Grotty Little Newspaper Issue 2 - November 16, 2503
FUMBBL Focus
Admin Corner
p.9
by Christer
Informing you of the work behind the scenes on the Web site.
How to create a new roster
p.10
by m0nty
Dos and don'ts about dreaming up new Blood Bowl races.
FUMBBL Match of the Week
p.11
by the NBC Commentators
An epic tragedy played out in a rookie match between orcs and halflings.
Vocal Population
p.12
by Cederlund
FUMBBL personalities talk about their mummies.
Grum's Grudging Grumbles
p.13
by Uncle Grum
Words of wisdom and astute advice.
Group/Tournament Reports
Classifieds
p.15
Display Advertisement
p.14
Obituaries/Valedictories
GLN info
p.18
FUMBBL Logo Competition
![](\"/files/GLN/general/foul_book2.jpg\")
GLN studies the art of fouling.
News & Views
Tales From the Locker Room Chapter 1
p.2
by Gorritakid
The Sad and True Tale of BLOODKILLERMACHO
Investigative journalism special
p.3
by The Eye
Cult of Kuffarooh revealed
Under the Bowl
p.4
by m0nty
GLN meets the real villains of Blood Bowl: referees.
Gobbo Powah
p.5
by Chickenbrain
Star Open Gobbo Interviews Star factions Gobbo
Team Tactics
Fans Count!
p.6
by Cusi
Why fan support is so important for a Blood Bowl team.
To play, perchance to feast
p.7
by Freak in a Chef's Frock
The secret for a successful recipe to victory for 'flings!
A Foul Family Tradition
p.8
by Christer
The critical art of fouling discussed in detail.
Tales From the Locker Room Chapter 1
Chapter I: Bunch of pansies!
The Horrible and Sad Tale of BLOODKILLERMACHO
You are about to witness a historic moment, you pathetic little men. BLOODKILLERMACHO has arrived at FUMBBL and he is going to connect to the IRC channel for the very first time. He has already activated his account and has created his first team, the BLOODKILLERMACHO'S BLOODKILLERMACHOS. A Chaos team with 0 rerolls and FF 1, of course.
The time has come to teach those puny little coaches how real BLOOD Bowl is played. The time has come to crush, maim and mutilate a bunch of pansies, the time has come to... have some dinner, mum is calling. Little Carlton goes down to have his dinner with an evil grin on his face. "You are living on borrowed time, pansies."
Back in front of his computer, BLOODKILLERMACHO knows- he knows - that this is going to be a memorable night. He is so gonna own the channel. Carlton is a hardened veteran from battle.net and other similar sites, he knows all the tricks in the book.
Here we go. Focus, Carlton.
Feel the power of the twinkies.
He is in. Wow, lots of peeps in there. Better for him, he will own them all. He decides to greet them in an appropriate way: "HELLO, WEAKLINGS. I'M NEW HERE AND I'M GONNA OWN YOU ALL. YOU MAY BOW BEFORE ME NOW. BLOODKILLERMACHO!!!" Little Carlton types with caps because he is important. BLOODKILLERMACHO also ends his sentences always with a dot to add weight to his statements.
After a few seconds some puny guys reply to him. "Drop those caps" is mentioned twice. One guy swats him with a rotten halibut. Heh. "The halibut swinger must be a Canadian or something," Carlton thinks to himself. Some other peep threatens to kick him off the channel if he keeps up like this.
Lamers! .
YOU CAN'T TELL BLOODKILLERMACHO WHAT TO DO, LAMERS, FOR HE IS A GOD AMONG INSECTS IN THIS CHANNEL.! There, that will show them.
Mmmmm, he must have pressed the wrong button, the channel is not there anymore. He joins again and that same peep immediately addresses him and tells him he will also ban him next time. What?? Carlton is shocked. This... this... little worm dared to kick the mighty BLOODKILLERMACHO out of the channel? He will suffer for this. Oh, how will he suffer for this. He decides to use his quick wit together with his BLACKDOOM script to show him who is he playing with.
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Two weeks have passed since that night, and BLOODKILLERMACHO is ready to make his triumphant return. He has double checked the IRC channel and the ban seems to be over at last. He has decided to change his IRC approach after his first attempt. He will become a silent and deadly hunter. Let those bigmouthed lamers be his prey, he will show them all on the pitch. The time has come, the streets are no longer safe. There is a new predator out there, and he is listening to Britney Spears' new album. (He thinks it is not as good as the first one, of course, but still... he has already memorized the lyrics. They really touch his heart.)
In the following weeks BLOODKILLERMACHO goes on a Blood Bowl rampage all over the FUMBBL community. He builds up several teams, flames some lamers in the forum when they start moaning about excessive bashing and fouling, and takes his BLOODKILLERMACHO'S BLOODKILLERMACHOS to legend status after reaching their fiftieth match. He has crushed, maimed and mutilated more than three hundred players, and he was even able to score. Twice!!!
He is ready to take on one of the most famous basher teams around, the Deathgerbils Revenge. The challenge has been dispatched and accepted, and the game is about to start. Carlton has prepared himself perfectly for this game.
He proceeds to inspect the troops. Assistant coaches! Mr. Doritos? Ready! Mr. Marshmellow? Ready! Mr. And Ms. Bigmac? Ready and waiting, sir! Medical staff! Apothecary Pepsi? Ready, sir! Cheerleader staff! First cheerleader Jenna Jameson? Ready and hot, sir! Just hit alt+tab at any time, sir!
Good. Nothing can go wrong now.
And the game starts...
______________________________________________________________
After a week of psychological treatment there only remains one gap in Carlton's memories covering those 74 minutes, and he feels well for the most part. He still has bad dreams sometimes, though, and those times he will wake up bathed in sweat and will only remember a shrill voice yelling, "Pikachu, I choose you!" Why? He doesn't know, as he will never understand why, during the rest of his life, he will sense a warm liquid coming down his leg every time he hears the word Enjoyment.
But BLOODKILLERMACHO has recovered and he seeks revenge, now! He has learned the lesson and from now on he will not play any basher team until the BLOODKILLERMACHOS have fully recovered. During the next few days he mercilessly harrasses coaches to play him with their soft teams, and slowly he restores his favourite team to its original strength and above! This time ALL his skills are killer ones, he won't suffer another beating. He has also learned to smell the easy prey in the IRC channel, to the point that he does not even need to check their teams any more. By just listening to how they express themselves and maybe taking a look at their coach pic, he detects weaklings with his foolproof intuition. More victims for the master hunter.
For example, take that guy with an oriental nick, Wuhan. He just said he never fouls and he never gives his players hurting skills. That inmediately raises BLOODKILLERMACHO's attention. He decides to look at his coach pic and sees he is... he is dressed as a pirate! Carlton bursts into laughter within his room. "Oh my oh my oh my, this is gonna be fun," he thinks to himself. Quick as lightning, he queries the poor peep and issues a formal challenge, slapping him with a virtual glove.
"Arrr?" answers the puny little guy. Carlton literally falls off his chair laughing. The guy even talks like a pirate! He can't believe his luck, this is going to be the best game ever! Carlon quickly alt+tabs to tell Jenna about it. An excited smile brightens the look in her eyes. After the game, my lady. After the game. She understands, of course.
OK, BLOODKILLERMACHO is ready to kill. Bring it on, Wuhan!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now Carlton lives in a mental hospital. At first, the doctors thought he would be able to recover again. He even went back to live at home for some days, but that didn't help. During the days that followed he slowly discovered that Wuhan had somehow managed to utterly kill not only his BLOODKILLERMACHO'S BLOODKILLERMACHOS in that match, but also all his other FUMBBL teams, his level 92 Diablo 2 hardcore barbarian, his Star Wars Galaxies wookie Jedi and his beloved Everquest alter ego, Princess Pinklace. After that, he was found under his bed in a fetal position and obsessively sucking his thumb.
