“Every now and then I like to play a game against orcs, just to remind myself why I don't play games against orcs. It's not that they can't be beaten, it's just that I can't beat them. I'm built for speed and long bombs, not for running face first into a wall and then lying there while it puts on its boots and walks all over you. To be fair, it's not just orcs, but they're probably the best at it. Dwarves might be as well, but I won't ever play against dwarves if I can help it as it's about as much fun as watching paint dry when it's already dry.

So let's have a look at this game then...

I decided to play it because I haven't seen reo19uk around for a while. In fact, after checking, I discovered that the last time we played each other was 8 years ago so I thought, sure, why not. He had a bunch of block and guard, but no MB, so it wasn't as if he was built for destruction, just unstoppability.

The problem with She's a Sensation is that because of the tree, my TR is way up and the rest of the team are underdeveloped when compared with other teams of a similar TR - in fact here, I was 200K up on the orcs - so I don't have the necessary +AG and strip ball you need to break a ST4/guard cage. Still, I had the tree, who is a force to be reckoned with, and I could always chip away at the edges of the cage with my MB wardancer...

So my tree was knocked over (I think in turn 1) and then proceeded to fail his stand up roll for several turns. When he finally made it to his feet, he took root, though reo19uk very kindly knocked him down again the following turn.

After a few fruitless attempts at cage breaking, I gave up and tried to protect my players from the thirsting chainsaw of Ugroth Bolgrot, and all things considered, I was relatively successful. At least I had the thrower and catcher for the turn 8 one-turn attempt. Sadly, although I made the throw and the two blocks I needed, I then failed my dodge and injured myself in the process.

Second half, and finally I got to do what I do best - a long bomb and a 2 turn TD. And then it was back to the orc wall show for the rest of the half.

So all in all it was a bit of a dismal showing for the wood elves. The tree got to make only three blocks in the entire game - and then was BH off the pitch, just to add injury to insult. In total I managed to break the orc armour a grand total of five times, and had a single KO to show for it. In return, I had a lineman squished, and even though I can afford a replacement, I think I'll wait until after my next game in case I need the cash to replace someone more expensive. So it's back to the land of journeymen for me after just one game with a full squad - and by that I mean 11 non-journeymen, not a full squad of 16. I don't think we've ever had that!”