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Joined: Nov 16, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 14, 2004 - 10:55 Reply with quote Back to top

News Update!!!!

This just to hand! Recent commentary by some git that Coach Elan had supposedly offered to support to the "team of one" Carlton United was unequivocally squashed tonight when Coach Elan held a news conference.

The gist of his incensed ramblings was - "The glorious Carlton Football Club is a team in a different League and Code you blithering idiots! Get yopur facts straight!" Go the Blue Baggers! And did you see the win that night - Woohooo!"

In the later part of the confernece, after removing the carcusses of two Magpie supporters from the room and calming the Coach down, he announced a possible legal action for defamation of character against Channel BB and its reporters for taking the Coach's words out of context. This has been referred to a well known Gnomish legal firm for consideration. Our legal experts advise that Coach Elan's lack of character is now well known and the matter is likely to attract an out-of-court settlement.

In a related issue, a copyright violation may be lodged against Duke Snakefield's team and officials for being so unoriginal in naming the "one man team" after a team that is a glorious institution in the most livable settlement in the Southern Wastes.

When asked to comment, Coach Elan stated that as the Duke is currently deeply depressed over recent relevations about the Duke's diminutive "block and tackle" and lack of staying power, the Authorities should follow Rule One of BloodBowl - When their down and out, put the boot in!

Joined: Aug 30, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 14, 2004 - 16:42 Reply with quote Back to top

Here at Channel BB! we are gearing up for the coming season this week and will be running some Stars of the SWL and Your Team Exposed! indepth profiles over the coming week:

We recently caught up with our chief statiscian Icoun Tem and he has assembled heaps of information about all the minutiae of the SWL! We will lead off this series with an update of where are they now of our season four stars....

Top 5 Career Casualty Inflictors of the SWL:-
18 Ziggurat - This Creepers Mummy has one more game for the regular seasonso should see him pull even further ahead.
14 Necrogeiyet - Khemrian Mummy player for the Archfiends also has one game left for the season, can he catch the stunning brutality of top spot!
14 Rushem - Orc Blitzer for the Black Tide. has finished the regular season and will probably lose position to...
14 Anders Hansson - Khemrian Mummy of Gumbeast United, also with one game left this season.
13 Bashitz Tabitsis - Sewer Pipe Dream Rat Ogre who finished the season in his last game against the Black Tide.

"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"

Joined: Aug 30, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 14, 2004 - 16:58 Reply with quote Back to top

Since we last profiled these players there have been many changes, with many of them suffering, lets call it, career changes....

Premier Division
Adelaide Anvils 79Spp's
Still a proud member of the Anvils, still going strong...

1st Division
The one, the only Duke Snakefield
Duke....er...Carlton United 63 Spp's
The one man team survived te season and looks set to play on in Season 5, should be a great player for the United, although there ar erumours of where he is going to wind up.....Alas the United face relegation to 2nd Division this season unless the league commisioners decide that such a great man...er team should not suffer this ignominy...

2nd Division
Rolf Breakfast
Chaosium Ad Nauseau 58Spp's
With the collapse of this one great side Rolf Breakfast will be moving on and changing career, as he joins us here at Channel BB! as a sidelines reported and special comments man....beast...thing...

3rd Division
Steel Stealer
Sewer Pipe Dream 72Spp's
The Super rat faces bravely another season, despite now carrying a worrying niggling injury, we can expect more big things from this ratty rat rat....

4th Division
Rage Bloodcry
Citadel Ancients 73Spp's
Rage alas has succumbed to his injuries and ceased playing, but he will join Rolf Breakfast in our sidelines team....he of course won't be covering any night games.....

It looks like its going to be a big season ahead folks, stay tuned!!

"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"

Joined: Nov 16, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 15, 2004 - 12:50 Reply with quote Back to top

Rolf Breakfast's Bit

Pass me anutha donut ..... and wheres me bag of gold for being on this show? Wiv no games played yet, dis preseason hype is boooring. Ged on wiv the maiming!

Joined: Aug 30, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 15, 2004 - 16:21 Reply with quote Back to top

And Season 5 is officially under way here on Channel BB!

Early games have seen a brutally fought draw between Division 3 sides Kano's Black Tide and Iridines Gladiators with the Tides fans mighty impressed with their teams efforts, but the much fancied Iridines fans were displeased at two of their stars showboating ways in refusing to take to the field if the other one was present.

