“Chapter 2


“What did I tell you?”
The elves looked subdued and no one offered an answer.
“Well? Anyone?”
Finally Charlie spoke up.
“Watch out for hubris.”
“Exactly!” bellowed Coach Robsson. “Watch out for hubris. What was it you said after the last game? Orcs don’t surf? We were totally awesome? Well, look at yourselves now. You were pathetic. Totally and utterly pathetic.”
Coach Robsson was fuming and not even Charlie was going to suggest he practiced his calming meditation when he was like this. And he had every right to be. Once again, their opponents had been a team of orcs, but this time they were a battered squad in need of a recovery game. Seriously under strength. But Zoom Orcs had proved to be anything but a walkover for the elves and despite being closer to a goblin team than an orc one, they had dominated from the start. Hang Eleven had been hopeless from the very first kick of the game right up until the final whistle. Charlie hadn’t been able to stay on his roots, Pipeline had behaved as though the ball was actually a jellied eel and Ride the Wild Surf had taken every possible opportunity to fall flat on his face. And on top of everything else, Surfer Girl was suffering from a fractured skull that would certainly see her missing the next game and did not bode well for her future career as a Bloodbowl player.
Robsson clenched his fists and looked for something to hit but there was nothing close enough so he just waved them around instead. It looked slightly comical and somewhat undermined his position of power.
“Sorry, Dude. We totally sucked” said Surf City. “Our bad.”
The rest of the team mumbled their agreement and Coach Robsson found himself unable to maintain his anger any longer.
“Well I’m sorry too, guys. I’m coach. I have to take the blame just as much as you. Maybe I should have spent a bit more time training you up before we started playing. This is a tough league with a lot of brutal teams in and I let you breeze on in like it meant nothing.”
“But Coach”, said Pipeline. “It does mean nothing.”
“Huh?”
“Dude. It’s only a game. We win, we lose. Who cares as long as we inspire, right? No one can win all the time. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but I think I speak for all of us when I say we’re not here for the winning and the gold. We’re here for the eternal glory.”
“But you might die out there.”
“Dude. We go out and surf the wild waves every single day we can. We might die out there too, but we still do it. We live for the thrill and the challenge, Bro’. And well die for it too if we have to.”
Robsson shrugged.
“Well, I doubt you’ll be disappointed then. But please at least try to stay alive. Believe me, a noble death is all very well, but a long life is a much better path to everlasting fame. And I should know. I’ve coached hundreds of elves in my time and seen most of them die right here on the pitch. But along the way I’ve helped create a few legends as well and you don’t get to be a legend in this game unless you learn to stick around for a bit.”
“Question.” It was Balboa Blue, possibly the only player in the whole team who had played anything resembling a good game.
“What?”
“Wouldn’t it help if we, like, had some armour and stuff like the other teams do? I mean, man, those orcs are tough customers with all that leather and metal and stuff. We would be like, so cool if we had the same gear.”
“Yeah, and just how are we supposed to work up our tan in all that stuff?” asked Ride the Wild Surf. “I mean really. You want to wear Factor five hundred leather, be my guest. Me, I think I’ll stick to the skin I was born in.”
“Whatever, Dude. I was, like, just suggesting.”
Coach Robsson cut in.
“As a matter of fact, I have a full squad’s-worth of armour and uniforms arriving this very evening. It’s almost brand new. Only twenty-two games old to be precise and it should fit you perfectly. It belonged to my last team, the White Men in Black Suits, but since they are no longer able to play you may as well use it.”
“Those of you who actually want to use it”, he added. “Now, what say we wash off all the dust and dirt and go find us some ocean for the rest of the day?”
The elves perked up at once.
“Because”, muttered Robsson under his breath, “it may be the last chance some of you will get considering what I’ve booked us in for tomorrow.”
”