How can a player who learns nothing from four games (except how to be dead weight to the team) be useful as a coach? you ask. Simple: become Torture coach. Yes, this useless elf - once 5'11" - is now deployed to greater effect on a rack, being stretched 1/16 of an inch for each TD conceded by her former team-mates, and 1/2 an inch for each defeat.

Now, if only her ex-comrades gave a damn about her, this might be an effective motivational tool ...

(Current height/stretch: 6'1" and 5/16")

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I've lost count now: she must have snapped.