“Rottawa returns to winning ways

The Rottawa Rough Riders walked into Gopher territory last night on the back of two consecutive losses, looking to set their season straight against an unbeaten Sasquishywan side.

Rottawa took the kick off, but looked slow to move as the Gophers blitzed. Thankfully the ball was safely far enough that the Gophers could not put pressure on it. Angered, Jim Croode laid out Lesley II, smashing her leg and fracturing her ankle with a nasty chop block. Rottawa ghoul Whit Sucker recovered the ball and brought it to Moe Latrine, who was apparently impervious to the disgusting presence of four Gopher players and gladly took the hand off. (Editor's note: Why do I always forget DP?) Rottawa managed to control the play and Latrine had the runs along the sideline trench. Rottawa got greedy, trying to slow the pace of the game and the ball was knocked lose, but Tom Clawments was able to retrieve the ball and score the first and only score of the game.

Rottawa kicked to the Gophers, who tried to even it up at the half, but were stymied by the Rough Riser defence. The score remained 1-0 at the half.

The second half started well for Rottawa, who kicked it deep and got the jump on the Gophers. They flooded the backfield with wolves, a ghoul, and a wight. The gophers scooped up the ball and tried to run it laterally across field and around the pressing defence. Unfortunately for them, Boney Golab was too fast and was able to free the ball. What ensued for the rest of the game was an ugly scrum, with Rottawa putting too many bodies on the ball to allow Sasquishywan to pick it up, but simultaneously fumbling the ball themselves at every turn. During all of this other small scrimmages ensued; Andrew Tummy took down Gainer on an unassisted block against all odds, Jerry Clampwell, angered by a zombie rookie messing up a play, fractured a Gopher rotter's arm, and in the middle of it all, Rookie beastgal Alex P. blindsided an occupied Boney Golab, smashing his knee. The coach expected Golab to pop right back up, like he always did, but this time he stayed down. Golab is expected to make an almost full recovery, and while he will miss the match against Quebec, he coldly stated, "I'm guaranteeing I'll be ready in two weeks for our home game against those prairie dogs, and then Alex and all her little rodent friends will find out who has the bigger bite."”