I'm going to predict all of it so you can [pick the opposite] win lots of money from your bookie. Let's begin:
NFC Conference
The "softer" of the two conferences, the NFC has seen a lot of changing of the guard over the years. But the one constant is the aforementioned Green Ball franchise, owners of three Super Bowl trophies. Division rival Detroit has lived in their shadow the entire time, and desperately yearns to put them in their place whilst claiming glory for themselves. Carolina and Minnesota and can elf the pants off of you before you know what happened. A new franchise in Philly won the East, and finally Seattle went seemingly unchallenged in the West, with this roster settling down in their third city (I believe). So many styles, so much talent, and so much can happen. Let's take a closer look at each team.
1. Green Ball Attackers
The model NBFL franchise combines a unique style (frogs) with unbelievable coaching (grue), resulting in nine consecutive division titles. Only twice have they gone home without winning a playoff game, and in half of their previous postseason runs, they've gotten to the Super Bowl. They look to be in their comfort zone as well: NFC North champs, first round bye, a banged-up roster, a star player with a lingering injury, and a giant target on their legs (because, let's face it, the fans love frog legs). During their final six games, they've allowed only three scores for a ridiculous 0.5 SA/G (scores allowed per game), while averaging a healthy 2.33 scores themselves. Simultaneously they've only taken 14 CAS while dishing out 9 for a decent -5 mark, as it is usually far worse. Simply put: if you cannot injure this team, you will not beat them. They're too well-coached, too talented, and too blessed by Nuffle for something as simple as "luck" to beat them.
2. Seattle Werehawks
If you feel like you've seen this team somewhere else before, it's probably because you have. The current ownership started in Carolina, moved to Minnesota, then continued further west until it stopped in Seattle. Clearly this worked out for them in the long run, as the easily ruled the division they now reside in. While it is true that they've had several disappointing post-season runs before, this roster is extremely well-balanced and should not be overlooked. Their 5-1-1 record suggests dominance, but a 13:9 TD ratio shows that they won a lot of close contests. This experience will certainly come in handy when these playoff games come down to the key plays of the final turns.
3. Lustriadelphia Pterosaurs
In the NBFL, it's often difficult for a new franchise to make its mark. Between the legions of pro-bowl caliber players, the lengthy grind of the season, and the gauntlet of experienced coaches to face, there have been a lot of 'one-and-done' coaches throughout our time. However it seems that we've found another worthy edition to our ranks, as Lustriadelphia (I'm calling you Lusty from now on, get used to it) managed to win their division in their inaugural season. I've never watched Lusty play (lol that sounds wrong), but I know a solid lizardman team when I see one (though my NCBB team usually isn't, damn graduation). With a blockus-kroxus, two PO saurii, and an Ag4 skink, this young team certainly has some weapons for the time being. Lusty managed to go 3-3-0 to end the season, with a controlled pace of play leading to a 9:5 TD ratio and a 19:13 CAS ratio. While certainly not the sexiest numbers, they are at least very efficient. And last I checked, efficient can usually get the job done.
4. Carolina Black Panther Party
If you don't love to watch this team then you simply don't have good taste. The BPP, as they are sometimes referred to, play the most exciting brand of blood bowl in the entire league: they seize your balls, often at the cost of their limbs or lives. If "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" had a baby with Chip Kelly, the result would be Jeffro. Don't believe me? In their last six games, they scored twenty times, while only giving up seven scores. For you math gurus out there, that's nearly a 3:1 ratio, which is a large reason they went 5-0-1 to finish the campaign. Sadly this style has its obvious draw backs, and their season finale may perfectly sum up their philosophy. With the division title already secured and nothing to play for in the standings, Carolina went balls-to-the-wall and won the game 5-0...while losing one player to the morgue and three more for the Wildcard game. A 1400 elf team with a crazy coach and a lot of inducements is nothing to sneeze at, and if they can just manage to get past the first weekend alive, they may very well seize it all.
5. Minnesota High Kings
I can't say that I know much about this team, having only personally played them once in their five seasons of existence. On paper they have a dynamite roster, with plenty of healthy players, a fairly deep squad, and several stat monsters to make a difference. The Kings stood their ground in the toughest NBFL division this season, the NFC North, and went 4-2-1 in the second half of the year. They only managed to score nine times during that span, though I can't tell if it is due to a conservative scheme, or more likely due to the nature of their opponents (dwarf x2, CD, Khemri, Pact, Slann, and Nurgle). Given that only one team in this cluster managed to score 10 times, it seems like the entire group had a giant defensive struggle. The Kings even managed an upset win over Green Ball, so this is certainly not a team to overlook simply because they are a wildcard.