There was also a tough hard fought game between Division 6's Khorne Crusaders and Death Resurrected that saw the Khornate Brethren take the game 2-1.

So Rolf and Rage whats your take on todays season openers..

"Duh well Joe, the Post game BBQ provided by the Black Tide was ripper, can I cover more of there games?"

Uh OK Rolf, Rage, your thoughts..

"Aaaarrrooowwww...Rushem coulda used some more paprika, and cut back on the horseradish some.."

Uh guys i meant about the games, not the catering..

"oh, well yeh was tough, not as tough as I used to play mind"

"hah, you play tough rolf, you dunno bout tough, you big hindquarters of cow you!"

"What you call me Rage! i give you rage"

<camera pans back to Joe as obvious nasty fighting ensues in background and mostly off camera>

Well there you have it. Where all now eagerly awaiting the first Premier division games of the season and should be giving you a run down of the respective teams on The Bloody Show! Thursday at nine, stay tuned folks!

"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"

Joined: Aug 15, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 16, 2004 - 00:58 Reply with quote Back to top


Well, the playoffs have concluded and another gruelling season is ahead of us. The Southern Wastes League has grown to a massive 7 divisions in total incorporating teams of all races and from all locales…

Long term franchise owner of the Donut Boys and founding member of the SWL, Mr Whippy, casts his eye over the teams vying for the ultimate crown, the Premier League Champions Trophy. Mr Whippy speaks from experience and for those of you new to the league or for those inclined to take a punt or two, his words are words to heed. Over to you Mr Whippy.

“Thanks Eddie, this year we have assembled one of the finest set of teams to contest the championship ever! From the rampaging champions the Zen Adepts through to the arrogant, violent and hopelessly erratic Blue Mountain Dragons, there is a team here for everybody’s tastes. Whether you like your rock solid Choc Ice style play of the Anvils or you prefer your Strawberry Cream style fluffy play of the Maniac Mammallians, there is a team for you.

<b>Zen Adepts: Franchise Record: 14/8/4, FF: 10</b>
Starting with the SWL IV champs first, I see the Zen Adepts again as the team to beat. On paper, they are perhaps stronger than any team in the SWL. This team is very formidable and I for one cannot see them losing the crown this year. This however does not mean it will be a walk in the park as they will give away plenty of handicaps to some very well credentialed opposition. The one thing they might find unsettling is if they are drawn first up against the mighty Adelaide Anvils and come out worse for wear… that may set them back further than the cost for a dozen of those fancy-dan Krispy Kremes!

<b>Season 4: Premiers, Predicted Season 5: Premiers</b>

<b>Adelaide Anvils: Franchise Record: 9/7/7, FF 13</b>
The Anvils are harder than a toffee in the freezer and they are the best Dwarf team in the SWL by a country mile. However, their critical drawback is the Anvils play the typical dwarf game. In other words they are one trick ponies…

Expect a lot of Wizards and Star Players to line up against the Anvils like bees to the honeydew, but with their high fan base providing plenty of cash, they will be seriously challenging for honours

<b>Season 4: Third, Predicted Season 5: Second</b>

<b>Corporate Fraud Chaingang: Franchise Record: 14/2/7, FF: 9</b>
Defending champions in Season 4, the Chaingang had a relatively poor season in SWL IV, with injuries and age catching up with the Dark Elves. But experience counts for a lot and the Chaingang were still with a shot at the seasons close. I see SWL V being a rebuilding year for the Chaingang and they should retain their premier league status, but it will be tighter than a full box of Powderpuff creams up ya jumper!

<b>Season 4: Second, Predicted Season 5: Fifth</b>

<b>Maniac Mammallians II: Franchise Record: 10/3/7, FF 8</b>
This is make or break year for the Wood Elves with a high scoring offence (look at the 6 TD’s scored vs the Creepers in Season IV Playoffs!) trying to account for the fragile defensive set. I personally believe the Mammallians will struggle against traditional rivals the Anvils and Adepts, but I expect them to win or tie against the ball playing Regeants and Chaingang. The crunch match will be versus the Dragons as the Dragons traditionally make dough out of the passing teams and can match it against teams like the Mammallians for scoring… I see a 2/0/3 or a 3/0/2 season and that will result in 3rd or 4th position…

<b>Season 4: Fourth, Predicted Season 5: Fourth</b>

<b>Blue Mountain Dragons: Franchise Record: 12/3/12, FF 10</b>
Dragons captain Vladim Oslobahn talked up a storm last season with more interviews in the SWL media than there are versus of Greensleaves. But last year, for the first time ever in the big donut punchers career he delivered. Apparently having Zara the Slayer banned from his hotel room helped big bad Vladim concentrate and last year he led the Dragons to the First Division Championship with an emphatic last round display against the Reagents.

