David Hume's main contribution to the team lie not in any special abilites on the pitch, but rather his ability to get the team quickly out on the pitch before the games start. He has a craving for haggis before he take the field, and thus the rest of the team scurry out of the locker room as he prepares his foul meals. "Jist as me mum made 'em!", he insists.

Additionally his tendencies to out consume Hegel have the head coach worried that Hegel will one day be passed out in the dugout instead of on the pitch.