“Interview with the Vampire

News Team secure an exclusive behind-the-scenes talk with the head honchos at Van Carstein United. After some childish slap-fighting, Kirsty wins the honour of conducting it.

KW: So glad to have this talk with you, Vlad
V: No problem, I welcome any opportunity to address the shameful and unjustified prejudice that we are constantly subjected to
KW: Would you say that these accusations make you... cross
V: What? Oh great, another anti-vampire punner. I was assured this was to be a serious interview.
KW: Do you not think our viewers need to understand what is at stake?
V: Look, I am a reasonable vampire, our thralls are treated well with a top medical plan and I do not deserve this
KW: Is it dusty in here? I feel like I'm about to have a coffin fit.
V: I think we're done here *moves to take off microphone*
KW: He's getting away! Get him, intern!
*Albert Clearstone bursts in and full-body-tackles Vlad, smashing his ankle*
KW: Good work, intern! I had like thirty more of these puns to cram into my report.
AC: Does this mean I finally get paid?
KW: Ahahaha, no

This is Warkriminal, signing off.

”