Carlton is mostly happy during the day thanks to an insane amount of drugs, but when night comes, pocket monsters dressed as pirates haunt his dreams. He can't help but collapse every time he sees dice. The doctors think he is not dangerous in his current condition and there even is a small chance of recovering after years of therapy and experimental drugs. So don't think you are forever safe, my fellow FUMBBLers, for one day BLOODKILLERMACHO may return and hunt your teams when you least expect it!
Pikachu, I choose you! Arrr!
GLN investigative journalism special!
Cult of Kuffarooh revealed!
by The Eye
There is more going on in FUMBBL than we know. One of our reporters has infiltrated a secret organisation located inside FUMBBL called The Cult of Kuffarooh. Because this cult is extremely secret and potentially dangerous, we are hiding his name and calling him just The Eye to keep his cover. The following is his report on what he has found out about this cult.
![](\"http://fumbbl.com/files/GLN/home/peikko/cult.jpg\")
First of all, to get into the cult you need to be invited by someone. You will never know
the true identies of fellow members, not even the one who invited you. The cult has its own secret
Web pages where everyone uses false names to keep their true identities secret. It is rumoured that there are even admin- and monkey-class members involved, but nothing is sure.
After someone has invited you to join the cult, you will be contacted briefly and you are told
to carry out a test mission. In my case, I received an email from a bogus address
containing the details of my mission, and was told that I would be contacted if I was successful. If I was not successful, I would never hear from the cult again.
So, my mission was to play one of the most violent coaches with his most violent team (I cannot tell the names or I will blow my cover) and kill one of his players in the match. Somehow I managed to do that, although my team was totally killed but somehow I managed to land an 8+ foul on one of his players and with a little help from Lady Luck and his apo failing, I did what I had to.
Not more than one hour after the game, I received an email from another bogus address with instructions on how to access the Cult's own Web pages, and with my own secret name on it. Logging in to the site, I found the rules from the main page:
The Rules of The Cult of Kuffarooh.
1st RULE: You do not talk about The Cult of Kuffarooh.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about The Cult of Kuffarooh.
3rd RULE: If someone sends you a challenge, you have to take it.
4th RULE: If you can make a kill, make it.
5th RULE: If there is a free challenge, you must try to succeed.
6th RULE: If you see Mnemon, kick his butt.
7th RULE: You DO NOT talk about The Cult of Kuffarooh.
The club has a list of challenges that will give you more respect, and maybe in the future give you a higher rank in the cult. I think the current list is for lowest level only, and there might be bigger challenges later. I don't yet know what kind of challenges there will be at higher levels, but here is a couple from the list to give you a picture of what there is:
- Tero "Perkele" Kokko must die!
- You must out-foul Wuhan in a game.
- You must make Deathgerbils Revenge concede a game.
There's just a handful from the list. I will try to reveal more from the cult now that I'm a member of it
and will write more in future issues of Grotty Little Newspaper. I'm just bit worried what will happen if I get caught, but this is what a reporter must do.
Under the Bowl - Hubert Hornblower
by m0nty (ghost-writing for Herald O. Riviera)
Greetings again, it's GLN's roving reporter Herald O. Riviera for the second time, in GLN's continuing series of interviews with the real people behind Blood Bowl - the officials. Through the first of these chats, with bootstudder Halfmoon Proudfoot, you got a taste for the colourful scenes in the changerooms before a big match. But what about the other side of the game - the black and white side?
Our interviewee this issue is Hubert Hornblower, one of the main referees for the FUMBBL organisation. He has overseen many top games, including FUMBBL Cup finals and many clashes between famous teams. He is extremely old for a human - he does not reveal his true age, but it is estimated to be between 67 and 259 by various scribes. He is known to the fans as "One-Eye", for a variety of reasons - mostly because each and every fan believes he's biased against their team, but also for persistent rumors that he actually has only one working eye. We asked him to set the record straight.
GLN: Mr Hornblower, welcome to GLN, it's lovely to see you in the flesh.
HH: I wish I could say the same.
GLN: I'm sorry, have we offended you in some way?
HH: No no no, I mean I can't see you. Get closer boy, the light is bad in here.
GLN: Oh, I see.
HH: Do you? Better than me sonny. Now then, ask me some questions.
GLN: Erm... alright then. How long have you been a referee?
HH: As far back as I can remember, which is a long way. Waaaay back. I mean waaaaay back boy, do you know what I'm gettin' at? A long, long time ago. I remember back to when Grot Teef were just a li'l varmint in the mud pit, and I was there when the Grotty Little Wankers were just starting out. I could never tell them apart... every one of them seems to be called Smelly Git or Worthless Git or something. Whenever one of them did something bad I'd just give the nearest Git my red card up the jacksie.
GLN: Can you remember the first player you ever sent off?
HH: Sure, just as if it was yesterday. Oh no, I'm thinking of the one I sent off yesterday, that's not it. I think it was some skeleton beating up on an elf from the Deepwood Warpstars, something like that... You never can trust them undead fellers.
GLN: Why do they call you One-Eye?
HH: Well, that's a story, that is. I've always had what ye might call a wand'rin eye, if you know what I mean... no, don't get that look on yer face boy, I don't mean an eye for the ladies. Although I've never struggled on that front either... now look boy, don't be rollin' yer eyes at me you young whippersnapper, I've forgotten more than you'll ever know about the art of seduction. The players aren't the only ones who score off the pitch too, you know.
GLN: I'm sure, sir. About your eye?
HH: Yes yes, I was gettin' to that. Well, one day I got sick of my lazy eye, and decided to go to one of them apothecaries to get it looked into, so to speak. Unfortunately, I chose to go to the apothecary who works for the Terrifying Anarchists of Naggaroth. She told me he'd fix me up good and proper if I just breathed into this bag, so I did, and several days later I woke up with my one good eye replaced by some sort of magic eye!
GLN: Magic? Oh no!
* * * Did you know...
![](\"http://fumbbl.com/files/GLN/home/m0nty/ref2_gln2.png\") The fans of some teams are so convinced that the referees are against their beloved players that they consult practitioners of voodoo arts before important games to put hexes and curses on particular officials. This custom came to a head during a recent game when a referee spotted a foul being committed by a member of the Deathgerbils Revenge. When he opened his mouth to blow his whistle, he found that all he could do was sing the club's theme song in a high-pitched voice - much to the delight of the Revenge fans, who promptly formed a two-part harmony. The referee quit in disgrace and is now part of a barbershop quartet which tours the wastelands as a support act to popular beastman musical group The Rolling Bouldaz.
HH: I don't know how that darn witch elf doctor did it, but she uttered some horrid incantation over the eye of some poor dead sod, and implanted it where my own eye used to be!
GLN: How is it magic?
HH: I only found out later that the eye had some peculiar properties. Its previous owner didn't see so good, so sometimes it can't see a darn thing no matter how many fouls are committed on the pitch, but other times the magic comes good and I see everything down to the hidden daggers and bombs those pesky gobbos keep trying to sneak on. Sometimes I even see dead people!
GLN: Really?
HH: Well, that's usually when an undead team is playing.
GLN: I see. Are there any other effects?
HH: I found out a very special property of my magic eye one day. You know how the commentators often say that after a coach tells his players to foul, the referee has "got his eye on you" for the rest of the half? I found out that I could actually take my magic eye out of my head and stick it on the shoulder of particularly nasty coaches so I can see what they're doing... so I really do I have my eye on them!