6. Detroilet Sewer Lions
The Lions have been around for quite some time, with their only playoff run coming in Season 12. As a wildcard team, they made it all the way to the conference championship, only to fall to their arch-rival from Green Ball. Four of their players have over 100 games worth of experience each, yet they may need to mutate some extra arms to count how many times they've lost to the Attackers. Frankly, they should be sick of it. Detroit did have a better record in the second half than their rivals, but with a chance to prove something in the season finale, they lost 2-0 against those very frogs. With an ultra-slow and conservative scheme (9:5 TD ratio in 7 games...not a lot of action), plus a -6 casualty rating, Detroit doesn't seem to be a big threat in the playoffs. But with the right matchups (Nurgle can be a pain) and at least one overtime victory, the Lions may just mutate into a champion yet.
Predictions
Wild Card Round
(3) Lustriadelphia Pterosaurs 1 - 2 (6) Detroilet Sewer Lions
I'm not sure Lusty's coaches should be thrilled with this matchup. On one hand, they won't have to chase around blodgy elves all around the field. However, they're playing a team that can frustrate lizardmen's already shaky ball-handling. More importantly, Detroit can almost match up big-for-big already, but also has pestigors with horns that can get advantageous blitzes to break through a saurii line. In the end, Lusty has three saurii with just one skill, and maybe next year with more development (such as guard and break tackle), they'd win this game. However, we live in the present, and Detroit will be giving their fans something to cheer about in the future. [Try to not get confused by my time travel abilities]
(4) Carolina Black Panther Party 3 - 2 (5) Minnesota High Kings
A balls-to-the-wall strategy might even be more dangerous when you're a heavy underdog, even if your team is metaphorically only playing with one ball left (perhaps literally as well, but that's none of my business). The BPP has three players due back next week, but with the depleted roster as it is, they are lacking a little something. Luckily for them, they live and die trying to steal your balls; it's a perfect strategy for a team with nothing to lose and everything to gain. So despite the fact that the High Kings have the better team...despite the fact that the Kings on paper are just as adept at balling...despite the fact that they shouldn't have a chance in hell...despite the fact that I'm now second guessing myself...Carolina will seize a lot of balls in this game.
Divisional Round
(1) Green Ball Attackers 2 - 1 (6) Detroilet Sewer Lions
Ah yes, the search for redemption. It's one of the oldest stories in sports and even life itself. After winning their wildcard game, Detroit is both exhilarated by and fretting a game against their arch-rivals. As stated above, they have had little success against Green Ball historically, and I don't see this game being much different. Grue will be up to his froggy ways and frustrate the Lions all game, though it will be close the entire way.
(2) Seattle Werehawks 1 - 2 (OT) (4) Carolina Black Panther Party
Continuing the redemption theme, after somehow miraculously coming up with the under-elfed upset in the first round, Carolina meets up with a surprising Seattle team. Although they may be wearing different jerseys now, the BPP will see through the blue/green uniforms and recognize the Minnesota team that they lost to last year in the wildcard. [or in Jeffro's words, they "shit the bed" against]. With their three players back as reinforcements, Carolina is back to full-strength, barring any further injuries suffered in the playoff opener. Coach 'Fro will be on a mission to prove the doubters wrong not one, but two games in a row. Seize those balls!
Conference Championship
(1) Green Ball Attackers vs (4) Carolina Black Panther Party
The team with Ball in its name against the team with Balls in their motto; the NFC Championship will be a great matchup for the fans no matter what happens. On one side, you've got the proven championship experience and great X's and O's of the Grue. In the other corner, you'll find the proven insanity, iron-fisted, ball-seizing ways of the 'Fro. Both teams thrive off of creating turnovers, and neither is afraid of playing down a few bodies. It's highly likely this is actually a defensive struggle, where neither team can keep the ball safe as well as they'd like. Who will win out: the coaching excellence of Green Ball or the balls-y dice rolling of Carolina?
(1) Green Ball Attackers 2 - 1 (4) Carolina Black Panther Party
I've seized upon the upset picks so far, but I doubt that even Carolina can get away from the frogs long enough to spike the balls in the endzone. Sorry 'fro!
AFC Conference
Ah yes, the big boy conference. Not to poo-poo the NFC, but you need to sack up if you ever plan to survive the AFC playoffs in one piece, much less advance all the way through. We simply play a different style of blood bowl over here, though clearly the NFC has gotten the better of us in the Super Bowl (four of the last six). Still, to even get to the big game, one will likely have to face at least two of our big three staples: Chaos Dwarves, Nurgle, or Kryten. Let's look at which teams comprise the gauntlet this year:
1. Oakland Elf Raiders
Ah yes, the Raiders. They're certainly one of the more unique franchises in the AFC, seeking to try and win in a very different fashion than most of their conference rivals. The Raiders have managed to make the playoffs more often than not, but they've only managed to get to the conference championship once (and lost to Khemri in OT, of all things). This season, they've suffered through injuries to a lot of veterans, but still managed to elf their way to the AFC Best crown, thanks to a season finale win vs rival San Dogo. With a solid 4-2-1 record, a 13:6 TD ratio and a sad 9:23 CAS ratio, the Raiders do what they have to do and find ways to win. Oakland's playoff hopes may rest on the play of their two-way star, safety/running back Maurice Jones-Drew. Whether or not he, and the franchise itself, returns after this season is a topic for another day. [Might retire some vets and rebuild, might change races, might change cities. Who knows.]