But premier league is a different story. First Division was probably softer than a strawberry jam puff donut in comparison to the ‘ard defenders the Dragons will face this season.

Also the brazen stupidity that the Dragons show by getting around the pitch shirtless will cost them as I believe the injuries may mount up. All in all, the Dragons will contend, but will fall short.

<b>Season 4: First Div Premiers, Predicted Season 5: Third</b>

<b>Prince Reagents: Franchise Record: 14/2/5, FF 10</b>
The Reagents are the consummate professionals in the SWL. After temporarily disbanding for SWL II, they rejoined the league in Second Division in SWL IIIand won that easily moving into First. They lost the First Division championship on the last day of SWL IV but gained promotion with an upset win over the Archfiends of Atrocity in the playoffs. Now they face the big donuts of Premier League and the biggest test of their collective lives.

I believe that their grit and determination will see them compete at the expected high standard but something goes against me in tipping them to win many games. They may beat elf cousins the Mammallians in a shootout but will find it tough against the Anvils, Adepts, and Dragons. I see only disappointment at seasons end much like the kids at closing time at Whippy’s Donut Emporium. Someone has to come last and I think the Reagents may just do that.

<b>Season 4: First Div Runners Up, Predicted Season 5: Sixth</b>

Joined: Feb 04, 2004

Post   Posted: Jun 17, 2004 - 05:36 Reply with quote Back to top

The following announcement has been payed for by friends of the Western Sydney Wonders, WSW ltd co inc

The Western Sydney Wonders coaching staff, fans, friends, and business associates would like to thank the following players for 'giving one for the team' in today's day game at Rotterific Stadium:





Frenzy: You twit, why couldn't you have learned to block before you practiced that kicking game! **umm...coach? that was your ideaaaERK!

Great job Wonders!

Very close game, good job Gladiators!

Joined: Nov 16, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 18, 2004 - 10:27 Reply with quote Back to top

Rolf Harrass Reporting: Super League Rumours!

"Interesting rumours have most decidely NOT been flying around SWL Headquarters today, according to Commissioner Twahn, who is a really nice person."

whispering is heard from directly behind the reporter, out of camera view

"This reporter most definitely has NO information whatsoever on a proposal from, and I quote "a few renegade Coaches out to feather their own pockets".

muttering appears to come from just from behind the reporter's back

"Unequivocally, there is NO proposal to create a parallel Super League for teams considered too strong for the SWL Qualifying Pool but unable to join the Division as their Coaches already had teams in the League."

low pitch chortling can be faintly detected

"This is Rolf Harrass signing off for Channel BB ....

rapid muttering can be heard

.... and goodnight to Commissioner Twahn's lovely Partner"

as the camera picture fades, a satisfied looking League Commissioner appears from behind the heavily sweating reporter, sheathing a rather sharp looking knife

Last edited by Elan on Jun 18, 2004 - 11:28; edited 1 time in total

Joined: Nov 16, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 18, 2004 - 11:07 Reply with quote Back to top

Rolf Harrass Reporting: Round 1 Division 4 -Dastardly Dorfs 3 Defeat Rodentvision 2

"This was a match showing what the game is all about - tough, skilled and bloody! Rodentvision's amazing quartet of ultrafast Gutter Runners demonstrated why less agile teams truly hate playing the skaven, while the Dastardly Dorfs lived up to their preseason reputation for kicking the @*#% out of any player they could catch."

advertisement for ratburger surprise, sold by a local entrepeneur just after the game.

"With an amazing comeback following a first half dominated by the Dorfs, deft (some would say daft) dodges and all out sprinting past a bemused defence, the Gutter Runner quartet of Raticate, Throttle, Vinnie and Modo managed to equalise at two all and place themselves into dangerously free positions in the second half, easily avoiding the Dorfs supposed to be keeping them out of the game."

