“The Red Star Strikers gained a little confidence after their draw against the Necromatic side, Steve of the Dead, but now had to face Torturer's Picnic, who were positioned nicely in the division with three wins from four appearances. A dispute between two of their better players, The Bill II and Paris Hilton III, meant that neither would take the field whilst the other was on it! Whilst such jealously and caprice is normally typical of the Dark Elves, it probably showed that they also did not fear their Dwarven opponents, who had not managed to win a game.

The Picnic received the Dwarven kick and were off to a great start when they knocked out Georgy Malenkov and Lavrenti Beria. How I met your Mother, the Torturer's Thrower, sat on the ball deep inside his own half as the Dark Elves jostled for a good position. The Elves smashed the Dwarves, utilising hit and run attacks. The Dwarves came close to get some fist on skull, but the Elves dodged away when they didn't fight back succesfully. The Reds' blitzes, meanwhile, failed to knock the Dark Elves over, let alone hurt them. Eventually Mother passed to Witch Elf Brittany II, who found herself in acres of space and dallied on the ball before she took the easy opportunity to score. In the meantime, the Elves had sent Rakosi from the field with a bad injury that will likely rule him out next week. Things were not at all good for the Strikers.

They didn't get any better after the restart, with a rock thrown by the fans hitting Troll slayer Kliment Voroshilov. A fireball then struck a group of Reds, with the burns sustained sending Leonid Brezhnev from the field for the remainder of the match. The Dwarves caught a break when Waterboard II was sent from the field for fouling, but the reprieve was temporary. They did seriously injure Paris Hilton III, but the Elven apothecary fixed her with minimal delay. Klaus Fuchs gained possesion briefly, and made a break for the line with time running out. He was chased down by Blitzer Sunrise II and the ball spilled loose, with only good fortune preventing a second touchdown after a brilliant Brittany II pass. It was 1-0 at the long break, with the Reds suffering from another drought in the casualty department. Their inability to inflict pain on the opposition has been their main weakness, and it looked like continuing. They had not so much as knocked a player out by halftime, other than Paris Hilton injury which she recovered from.

The Reds started with a cluster in the second half, with Runner Vyacheslav Molotov holding the ball in the middle. The Elves were happy to wait off the pack, picking off Dwarves as they tried to move forward. A fould from Thumbscrews II on Kliment Voroshilov put him out of the game. Eventually the relentless pressure forced a turnover, as Paris Hilton tripped Molotov with a diving ankletap. Hotfoot shot out a pass to Today Tonight III, who was in prime position to score. By now the Dwarves had had enough. There was clearly another loss on the cards, and they took it out on Brittany, who they fouled out of the match. Today Tonight scored, and the Dwarves came out looking for blood. Immediately after the restart, Deng Xiaoping put Sunrise II out of action. Whilst Molotov and Fuchs fumbled with the ball, Mao Zedong knocked out Iron Maiden II. With the match over and no possibility of scoring, the Dark Elves were frightened of the newfound menace in the Dwarven game and hightailed it out of there. How I met your Mother, however, was not quick enough to escape Deng Xiaoping, who charged down the Thrower and delivered a fatal blow.

Another defeat for the Reds. Again they failed to hrut anyone until 'junk time', in what has been their consistent weakness this season. Whilst they will be glad to have killed a player, just to prove they weren't complete pushovers, their game lacked a lot of the quality finishing we've seen from the Strikers in previous seasons.

Twahnlow Votes
3 - Brittany II

The better Witch Elf on the day. Scored a touchdown and nearly created a second just before half time.

2 - Sunrise II

Nice blitz which saved a touchdown and nearly created one at the other end.

1 - Paris Hilton III

She was good when she was on, and refused to stay down.”