“"Good evening sports fans, Chester here at long last. Unfortunately, due to legal problems with the contracts, so is Brad."
"Hi folks...missed me?"
"I wish I hadn't..didn't gauge the windage correctly, and the shot went left..."
"Huh?"
"Never mind Brad. Well, here we are fans, the break is over, a new season begins, and what a season it looks like being. Last season saw some amazing advances, none more impressive than the subject of tonights game, the Bikers. These Orcs have, despite pitiful coaching, overcome tremendous odds to get within sniffing distance of the unthinkable, promotion to Faction 1."
"Duh, you can't sniff F1 Chester..you stoopid?"
***CRUNCH***
"Dat's muy fuggin dose Chesdar..."
"Next time you say anything like that, bring a freeboot Apo, you'll need it retard. Anyway, as we see the teams take to the field, it looks like the Bikers have an easy game. Elves don't like Orcs that much, which always surprised me, as they tend to win, despite the odd Apo needed."
.................
"An early score for the Llamas, as predicted. Let's hope the Bikers start playing soon, this is quite horrendous."
"Harhar, see dose guys Chesdar? Couldn't kick over an empty bottle..."
"Yes Brad, even though the Ref was truly mullered by the crowd, and the 4th official is too scared at the moment to come out, the steel toe-caps of the Bikers seem like they are made out of tinfoil."
.................
"And there the whistle goes, just a second before that Elf can score..what a lucky escape for the Orcs. They've been so pathetic they don't deserve to win this. Not a single thing has worked for them, and they look like rookies out there."
"Huh, I was a rookie once...It didn't last too long though, they said I'd played too many games to stay...er, Chestar, what you...."
***CRACK***
"It's OK, sports fans, he'll be fine...In a week or two. I think, yes, the second half is....*whistle*... under way! The Bikers make reasonable progress, despite another great kick, these Elves sure have a good kicker, and as he's out, a good second kicker too. This surely means that the Bikers will...hold on...trouble...oh, *bleep* you, you *bleeping bleepers* there's no *bleeping* way...Yes, there they go, this is another steal suffered to Elves...they really do excel at that, the *bleepers*. Of course, having only 1 less ST4 player on your team than the Orcs themselves helps, as does a sackful of +AG...Wish we had the Llama's training facilities back when I was playing, I'd have been a Legend a long time before I became one."
***whispered voices seem to say "you ARE a legend??? *bleep* off"***
"What was that? Never mind, the Bikers have a mountain to climb here, and look set to fail to reach the summit. They are no stranger to losing, but they really have been taken by surprise with these Llama's...all the agility of elves, with more to boot, and so much stronger they rival the Bikers themselves. Truly a freaky team destined for great things, though you have to wonder what that pointy-eared Apo has been putting in the water."
"Mayde hedz bin puddin in sum baby bio, mek em grow big und strond..."
***there follows a sound so sickening as to be unbroadcastable***
"Make that a month or two for Brad, sports fans. Just time to see, hehe, yes, a failed lineup for a TTM, that kick once again perfect...and oooh, that poor gobbo. Took 20 seconds on the turf before he was sparko, but hey, he wasn't gonna score twice in the last two turns. So, there it ends, 1-3 and a pretty humiliating display by the Orcs, and little to take away from the game except maybe they need a coach with some talent. How the *bleep* they have reached 4th place in Faction 2 i'll never know, but this close to the end of the round, they might just scrape promotion, even though they don't deserve it, especially after abismal displays like this. Congratulations for the Llamas, they made a bad coach look awful, and deserve the win. Let's hope they go all the way, all that excercise and dietry supplements can only mean a great chance of rising to the top in F1. Let's hope the Bikers can go up with them, and learn a lot from these tough, hard-as-nails Elves, and observe what it takes to win.
Time to say goodbye, so we hope to see you soon, sports fans, possibly even in the near-impossible situation of the F1 stadiums. This has been Chester, and a pulped Brad, for the TGIF network."”