GLN: Amazing. So are there particular coaches that you keep a close watch on?
HH: I try to treat everyone equally, but there are some coaches who are repeat offenders. Wuhan is one coach who "offends mine eye" a lot, and we've had many run-ins over the years. There is a new coach who's beginning to get a reputation for himself, though.
GLN: Oh? Who's that?
HH: This young kid calls himself Neal. He's fast becoming the all time fouling champion, although he's not very good at it. Plus he draws attention to himself by the constant stream of abuse he shouts from the sidelines at the opposing coach. My arm gets tired during his games from flipping red cards.
GLN: Has he ever criticised you personally?
HH: Neil criticises everyone, especially when he's arguing the call as he has to do every game. He told me my grandmother couldn't kick a goblin with army boots on. He said I was the illegitimate offspring of a witch elf and a nurgling. So I sent him off as well, but for the rest of the game I heard his abuse from the stands, some of it still directed at me - he told me to stick my magic eye some place from which only detailed surgical procedures could extract it. You've got to give the kid some credit, he does have stamina.
GLN: Some fans accuse you of being too hard on teams who bend the rules a bit. What do you say to your critics?
HH: FUMBBL is all about fair play and having fun. Plus, aren't those red cards pretty to look at?
GLN: Some have also accused you in the past of taking bribes in key games to look the other way when some fouls are committed. What do you say to that?
HH: I may not have the highest wages in FUMBBL compared to most of the players, but I can say with my hand on my heart that my collection of ancient Nuffle memorabilia was gained through entirely honourable means.
GLN: So there's no truth to the rumour that coaches can buy you out with the promise of acquiring a rare heirloom item of historical significance?
HH: None whatsoever. However, if any kind souls do have some keepsakes they would be willing to part with, I can be reached through my agent, M. P. Nobbler.
GLN: Do you have anything to say to the impressionable young fans of FUMBBL?
HH: Winners don't use daggers.
GLN: Be with us next issue when we interview another quiet achiever of Blood Bowl. Herald O. Riviera reporting for GLN.
Gobbo Powah
Famous star Copper
from Chemical
Reaction interviewed Kikkit from
Stunted Green Machine.
Copper: 'ello Kickit.
Kikkit: 'ello Missur Copper.
Copper: I'fe 'eard zome rumurz 'bout yar rizing team!
Kikkit: We wuz rizin fazt, we waz.
Copper: Cood ya pleze ixplain whoot 'appened?
Kikkit: We waz beatin the big uns, the lille uns and even the ded big uns.
We waz fazt we waz quicks and we waz ded dirty.
***Kikkit grins cheekily***
Copper: All for the famili, of corze?
Kikkit: Yeah, we start'd off slow we did.
Copper: Rumorz are that ya bribed the refz to get relegated that fazt.
Kikkit: Hehe, du ref werent bribed, 'e waz freatened.
Copper: How waz it pozible to rize into faktion one wiv only 4 winz?
![](\"http://fumbbl.com/files/GLN/Ads/gobbo%20gobstoppers.jpg\") Kikkit: Ahhh.. ***scratching his head*** ya see, they was such good winz, we beats the umies, we beatz dut pointy dwarfz, and zo we waz raized up to
duh 2nd wun. Then we unleashed our bestest gobbos: Duh Flingit
and
Thrillit.
They was greatest gobbos me ever seen, 'cept you and Missur 'elmut o' course.
(Yeah, there 'e bootlicked me... I almost trusted 'im, but he should 'ave
mentioned Bucky-T
of Ship o'Foolz)
Copper: The Chemical Reaction has followed your rize and fall, and we all swore
revenge.
***Kikkit sniffles a little***
Kikkit: We wuz robbd by dirty ded men, they killed Missur Thrillit.
*** Copper waves into the back at
'elium and
whizperd zome wizhez for food into hiz ear.***
Kikkit: Dey had a wight who hitz Missur Thrillit so 'ard 'e waz out of thiz lille land an we wizn't 'appy but we woz held back by our fanz.
*** Kikkit breaks down sobbing***
*** Helium returns with a plate of steaming elf hearts to snack on***
Copper: Juzt keep on, one ear is alwayz listening
Kikkit: It waz duh who killed our most famouz gobbo, 'e picked up Flingit, 'e
dod and poor duh got confused an he ruddy ate Flingit. And so we lozt uz two
beztezt gobboz.
Copper: Time to give up...?
Kikkit: Not in thiz lifez, we doezn't!
***Kikkit gobbles elf hearts two at a time***
Copper: Whatz the goal of yar team, whatz the real meaning?
Kikkit: We wuz 'ere to winz but now wez gonna kill an hurtz an run around
lotzez.
Copper: Goblin Nation thougt of beein in firzt faction.
Kikkit: Did theyz? Bah, theyz couldnt take it 'ere - it's for the big, ish wunz.
Copper: One kinda obviouz point is the lack of fanz. Whatz up, why iz your team
not one who is loved?
Kikkit: We just 'as to keeps du fans out cos they can be a bit louds and me
must say we doesnt like loud noises means we can tellz when duh enemies is
sneaking up on usses.
Copper: Fanz is important, let em all in!
Kikkit: Well meez betters be off, me az to finds some more of duh gobboz to
play for uz.
***Kikkit looks uncomfortable discussing fans and standz to leave***
Copper: One lazt queztion, iz there zomething you'd like to do, like playing for real famouz
teamz Ship O' Foolz or Chemical Reaction?
***Long pause and hope flickers in kickit's eyes then they dim to their normal dull red***
Kikkit: Nahz, me likez dis team. Byez!
***Kikkit shoves az many elf hearts az pozible into 'is 'ollow crutchez***
Copper: Zee ya zoon on tha pitch.
Fans Count!
Fan factor seems to be a misunderstood Blood Bowl stat by many rookies here at FUMBBL. Fan factor is essential to having a well-built team. Starting with a high fan factor is very important to having a long running team. Fans' monetary contributions help the team in almost every way. Money brings better coaches (more rerolls), more talent in the form of new players, cagey stars for that must-win game, wizards to assist you with a handy spell and sometimes can win you a match when your rabid, intoxicated fans invade the pitch and attack the opposing the team!
A good example of a team not in it for the long haul is a Chaos team right out of the chaos waste with no chain of disgusting mutants in support. These poor Chaos teams usually suffer the most from low fan factor. As they trundle out of the waste, four unskilled chaos warriors and seven beastmen strong with no apothecary, these sad teams are derided and laughed at by Blood Bowl fans the Old World over. As the stands get filled by the opposing team's fans, often one lonely mom sits by herself in the corner of the stands to cheer on her son who gave his soul to Slaanesh for his supernatural strength. These teams often have horrible coaching (0 rerolls) and can not run a play to take a life let alone do something simple like pick up the ball! Often enough the loss of a few beastmen early on will spell the doom of this team, as the more affluent and popular Chaos teams snap up the best beastman talent while this team is stuck with the pennies they earn after each match. As attrition sets in and mutants are lost faster then they can be replaced, these doomed Chaos teams quietly retire back to the waste with all thoughts of Blood Bowl glory lost.
