“In the South Side Slammers' first game ever, and their coach's first game against the Amazons, the vicious, bloodthirsty beasts of Chaos proved to have far more in common with sissy fourth-grade girls than the women of Furia Bianche. Despite a fair job coaching, the Slammers simply could not take advantage of any situation -- entire turns passed where eight or more consecutive 2d blocks produced nothing but pushbacks, and in the course of the entire game the Slammers were able to muster hardly any true POWs. And despite trying to take advantage of those rare occurrences through fouling, the Beasts of Chaos continued to embarrass themselves by managing only one casualty.

All in all, Coach Stewie ran a solid game, staying out of block reach and taking liberal advantage of his players Dodge abilities to hammer home the first touchdown despite kicking off in the first half, due to the impotence of the goatmen. Only a spectacularly surprising interception by Shamash late in the second half prevented the Slammers from being shut out and allowed them to make it respectable, as a Turn-16 blitz by one of his teammates knocked an Amazonian blitzer away from Shamash and allowed him to tip-toe into the endzone to finish the game.

Excellent, thoroughly entertaining game, Stewie. I'm looking forward to the next one.”