“A healthy crowd and a promising match up, two sets of 11 orcs mashing each other for the duration of a Blood Bowl game. There were casualties, but unfortunately the serious ones were saved by apothecaries. The only notable moments in the game were the 'Saws failure to score when receiving in the second half, instead gifting the Horde of Horca a touchdown, and then their pathetic attempts to score an equaliser despite enjoying a numerical advantage.

Controversy marred this game for the Chainsaw as the end saw the dismissal of top scorer Slice. He later claimed Coach Chainsaw was pointly manically at a floored goblin and he was meant to stamp on him. In reality the coach was pointing at the ball carrier with Slice also being an expert at knocking the ball from a players hands. If only his mind was as sharp as his skills, the Chainsaw may have been enjoying a draw and not a second successive defeat. Whilst warming the bench, Slice watched his players relentlessly attempt to get the ball off of a Horca player for almost a quarter of the game, unsuccessfully. It was pitiful.

Coach Chainsaw refused to blame the player, insteat laying the blame on a training camp vacation taken just prior to the match. In a place where it rained and rained, foul smells and rotten flesh tarring the air, and surrounded by generally unpleasant beasts, there was no complaints from the coach about the resort. Instead of training, they got drunk and disorderly and generally forgot more tactics than they managed to discuss over ale and whisky.

Some total ineptness on the field was evidence of a backwards step the team has taken in the last two matches, leading to rumours that a few high profile players may be due the axe. Still, the coach would not report on heresay of slicing a player or two from the team and no names of the people to be sliced can be ascertained. Still, it seems certain he will slice at least one of the more experienced members of the squad. Who will be the slicee will remain unknown until then. Slice was unconcerned, confident it would not be him.

After playing in 162 games, long serving Horde of Horca player Matraglav looks to have played his last game for the club after showing signs of age for the first time in his lengthy career. The player could not be reached for comment. Coach Dadoz would only say, "For some reason he's been practising kicking recently and, given his seniority, that's not something I needed. I might just kick him into touch."

In further controversy, a family of orcs were ejected from the stadium amid slight protesting. The wholesome family, including both a mother and a father and three children - shockingly one a teenage female - who have grown up together disgraced the event by turning up as a family unit. The protesting lasted as long as it took the stadium announcer to find out and bring this tragic news to the attention of the crowd, who thankfully beat and maimed or killed most of the small group of pro-family maniacs. The father, who idiotically insisted he only had one wife, had both hands cut off for his sins. The mother was sold for a paltry amount to a randy elderly shaman. One of the sons was executed for refusing to cut off his father's hand, whilst the other was more cooperative and sent off to enroll in the local army. The daughter, who had shockingly never been ravaged by a grown orc, was given to Nails as an award for his longevity to join his harem of female slaves. Despite describing her as pretty, he begrudingly accepted her insisting she might make a useful toilet scrubber and, failing that, some of the homeless drunks in his neighbourhood might take her on for a small fee.

With the stadia stigmatised by this henous affront to our way of life, the home support is expected to dwindle for the next game. We pray to the Gods of death, fury, and war that we will not be cursed in the future with such horrific occurances. In an effort to reduce the damage to Chainsaw reputation, Coach Chainsaw donated the home team's match winnings to a pillaging charity which supports murder and destruction all over the kingdom.”