“This opening match of the 145 Club Rookie Cup will go down as a classic of the competition. It had everything; blood, skilful play, stupid errors and a razor close finish. The only thing missing was semi-naked Witch Elves, but maybe they’ll make an appearance in the next round.

Samurai kicked off and immediately launched a blitz while the ball was still hanging in the air! Blitzer Zanshin took advantage of a double team on Elf blitzer Silver Haze, sprinting in with a flying kick that shattered the unfortunate Dark Elf’s knee and left him seriously injured! Undeterred, the Ganja Elves finished their blunts and got to work. The Samurai were caught out of position with a bad block turnover and before they knew it, Super Skunk had handed off to Orange Bud for a slick run in touch down. 1 – 0 to the Elves!

The Samurai fans were unhappy with the opening play and vented their frustrations on the next kick off, storming onto the pitch, leaving six Elves stunned and the entire human team untouched! Coach Katana chuckled with glee – this would surely be a walk in!

Samurai thrower Naga strolled up to collect the ball, went for a quick pass for a speedy break away, and fumbled the ball. Not good. But still plenty of time!

Following turn, Nage got the ball, ran downfield, went for another quick pass that would set up a walk in TD, and somehow fumbled it BACK INTO HIS OWN HANDS. This was officially bad, as it meant all the Elves had woken up!

Next turn, Nage attempted a quick pass to a Hashiru the Catcher. Nage managed to mess this one up too and the ball scattered into a nearby square. By now the Dark Elves were fully recovered and were swarming after the ball!

At this point Coach Katana was pouring ten thousands curses on the idiot thrower, but Coach Coombz helpfully pointed out that a handoff would have been just as good at that point because Catch allowed a re-roll. A little light bulb dawned over Coach Katana’s head...

By now the situation was fairly desperate, with tackle zones, markings and a general scrum formed around the ball. The Samurai had to ride their luck with a string of 1 dice blocks. Somehow, all of them managed to produce the desired results. Nage got the ball, handed it off to Hashiru, who managed to dodge past White Widow (only with a Dodge re-roll!) to get the TD.

The next kick saw the Elves lining up for a wide zone break through. However, a perfect defence kick off result allowed the Samurai blocked off this prospect. The Elves went big for the breakthrough with Jack Herer making a high risk sprint deep into the Samurai half. Unfortunately, his bravery was rewarded with being tackled to the ground and a nasty bit of gang fouling followed – the referee wouldn’t stand for such shenanigans, and sent Sanuki off for the rest of the match.

Second half dawned with everything to play for. The Ganja Elves hit a short range kick that landed just three squares behind the line of scrimmage. Nage the Thrower ran over to collect and fumbled it – so much for Sure hands! The Dark Elves reacted quickly and Orange Bud rushed through and grabbed the ball from under Nage’s nose! However, Bud was a long way from any friends, and was promptly blitzed down by Zanshin.

Not wanting to waste anymore time with the useless thrower, Zanshin grabbed the ball himself. Some good blocking from the Samurai opened up a wide zone breakout. Zanshin ran through, covered by a pair of colleagues. However, White Widow was waiting in the backfield and nailed a blitz on the Samurai that put him down, with the ball bouncing straight to the Dark Elf!

A scramble followed. The Elves put receivers downfield, forcing the Samurai to run back and cover them. Meanwhile a big brawl developed around the ball carrier. Ultimately, Zanshin was able to recover from his earlier beat down and returned the favour to White Widow, knocking the Elf out cold! The ball bounced loose, but before Zanshin could grab it, he was kicked in the back of the head by Purple Haze with such force that he fell face down onto the ball, causing it to somehow bounce into the hands of Elf thrower Super Skunk! Unfortunately, Skunk was stood right on the sidelines and was promptly blitzed into the crowd by Wakasa, ending up badly hurt as a result!

This spell of chaos and carnage finally came to an end as Echigo grabbed the ball and ran towards the endzone, supported by as many Samurai as could reach him. The Elves gave chase and were able to pile a host of tackle zones around him. But spirited blocking from Samurai’s blitzers, a skilful dodge from Echigo and a succesful hand off to the catcher Uketomeru led to a Samurai touchdown to make it 2 – 1.

With a single turn left on the clock, there was nothing the Elves could do apart from give the humans on the line of scrimmage a good beating to vent their frustrations!

And so ended a great game against a great opponent. Thanks for the match Coombz – looking forward to the rematch!

NB: Nage the USELESS THROWER has been given a stay of execution, pleading that the Dark Elves had replaced his wife with a curvaceous Witch Elf and were threatening to return his old woman if he completed a pass....”