“Chapter 21

“Knock the what?” asked the new catcher.
Coach Robsson sighed.
“Not knock, Cnoc.”
“Knock knock?”
“Who’s there?” piped up Beds are Burning with a stupid grin on his face. It was not the first time he’d made the same joke and by now only he was still finding it funny.
Coach Robsson, with the patience of a tree, tried once more.
“Cnoc Na Feille. It’s foreign. It means, the hill by the market place. I thought it sounded nice.”
“Yeah,” added Beds are Burning. “Don’t knock the Cnoc.”
Thankfully, his childish giggling turned into a yelp as The Lion and the Unicorn picked him up and hurled him across the field.
“I like it. It’s poetic. And evocative,” he said.
Robsson looked at the tree in surprise.
“E-what-ative?”
“It reminds me of my saplinghood. I grew up on a hill by a market place. It would have been a good name for me, but seeing as I have one already, I’m happy enough for the new guy to use it.”
The new catcher still wasn’t convinced.
“Feille sounds a bit like fail to me. Are you sure that’s a good name to give a player?”
“Would you rather I called you Jolene? That was my next choice.”
The wood elf thought for a moment and shook his head.
“I guess not. I’ll stick with Knock and Fail.”

The White Men in Black Suits were playing away from home once more. This time they were in the Northern Mountains to play the vampires of Loogaroo which was, in anybody’s book, a tough game. Coach Robsson had decided to bolster his squad with a new catcher and give him a little bit of the action to see how he was going to shape up, but so far he’d only just survived the naming ceremony.

The game began in typical Loogaroo fashion; the great bell in the castle clocktower chimed midnight and the kick was taken on the final chime. There was a loud cheer from both sets of fans as the game got underway, and an even louder cheer scant seconds later when the over-eager Cnoc Na Feille was felled by a blow from one of the vampires and carried off to Doc Onholiday’s tent.
“Well,” muttered Coach Robsson to himself. “So much for that idea.”
Still, with an extra body on the roster he could afford to be cautious with the injuries. Better to pull the new boy off now than risk him doing even more damage to himself later on.

The White Men scored in typical style seconds later and set to receive the Loogaroo onslaught. The vampires had hired in the famous ogre, Morg ‘n’ Thorg to bolster their line and he set about his usual duties with a routine efficiency which bordered on boredom. Soon there seemed to be more wood elves off the pitch than there were on, and Coach Robsson decided to rethink his ‘play it safe’ strategy for the second half.

But try as they might, the wood elves just couldn’t break the vampire defence and the longer they struggled, the fewer of them there were to try. A last-second push to try and even the score ended in a failed throw and the vampires took the game 2-1.


* * * * *


“RC?” asked Cnoc Na Feille, now recovered from his concussion. “What does that stand for?”
He was talking to Coach Robsson just after the vampire coach, known only as RC, had come over for the customary post-game handshake.
“No one knows for sure,” replied Robsson. “Many people have offered suggestions but he’s never given away his secret. Personally, I think it stands for Resurrection Charlie.”
There was a giggle from Beds are Burning, which everyone chose to ignore.
“How about Really Cruel?” suggested Peace Frog.
“Or Really Cautious,” said Beds are Burning. “They were certainly more cautious than cruel today.”
“Recidivist Coffindodger,” offered The Lion and the Unicorn.
There was complete silence. Not one single wood elf had any idea what the words meant. Coach Robsson made a mental note to check with Doc Onholiday to see if The Lion was on any medication. Failing that, he’d have a look and see where he was taking root at night. Some of the glades close to their own stadium were known to be full of residual magic and there was definitely something not right about a treeman who could even speak polysyllabic words, let alone understand them.
“What?” asked the treeman. “It was a good suggestion.”
“It was indeed,” said Robsson. “Maybe that’s it.”
“You want to know what I think?” put in Beds are Burning.
No one did, but that didn’t look like it was going to stop him have his say.
“I don’t think it’s RC at all. I think it’s Arsey.”
Coach Robsson smiled.
“Hey, I’ve got a really good idea. I think you might well have guessed it. Why not nip over and ask him, see what he says?”
And unsurprisingly, he did.
“Hey Doc,” called Coach Robsson. “Better dig out a stretcher. I think you’ve got one last concussion on its way.”
”