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NUFFLE'S CURSE DENIES UNICORNS

Maintenance halflings were still washing the smeared remains of Praag Grizzlies players from the Unicorns jerseys when the much anticipated home game against the Crimson Cascade came around. Whilst the chance of matching the blood-thirsty massacre were slim, the game versus the Carroburg team was not uneventful.

But Nuffle themself must have had a mischievous hand in the Unicorns downfall...

Ruud van Buuren got a cheap hit on Pia Neuheuser, knocking her out (temporarily). Seeing the home team blitzers bearing down on him, Sven Drubill dumped the ball off to Bennett Callindrill, but the ball bounced loose. BJ Hill unexpectedly found himself in possession of the loose ball before being sacked by Bernd Kippenberger, who picked up the squigskin, before the Cascade committed their third foul of the game before the clock had even got past five minutes. The visitors tactic was clear; numerical superiority was required as early as possible.

Barry Gryson, one of the league's finest ogres, was smashed in to and required resuscitation from the Unicorns apothecary, who has been invaluable in recent games, despite several serious injuries. That piece of fortune was then undone by several exceptionally unlucky events.

1. Ottmar Wirt sacked Christiane Huber, who was knocked out, and Juan Thornhill knocked out Kippenberger but that advantage was lost through a "double double skulls" block*.

2. Cascade gained revenge by taking out Ruud van Buuren permanently. The van Buuren crypt will require one more tomb for a fallen son of that great family.

3. Juan Thornhill was also knocked out in a melee deep in Cascade territory. In summary, Brigante sacked Varvara Saltikova and Giza picked up the loose ball. Brigante tripped whilst trying to protect the ball carrier and was knocked out before Giza himself tripped over the goal line in the final play of the half, spilling the ball loose at the buzzer.

Coach Wilson's half-time team talks have now come to resemble therapy sessions, having set aside his loudhailer and horse crop. Calm, composed, and concentrated on settling the match in their favour, the team returned from the changing rooms.

4. However, they were caught off guard by a blitz from Saltikova, before the umpire had blown their whistle, which took out Sean Bunting and will force him to miss the next match whilst he recuperates. Unicorns had to see out the entire second half with just ten men.

5. Ottmar Wirt received the Cascade kick but Giza fumbled the simple hand-off.

6. At the next opportunity, Giza tried to pick up the loose ball but muffed it and it ended up in the crowd.

7. Their derision for his failures may have been a factor as the ball was thrown straight into the Unicorns end zone.

With the visitors chasing down the ball, Thomas Leboucher had to pull off a Hail Mary blitz on "Bear" Alreksson, but that failed to stop their advance. The Cascade had their own moment of misfortune when Alreksson tripped and had to be patched up by their Apothecary. However, Zoe van der Linden was on hand to score.

8. Wirt received the ball again with a sense of urgency that comes from the countdown clock. He picked up the ball and rushed but tripped and picked up a serious injury ruling him out of the next game.

Gryson, patched up and angry, took his frustration out on van der Linden, who had to rely on medical first aid to avoid a more serious injury.

9. Leboucher managed to finally inflict some damage on Neuheuser - 46 blocks but only one that had any lasting effect. He was then knocked out by another successful Cascade block.

The final act of the game was for Giza to score, in an effort to redeem his superstar image after the failures in the first half.

Coach Wilson admitted to the gathered press that he has lit candles for the blessings of Nuffle and left coins and cupcakes at the shrine outside the city walls. "Some might say that to come away from this match with a point is a sign of our fortune. I say to those people that they might consider watching the highlights on CabalVision and revising their perspective." When pressed further about the effect the loss of blitzer van Buuren and both Club Captain Wirt and hotshot youngster Bunting will have on the next game, Wilson responded; "Nuffle may take away but he is generous with his gifts. We have a squad of players capable of stepping in and I expect to call up some reinforcements from our under-23s team."

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* For the uninitiated, a "double double skulls" block is a colloquial term for when a player with a physical advantage throws a block on a weaker opponent but, somehow, that target player managed to slip a shank between the ribs of the attacker or use some Oriental martial art to turn the bigger players' strength against them.”