dinaturz
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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 Posted:
Jul 09, 2004 - 13:40 |
 
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Q: What do poker and sex have in common?
A: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. |
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Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary. |
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Tank
Joined: Sep 06, 2003
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| Posted:
Jul 09, 2004 - 14:20 |
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Funny things to do on footy trips;
Pull out a hair, stick in someone's ear:
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes) Best done to sleeping people. Added challenge in having no one else around, because then you can't blame it on anyone else. Try to beat your record number of times before the person catches on.
Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person's neck:
(Amusement Potential: 5-15 minutes) Always a good gag. For an even bigger reaction out of the person, act like you're not sorry at all for what they think you did. Comment instead on how big that sneeze was or about how there was a lot of mucus in that one. |
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If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? |
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Flynn
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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| Posted:
Jul 09, 2004 - 14:50 |
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priest pastor rabbi
friends since they were little kids
when they grow up and become men of the cloth they decide that whatever your faith
you believe in an afterlife
and decide that when one dies, the other two will put 50 dollars each in the coffin so they have some money in the afterlife
finnaly the pastor dies
priest and rabbi go to the funeral
priest walks up to the coffin, drops a 50 dollar bill in and walks out
the rabbi waits a bit
walks up to the coffin
looks in
drops in a check for 100 bucks, takes the 50 dollar bill
and walks out |
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Proud to be a professor in Wuhan's Fouling Academy
Goodbye Cusi |
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Tymless
Joined: Jul 01, 2004
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| Posted:
Jul 20, 2004 - 18:06 |
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Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her
neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the youngster was up to, he asked in his
friendliest way, "What are you up to, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking
up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor commented, "That's an awfully big hole for a
goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied,
"That's because he's inside your f@#kin' cat." |
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Doom & Gloom |
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poweraxis
Joined: Jun 22, 2004
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| Posted:
Jul 20, 2004 - 21:32 |
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a little indian boy went up to his father and asked him how indians named their babies.
the father replied:
when an indian is born the father walks out of the teepee and names his child after the first thing he see's.
like flying eagle over there, her father walked out, looked up and saw an eagle in the sky...
why do you ask two dogs screwing? |
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poweraxis
Joined: Jun 22, 2004
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Jul 20, 2004 - 21:43 |
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this guy weighed 450 lbs and had tried all sorts of weight loss programs without success...
one day he was reading through the paper and came across an ad that said: lose weight... 1 lb per dollar spent;
guaranteed or your money back. so he decided what the heck, he couldnt lose.
he went to the clinic and told the receptionist he wanted to lose 10 lbs...
the guy told him that would be 10 dollars, so he paid him and the guy told him to walk into the door on his right.
he walked into a bedroom with this gorgeous woman that was naked with a sign around her neck that said: if you catch me you can have sex with me...
he lost 10 lbs.
the next day he thought; i lost 10 lbs and loved every second of it... so he went back and told the guy he wanted to lose 20 lbs.
the guys said that will be 20 bucks, and told him to go into the door to his left.
he went through the door and found another bedroom with the two most gorgeous women he had ever seen, both naked with signs around their necks that said, you catch me you can have sex with me... he lost 20 lbs.
the next day he was thinking; i lost 30 lbs in two days and loved every second of it, i am going to go for broke today.
so he goes back and tells the guy; i want to lose 100 lbs. the guy tells him that will be 100 bucks and then tells him to go into the room behind him.
he walks into another bedroom that is empty... after waiting for 10 minutes he starts to think he is being con'ed... just then another door into the room busts open and in comes an ape with a sign around its neck that says; if i catch you i will have sex with you...
he lost 100 lbs. |
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