"Luckily for Coach Elan, his new Dorf team managed to rally with Slimey going in for his second TD of the game, putting the score at 3-2 for the Dorfs, bare seconds before final siren."

advertisement for rat-onna-stick, going cheap from a local trader being forced out of business due to unfair governmental interference in product quality standards

"Although Modo scored two TD versus the Dorfs, this game was dominated by the in-yer-kneecaps tactic developed by Coach Elan, with Ratata the Rat Ogre badly hurt and Carbine, Mickey and Mouse Hunt also in the duggouts by game end. Despite the best efforts of the Rodentvision medical staff, who miraculously cured a player from apparent serious injury in the first half, Carbine has been permanently injured with an agility drop expected, Mickey appears to have suffered an niggling injury and Mouse Hunt will be unavailable for the next game."

"Strangely, there were no injuries amongst the Dorfs, with only two players spending a short time off the field."

advertisement for pre-loved ratskins, complete with team colours if preferred - the jingle "these are really going off" designed to capture the attention

"In any case a truly great season opening game in this Division, and now I am off to the Dorf celebration BBQ, where I have been promised a new dish called Ratatouie - and if you missed the game, Channel BB recommends viewing the replay of the game on the following channel"


"This is Rolf Harrass, for Channel BB, signing off!"

Joined: Jan 27, 2004

Post   Posted: Jun 19, 2004 - 07:20 Reply with quote Back to top

Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine.

What a Season 5 opener for the Black Crowes! It may have taken some underhanded magic to get them into Div 2 but they have immediatly shown they are here to play. Lets just take a look at some of the vital statistics to show their early dominance. 45 blocks to the Lord's of Wars 15...15! That is less than ONE block per turn from the Pro Elves. 9 Crowes shared in the SPPs while only Lord Malice (MVP) and Lord Brutal(CP) showed any spirit. 5 CAS (all BH) to the Crowes..along with 6+ KOs with no pain dished out on the goats at all. JealousGuy was a tad dissapointing though....the star mutant led the team with 8 hits but never could do more than KO someone. When asked about it post match he promptly headbutted this reporter...but I was only stunned.
The entertaining first half looked set to give an early TD to the elves..but in a stunning display of awareness Amorica intercepted their pass and ran it all the way back for a TD! The confidence of the Lords was obviously shaken. Lord Malice ran the same play again on the next drive but tripped at the goal line when going for it! Some spectators swear they saw the mist of the GREAT UNSEEN around Malice's ankles but can't be sure. A quick pick up and pass to Star of the day Amorica and he crossed again to take a 2-0 lead into halftime.
A short kick-off in the 2nd half was promptly snagged by a Warrior on the line! A pass back to Gone and the squad moved into hunting mode. Gone showed his rookie status though by running too soon and putting himself on the firing line for a leaping Lord Malice. But one against 11 is rarely good enough. Amorica (him again!) got the ball back into the middle of the field with a little help from the fans and that was about that. A late TD for show and it is all over at 3-0! Just for fun at the end a last desperate pass up the sideline by the Elves hoping to sqeak out some honour was intercepted by a CW! What A match for the ages my fine readers and I for one am looking forward with our match against I-House. See you on the paddock!

Last edited by ozjesting on Jun 22, 2004 - 03:59; edited 1 time in total

Joined: Aug 15, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 20, 2004 - 14:34 Reply with quote Back to top

Post Match Conference: Dragons 2 def Anvils 0

Tonight, the Blue Mountain Dragons opened up their Premier League campaign with their first ever win against the Adelaide Anvils and Dragons captain Vladim Oslobahn had this to say at tonights post match conference.

"RAAAAGGHHHH! Schtick dat up sie einen Donut Herr Vippy! Ja, die Anvils vill cream die Dragons! Ja, vat a load of bullschitt. I am an angry man und am sick to die back teeth vit deez bullschitt stories about how sie Dragons are weak and vuld be lucky vit third place.

Well, let me tell you Herr Vippy und your schugar coated Donuts! I am sie only man here who can carry 12 donuts and two coffees in dis league! Und I tink you ist a little man who has an einen little strudel!

We will win next week against dose panzy Welfs und vee vill be back to kick da little Donut puncher in his einen strudel if sie ever opens his mouth again!"

Well, there you have it! Oslobahn furious at pre-season doubts by pre-eminent league commentator Mr Whippy about the legitamacy of the Dragons' chances at the Premier League title... and with a great win tonight over the highly rated Anvils, who's going to tell Vladim otherwise?!

