“The Clausthal Bears seized on the opportunity to visit a Chainsaw side decimated by the lose of it's three main players, notably Razor. What they walked into was a backlash.

A strong crowd, considering the exit of star players, were in ecstacy at the mounting Bears casualties with the 'Saws matching their previous record of six. The humans played with valour, still trying to prevent the home side from increasing their lead but, with dwindling numbers, could not contain a savage orc side who looked like killing a player with every blow landed. A late comer would have thought the ground staff had found enough of the rare red mountain grass to have relaid the pitch, that much blood was spilt.

Amid all the glorious violence, Slice grabbed two out of three Chainsaw touchdowns to show that Razor was not going to be missed as much as many had predicted.

A ghostly white Coach BSKiwi was distraught, seen running down the corridor, tears streaming, crying "My beautiful team!" After regaining his composure, he commented, "I took this match because I hate orcs. Now I really hate orcs."

Coach Chainsaw denied there had been a crisis of confidence in the dressing room before the match. However, in an interview with Thonk that lasted over an hour and cost us enough to buy a small harem of whores - literally - we managed to confirm the rumour that Coach Chainsaw had to be comforted by players and staff after breaking down when reading out the team roster.

Prefect, scoring for the first time after 43 games for the 'Saws, was impossible to interview, constantly breaking into vocal interludes of, "We 'ate da 'umans!" We presume he meant hate, and not ate.”