Teams starting in well populated places like Praag in Kislev have a good jumpstart and a chance of going a long way. Their loyal fans support their team and often 61,000+ fans will show up for the team's first official match. This builds a team into a strong contender quickly, as the coveted position players are snatched up and added to the team's arsenal. Though deaths may depress some fans, they know that a star's death will not cause the downfall of a team due to the solid fiscal base the team has in their fans! Also, glorious stars that freeboot from game to game have a better chance of showing up in their home team's stadium at any time due to this cash flow. This adds to the Blood Bowl excitement by allowing the fans to see a true Blood Bowl legend in action! Well do I remember the time I saw the Greenfield Grasshuggers stroll into town with Morg and Deeproot. Sadly all that was left on the field by the end of the match were Morg and Deeproot but man, that was a good bloody match! I still have the embalmed head that I pulled off a 'fling that landed next to me in the stands, and I show it to my grandkids and neighbors frequently!
The lesson is this: a serious head coach who wishes to go on to glory and win the coveted FUMBBL Cup, the most glorious Blood Bowl prize in the Old World, will not overlook his fan base! A canny coach will look for a well populated area to start his recruiting and get a lot of homegrown talent on his team. This may mean starting with less polished position players out of the various Blood Bowl schools, but it means that people will go to see the game! Whether it's 50,000 mutants following around a group of beastmen out of the waste or the famous Chemical Reaction Tribe that isn't just a goblin team but a goblin nation, a high stable fan factor ensures a team's longevity and how competitive they are!
The Recipe for Fling Success
Head Coach Or Head Chef?
Many coaches scoff at us: the few, the insane, the coaches of stunty teams in Open division. They believe our teams are an easy bash. Well i just scoff - scoff cakes, pies, you name it! The Rumbling Tums always prepare the post-game feast before the match, and since there are normally fewer players around at the end of the match to eat it, the lucky living halflings get to eat their fallen comrade's share. After the famous Tummleton incident i have banned players eating before all the others arrive. He used to sneak off the pitch the first turn every game, apparently badly hurt. We soon became suspicious, and our suspicions were confirmed - he was faking it to get to the cookies first!
It is amazing what some halflings will do to get out of playing as much of the game as possible. I have had more than one player try to hide in the forest with Lightning Roots. He normally tosses them back onto the pitch. If they are lucky they even land on their feet! For halflings, a match seems to be a race to get a niggling injury. A niggled player can sit out of the game and still get their share of the food. I do insist that they still turn up, as I don't want anymore villages running out of food as the Tums tour through.
Despite halflings' lowly stature, coaches still use underhanded tactics to try and win. On one occasion the opposing coach spread the rumour that free cookies were being handed out in the KO section of the dugout. Well before you could say "Oi me 'ead", eight of the little buggers had come off the pitch "KOd" to check it out. Needless to say the other team scored, at which point they all vacated the room, complaining loudly about how the coach of Khorne's Army of Destruction had lied to them about the cookies.
* * * Did you know...
![](\"http://fumbbl.com/files/GLN/home/m0nty/halfling3.png\") Stunty players in Blood Bowl teams whose coach reads from the Throw Team Mate playbook (called How To Fling Friends And Injure People) normally live in fear of being eaten by the really hungry big guy on their team, but halflings are different. Some of the more dim-witted ogres who have been hired to play on halfling teams have witnessed so many herculean feats of gastronomic indulgence by their miniscule team-mates that they can hardly sleep before game days, paralysed with the thought that their little colleagues might develop the munchies before the game and see their ogre pal as a nice late snack with a bottle of chianti. For this reason, it is rumoured that ogres on 'fling teams will soon leave their positions forever, glad to be rid of the horrifying thought of ending up in some halfling chef's cauldron as an hors d'oeuvre.
Many people say that the Rumbling Tums are a one man team, and I say poppycock, i would never call Lightning Roots one man. There is an ongoing debate as to whether treeman are worth the effort, but the sheer terror that ol' Roots causes when he finally decides to get on the pitch is worth the admission fee alone. Causing over one hundred and twenty casualties, all with good old fashioned punching, and none of that laying on people malarky, he really is a force of nature.
It's not all doom and gloom though. More and more fans are attracted to our unique style and half time snacks. As my brave halflings stroll onto the pitch you can see the fans' chests swell with pride in the stands as the famous Rumbling Tums anthem rings out around the stadium, just before the other team rips them all apart.
"They're Small, They're Round
You can Bounce Them on the Ground
The Rumbling Tums, The Rumbling Tums
Can't run, Can't Pass
Can't even kick some Ass
The Rumbling Tums, The Rumbling Tums"
A Foul Family Tradition.
<!--Card [dugal.jpg] Dugal McSpear, 6 3 3 8 7, Dirty Player-->
Ah, my son - As you know, our family has a long history of great Blood Bowl players. This legacy stretches from your great, great,
great, great grandfather Angus "Boot" McSpear to me. Now I'm handing down the
torch to you, son, so take a seat and let me tell you about the secrets of our family's fame.
These boots I'm holding are the ones old Boot himself brought back home from
Lustria just before he decided to start a Blood Bowl career for himself. Now, now. Don't be so eager son.
There are some things I have to tell you about before you strap them on.
There is one rule that you must follow:
Never, under any circumstances, wear the boots without the intention of using them on the pitch!
For generations, our family has uses these boots to their best potential and I will
now pass the knowledge to you just like my father did with me.
Foul at the start of the game
Use the first opportunity you get - at the start of the game - to plant your boot in the face of
a suitable opponent. Most of the time the referee will not pay attention to the first foul of the game so chances
are you will get away with it. An added benefit of this strategy is that you will strike fear into
the opposing team, showing them how this game should be played!
Foul as soon as possible in the second half
As above, this will take the referee by surprise and chances are he won't react quickly enough letting you get away with it!
Foul if your team has intimidated the referee
Ah, this is the golden opportunity. With the referee intimidated into silence you can foul
to your hearts content! Eventually, your opponents will start sweating if you just glance at them.
Foul if you outnumber your opponents
With few opponents on the pitch, you will be able to take the advantage of having your team mates
cover up and even help you with the foul. The opponents will most likely be lying on the ground
even more than usual so there will be many places to stick it in! I suggest picking the one with
as little armour as possible to ensure success!
* * * Did you know...
The most popular theme anthem in history is "These boots were made for fouling" which is still
on the top 10 lists in Bretonnia after a staggering 7 years since it was originally released!
Foul if your team is outnumbered
Oh, they managed to take out a few of your team mates? Use the anger you're feeling and focus it
to the boots! With luck, you will even out the odds a bit.
Foul if your team is winning
There are few things that celebrate a victory better than a well placed boot! Not only has your
opponent lost the game, they can only watch in despair as their team crumbles to dust!
Foul if you're losing the game
Focus your disappointment and take it out on that one lineman your team managed to gang up on.
This will not win you the game, but that fuzzy feeling of seeing a smashed down player being
dragged off the pitch will make up for it.
Foul to retaliate
Did your opponent have the guts to foul a player on your team? How dare they?! Make sure that
you retaliate quick and hard. If you can, pick the one who fouled your friend.
Foul if the ref is not watching
Keep close track of the referee. If his attention is not on you, make sure you take advantage
of this and foul the closest available opponent!
Foul if the ref is watching you
Just to keep your opponents on their toes, make sure you foul when the referee is watching
from time to time. Show him who's in charge, but make sure you have a few blockers around
to intimidate the referee into not ejecting you from the pitch.
And always remember the words of our family theme song, written by Boot's daughter Britney:
Oops! I did it again
I planted my foot, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops! I think I got caught
And got sent from the pitch
I'm not that innocent
Admin Corner
As most of you probably know the biggest change on the site has been the ISP change. The actual switch was fairly
easy and quick but there have been some small glitches leading to the site going down for a few hours. Unfortunately,
there seems to be a problem in the route between the new location of the server and a particular german ISP (T-Online)
and it seems persistent as well. I have spent quite a bit of time together with ChickenBrain trying to find exactly
where the problem lies and I've also been in contact with my ISP's support team (obviously, they say that the problem
is not on their network). If anyone from networks other than T-Online is having problems accessing the site
(consistently more than 20 seconds to load a page) I would like to know about it. Send me an on-site PM or catch me
on the IRC.