Back to the studio....

Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 20, 2004 - 17:41 Reply with quote Back to top

Lord Aceticus purchases yet bigger helmets for Prince Reagents

"Perhaps the early success was just novelty from their giant headwear" current theory suggests.

Joined: Nov 16, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 21, 2004 - 10:33 Reply with quote Back to top

Southern Waste Super League May NOT be a Rumour!

"Rolf from Channel BB here, with a dramatic change of story from beleaguered Commissioner Twahn! Yes that's right folk, the Commissioner has announced that he will consider standing for the position of Super League Commissioner, should a Super League be established in the Southern Wastes!"

A muttered comment from the camera dude is heard "Right, he finally realised the pay is better when you are Commissioner in two leagues"

"Although previously denied, there is apparently grass root support amongst Coaches and Fans for getting the best of the SWL Qualifying Pool, currently sitting on their asses due to recent rules changes, into a league of their own!"

A snigger and snide "Yeah, that Dorf Captain is so short the rumour would have to be grass level" is heard from behind the camera

"Inside sources say that consideration is being given to seeding Qualifying Pool teams who have exceeded the 150 cap into two or more Divisions in a Super League. The Super League is designed to allow the best of the upcoming and as yet unemployed teams a chance to show their stuff, keeping the fans excited and the money flowing."

"Inside sources my ass, that shifty lil Dorf paid you to say this"

"Structured similarly to the current Southern Waste Leagues, with enough expressions of support from Coaches with teams ready to transfer, this league would not only compete with, but could also compete AGAINST the traditional SWL, with discussion of turning the off-season Gentleman's Picnic into a League versus League KnockOut"

From the camera dude: Oooh, kewl - all in brawl - I'd like to see that! That lil Dorf will get his lowdown ass kicked for sure

"Coaches who want to nominate a Qualifying Team for the Southern Wastes Super League (must be 150+TR from the SWL QPool) should contact Coach Elan and let him know so that SWSL can get up and running! And speaking of running .... is that Dastardly heading this way? Strange ... first time he has ever run towards a cameraman ... "

The picture wobbles and it looks like the camera has been dropped. A squeak of fear and the sound of determined sprinting is heard before the camera hits the ground.

"Uh, this is Rolf Harrass reporting .... "

The sound of a meaty body blow is heard

"Oooh that had to hurt!"

Man, he is splattered and the Dorf just kept going ... where is the apothecary - oh, oh yeah - off-field injury and he was not insured either. Um, bad luck really. Can you get the Dorf for hit'n'run? No ... short jokes are a defence?? Really?? Welll ... OK then.

"This Is Rolf Harrass reporting for Chanell BB, your media event Channel, the only one with a new camera critter vacancy"

Joined: Nov 16, 2003

Post   Posted: Jun 21, 2004 - 10:36 Reply with quote Back to top

Umm, being elected as the point of contact by Twahn .... send me a PM if you are interested in putting a team forward. This should clear the backlog in the QPool, give us all a few more games and let us start up another Qpool side at a later date Smile

Joined: Jan 27, 2004

Post   Posted: Jun 22, 2004 - 03:58 Reply with quote Back to top

Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine

Already the Div 2 controversey starts! Our spies inform us that the underwear models of I-House have moved into an underground location to build some sort of secret weapon. While our spy couldn't get close enough to fully understand the purpose of this weapon it was clearly identified as a "Thesis Experiment Rig" . Wild speculation has ensued in Camp Chaos...with most thoughts centering around the idea that it is a machine designed to somehow block the presence of the GREAT UNSEEN! Another wild idea is that it is some sort of temporal warp device designed to trick the Crowes into missing the deadline for the round and forfieting the match. We will of course endevour to learn as much as we can about this devious human technology as soon as possible.

In other Mid-week news...a publicity day went horribly wrong when the Black Crowes visted a Kids Hospital. While moving amongst the patients JealousGuy "accidently" sliced through some IV tubes with his RazorSharp Claw! Luckily the Apothacary was at hand to quickly mend the tubes and hustle the wayward mutant off the grounds. Lions entertained everyone with his hit single and in the spirit of the day he also improvised a new tune based on the incident with JealousGuy called He Hurts You 'cause He Hurts. In stores next week!
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