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[X2] Bovine Trebuchets
Pantomime Cow
#1
Bull Centaur
MA
6
ST
4
AG
2
AV
9
R
111
B
23
P
0
F
0
G
4
Cp
0
In
0
Cs
1
Td
6
Mvp
0
GPP
20
XPP
0
SPP
20
Injuries
 
Skills
Sprint
Sure Feet
Thick Skull
Block
Tackle
Voice Over (German accent):
In the hard and unrelenting world of nature the ceaseless struggle for survival continues. (one of the pantomime cows turns tail and runs out) This time one of the pantomime cows concedes defeat and so lives to fight another day. (cut to stock film of sea lions fighting) Here, in a colony of sea lions, we see a huge bull sea lion seeing off an intruding bull who is attempting to intrude on his harem. This pattern of aggressive behaviour is typical of these documentaries. (cut to shot of two almost stationary limpets) Here we see two limpets locked in a life or death struggle for territory. The huge bull limpet, enraged by the rock, endeavours to encircle its sprightly opponent. (shot of wolf standing still) Here we see an ant. This ant is engaged in a life or death struggle with the wolf. You can see the ant creeping up on the wolf on all sixes. (a moving arrow is superimposed) Now he stops to observe. Satisfied that the wolf has not heard him, he approaches nearer. With great skill he chooses his moment and then, quick as a limpet, with one mighty bound (the arrow moves to the wolf's throat; the wolf does not move) buries his fangs in the wolf's neck. The wolf struggles to no avail. A battle of this kind can take anything up to fifteen years because the timber ant has such a tiny mouth. (distant shot of two men fighting violently) Here we see Heinz Sielmann engaged in a life or death struggle with Peter Scott. They are engaged in a bitter punch-up over repeat fees on the overseas sales of their nature documentaries. (another man joins in) Now they have been joined by an enraged Jacques Cousteau. This is typical of the harsh and bitchy world of television features. (shot of honey bear sitting about aimlessly) Here we see a honey bear not engaged in a life or death struggle about anything. These honey bears are placid and peaceful creatures and consequently bad television. (shot of pantomime cow running along in a wood) Here we see a pantomime cow. It is engaged in a life or death struggle for a job with a merchant bank. However, his rival employee, the huge bull pantomime cow, is lying in wait for him. (pantomime cow behind tree drops sixteen-ton weight on the cow running under the tree) Poor pantomime cow. (shot of pantomime goose behind a small tree with a bow and arrow) Here we see a pantomime goose engaged in a life or death struggle with Terence Rattigan. (we see Terrace walking along) The enraged goose fires. (the goose fires and hits Terence in the neck; Terrace looks amazed and dies) Poor Terence. Another victim of this silly film. (shot of an amazing-looking large woman with a crown waiting in the undergrowth by the side of a path) Here we see an enraged pantomime Princess Margaret, she is lying in wait for her breakfast. (a breakfast tray appears being pulled along the path by a length of wire) The unsuspecting breakfast glides ever closer to its doom. The enraged pantomime royal person is poised for the kill. She raises her harpoon and fires. (the pantomime Princess Margaret does so, hurling the harpoon at the moving tray) Pang! Right in the toast. A brief struggle and all is over. Poor breakfast! Another victim of the.... aargh!
Match performances
Date
Opponent
Comp
TD
Int
Cas
Mvp
Spp
2007-09-05
-
2
-
-
-
6
2007-09-05
-
2
-
-
-
6
2007-09-05
-
1
-
-
-
3
2007-09-06
-
1
-
1
-
5