The faction division is on the whole running along just fine. I haven't seen any storms of one particular style of
teams in the top faction so it seems to be fairly balanced on that regard. The only problem I see now is that people
tend to have a hard time finding games to play - In particular in the lower factions. To battle this, the structure
of the factions is changing a bit, creating a large group of teams instead of levels 4 and 5. We are also moving to
a biweekly schedule with at most 8 games allowed and at least 4 games to avoid being relegated. This should make it
easier to "get started" in the factions.
If the difficulties of finding games persists, I will see to it that other measures are put into place to improve
this situation. One possibility is to divide the factions into timezones, allowing teams to select "American",
"European" or "either" preference. Another option is to allow cross-level playing, so that teams in 2a can play
against opponents from 2b and similarly for the level 3 factions. Again, these ideas are only possibilities and
I will run it as stated above for a while to see how it turns out.
After conferring with caileanhawk regarding a tournament he was running I decided to try to implement a new
tournament format: Last man standing. This format will be a free-form tournament where players can play against
anyone who is an active participant. The coach of a team (or the tournament organizer) can at any point choose
to deactivate their team. This might also happen automatically based on some constraints (for example, the losing
team gets deactivated) if the tournament is set up that way. This progresses until there is only one active team
which is designated the winner of the tournament.
Related to this issue is a slight change in the rules: From now on, DivT teams may play more than once in a row
against the same opponent. There was simply no reason to restrict this in the tournament division, so we changed it.
I expect to have the above format running before the next issue of GLN, or at least running as a closed test.
On my "long term to do list", I have progression options for tournaments / groups. The idea is that the tournament
organizer should be able to choose between various alternatives for progression. For example, wanting the tournament
to run without progression (like how the ladder division works at the moment), with a one-skill-per-game like some
tabletop tournaments do or standard progression according to the LRB. Obviously, this will create a whole range
of problems to be solved which is why the idea is still on the planning stage.
And with that, I conclude the admin corner for this issue. Catch you all next time!
How to create a new roster
Every so often someone on FUMBBL will get bored with the current list of playable races, and think they can do better by creating a new race. There are a number of common misconceptions about this process.
The first myth is that if you submit a new race which you think is cool, and if people like it, then the FUMBBL admins should add it to the list of playable races. This is not possible in most cases. FUMBBL only allows the core teams listed in the Living Rule Book in Open division, and only allows officially-sanctioned "experimental" teams in the dX division - the allowed teams are all listed on the Current LRB Official Team Rosters and Experimental Rosters page on the official Games Workshop site. FUMBBL will make no exceptions to these rules for those divisions.
The only division in which player-submitted rosters might be made playable in FUMBBL is the Stunty division, otherwise known as Stunty Leeg. Teams for this division would have to have the lineman position (the 0-8, 0-12 or 0-16 one) be of strength 2 or 1, and have the Stunty racial characteristic.
This is not to say that proposing a new race is useless. FUMBBL is part of the wider Blood Bowl community, and members of the Blood Bowl Rules Committee (BBRC) are known to be lurking on the various forums looking for new ideas, so who is to say that if your idea is a good one that it might not find its way into the next rules review? You never know. Anyway, it's fun to speculate about how your team might play.
The Unwritten Rules
Another misconception held by many roster creators is that you can just make everything up yourself. This is not true: there are rules by which you have to abide for your team to be taken seriously. The first port of call for any aspiring team creator has to be the official Team Building Guide. This includes various hard and soft rules for making new races. You may look at some of them and think, "Hey, there are some existing races who break those rules!" This is true, such as the vampires, but they were created and playtested hard by the BBRC and connected organisations with the OFAB skill to compensate.
Some team creators see players like the vampires and want to create their own new skills as well. This is not usually a good idea, especially if you're making a Stunty team for FUMBBL: SkiJunkie can't be expected to implement a new skill in the Java client just for your experimental FUMBBL team. Working within the existing skills will make your team much more acceptable.
Roster Formatting
Once you have your team all worked out, you have to type it out in a particular way.
0-? Name MA ST AG AV Skills Cost
FUMBBL Match of the Week
by m0nty, ghost-writing for the NBC Commentators
Every issue of the Grotty Little Newspaper we'll bring you a full description of one of the most exciting games played recently in the FUMBBL divisions, as transcribed from the call by the Necromancers Broadcasting Circle (NBC). This week, it's a real humdinger, full of drama, tragedy and a bit of comedy.
RO: Welcome back to NBC, I'm your host Ralph Orlovami, along with match caller Jimmy Talaydee and special comments man Ken Owthididd. We're here today for the Blood Bowl match between promising orc outfit the Black Crag Brawlers and the plucky little group of halflings, the International Chef Association. Jim, what can you tell us about these two teams?
JT: Thanks Ralph. The Brawlers are coached by Jezlad: a formidable FUMBBL veteran with an all-time ranking in the top 30, an 85% winning record and a history of coaching fearsomely tough teams to brutal victory. Then we have Xoota, coach of the Chefs, whose record isn't so hot, Ken.
KO: That's right Jim, Xoota is a FUMBBL greenhorn, having won only 4 of his 28 games to this point. The numbers may be against him Jim, but I predict big things from this coach, I think Nuffle might be with him today.
JT: We shall soon see, for the kick-off is about to take place, with the Brawlers receiving and 61,000 fans cheering madly. Oh, and the kick lands right in the end zone, nice start for the Chefs. The Brawlers start cautiously, only knocking down Maître, the Chef's ogre, and their thrower Narlog Da Lobba successfully picks up the ball.
KO: This is promising for the Chefs Jim, the orcs look a little tentative.
JT: And here comes the Chef treeman Leña para el fuego, and he knocks out a black orc! Three other halflings knock over orcs, including a stun! Now the orcs throws one of his little teammates, keittäjä, who lands and runs interference on the thrower. Great start!
KO: The 'flings look focused today, Jim.
JT: The orc thrower knocks over his opponent and runs on, with Virag Necksnappa and Erlag in support. The rest of the orcs get up and move into blocking position.
KO: Boy, the Brawlers don't look as fearsome as most Jezlad sides at this stage.
JT: keittäjä gets up and blitzes Narlong, but only succeeds in pushing him back. The Chef's ogre knocks out another orc! The other flings push the orc line away and set up a long defensive wall.
KO: 11 versus 9, the flings with the advantage, Jim.
JT: Virag knocks over keittäjä and Narlog rushes towards the line of scrimmage with the ball. Now Ghazgol 'Eadsplitta blitzes the nearest hobbit, and injures him!
KO: Looks like he's badly hurt, Jim.
JT: That evens the game up a bit, although there are two Chef reserves. But now the flings try some blocking of their own, and they only succeed in hurting themselves!
KO: Yes Jim, Cuisiner tried a desperate hit on Zorga, but he came off second best.
JT: Ghazgol blocks again, and another hobbit goes into the injury box! That's three in a row!
KO: The Chef's apothecary is too busy dragging them off the field to heal anyone, Jim.
JT: Grool Snotlinscoffer tries a block as well, and it's ANOTHER injured fling!! FOUR in a row now! The Brawler's fans are going crazy in the stands!!
KO: I haven't seen this many injuries since the last time I was late in my alimony payments, Jim!
