“In the locker room perched above the stands, the Archers of Avelon were in an uncommonly good mood. They were coming off a three to nil win over the We’re Wolves of Tanzwut that featured a double Fumbbl Badge performance. Today their predictably inept human coach Kondor had done the unexpected and booked a home game against storied Khemrian team known as the Angry Newscasters. At last this was the chance to show the Blood Bowl world the flare and greatness of High Elf perfection while shining a light on a bag bones that was past its prime. Move over you dusty bandage heap a new team is destined for greatness!
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The press box on the Angry Newscaster sideline was nearly silent. That is as to be expected when the MC has no vocal cords and his assistant’s cords are so desiccated that only groans and mumbles make it through his mummified jaws.

What follows is a transcribed translation of the hand signals and groans that came from the press box during the match.

“Welcome Blood Bowl fans. Today Coach Carlo brings the Angry Newscasters against an upstart High Elf team “coached” by a human known as Kondor. It seems about 14,000 fans of the Newscasters have left their resting places to watch some sport. On the other side about 30,000 of the living have climbed on the Archer of Avelon bandwagon.

On the field, the Archers are stretching and hopping around. There should be more of that later when they are stretched apart and perhaps missing a lower limb. In the meantime they bounce around to stay warm as a freak snow storm blew in this morning.

The stoic heroes of unlife have now found their places on pitch and prepare to receive the kick.

The ball is in the air and two elves have been knocked out. What a beautiful display of artful kicking. Skeleton after skeleton is stomping on downed elves. The dwarven referee is admiring the spectacle and wait… Stefano has carried the ball into the end zone. He must have confused Carlo’s stomp sign with a score sign. No..No…Carlo actually held up the score sign. What a stroke of genius by the master coach. This will force the elves to stand up rather than curl in the fetal position. That ploy seemed to be working too well.

The two teams square off again, and…It’s a blitz!! Marvelous! Another elf on the floor and ….wait a minute…That dirty dwarf just kicked out a skeleton. That was not a foul! He barely touched him! The elves have cleared the ball somewhere near the end zone but the real game is at midfield where the smash fest continues.

Well that is the first half and while the scoreboard reads 1-1 the casualty box show that only 8/12 elves will come out for the second half.
My oh my, what a beautiful pounding. We are in the closing minutes of the match. Three elves are badly hurt and another has a groin strain. (Be sure to ice it and work it Revwe.)

Wait a moment. I thought this was an elf team. The dodging Wrestler Tifadoon tripped and….has died? Can we get confirmation on that? It looks like she pulled off Marco’s hand in an effort to get away and when she fell, her weight landed on it. Yes it is confirmed his middle finger penetrated her trachea. He should patent that move. It was a masterful play.
Look at that. I almost missed it. Stefano is not to be out done. He just crushed the elf star Throthradir. She is rolled to the sideline grasping her back in agony.

Seconds to go and the ball is loose. The rookie catcher is in the end zone alone. Noneta plucks it from the ground and lobs it over….No! Giampiero plucked it from the air. Who knew a mummy could leap…well he didn’t leap he stretched… well, he kind of got in the way and somehow he has it.
That is it. Time is up. This game will go into the books as a Glorious Draw in favor of the Newscasters! Thanks for tuning in and we will see you on the pitch next week!
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In the recovery room below the stadium the mood was different than prior to the match. Ice baths and hot tubs were full of elves as they struggled to come to grips with what had just happened. The body bag in the corner reminded everyone of the glory to be found on the pitch but Throthradir’s and Ioelena’s agony was too audible to ignore.

Kondor smiled knowingly as Revwe addressed the team and he addressed her injured groin muscle.

“We were robbed of glory today. The capriciousness of the Fumbbl Gods saw fit to hand the ball to box of bandages in the final seconds. Clearly we showed our skills to the Blood Bowl world today. This travesty that resulted in a draw has brought a measure of expected glory. From here on we will only fly higher.

Now let us have a moment of silence for the passing of Tiffadoon. Later we will have a vacation party for Ioelena, Vanaantien, and Throthradir. They will be taking some extended leave to nurse their injuries.

Kondor excused himself and went to his office to dispatch a message. "Thanks for the match Coach Carlo. It went as planned. I look forward to our next encounter and hope it goes about as well as this one did."
”