“News Team Stops at Nothing in Pursuit of Victory, Large Meals

Tubby reporter Beater Sissons shivered, awkwardly fumbling in his bag for an umbrella and only finding empty crisp packets. The News Team did not fear any scoop, and this was a big one, an intimate tell-all from an ancient Egyptian mummy. The mummy had insisted on absolute secrecy, nobody knew Sissons was here in the rain-hammered graveyard. What was worse, it didn't even appear to have any gravy. A heavy thump alerted him to the approach of the ancient, and he turned around, dictaphone ready.

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"Anybody seen Sissons?", asked Jeremy towards the end of the game, to a chorus of shaking heads and mutterings.

"Oh well, he can't have got far", said Fiona, deftly flinging the ball to the touchline for another score, "not on those stubby legs"

"Hey, guys, you see that zombie over there, does he look a bit, uh, like he's been hitting the brains too heavily?", Alagiaaaargh pointed at a corpulent corpse who was taking to the field for the final kickoff.

"My god", whispered Jeremy, "that fat bastard owes me a fiver! Nooooooo!"

This has been The Spooky News with Sophearsome Roarwrath. Sleep tight.

”