“News Team in their element

The News Team dust off their fightin' suits, welcome a new Crunchfight into their midst, and prepare for their next tilt at a BAFTA. In honour of their chemistry-themed opponents, each was wearing a tie made of a different element. Sissons was wearing a garish red copper number, outraging viewers from the daily mail who insisted he should wear a sombre grey cobalt tie in honour of the fallen. Axeman had a titanium, axe-shaped cravate, which he used to great effect slicing up elves left and right.

By far the most useful neckwear was sported by Warkriminal, who had fashioned a wearable faraday cage out of aluminium foil, and used it to great effect to shield herself from the bolt of the wizard. Notable mentions go to Roarwrath's mercury bandana, which gradually poisoned her brain over the first half, causing her to spend the entire second half in a state of really stupid.

Trevor McChokehold's arsenic kipper tie was considered a poor choice, and he succumbed to his injuries midway through the first half. Kaboomsky's fluorine necklace was probably responsible for the legions of knocked-out elves that failed to wake up at any point.

ONWARDS TO ROUND TWO”