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UNICORNS SURVIVE TOUGH ENCOUNTER

Like previous matches, the approach from Coach Wilson - to the vocal dismay of the home fans - has been to coax his squad through tough matches. The Middenland side contain several notorious players - Jack Sparrow who, in almost 100 games, has made 300+ blocks and 100+ fouls; Youri Djorkaeff, who has made 66 fouls in 22 games; and Uziel Gal, who has made 34 casualties and scored 56 touchdowns in just over 100 games.

The 10'000 Unicorns fans were given a real treat in the first half. Receiving the ball, Ottmar Wirt made a pass to Richard Lane. BJ Hill knocked out Emilia Schroder and Bruno Giza, now in possession of the ball, badly hurt Jawaan Taylor before tucking behind a solid defensive screen. In exchange, the Classics knocked out Thomas Leboucher with a foul, and Gal single-handedly disrupted the visitors plans by injuring Wirt and Lane, who was saved by the club apothecary.

The loss of Unicorns players forced Wilson to hustle his players into scoring sooner than he would have liked and, in doing so, Arthur Dent ended Hunter Agsded's career. Agsded by name, Agsded by, well, you get the gist...

Omar Giza blitzes his way through a desperate pack of Classics defenders and crossed the line. However, as seems to be a common theme, things turned for the worse. Djorkaeff, who had previously fouled Leboucher was spotted fouling Hill and was sent off. Jack Sparrow then ended Leboucher's game with a block. Isaiah Blaide was also injured by Xandre De Soutolongo then, in a final desperate attempt to make a dent in the Classic numbers, Thornhill thought he had seriously hurt Bruce Brown but, somehow, he still crossed the line to make it 1-1.

Few of the Unicorns players regained consciousness and so the team had just 10 on the pitch for the second half and had to kick off. Schroder, who had recovered, dealt a foul to Dent but was sent off. Rika Magdova knocked out the usually active Torrosa, who had been prevented from dishing out his usual smorgasbord of brutality. De Soutolongo then injured Adeniyi and Gal knocked out Dent.

Bolt, playing what would be his last game for the club, injured Kolton Miller, but he was soon patched up. Barry Gryson won the battle of the ogres, meaning De Soutolongo will sit out the next match.

However, the players wisely stood aside in a flat, action-free second half where the Unicorn players were ordered to form a virtual guard of honour for the Classics to avoid further damage to the team.

The fans made their feelings clear with audible boos, jeers, and food scraps being thrown on to the pitch. Chants grew for the General Manager to be fired and the Head Coach to receive some sanctions which cannot be repeated here for the sake of common decency.

After the final whistle and cordial handshakes, Wilson was grilled on his approach by CabalVision News; "I don't have to answer to hacks. I have to protect my players to give them the best chance of winning matches. Once the tide had turned and we had 8 players in the infirmary, we just had to let the Classics play their game and avoid too many blocks or fouls. Once you fall out of favour with Nuffle, it's best to accept your fate and take precautions."

Further questions were rebuffed by the club's Media Officer but the gathered journalists were not to be dissuaded and Wilson had to placate their ire.

"Look, I've put behind me the angry, ruthless, bloodthirsty approach and become more at peace and more serene. The team you see now is a result of that. We play smart, we don't cheat and foul like those damned Mordheim boys or the Sharks." When the Unicorns exceptionally high casualty rate from a below league average number of blocks was raised, Wilson waved away the enquiry and left.

Questions remain over the rookie coach and whether the job of turning around the Unicorns, who have suffered two consecutive last place finishes, is simply too big for him.”