“This dramatic report has been exaggerated for entertainment purposes only and should in no case be an example for Blood Bowl coaches, let alone kids.

Two grumpy coaches started a match at 6 in the morning.

Altdorf.
By Scribbly Scruffingthon

The match began regularly until Bosbes stamped his boot on the throat of the knocked down Korm in the first minute. This lead him to die on spot. He was quickly send off, creuly laughing at his victim. This event raised grief in the Orc team and sorrow in the Human coach. The Orc bench was shouting with tears in their eyes and the players were gasping for air as they saw the remains of the failed surgery being dragged of the pitch. The Human coach realized the act gave no advantage for this match and left 12 small crying children and 3 wives without their breadwinner and protection from the widespread orc rapists. He looked at the wailing family while the human spectators were doing a wave in pure joy. The 28000 spectators were screaming for more blood, so they had to go on.

The Orc team was still shocked by the recent events and the Humans could quickly turn their drive into a touchdown, while even completing a nonchalant pass in the sunny weather. Banaan did a well-received victory dance as he entered the touchdown area.

The Orc team came together and the Orc coach pumped them up with some slaps in the face, repeating "do it for Korm". The Humans were thinking easy victory and didn't pay much attention in their defensive lines, still chatting about the intestines flying everywhere as the amateur apothecary was doing his bad excuse for lifesaving surgery. Whilst chanting "Korm, Korm, Korm, Kooormmm" the Orc team easily defeated the Human defensive line and they easily scored the 1-1. The human spectators were angered. "Kill some more!" they shouted. But the coach, still full of sorrow, didn't want another death nagging his consciousness.

The second half started with slow Orcs bashing the humans. But after hearing that already 3 of the 12 children of Korm were eaten by Trolls both teams decided to ease it a bit. No more injuries were suffered. The Orcs won the early struggle for the ball and it all seemed to go their way. With two players in the KO box and one player sent off, the Orc team getting closer to the winning tdline the Human coach decided it was time to do something brave.

Having recently lost his faith in medicine, the human coach decided to give his Ogre some new experimental drugs as the beast was knocked out by the Troll and quickly send his out apothecary. As the Ogre lay, foam began coming from his mouth. He roared and screamed “Ma bady feel GOOOOD!” as he rushed to the Orc ball carrier. The Orcs quickly scrambled to handle this surprise and tried to hold him but the struggle was to no avail. “GO OGRE!” shouted the human coach. The Ogre saw the fear in the eyes of the ball carrier as ran towards him. “Gif bol!” he shouted and the ball carrier complied as he was smacked by a merciless hand. The crowd went roaring with laughter. And the Ogre gave some bows to the nearby fans. But soon the negative effects started to show.

The Ogre looked struck by lighting and did nothing with the ball. The coach could scream and shout all he wanted but the Ogre remained firm in his place, as if he was stoned by Medusa. The Orcs tried to push and bash him but only in the last seconds when an Orc managed to climb onto him and pull the ball from the big hand. But it was too late. The whistle blew, the fat lady sang, and the two remaining children of Korm were struck by a fang.

The End.
”