JT: Narlog advances with the ball and the orcs form a cage around him, kocking over the treeman as well. What can Xoota do to stop the carnage? The hobbits rush to break down the cage. First it's Póvar stunning a black orc, and now Maître the ogre goes after that nasty Ghazgol! Maître knocks over the orc and ends up next to Nargol.
KO: He's getting dangerously close to the sideline though Jim, and the Brawlers fans are waiting for him...
JT: I think Jezlad has seen that too Ken. Ghazgol gets up and pushes Maître to the sideline and... Narlog pushes him into the crowd, and it looks like the ogre is injured too!
KO: He's got orc fans swarming all over him Jim, it's like he's being attacked by killer bees! We won't see him again today!
JT: Back on the pitch, it's nine Brawlers versus six Chefs. The little hobbit kuiristo tries to hit an orc, but he falls over! They're having no luck today! Narlog races down the sideline with an army of orcs in support. And now buc?tar goes down injured as well! Ken, did you see what happened?
KO: Yes Jim, it was Grool Snotlinscoffer again, that's his second victim of the day.
JT: Now it's Morglum Spinetwister to try his luck at toppling the treeman and... praise Nuffle, he did it! Leña para el fuego has been seriously injured, now the apothecary tries to heal Leña's damaged back... but he fails!
KO: That's going to be a nasty niggling injury that could flare up in future games, Jim.
JT: That good-for-nothing healer has walked off in a huff. Nothing is going right for the poor Chefs. They're down to four players on the pitch with two reserves. But what's this? The brave little hobbit Kok tries a desperate blitz on Narlog!! And... OH NO, he's hurt himself as well!!!
KO: There seems to be a party in the injury section of the dug-out Jim... they're having dumplings and profiteroles.
JT: They'll get a kick up the back side from the coach for their performance today. Narlog skips into the end zone and it's 1-0 to the Brawlers late in the first half. The Chefs set up their 5 fit men.
KO: This can only end in tears, Jim.
JT: The little halfling Koch waits back to retrieve the ball... he picks it up, tries a pass... and keittäjä catches it despite pressure from Morglum Spinetwister!
KO: Nice catch!
JT: Póvar tries to run through the defensive line, but he's tripped and knocks himself out! Virag Necksnappa blitzes keittäjä and...
(There is a resounding crack)
JT: OH NO!!! What happened Ken, did you see?
KO: He's dead, Jim.
JT: The crowd are going completely bonkers, the Chefs are down to three fit players late in the first half. Narlog tries to pick up the loose ball, but he fumbles. Now one the halflings, I think it's cuoco amongst all those big orcs, he dodges past the line of scrimmage and tries to pick the ball up too! Aww, he dropped it... (a klaxon horn is barely heard above the deafening roar)... and that's the half time hooter!
KO: Well Jim, what a half. Nine injuries and one little halfling not recovered from concussion, it's been a slaughter out there today. The Brawlers have certainly lived up to their coach's reputation for brutality and ruthlessness. I can only expect the second half to be more of the same.
RA: We'll be back for the second half after these messages...
The half-time advertising break includes jingles for SWIFTY BRAND APHRODISIAC, BLOCK & DODGER, ORC-A-COLA, CHANELF and REEBORC...
RA: We're back for the second half, so without further ado here's Jim and Ken...
JT: Thanks Ralph. It's a sorry sight as three little hobbits - cuoco, Koch and kuiristo - stand at the line of scrimmage against ten mean green orcs. There's the kick-off, with no one back to catch for the Chefs... kuiristo dodges away to retrieve the ball, and he picks it up easily. Cuoco tries to go back to help him, but he's triped up and knocked out!
KO: That leaves only two Chefs left, Jim!
JT: Virag goes after kuiristo, but he can't bring him down! The other Brawlers run to support, with the ball carrier pinned against the sideline. Koch dodges away into the back field, and kuiristo skips away from Virag to join him! Not only that, kuiristo succeeds in passing the ball to his only remaining team mate!
KO: Outstanding play!
JT: Grool Snotlinscoffer tries his luck at a blitz, but he can't bring Koch down! It's going to be hard to get out of that nest of orcs though.
KO: I can hardly see the two Chefs among all those Brawlers. No wait, here comes Koch now!
JT: Yes Ken, he's found a way out of the scrum into the clear again! kuiristo tries a desperate block, and pushes Erlag away! Amazing!
KO: The half time talk from Xoota must have been inspirational, Jim.
JT: Ghazgol 'Eadsplitta is the next orc to try a blitz... and this time he's knocked Koch out! That leaves only kuiristo on the field for the Chefs! The ball spills out next to the sideline, but the ocs are concentrating on the only opponent left. Three of them try hitting him, but he dodges each one. Narlog goes to pick up the ball... but he fumbles it into the crowd... and it gets thrown towards the Brawler's end zone!
KO: Come on kuiristo, you're the Chef's only hope!
JT: kuiristo dodges away from three orcs, and HE PICKS UP THE BALL!!! THE CROWD GOES CRAZY!! You can see the strain on his face as he runs as fast as his pudgy little feet can take him!
KO: Go little hobbit! Go!
JT: Now the entire Brawler team come thundering after him! Ghazgol gets to him first, but kuiristo is only pushed sideways! The rest of the team can only watch in terror as they run in support! The crowd is suddenly shouting for the brave little halfling, getting the better of an entire orc team on his own!!
KO: RUN LIKE THE WIND, BOY!!!
JT: Now kuiristo tries to dodge away from Ghazgol... BUT HE FALLS OVER!!! OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY!!!
KO: UNBELIEVABLE! He'd done all the hard things, and when all he had to do was dodge away, he failed when a glorious draw was beckoning.
JT: The Brawler fans suddenly find voice again as Narlog tries to pick the ball up... it bobbles a bit... but he has it in his hands! He tries to pass it to Ghazgol... but the orc drops the catch!
KO: kuiristo still has a chance! GET UP!!
JT: The single halfing gets up and tries to find a way through the orcs... but he falls down again on his first step! How unlucky!
KO: That's the ball game, Jim.
JT: Narlog succeeds this time in picking up and passing to Ghazgol, who sprints away towards the end zone. Now kuiristo gets up again, he tries a last-gasp blitz and.... HE'S SERIOUSLY INJURED!!! It looks like the same spinal injury that the treeman suffered earlier in the game, and there's no one in the dugout to cure him. There are no halflings at all on the field now, and Ghazgol takes his sweet time in prancing down the middle of the field unchallenged to score the Brawlers' second touchdown, with the orc fans in the stands singing the team's theme song at the top of their lungs.
KO: That's quite a comprehensive victory, Jim.
JT: It sure is, and I've been told the full time siren has sounded, although you probably can't hear it through the cheering. What were your thoughts on this historic occasion, Ken?
KO: All I can say is that I'm glad I wasn't out there facing those orcs. They can look forward to a few lucrative sponsorship deals if they keep playing like that. As for the Chefs, the fans love them, but I think there will be a few sad and sorry young hobbits licking their wounds this evening.
JT: That's it from the game today, with the Brawlers ending up 2-0 winners. Back to you, Ralph.
RA: Thanks Jim. That's all we have time for today Blood Bowl fans, see you next time we saddle up the pigskin.
Vocal Population: Mummies
Mummies are one of the most feared Blood Bowl players. Mummies are very strong and without any negative traits like Big Guy, Really Stupid or Wild Animal.
Mummies start out as casualty machines. They have a very high ST value and Mighty Blow, so getting them their first skill is just around the corner. Regenerate effectively adds insult to injury. With Regenerate, there is always a chance of the mummy coming back after the nastiest kick in the head, unlike an apothecary that is blown after one shot.
