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2013-04-30 17:15:27
33 votes, rating 4.5
33 votes, rating 4.5
Why I hate dorfs
... and why you should too.
My introduction to Bloodbowl came back in 1990 with 2nd Edition. Dear Lord, that was 23 years ago... anyhoo: A friend of mine was putting together a league. The requirements were to buy a team of the race you wanted to play and paint them. I did not have much money, being in High School... but I saved enough to buy a team and used the paints my dad and I used to paint our pinewood derby cars. Testors, oil based paints.
While not ideal for some things, Testors had (and has) EXCELLENT metallic colors. To make things even cooler, I mixed a silver with a blue to make an AWESOME looking metallic blue for my humans. The Suicidal Widowmakers. The custom blue/silver base, silver trim and black pads... they looked hot! I took 2 weeks to paint them all, number them on their unis... distinguish them in other subtle ways... flock the bases... they were awesome (I still have and love them in a way of which God disapproves...)
My first game: Dwarves. My opponent was not good at painting in the least. They were brown, red and blue... they had no distinguishing features, save the sloppiness with which paint was slapped on them... their eyes were cartoonish and looked as if a four year old had painted them (in fact, MY four year old could do better...) Surely, I would decimate this inferiorly painted squad!!...
... right?!...
Those crappily painted dorfs came out of their ziploc bag and murdered three of my beautiful humans, broke the neck of another, concussed two others and wasted my team to the point that the commish invented a new race to give my team just to keep me interested in the league.
I hate dorfs. Always will.
And I hate badly painted minis. Always will.
As to whether minis painted well or poorly reflects on their play... I've seen instance of both. I would say if you play dorfs, you might as well just smear them with shit and dot some eyes on them, cuz that's all you really need to do. If you CARE about style and pizzazz and quality visual gameplay, by all means paint your humans, elves, whatnot... and care for them. It won't help you vs. crappy dorfs... but it'll make for a good story.
My introduction to Bloodbowl came back in 1990 with 2nd Edition. Dear Lord, that was 23 years ago... anyhoo: A friend of mine was putting together a league. The requirements were to buy a team of the race you wanted to play and paint them. I did not have much money, being in High School... but I saved enough to buy a team and used the paints my dad and I used to paint our pinewood derby cars. Testors, oil based paints.
While not ideal for some things, Testors had (and has) EXCELLENT metallic colors. To make things even cooler, I mixed a silver with a blue to make an AWESOME looking metallic blue for my humans. The Suicidal Widowmakers. The custom blue/silver base, silver trim and black pads... they looked hot! I took 2 weeks to paint them all, number them on their unis... distinguish them in other subtle ways... flock the bases... they were awesome (I still have and love them in a way of which God disapproves...)
My first game: Dwarves. My opponent was not good at painting in the least. They were brown, red and blue... they had no distinguishing features, save the sloppiness with which paint was slapped on them... their eyes were cartoonish and looked as if a four year old had painted them (in fact, MY four year old could do better...) Surely, I would decimate this inferiorly painted squad!!...
... right?!...
Those crappily painted dorfs came out of their ziploc bag and murdered three of my beautiful humans, broke the neck of another, concussed two others and wasted my team to the point that the commish invented a new race to give my team just to keep me interested in the league.
I hate dorfs. Always will.
And I hate badly painted minis. Always will.
As to whether minis painted well or poorly reflects on their play... I've seen instance of both. I would say if you play dorfs, you might as well just smear them with shit and dot some eyes on them, cuz that's all you really need to do. If you CARE about style and pizzazz and quality visual gameplay, by all means paint your humans, elves, whatnot... and care for them. It won't help you vs. crappy dorfs... but it'll make for a good story.
Comments
Posted by Mr_Foulscumm on 2013-04-30 17:38:20
Dwarfs are cool now.
Posted by Bullroarer4 on 2013-04-30 18:03:48
I also notice that their are no dwarf teams in the NBFL.
Posted by Lorebass on 2013-04-30 18:07:00
i better go make one then...
Posted by Jeffro on 2013-04-30 18:09:58
No dorfs in the NBFL is because those coaches went AWOL or because new coaches pick nerfed races like Khemri (re: FOULY) and then wonder why they don't compete...
It is by no means an intentional discrimination... but maybe dorfs are scared of Brasky's Angst...? ;)
It is by no means an intentional discrimination... but maybe dorfs are scared of Brasky's Angst...? ;)
Posted by Cavetroll on 2013-04-30 18:17:51
dwarves are awesome. you are drunk and bitter, Jeffro :)
Posted by Mr_Foulscumm on 2013-04-30 18:22:54
I don't wonder why I can't compete. I know why. Khemri suck! :D
So maybe I will make a cool Dwarf team for next season... since I will most likely have the #1 draft pick anyway :)
So maybe I will make a cool Dwarf team for next season... since I will most likely have the #1 draft pick anyway :)
Posted by BillBrasky on 2013-04-30 18:42:25
Bring those little pole-smokers on!
Dorf's die fast under the clawpomb. They are retarded slow norse!
Dorf's die fast under the clawpomb. They are retarded slow norse!
Posted by Mr_Foulscumm on 2013-04-30 18:43:29
Yeah, clawpomb isn't a dumb skill combo at all! Keep living the dream Bill!
Posted by BillBrasky on 2013-04-30 18:45:06
Fouly.. You must hug those pixels.
