In an inversion of normality, the Flesh Golem Jacques Derrida has been blessed with an almost human intelligence, instead of the usual "milk of human kindness".

He is almost unique among flesh golems, for his ability to prove that essentially all beings are flesh golems - an embodied interpretation imposed by a mediocre creator. If the thought that you are actually just an automaton given the illusion of free will doesn't push you over the edge, the signature move "Derrida's Deconstruction Death Drop" certainly will.

He and his eternal companion, Michel Foucault manipulate the team of Po-Mo Constructs to their own nefarious ends. He particularly holds firm the belief that "everything is in play".

In an inversion of normality, the Flesh Golem Michel Foucault has been blessed with an almost human intelligence, instead of the usual "milk of human kindness".

Don't argue with this monster of postmodern philosophy, the stream of jargon will have you reeling more than any Mighty Blow. That said, if the "Stinker Thinker" gets the opportunity to perform his famous "Pendulum Slam" you better hope the apoth's still around!

He and his eternal companion, Jacques Derrida, manipulate the team of Po-Mo Constructs to their own nefarious ends.

Taken from the rookie leagues for his extreme dedication, this thinker is a self-styled ruckman, famously proclaiming about the ball: "Wo Es war, soll Ich werden" - "Where It was, shall I be."

His playing style is a ghoulish mockery of an earlier star of BloodBowl - Sigmund Freud, with some Saussure. He bases his tactics on an idea of NEED, playing a game he calls "fort/da" where he initially does not have the ball, and then gets it back again. simple, yet effective.

Jean Baudrillard dreams of a game where careful strategy is not necessary, but flashes of individual brilliance make the play.

However, he lives in constant fear that even if he becomes the most powerful player in the world, the tables can turn at any stage.

Notions of the body are very important for this undead feminist... understandably so, because nobody wants to end up as a ghost or a spectre.

Fearful though many Bloodbowl players about the safety of the game, Julia concieves of a game where the motivation for play is not fear - dodging out, sprinting away from opposing players.

However, if confronted by a team of bloodthirsty evildoers, she won't hesitate in the current environment to simply shout "STABAT MATER!!" (believed to be contracted Latin for "stab that motherf***er!") and show the true Powers of Horror.

With her experience of yoga, and the fact that her flexibility surely can't decrease with her undead status, you can count on this hard woman to get into spots you don't want her.

Her style of play naturally emphasises staying on the pitch, to avoid confronting a possibly patriarchal God. Look out for the highly unpleasant signature move, entitled: "Speculum of the Other"

Wittgenstein - some believe - was a boozy swine, although his primary concern tended towards philosophy, especially in areas of language and the philosophy of mathematics, and he loved to conduct his lectures more or less on the fly, without prepared notes other than what was in his head.

So, if you find yourself one square short while being gutturally abused in a tide of inventive and offensive neologisms, maybe it'll console you that it wasn't planned.

If anyone sings "Immanuel Kant was a real Piss-ant" near this lycanthropic terror of the night, they can expect to find themselves pinned under a Razor Sharp Claw and divulged to about the inherent dualism of the human situation.

Better be on the look out, this Kant-ankerous thinker will show you more than one meaning of the person divided, once he gets his claws out, the Good Will Gouge is sure to follow.

Heidegger Heidegger was a boozy beggar who'd think you under the table. He moved po-mo towards the end of his philosphising career, believing he would soon find the answer to the question of philosophy.

He didn't find the answer.

Now he's pissed off.