2. Blitzburgh Seers
As I'm not familiar with the new Blitzburgh franchise (I swore Nico was still there...I'm really behind the times), I took a look at the roster that surprisingly won the AFC North. The only thing is, there isn't much of a roster left. As with any new franchise, but especially skaven, the Seers were hit hard by injuries during the season. They still managed to have a great campaign though, including a 4-1-1 record in the second half. I don't want to count out a team that has gutter rutters and inducements, but a 14:9 TD ratio leaves little faith in the defense, and a shocking 3:19 CAS ratio leaves even less faith in their ability to survive two halves of play. Granted, they may not need to if they're already up 2-0.
3. New Angryland Bulltrots
No surprises here, as New Angryland once again won the AFC Least, which has had arguably more yearly turnovers than Mark Sanchez. The loveable licker has taken advantage of this division year-in and year-out, beating them like a red-headed step child. Exactly like the IRL franchise he represents, however, just because they get a free pass to the playoffs doesn't mean they aren't a good team. In fact, New Angryland usually has one of the best rosters in the league. They finally managed to get over the hump of disappointing playoff losses and win the Super Bowl last season, though if it wasn't for a certain crazy writer constantly cursing the Bulltrots with silly predictions, they may very well have won several more by now. Regardless, the second half of the season has been disappointing for NA fans (however few there are), with a blah 3-2-2 record, a measly 9:7 TD ratio, and a lame 18:23 CAS ratio. So if there was ever a time to fall asleep on this team, now would be the perfect time.
But I won't fall for it! Prepare to be cursed again!!
Just kidding, keep on reading to see who I actually pick.
4. Tennesse Titanz
The surging Titanz managed to win the AFC South with a late season push that saw them defeat two fellow playoff contenders, Oakland and Indianapolis, in the final two games. The franchise has been around for quite some time, yet they've never been able to join other AFC stalwarts in the 'top tier'. However, it looks like this year they plan to simply kick the door down instead of knocking. A 4-2-1 record was bolstered by a solid 11:5 TD and 23:10 CAS ratio, respectively, over the second half. While the typical orc playbook has never brought a lot of NBFL playoff success historically, the Titanz look to be a handful for anyone that they meet on the pitch.
5. San Dogo Chompers
The Chompers have only lost two games all season, both coming to their arch-rivals. While similar to the IRL Cowboys in that regard, unlike Dallas, they won't have the luxury of a division title and a first round bye. Still, San Dogo is no stranger to the playoffs and looks to return to the Super Bowl once again, as they did in Season 8. Their stingy, well-coached defense only gave up five scores in seven games, but they suffered a whopping 29 injuries over that time. While the roster is pretty banged up, none of the injuries will keep them out of the wildcard matchup. Ultimately, this may be the most dangerous team in the entire playoffs, simply because whenever you think you're finally out of reach, coach Kryten says "hold my beer" and proceeds to turn on his admin client...er, I mean, proceeds to pull off bullshit plays...uh, rather, he somehow rolls 6,6,6 when he needs it most. Yeah, totally legit like.
6. Cincinatti Bludgeoners
Cincinatti was the first AFC team to win the Super Bowl in quite some time a few seasons ago, and they've simply been a power ever since they joined the league. Their methodical style, represented by their 3-2-1 record and 7:7 TD ratio over the second half, isn't that stellar for the regular season. But once they get into the playoffs, boy, there's no safer bet [unless I pick them], as evidenced by their 31:10 CAS ratio. Even if they barely average one score per 16 turns, it doesn't matter to Cinci because they can simply win in overtime when you don't have enough players left to stop them. Plus, good luck scoring on them; in 13 games this season, only three have managed to score more than once, and five were shut-out. If Cinci has to win every game 1-0 in OT, they won't have any problem doing so.
Predictions
Wild Card Round
(3) New Angryland Bulltrots 0 - 1 (6) Cincinatti Bludgeoners
Fun fact of the day: the winner of this matchup in the playoffs has gone onto the Super Bowl each of the last three years, with two trophies to show for it. New Angryland has had issues with this matchup in season 14 and season 15, before finally breaking through last season. Although it may have been ultimately unavoidable, this is the matchup that the Bulltrots least wanted, and it's easy to see why. Cinci is near impossible to score on, and their key players can possibly regenerate from any injuries suffered; thus a key NA strategy to gain the numbers edge is theoretically neutralized. As much as I want to curse licker, I'll leave his fate in his own hands this time; it should be a hell of a game that way.