Clawpomb is way less effective than say: ag 4 blodge...
Clawpomb isn't a game winner.
Play smart & you can beat the clawpomb.
Dorfs.. not so much..
Clawpomb is way less effective than say: ag 4 blodge...
Clawpomb isn't a game winner.
Play smart & you can beat the clawpomb.
Dorfs.. not so much..
Posted by Synn on 2013-04-30 18:49:27
Brasky... love you and all of that...
But did you seriously just go from:
[i]"Dorf's die fast under the clawpomb. They are retarded slow norse![/i]
To:
[i]"Clawpomb isn't a game winner.
Play smart & you can beat the clawpomb.
Dorfs.. not so much.."[/i]?
All in the span of 4 minutes?
__Synn
But did you seriously just go from:
[i]"Dorf's die fast under the clawpomb. They are retarded slow norse![/i]
To:
[i]"Clawpomb isn't a game winner.
Play smart & you can beat the clawpomb.
Dorfs.. not so much.."[/i]?
All in the span of 4 minutes?
__Synn
Posted by Jeffro on 2013-04-30 18:52:24
MY BLOG!! Let's bring this back to how people who like dorfs paint with their own feces, shall we?!?..
Thank you :)
Thank you :)
Posted by BillBrasky on 2013-04-30 19:12:00
Perhaps I should qualify...
For 1, dorfs are a lame front-loaded bunch of cheese-monkey.
And yes, vs a developed team, they can die.
So it's not the game changer there.
Zons, Norse, Orcs, Dorfs.. these front-loaded teams are the cheese.
Maybe in your TT league you get a lot of big tv teams, but I don't think most do.
I call cheese where I see it.
For 1, dorfs are a lame front-loaded bunch of cheese-monkey.
And yes, vs a developed team, they can die.
So it's not the game changer there.
Zons, Norse, Orcs, Dorfs.. these front-loaded teams are the cheese.
Maybe in your TT league you get a lot of big tv teams, but I don't think most do.
I call cheese where I see it.
Posted by Mr_Foulscumm on 2013-04-30 19:21:23
And so spoke the Master Cheesemaker.
Posted by member1234 on 2013-04-30 19:56:30
Times dorfs are actually fun in my experience:
1. When coached by a suitably bearded, drunken Scotsman.
;D
1. When coached by a suitably bearded, drunken Scotsman.
;D
Posted by lizvis on 2013-04-30 20:07:30
all dwarf hate is good hate.
Posted by jamesfarrell129 on 2013-04-30 20:46:37
1990? Noob ;-)
I can confirm the theory that badly painted => play well is rubbish. My painted teams are awful, and yet I fail to win tournaments or leagues I play in.
I can confirm the theory that badly painted => play well is rubbish. My painted teams are awful, and yet I fail to win tournaments or leagues I play in.
Posted by WoodPusher on 2013-04-30 21:06:07
Yes, I also paint poorly, and then have my players die painful deaths as the opponents scoreboard is racked up.
Posted by Kam on 2013-04-30 22:02:05
Wait... What? Dorfs are born in ziplocs?
I guess that explains why you never see a female dorf.
I guess that explains why you never see a female dorf.
Posted by bghandras on 2013-04-30 22:18:17
"I guess that explains why you never see a female dorf. "
Are you sure you want to see women with long beards? I mean with the name of longbeard???!!!!!
Are you sure you want to see women with long beards? I mean with the name of longbeard???!!!!!
Posted by Bullroarer4 on 2013-05-01 00:01:17
as i dont mind the beardy cheese hate, i volunteer for the next dwarf NBFL team, and lead them to a 5-5-4 season! (or however games they play, i will probably tie as much as i lose and win)
Posted by Arktoris on 2013-05-01 01:02:56
my introduction to bloodbowl was similar. After listening to someone explain the rules for an hour I had my first game.
a beginning chaos team vs a 150TR dwarf team.
I lost...really bad. buried 3 players and spent the season trying to recover.
However, I will say that dwarves are ultra cool. They have an awesome back story...love to party with chicks, beer and bombs, always keep their word...and are the only good guy team that strikes fear in the hearts of evil teams.
they are the US marines of bloodbowl.
a beginning chaos team vs a 150TR dwarf team.
I lost...really bad. buried 3 players and spent the season trying to recover.
However, I will say that dwarves are ultra cool. They have an awesome back story...love to party with chicks, beer and bombs, always keep their word...and are the only good guy team that strikes fear in the hearts of evil teams.
they are the US marines of bloodbowl.
Posted by Rat_Salat on 2013-05-01 04:24:21
Dwarf coaches are the ultimate pixel huggers.
Posted by hale on 2013-05-01 06:30:20
Im visualizing this story as an episode of Charlie Brown
Posted by Qaz on 2013-05-01 12:20:54
There Are people out there with shitty team logos! worse yet there are people out there with no logos!
Is kinda like the same as smering paint on your led.
On Fumbbl your logo are your paint so get LOGOING guys else Jeffro hates you!
Is kinda like the same as smering paint on your led.
On Fumbbl your logo are your paint so get LOGOING guys else Jeffro hates you!
Posted by Rabe on 2013-05-01 15:12:26
Had to rate this 5 for the cool story, even though I love dwarves. :-)
Posted by LucaAnt on 2014-05-03 01:07:57
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah