“This was the first time the 'Saws had participated in the FumBBL Cup and hopes and expectations were high among players, staff, and supporters.

When he received the schedule, Coach Chainsaw was distraught with star player Vader out through injury. When the officials showed him a copy of the piece of paper he was given with the FumBBL dates on it, he was heard remarking, "What a coincidence, that looks just like the paper I put my tea mugs on." So it was that the 'Saws came into this match off the back of a rather unwise game against a vicious chaos team and subsequently Vader-less.

Taking advantage of this missing player, and not wanting to give up a handicap, Coach Schalburg ruthlessly cut an injured player from his side.

The dwarven side won the toss but chose to make the Chainsaw receive, trusting in Nuffle. In the opening play, the home side made really hard work of knocking down the dwarevs who stubbornly stood up to the orcs (i.e. lots of pushback / skull / skull-blocks). Coach Chainsaw was getting agitated and some annoying person kept tapping him on the shoulder. Without even looking he had the fellow ejected from the dugout.

Frustrated, the orc blocking became careless and, despite having a massive advantage (i.e. 2 dice) and the attention of the coach (i.e. a reroll) down went one of the lumbering black orcs in a failed smash on a dwarf (i.e. quadruple skull). A dwarf slipped through the open defense, knocked over orc thrower (1 die) and ball carrier Scud, and despite Goran getting back (successful blitz), sneaking in for the opening score (1 die blitz, pick up ball, score).

The rest of the half would see the now-familiar pathetic blocking by the orc side who failed to be effective and could not create enough space for an equaliser before the break. The ref failed to send off Balder II after he stamped on the face of a prone orc. He accepted the believable excuse that the dwarf's turning circle was rather large and he could not turn in time to avoid treading on the player's face when he was surrounded by team mates.

After the break, things became more even, but the dwarves went about their business in typically slow fashion. The dwarves, gathered for a foul, momentarily forgot that the home side had hired a Wizard. It was the perfect opportunity to blow open their offense, and steal the ball to score and set up a tense finale. "Wizard, fireball those suckers!" Nothing happened. "Wizard! Take them out!" The crowd hushed. "Wizard! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!"

"You had him ejected from the stands, sir."

Rage. Then tears.

With orcs filling the knock out corner, there was not the green power on the field to stop the grinding Friends making it 2-0. Somewhere in the melee, Craze looked like he was leaving the game for good. However, his arteries simply needed tying back together and he appeared to suffer no further ill effects.

Things were desparate, so desparate that Coach Chainsaw threw on goblin Snuff. The kick was kind, the ball collected, handed to the globin. Would notoriously hungry Rump eat him? No, he kept his tiny mind together and launched the littl'un downfield. He landed, evaded the attentions of a dwarf stumbling to keep up with the quick play, and ran in the touchdown. There was hope left, with enough of the game remaining to rush the dwarves and score an equaliser.

Yeah, right. These dwarves and their coach, as we know from experience, are no mugs. A tightly organised collect and protect routine made it impossible for the faster orc players to close down the ball. It was left up to the goblin again. Surely, a second time was possible. A throw, a blitz, a pick up, and those last few yards were all thats needed. It was unlikely but now was the time for a hero. So Rump grabbed Snuff, pulled back his big troll arm for a gargantuan throw, spotted a donut stall in the stand, and dropped him.

It didn't help that the wizard, who was found drinking heavily in a local bar wallowing in his sorrows, feeling incredibly unimportant, was not sober enough to help out in the final play of the game.

The crowd were vocal in their disappointment with the 'Saws early exit from the competition before they'd had a chance to get wiped out by a far more vicious team.

Well, there you have it. A well marshalled Mjoelnir's Friends side beat a rather less well marshalled Chainsaw team. Perhaps if Nuffle were a little kinder in the first half, if Vader were playing, and if Coach Chainsaw had used his wizard, the result might have been different. That's a lot of ifs, and at the end of the day it's just pointless conjecture. Coach Schalburg has taken his team deservedly into the 2nd round of the FumBBL Cup IV and good luck to him!”