“News Team

After a hard day reading the news, the News Team sallied forth in search of sustenance, converging on an all-night garage crewed by murderous beastmen. Burnalot approached the cashier, his arms submerged in a vast pile of sweets, sandwiches and snacks.

"Hang on", said John, "are those sausage rolls? I'm sure I remember doing a piece on how they caused a 5% increase in death"

Grudgingly the sausage rolls were returned, and Burnalot made to pay.

"Wait, wait, hold up", said Trevor, "I distinctly recall that those mints are linked to whooping cough"
"And that bottled water is meant to be radioactive"
"PRETZELS CAUSED MMR"

- time passes -

"Okay so you're saying all we can have, between us, is this packet of Werther's Originals"
"And even then, only two each, unless you want your liver to look like a scouring pad"
"ROOOOOOOOAR", said the beastmen, trying to point out that other people needed to buy stuff too”