A huge drawback on the mummies is their lack of maneuverability. Because of Movement 3 and Agility 1, even with Break Tackle they can't keep up with the more agile players. I talked to a few people about their thoughts on mummies and here were their thoughts:
![](\"http://fumbbl.com/files/GLN/Ads/mcnurglessmall.jpg\")
GLN: What would you change on the mummy if you would?
Christer: Nothing, I think the're fine the way they are.
DarkWolf: Increase their cost or lower their armor value.
Mezir: Nothing, I like them the way they are.
Wuhan: No changes.
Malthor:- Maybe give it Foul Appearance and increase the cost appropriately, but generally the Mummy is fine as it is.
GLN: Why do you think the mummy is so "feared" when its obvious the rat ogre and minotaur can hurt you more?
Christer: Because the mummy has no real drawbacks, except MA 3 of course.
DarkWolf: Mummies are "feared" because they come in packs of two (or more in case of Khermi) and can use rerolls.
Mezir: Because mummies aren't big guys, and they don't have Wild Animal. And there are two of them.
Wuhan: Mummies can set up for 3 dice and a reroll, and never get trapped.
Malthor: Rat ogre and minotaur you can set up with Wild Animal traps. Mummies are feared because you can get multiples of them (2 or 4 depending on the team) and have access to rerolls. If you have a couple with Piling On they can really hurt your team. And both the RO and minotaur have 8 AV, meaning you can hurt them more easily too.
GLN: What are the first three skills you would take for a mummy? (include one alternative for double)
Christer: Block, Guard, Tackle/Stand Firm
DarkWolf : Block, Guard, Tackle/Stand Firm
Mezir: Block, Guard, Tackle/Stand Firm ... if I got an early stand firm I might get Break Tackle sooner
Wuhan: Block, Piling On, Frenzy/Multiple Block
Malthor: Well to win matches, I would take Block, Guard and Multiple Block. To do carnage, Block, Tackle and Piling On. Doubles would go on either Frenzy, or Stand Firm.
Christer's skill table shows that these skills are taken for mummies:
Regular Rolls:
[1287](Undead) Mummy: (53%)Block , (16%)Guard , (15%)Piling On , (10%)Tackle , (2%)Break Tackle
[ 429](Khemri) Mummy: (63%)Block , (16%)Piling On , (10%)Guard , (6%)Tackle , (3%)Multiple Block
Doubles Rolled:
[47] (Khemri) Mummy: (62%)Frenzy , (23%)Stand Firm, (13%)Dodge , (2%)Diving Tackle
[135](Undead) Mummy: (55%)Frenzy , (23%)Stand Firm, (16%)Dodge , (4%)Diving Tackle, (1%)Side Step
GLN: Why did you choose those skills when there are other skills just as or more popular?
Christer: Well, Piling On makes them useless because they lose their Tackle Zone and end up "out of the game", because their already non-existant maneuverability is gone. Its hard enough having them in position as it is without them lying around all the time. Frenzy vs. Stand Firm is a little harder to explain why, I don't think you have the same control over your player with Frenzy, as he might end up where he shouldn't be. Also Stand Firm makes it easier to stop people and try those 6+ dodges into the cage and use that Guard skill.
DarkWolf: I chose Block because, well, you need Block to stay up on your feet and avoid turnovers. Guard - to assist other blockers and other mummies in knocking down other big guys. Stand Firm is useful for getting close to the sidelines, stopping your front lines from getting pushed back and avoiding turn overs from misclick dodges!
Mezir: Sadly Mezir was not around to answer this last question in time.
Wuhan: Mummies are here to block, hence the Block skill. Piling On allows mummies to kill faster and clear the field, and Multiple Block is just fun, Frenzy is fun, pushes players out of bounds, and if you have Frenzy you don't need Tackle.
Malthor: Block is obvious. Guard, no other players on Undead teams can take Guard without a double so it bolsters the Wights and Zombies next to the Mummy. Multiple Block so the Mummy can take out two with one hit which frees up other players to do other things on the pitch.
Grum's Grudging Grumbles
by Uncle Grum*
Dear Grudging Grum,
Me Orc team matez wont let me exprezz myself on da field. I'm da throwa and deyz all just hittaz, smashaz, and crushaz. Dayz tell me pick up da ball anz run widdit but I wantz to do more, I neeeedz to do more.
I seen some of dem elfs playin once and thinkz, I can do that but I wanna sprint anz dodge anz throw anz leap anz sidestep anz score, I juzt wanna chanze!
UncleGrum pleaze helpz me,
Orc dat wanz ta leep
Dear Orc dat wanz to leep,
Well my poor little green elf, you need whipping with a troll's sweaty jock strap. You should consider yourself very bloody lucky that your team mates want you to pick up the darn ball at all. Back in my day orcs considered the ball a distraction from pounding on the opposition; in fact they thought the ball was a trick to stop them from smashing everyone. You're an orc! The only thing ya should be throwing is your opponent's severed head, so stop your whinging before you embarrass yourself trying to leap an ogre.
Find your greenness,
Grudging Grum
**********************************
Dear Grudging Grum,
My fellow Highelfs and I, due to fiscal constraints, have been forced to play this barbaric game you call Blood Bowl.
We have chosen to give you the honour of assisting us by utilising your knowledge of said game, by having you advise us on a suitable schedule of opponents. We know you will ensure that our opponents are of a suitable, shall we say, "station".
Salutations,
Lord Fairelf III Lord and Master of the newly formed Golden Nobles from Ulthuan Heir to the Earldonm of Dawngate
Dear Lord Fairelf III,
Oh what a privilege, Nay what an honour it is to receive your request for my humble advice. I truly hope I can compile a schedule befitting of your Lordyness.
Please accept the following list of easy beats for your perusal.
1. Undead: You will bury this lot, as they are quite soft (and mushy) at heart.
2. Chaos : These poor, often misunderstood lunatics could use your guidance.
3. Dwarves: Although short on love for the elves, you'll find them easy to tackle.
4. Khemri: You'll find these mummies more than lovable.
Well, there you have it my dear lord Fairelf, if that list doesn't get your team of to a, shall we say, "healthy" start I'll eat troll's warts. Oh, and do let me know how you go, won't you? If you can.
Good luck Sir Elfypants,
Grudging Grum
**********************************
Dear Uncle Grum,
I wanna share me grief with ya over the loss of a dear friend.
Ya may 'ave heard of the recent death of Enjoyment, that big softy went an' got imself all dead *sniff*. Me team mates an' me wanna invite all his many fans to the funeral of this once proud warrior, where he'll be cremated till he's golden brown and then served later on a bed of smashed elfs at his wake.
We nicked some halflings ta do the cremating and then be served as dessert, we know he wooduh wanted to go out in style *sniff*. My question is: should we serve a merlot or a chianti at the feast?
Thank you,
Chaotically Grieving
Dear Chaotically Grieving,
Hhmmm, sounds truly appetising, what a fitting end to such a legend of the game. Enjoyment and I had many great games of whisk together and he always prefferred warm cocoa with a plate of peeps shared between us. Chianti goes best with cannibalism. Ahh, I'm all perklempt, see you at the feast!
WIth great grief,
Grudging Grum
Grum's Grumble:
On the delicate art of fouling.
Let's get it right from the get-go, I aint talking 'bout what your halflings do in their pants when faced with the spiked kneecaps of an on-rushing troll. No, I'm talking 'bout the dark art, that evil act of laying one into your opponent when he's at his most vulnerable - lying there just begging for it even! Seems to me there's a bit of resentment towards coaches who practice the art of fouling.
Well, let me tell you poncy little non-fouling coaches something: IT'S PART OF THE BLOODY GAME!
