“Joneses Take High Casualties in Win
Joan Welfriter (UPI)

The Joneses chalked up a win yesterday over the Dish Washers United, although at high cost. Both Davy Jones and Jenny Jones were already on the bench with injuries from the last matchup, leaving only 10 Joneses to keep up with...and the numbers quickly dwindled from there with two more Joneses scheduled to miss their next game.

Early in the match, Darryl Jones suffered a broken jaw trying to go for it and will sit next week. Then two turns later, in what can only be described as poor coaching, (blocking with the Big Guy first, rather than dodging the linemen out of blocking distance first) two more Joneses suffered casualties at the hands of the Dish Washer Treemen: Grace Jones was badly hurt and Quincy Jones will miss the next game with a concussion.

The Joneses own Treeman, Too Tall Jones, attempted to even the casualites up a bit, Fracturing Rudolf II's arm, but there were just about too many Flings for these Joneses to keep up with! What really marked the game as notable were the impressive one-turn touchdowns scored by the Dish Washers. Treeman Chefkoch twice flung Mikey and Sancho over the heads of baffled Joneses, landing with ease and scampering for TDs.

Luckily the Joneses are indeed a talented bunch. Chipper Jones scored early in the game in turn two after a great pass from Jesus Jones and a Dish Washer ejection for fouling (Pedro II). Later in the half, Terry Jones showed some nice poise in the pocket, surrounded by flings, waiting for Osmosis Jones to get open. After a well placed block by Jesus Jones, pushing a lane open, Terry stepped up in the pocket and threw a completion to Osmosis Jones over the head of the helpless Heinz II, who was in great coverage, but simply mismatched. Osmosis then dodged away for a score!

The Joneses could only field 7, going into the second half leading 2-1, and it was quickly cut to 6 as Dish Washer Scotti badly hurt Terry Jones. Petey IV then nabbed the ball and handed off to Heinz II. Chefkoch went for another passing TD with the little guy, but instead gouged his eye out, causing Heinz to miss the next game! Unfortunately the Joneses could not capitalize, and on his second attempt, Chefkoch chucked Sancho again over the Joneses for a TD! (Note to self, move your secondary BACK).

With now only 6 players to receive, facing a full squad of 11 flings, and it tied 2-2, it was literally crunch time for the Joneses. And the omens got worse as the kick off started with a pouring rain storm. Regardless, Jesus Jones picked up the ball and passes to Tommy Lee Jones on the upper sideline. Tommy Lee was then swarmed with flings. He blitzes Giovanni II and runs down the sidelines with Chuck, Osmosis and Chipper dodging away from the two Treeman to provide cover. Fortuately the Dish Washer dodging was not as effective and Bruno got KO'ed while trying to dodge away to cover and Tommy Lee ran in for the score to make it 3-2.

The following kickoff was mercifully halted by a two turn delay of game (must have been cleaning the pitch of elf and fling parts). The Dish Washers were setting up for another patented one-turn fling pass, but their luck must have run out marked by trouble handing off. On defense, Too Tall and Chipper swarmed the loose ball not allowing the flings to pick it up. Osmosis swooped in to grab the ball and threw it downfield to a waiting Jesus Jones. Unfortunately Jesus was not far enough out of reach and Sancho blitzed him for the ball. With one last desperate attempt to tie, Chefkoch threw Sancho downfield as hard as he could, hoping that the little guy would bounce into the endzone, but he knocked him out cold and the game whistle blew with the Joneses hanging on for the win!

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ooc: Great match vs. a very talented coach. (The one turning was sweet) I'd definately play vs. Mirromaster again!”