“Well my goodness, the great god Ihatewoodelves was definitely having a day of celebration today. This was about as ungraceful a game between two teams of wood elves as you could get. We failed everything. And then we failed it again. And again. But luckily for Heteroskedastic, the one truly elegant play in the entire game was one of his, and turned what had been looking like a comfortable score for me into an amazing score for him.

We began with too much sun. This is never a good sign, but my thrower can pretty much cope so I didn't mind receiving the kick-off. What I did mind was the blitz that followed the kick. It didn't actually allow Heteroskedastic to get his hands on the ball, but it did mess up my offence enough to mean I wasn't able to score until the end of turn five.

The turnovers continued after the reset, but somehow Heteroskedastic did manage to get a score of his own on turn 7, leaving me with an outside chance for a one-turn score which I chose not to go for. It didn't really matter, as I failed the pick-up anyway. Twice.

The one fact of note during the final turn was the loss of a wardancer each - Heteroskedastic's was MNG, and as he was the only real offensive weapon, he used the apo and killed him. In return, he finished off the half with a foul on my bashy wardancer and managed a KO (which stayed out for the top of the second half).

We also had a change of weather, but it chose to change to very sunny again, so meh!

On the first drive of the second half, Heteroskedastic continued with the bad dice and this allowed me to sneak in a cheeky score to take back the lead. In reply, we both had a go at throwing a bunch of 1s and the slightly less useless of us ended up with the ball, and the score.


So with four turns to go, I was receiving, and I was in a pretty good position now that the KOd wardancer had finally returned. If I set up carefully and didn't do anything too stupid, I felt like the game could be mine.

So along came another blitz. Again, I kept the ball, and was even able to get the ST3 catcher way downfield, and he managed to catch the ball. And he had a reasonable level of support as well. Looking good.

Heteroskedastic made a good attempt to defend, but I just had too many players around to allow him to get anywhere near the ball.

Then the AG5 wardancer failed a pass.

Then the AG5 wardancer failed an even easier pass.

And that was when it all went wrong. Heteroskedastic made up for all his previous bad dice by doing absolutely everything right and all at the right time, getting rid of the diving tackle, picking up, dodging free, going for it, throwing a long bomb, catching it, running in the score.

This was somewhat frustrating from my point of view, seeing as how I hadn't been able to do anything right for the past few turns, but I can't really complain - Heteroskedastic's score was a thing of beauty, and sometimes that's just the way it goes.

In reply, my final-turn attempt was also looking pretty good. I managed to push my catcher three squares forward, KOing the annoying Eldril at the same time. I made the throw and catch, then made the two difficult dodges, then failed my go for it - or was it the 2+ dodge? Either way the result was the same.

It felt like a game I just wasn't meant to win. I never really got going the way I wanted to, the two blitzes messed up half my offensive drives, the constant rolling of 1s was frustrating to the point of being tedious and Heteroskedastic's blocking was just too effective - despite his complete lack of block or tackle. It wasn't all one-way, I admit. Heteroskedastic had his fair share of the terrible dice, and he definitely came off worst in the bashing game, and in the end it all came down to one single epic play.

As wood elf vs wood elf games go, it was a disappointing one from the passing point of view. The combination of the sun and the messy offensive drives meant there just wasn't the level of quick scoring I was hoping for. To be honest, I'm not even sure I threw a single long bomb. Shocking.

However, as compensation for the mess on the field, I was gifted another double on the skill roll for the tree, so he has now become a blodger as well as having ST7.

And that's certainly not nothing.”