Lt. Daniel Kaffee played by Tom Cruise

"Maybe if we work at it we can get Dawson charged with Kennedy assassination."

"Oh, now I see what you're saying. It had to be Professor Plum in the Library with the candlestick."

"Yeah, but it wasn't a real order, was it? I mean, come on, it's peacetime! He wasn't being asked to secure a hill or advance on a beach head. Surely a Marine of Dawson's intelligence can determine which orders to follow and which orders might be, shall we say, morally questionable? Lt. Kendrick, can he? Can Dawson determine on his own which orders he's going to follow?"

"Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? We could hold the trial there. I can sew the costumes. Maybe his Uncle Goober could be the judge."

"You and Dawson, you both live in the same dreamworld. It doesn't matter what I believe. It only matters what I can prove! So please, don't tell me what I know, or don't know; I know the LAW."

"eeehhhhh! Time's up! What do we have for the losers, judge? Well, for our defendants, it's a life time at exotic Fort Leavenworth! And, for defense counsel Kaffee, that's right, it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching... typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globbo School for Women! Thank you for playing "Should we or should we not listen to the advice of the galactically stupid!""

Barnes: I've got some camouflage jackets in the Jeep, sirs, I suggest you both put them on.
Kaffee: Camouflage jackets?
Barnes: Yes sir, we'll be riding pretty close to the fence line. The Cubans see an officer wearing white, they think it might be someone they'd wanna take a shot at.
Kaffee: Good call, Sam.