“The Red Star Strikers were enthusiastic supporters as the Nard Harpies pummelled Skritzers Squeelers into the ground last week. The Ogres had killed Squeeelers' players Koosy Koosar and Montgomery Burns, whilst Luke the Fluke wasn't able to get fit in time for the Strikers. Leonid Brezhnev sustained an injury in the Strikers' last match and wasn't able to get up either. The Red Star boys were already licking their lips at the thought of playing nine Rats (including standin player Stan Din), but were positively salivating after winning the toss.

It didn't take long for this match to start going the way many pundits had predicted. A nasty Mao Zedong block killed Numnut Koosar, Vladimir Lenin had knocked out Stan Din, and Friedrich Engels had permanantly damaged the knee of Gutter Runner Skitz the blitz before anyone had even touched the ball. It was Klaus Fuchs that managed to retrieve the pill as the Striers began their slow march up the field.

The Skaven tried to fight back, with Albert Koosar laying a block on Friedrich Engels which looked innocuous enough until the league's leading casualty inflictor stopped breathing and fell over dead. The efforts of the Red Star apothecary weren't enough to save him, unfortunately for the apothecary who became a victim of the Strikers' "if he dies, you die" healing policy. When Squeeelers Storm Vermin Girtak Borrs knocked Pol Pot out, it looked as if the Rats were ready for a fight.

That, however, is where the resistance ended. Shortly after, remaining Gutter Runners Clot the Loafhead and Mick the Mouser were knocked out. Albert Koosar's breif streak of heroism came to a halt when he hurt himself badly trying to repeat his feat against Ho Chi Minh. The Squeeelrs could do nothing but stay down as Fuchs ran in the touchdown just before the half. The Rats had time for one more kickoff before the break, but may have wished they didn't after the Reds blitzed and gave Nuggle Koosar an injury he will never recover from.

The Squeeelers started the second half with five players and down a touchdown. After a deep Dwarven kick of the ball, the Rats invited the Strikers onto them as they retreated deep toward the defensive end of the ground. Clot the Loafhead then tried to use some of his own players as a shield and round the Dwarven defenders. The Red swarmed over the hapless Rats, cutting of the scoring chance and causing the Gutter Runner to retreat back to his defensive end where he attempted to hand the ball to Mick the Mouser, only to fumble. The Dwarves saw their chance to crush the hopes of the Squeeelers' fans and promptly pushed Vogal Koosar into a hostile pocket of the crowd, before charging down the ball. Mick attempted to flee, but after putting some distance between the Dwarves and himself, he tripped over. That was bad news for Clot, who found himself the only Rat anywhere near the ball. His back will never be the same again. Georgy Malenkov picked up the loose ball and scored his first ever touchdown. Whilst his teammates deserted him, freebooter Din attempted to pick up the ball. In the final seconds of his life, he realised why they were fleeing. In the face of no resistance, Klaus Fuchs scored his second touchdown to wrap the game up 3-0.

Twahnlow Votes
3 - Girtak Borrs

Easily the best Rat on the field, and deserves credit for still being on the field at the end.

2 - Clot the Loafhead

Whilst the stats will show that he only rushed one yard, he actually rushed eight yards before retreating seven.

1 - Mick the Mouser

For knowing when to fold them and, as a result, still being on the field at the end.”