(4) Tennesse Titanz 1 - 2 (5) San Dogo Chompers
Orcs vs Humans, the classic blood bowl matchup. These two teams met earlier this year, resulting in a 1-1 tie. The Chomper's can't afford to face 20 more blocks and 5 extra fouls than they inflict, but there likely aren't a lot of options for mere mortal men to chose from. It will be up to Coach K to pick and choose his battles carefully, and then roll the 6's necessary to pull off the one game-changing play he needs to get out of Tennesee with a W.
Divisional Round
(1) Oakland Elf Raiders 0 - 1 (6) Cincinatti Bludgeoners
While I'm surprised as you are that Oakland ended up with the top seed in the AFC, its just one of those years without a dominant team in the conference. In fact, this may be the closest cluster of teams in playoff history, as you could make a decent case for almost any of the six. Naturally, things come down to matchups, and just like New Angryland, Oakland's coaches are less than thrilled about this matchup. Nurgle specialize in defense, and they can easily disrupt the Raider's efforts to move the ball around. They'll likely be unable to punch many, if any, holes through the sturdy Bludgeoners line while on offense, and it's even less likely that they'll ever get close to the ball carrier when on defense. Try as they might, the Raiders will get no further than their luck will take them. And against a team as good as Cincinatti, luck won't be enough.
(2) Blitzburgh Seers 1 - 2 (5) San Dogo Chompers
The Seers have had a great opening campaign under their new management, but after being the hunted in the wild card, the Chompers will turn into the hunters in the divisional round. Coach K will be prepared for the ball-theft capabilities and likely wizard intervention from Blitzburgh, and while his team might bend a little bit, they won't break. Instead, they'll methodically wear down the rats and march down the field, eating up clock and any chance the Seers have of winning.
Conference Championship
(5) San Dogo Chompers vs (6) Cincinatti Bludgeoners
While some of you may be surprised to see both wildcard entrants in the conference championship game, you have to remember two things: 1) many top-2 seeded teams have lost their first game throughout NBFL history, and 2) the AFC has a lot of good, but no 'great' teams. Thus two of the better coaches will emerge from the pack, after fighting through stalwarts Oakland and New Angryland, plus up-and-comers Tennessee and Blitzburgh. How much both teams have left in the tank could be the key after two tough matchups, and it's likely that it will take more than sixteen turns to decide this epic clash.
(5) San Dogo Chompers 1 - 2 (OT) (6) Cincinatti Bludgeoners
I've seen my fair share of Kryten miracles pulled off (hell, he nearly chained a player next to my ball carrier from four squares away last game), but against a team with three players that stand firm and five with a disturbing presence, I predict that Coach K will come up one dice-roll short of a key chain-push that he needs to steal this game.
Super Bowl 18
Green Ball Attackers vs Cincinatti Bludgeoners
Shame on you if you thought the redemption theme wouldn't be revisited at least one more time in this article. If you recall, these two teams met in Super Bowl 15, where Green Ball won their third championship whilst simultaneously thwarting Cincinatti's bid to be the first team to ever go back-to-back. While the top NFC seed may seem to be a heavy favorite over the bottom AFC seed, it's been established above that the Bludgeoners are the team that no one wants to face. I could go into a long-winded analysis of casualties, player matchups, film study, potential inducements, and a host of other factors. But there's one simply factor that I'm basing my prediction on: they don't have Woodson.
Prediction
Green Ball Attackers 0 - 1 Cincinatti Bludgeoners
Certainly not to be confused with the first or second versions that Oakland employed, the legendary Charles Woodson literally carried Green Ball to three championships to some degree. He is arguably the most accomplished player in NBFL history, and if you actually read the match report in the Season 15 super bowl matchup above (no I won't link it again), the deciding difference in that game was the play of Mr. Woodson, as told by Grue himself. And while this son of a bitch may have learned a few things from Charles while playing alongside him, the Bludgeoners will find a way to contain the frogs and grind out a victory in the Super Bowl.
Super Bowl 18 Winner: Cincinatti Bludgeoners
I hope that everyone enjoyed the latest version of the world-famous, always entertaining, Ex-Con's Playoff Preview! Remember to go place your bets now, because these predictions will be our most accurate yet! [guaranteed not to be accurate or your money back] |
_________________
Part of the NCBB and the NBFL.
Don't drop the soap. |
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Sutherlands
Joined: Aug 01, 2009
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| Posted:
Dec 31, 2016 - 03:34 |
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This will be your most accurate article yet! |
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mrt1212
Joined: Feb 26, 2013
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| Posted:
Dec 31, 2016 - 03:45 |
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Edit: Nevermind, Im high. |
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