“(warning, this is a bit of an epic match report, but the game fully deserved it)

The Final Game of Instant Smack 021. With the Chorfs playing up ~700 TV, on paper it looked like it should have been easy money for the elves. In reality, it was anything but. It must have been one of the closest and craziest games I've ever played - a tombstone game where the elves out-cased the chorfs by 5-3, including two RIPed chaos dwarf blockers, a RIPed star elven catcher and Nuffle seemingly firmly on the side of the High Elves.

The elves received first. The Exiles, missing a chorf blocker and with lots of money to spend, came to the pitch with Hthark the Unstoppable; a mercenary chorf with Mighty Blow; and two bribes. They clearly meant business. The elves got off to a very good start, KO-ing a chorf on the first turn. After a few turns of mostly uneventful back-and-forth action in the middle of the pitch, the elves saw their chance to break through the Exile's line. Jeremiah Pantsonfire ran the ball through, behind a screen of elves (turn 5); however, Hthark, true to his name, broke past the screen to bring the elven carrier to the floor. The Exiles put some tackle zones on the ball and the Eagles were in a tight spot; however, they managed to gather the ball and get it into the hands of another catcher, Daeron Fireseed. However, he was exposed and Hthark again blitzed, but was unable to bring him down. Daeron was caught in a tight spot, between two bull centaurs, but he managed to find it in himself to leap clear of his markers and ran in the Eagles first touchdown, to make it 1-0.

With two turns before half time, the Exiles made an attempt for a 2-turn TD, with the hobgoblin Tuk attempting a bold 5+ long pass to Habhak. However, it was a long shot and Habhak missed the catch. Jeremiah managed to gather the ball and secure it, leaving the score at 1-0 at the half.

The Exiles received at the start of the second half, with the Eagles still at full strength. On their first turn, the Eagles broke through the Chaos Dwarf line to pressure the ballcarrying bull. The elven catcher, Daeron Fireseed, attempted a go-for-it to try to box in Hthark. However, the elf slipped badly and broke his neck on the ensuing fall, leaving his cold body stone dead on the turf (apo had already been used)! On the following turn, Sceptim was also crippled by a hobgoblin foul, adding another to the Eagle's casualty box.

Turn 4 of the second half was where things started to really get funky. Having just killed a hobgoblin the previous turn, rookie Eagles lineelf Booo...urns aimed a vicious right hook at chorf blocker, Natar Metalmaker IV. The blow tore straight through the dwarfs armour, following which Booo...urns ripped out his black heart and threw it on the ground. Natar dropped stone dead! The elves then surrounded Habhak, who was holding the ball, and Prince Yndaril blitzed him to the floor. Hthark was also blocked down by Farros; however, the bouncing ball was caught by chorf blocker Khouram Bullcaller IV! Crazy stuff!

On their next turn, the Exiles were able to get clear of the mid-pitch scrum, with Khouram handing off to Habhak. However, the elves weren't ready to give up defending yet, and they managed to get some tackle zones on Habhak, including Vincent Van Bofff, with his diving tackle skills. The following turn, there wasn't really any alternative except for Habhak to try to dodge clear of Vincent on a 4+. He made the roll and parked himself a couple of squares from the Eagles endzone. At the start of the following turn (turn 6, 2nd half), Mr. Bigstuff!, from out of nowhere, suddenly pulled off a five-finger-death-punch on Khouram, stealing his mortal soul and adding his corpse to the rapidly-building pile. With that 4th fatality, a tombstone was delivered, on cue. This game was already shaping up to be the stuff of legend. Then, Vincent Van Bofff attempted to dodge past a chorf blocker to try to put a tz on Habhak, but he tripped up. With that error, the chorfs were able to consolidate their position and easily run in the equalizer on turn 8.

The Eagles had a shot at a 1-turn touchdown on their turn 8 second half; however, the kick was very deep and coach JellyBelly idiotically wasted a team reroll trying to pick it up. The game ended 1-1 and the stage was set for overtime.

The Exiles won the overtime coin toss, which seemed to give them the advantage. Both sides had even numbers: 10 vs 10. Habhak again gathered the ball on turn 1; however, his positioning was such that two elven catchers were able to break through the hobgoblin screen and put tackle zones on him, including the diving tackler, Vincent Van Bofff. Suddenly, the Exiles were scrambling back to try to rescue Habhak; however, the hobgoblin, Grorom, snaked a go-for-it, leaving the bull completely exposed!

Sensing a chance for victory, Jeremiah Pantsonfire blitzed Habhak down; however, he caught the ball as it bounced, denying the other catchers a chance to seal the win. Keeping their cool, the 3 catchers set up a solid position around Habhak and thrower Varlen Shadowhand quickly ran over to apply a boot to the crotch. Habhak was stunned, and, with the ball apparently safe, it looked to be all over for the Exiles. But no! From out of nowhere, Hthark the Unstoppable came crashing through the tight elven cage (5+ dodge) to bring down Jeremiah! The crowd couldn't believe their eyes! Suddenly, the ball was on the floor, with Chaos Dwarves and elves swarming all around it. This game wasn't over yet!

The two teams fought back and forth over the ball for a couple of turns, a few yards from the Exiles endzone. Then, on turn 5, Jeremiah Pantsonfire managed to deftly gather the ball from the tackle zones of the two bull centaurs and made off towards the endzone. However, he wasn't able to reach it and wasn't fully protected (the Eagle's positioning left a lot to be desired here). However, at this point, Nuffle again struck the Exiles hard. Firstly, blocker Tarahki Shadowfist, despite having a clear 2 dice block with reroll, was unable to find anything better than a push on Jeremiah. Then, calamity struck as Habhak, who was charging towards Jeremiah's position, snaked a go-for-it and crashed to the ground! Sensing that fortune was with them, the Eagles blocked away the two remaining defenders and Jeremiah ran the ball in to seal an historic victory, 2-1.

The end of the game was very messy and wasn't what such an epic and close game deserved. It was a painfully cruel way for coach Kaze to lose, rolling 4 1s on 6 dice in a shocker of a final turn. You played very well and fought very hard, Kaze, in what was an amazingly close game. I think a cointoss would have been fairer, however such are the whims of Nuffle ... I hope that Nuffle treats you better in your next tourney buddy :)”