“The Red Star Strikers welcomed the Enfield Tennis Academy, an innocuously named Dark Elven team. These vicious Elves were far from harmless, however, with Dirty Player Lamont Chu sticking the boot in for five fouls last week against the Nard Harpies. Despite the relative inexperience of the Elves, the Reds were disadvantaged early when Deng Xiaoping was arrested after an anonymous tipoff, though many Dwarven fans thought they could narrow the tipster down to the Elven coaching staff. Luckily, and for the second straight week, Grim Ironjaw stepped in to fill the void left by Deng's absence.

Enfield won the toss and elected to receive, and made a beeline for Strikers superstar Ho Chi Minh. Hal Incandenza managed to put down the big man and LaMont Chu moved in for the first of what he had hoped would be several fouls for the day. Unfortunately for Chu, the referee was on his hammer and he was ejected before anyone had even touched the ball! I guess you can't make five fouls one week and expect to go unnoticed by the judiciary the next. Meanwhile Todd Possalthwaite managed to get the ball but hesitated on throwing, waiting for his scoring options to get into dangerous positions. With Klaus Fuchs putting pressure on Possalthwaite, the Elven Thrower was forced to go long to John Wayne, who seemed to have made himself some space. Possalthwaite had not counted on the amazing, and until now unseen aerial ability of Vyacheslav Molotov, the Dwarven Runner. Molotov used Ted Schacht as a stepladder and intercepted the pass, turning the game in the Reds' favour. A frustrated Possalthwaite smashed Molotov, but the result could not have been worse for the Dark Elves as the ball fell to Ho Chi Minh. All eyes had turned from John Wayne, who meekly left the field injured after Leonid Brezhnev knocked him down and gave him some lip. Trevor Axford joined the chase after Ho but misjudged a step and hurt himself badly, joining Wayne. Ho Chi Minh trudged across the line just before the half-time siren.

Lining up against seven Enfield players for the start of the second half, the Strikers quickly made it five by knocking out J. J. Penn and Jim Troeltsch. Idris Arslanian quickly joined them as he ran fearfully from the Dwarven line. Klaus Fuchs handed the ball to Vladimir Lenin who, after Possalthwaite was also knocked out, wasted no time in putting the Dwarves 2-0 up.

Four Elves fronted up for the third drive of the game. Keith Freer had the job of getting some Dark Elf offence happening, but in what represented the story of the day, fumbled the ball which landed at his feet. He was dispatched by Grim Ironjaw, allowing Lenin to run in his second touchdown of the match in the dying minutes.

Still with four players at the next kickoff, the Dark Elves wanted some sort of consolation with a late reply. They faced an imposing sight, with all eleven Dwarves lined up on the line of scrimmage. Incredibly, the Dwarves were able to blitz early, with Fuchs getting in position to catch his own side's kickoff! Ted Schacht went after Fuchs but trip over his own ankles as Fuchs ran in a record fourth try for the Reds, to cement their biggest win ever.

Twahnlow Votes
3 - Hal Incandenza

Looked dangerous and was one of few Dark Elves to play the whole game. Really led his team today.

2 - Todd Possalthwaite

Had a forgettable game but did more than his teammates. Gave up the interception but was good enough to follow up his mistake and smash Molotov.

1 - Ted Schacht

Had the most blocks for the game and even took down Grim Ironjaw towards the end.”