And if I get one more coach walking across the field to ask "doooo you foouuuuul" prior to accepting my challenge, I'm gonna reply, "Oh no my dear I wouldn't stoop so low as to try and ruin your delicate team, please feel assured that even if given the chance to win the game by eliminating your best player I would always take the moral high ground."
I will then proceed to continually foul each and every turn, methodically attacking his most prized stars just because he asked for me not to. I shall become known as SIR FOUL-A-LOT, LORD OF THE FOUL. And you know what? You deserved it!
Grum's Additional Grumble
New Phrase: "Disco-Ducked"
Disco-Duck shall hence forth become the phrase used to describe the ACTION of a coach that disconnects from a game during dubious moments. These moments benefit his/her team. These coaches do not attempt to contact their opponent within the specified time frame according to FUMBBL rules.
To clarify, if a coach suddenly disconnects from your game after you've BHed ,SIed or killed off some of their team AND then doesn't contact you, or answer your PM to that coach (even though you've added them to your buddy list and know they've been online since your last PM) then you've just been Disco-Ducked!
Report ALL attempts to Disco-Duck to an administrator. Don't go flaming them, it's the only way to combat it.
*These views are not neccesarily Grumbledooks
FUMBBL Classifieds: Obituaries/Valedictories
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Liebestod, Catcher of VNV Nation
Liebestod, the "1-turner with a soul" died Saturday, October 30th, 2503, at the hands of some unruly fans showing some excessive 'appreciation' for the match between VNV Nation and Law and Order.
Liebestod, who was rather ironically named after a pretty slow song, was known for exercising restraint in hogging SPPs and her primarily defensive style of play. Using her blazing speed to assist blockers and snatch untimely turnovers was her true specialty and she openly scoffed at the notion of hiding in the dugout when kicking. She had just reached Mega-Star status and was hoping to try out her new-found resolve ("She'd been outright dauntless in practice lately," said teammate Carbon) to take on larger opponents when the unfortunate incident struck.
Moments lost though time remains | I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains | No feeling | Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly | My restless soul is longing
No pain remains | No feeling | Eternity awaits
Darkside Jedis
The Darkside Jedis have suffered nine deaths in their eight matches in FUMBBL Cup 2, of which only three could be saved by Hax's overworked apothecary. Along with two forced retirements, Hax has sacrificed an entire team's worth of talent to Nuffle, with a 3/1/4 record to show for it.
FUMBBL Classifieds: Challenges
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I, albator2001, challenge the team Charade with my team Los Carniceros. Charade has 40 more STR points than my team. Petter, you are a coward!
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Albator2001 is counter-challenging me, I Petter would like to publish a statement:
Albator2001, your wormness, I have already accepted to play your dwarves the second you have accepted and played my original challenge (Amazons vs. Wood Elves). If you do not honour my challenge I see little reason for me to honour yours, your patheticness. If you can find an even more unfair matchup than Dwarves vs. Amazons I will be willing to take that too when you accept my challenge. I also do not think my Amazons have to prove their courage any more than they already have, c.f. FUMBBL Cup II Group G.
You are the coward here, sir wimp, and you prove my point by your incredibly gutless counter-challenge. Go back to hiding under your Rock of Challenging Rookies with Indecent and Unfair Matchups, will you.
Tourney Round Up
The Lost Vegas Div-T Tournament of Champions is all full. Thanks to those who applied, and my apologies to the teams that applied after the group was full.
But if you want, any of you can gamble Lost Vegas Tokens on the Games and enter the King of Lost Vegas Contest!
The more degenerate gamblers the better IMHO!
![](\"http://fumbbl.com/files/GLN/home/Moekel/slaanesh%201.jpg\")
PM Bunnypuncher if yer interested.
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The Wide World of Bloodbowl began play this week in their inaugural 12 game season. I am hoping this will be the beginning of a long-term and enjoyable league. We have 4 divisions set up by region so that time zone mismatches won't be an issue. There is a restriction on bashy skills, as the intent of this league is to keep coaches/teams healthy and happy. We are also the 1st league to incorporate sudden death OT into the regular season games. Having played one already I have to tell you IT'S A BLAST.
Star Players are not wanted or allowed but wizards may be purchased at your own risk.
If you think you may be interested in year #2, please sign up for the MINOR LEAGUE OF BLOODBOWL (MLB) . Any team who plays 12 games in this group will be automatically invited into the WWB next season.
The other key to this league is finding 24 likeable guys who will stick it out till the end. The following coaches are in the WWB. Feel free to chat with them on IRC to get their thoughts and opinions :
Acheron_Styx \ Barash \ BunnyPuncher \ Caileanhawk \ Clayinfinity \ Darkwolf \ Flo711 \ Gertwise \ Indur \ LurkingGrue \ M0nty \ Mashandarius \ Michael_Warblade \ Miyuso \ Mordachai \ Mully \ Neverdodge \ oeuftete \ Psikobunny \ Shaqpooh \ Twahn \ Ug \ Valen-Swift \ Voodoo
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Themed Blood Bowl rises from the ashes again. Like a phoenix it's a 3rd time
reborn. Another new attempt with a new plumage. If you like to play in a
fluffy tourney where match reports and active
thread handling and writing is more important than the games you play, Themed Blood
Bowl is what you
want. Each 4 teams build a new league. First team will relegate one league
up, while last will drop one down. For any questions, please contact Chickenbrain.
![](\"http://fumbbl.com/files/GLN/Ads/dirtyplayersfront.jog\")
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SUPPORT WUHAN!
Join the Wuhan Official Fan Club:
The Dirty Players
Several membership privileges:
Life size poster of the great Wuhan, referee-deflecting player shirts,
and the prize-winning Wuhan's Official Fouling Playbook
Join now or be spotted be the Ref!
Please contact me on acquring membership, don't expect to get a place on the team right away, new members are only added to the playing team when old players are forced to retire!
Contact the Overfouler of the Dirty Players,
Bergh Wuhan Fanclub President
HONOR THE FOUL! HONOR WUHAN!
FUMBBL Logo Competition
FUMBBL is looking for a new logo. Link your suggested logo in the GLN forums. The best submissions will be chosen by the FUMBBL admins to participate in a poll. The winner gets a prize of their choice*, up to and including a statistic increase on one of their players! Your logo could appear on the FUMBBL site, plus shirts and other merchandise which will help support the site. The winner will be announced in a future edition of GLN.
All images submitted to FUMBBL for the contest must be original work and become property of FUMBBL. Submitted images must be a maximum of 400 pixels in height and width. Submitted images must be easily convertible into a vector-based image format - thus no bitmap images so complex that they cannot be converted into a cartoon style.
* Offer subject to conditions, to be negotiated with Christer.
How to contribute
Those wishing to contribute to the advertising sections of the Grotty Little Newspaper (GLN) should post in the relevant section within the correctly dated GLN forum. These are regularly checked by the editors. If your forum contribution is erased, it was probably used and is safely tucked into the correct area of the GLN.
For those wishing to contribute an article to the GLN please go to the IRC channel #Grotty_Little_Newspaper and speak to either m0nty or me about it.
Thank You,
Cusi
Acknowledgements
The Grotty Little Newspaper would like to thank the following people for making the GLN possible:
Necromancer:
Christer
Mummies:
Cusi, m0nty
Zombies:
Freak_in_a_frock, Gorritakid, Cederlund, Trog, JaGuAr_5, Candlejack, Bergh
Wights:
Chickenbrain, Grumbledook
Ghouls:
BadMrMojo, Tore, Moekel
Troll:
Peikko
Keep up the good work fellas! |
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