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Bokonon United
Retired [X] Human

The infamous Woluwe Bones Collectors massacre of May 5th (long may it live in memory) has left the Bokonon boys sorely understaffed and filled up with niggles. The will never submit! They will return! Long live Bokonon!!! er... as long as his dodgy leg allows him to play.

If you are playing against this bunch of wusses, please be aware of the following:

1) ICE DANCE SUPERSTAR - while your tightly knit team of shiny, excitable, brutal warriors are in tip top condition and play a mean game of football, the boys of Bokonon United prefer to fall over a lot.

2) GENERAL WUSSYNESS - currently averaging one death per two games, Bokonon United are now paying rent at the local morgue. If you kill someone, don't feel sorry. You are promoting industry and helping to pay the wages of the undertakers. It is the best way out of the credit crunch you know, stimulate the economy.

3) ERIC STOLTZ - yes, I persuaded Eric Stoltz to join my team. No he isn't dead yet. If you really want to kill anyone, go for him. UPDATE: 23rd April 2009. Eric Stoltz is dead, gored by a minotaur. Good riddance. He averaged less than 3 blocks per game, and had no TDs, casualties, completions or intercepts.

4) THE COWARD'S LAST RESORT - even if you play really well and decimate me thanks to a supremely inventive gameplan, I will point to the top of the screen and weep a little as I read out the smallest two digit number known to man (edit: after some enquiries from stupid elveseses, I can confirm that this number is 10). Luck happens to other people. Of course, if the boys happen to win, you can try doing the same to me but I will be too busy holding my hands over my ears while yelling NAH NAH NAH NAH I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

5) THE INFAMOUS WOLUWE BONES COLLECTORS MASSACRE OF MAY 5TH - only two of the Bokonon team were left standing at the end of the second half. Two deaths, several serious injuries and a smattering of badly hurts. Undaunted, one of the KO'd players rose from the doctors bench for the second half in a crazy show of sheer bloody-mindedness. Single linesman courageously holding off waves of mummies. Sweat, blood, and tears all shed in a defiant, yet pointless stand of honour and dignity. They would not concede. 'Fishgills' McGinty, alone on the LOS screaming 'NONE SHALL PASS!' 'Fishgills' was soon KO'd and they all passed. Yes, with no Bokonon players left on the pitch, the Woluwe Bones Collectors happily twatted around the pitch, laughing, while the crowd merrily threw rocks at the hapless Bokonon team whenever they had the temerity to stand up for a restart. The final turn saw the two remaining fit players running away, deep into their own half, flicking 'v's and threatening to rip the mummies' bandages off one by one. He may have left the pitch in the first half, but the Bokonon spirit was still on the pitch. Still there, and slightly smeared with the blood of his compatriots.

New Team Page Beta
Player Ma St Ag Av Skills Inj G Cp Td It Cs Mvp SPP Cost  
1
Bokonon
Ogre
5 5 2 9
Big Guy, Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
Guard, Pro
 n 23 0 0 0 7 1 19/ 170k
(113)k
  
2
Saffy
Blitzer
7 4 3 8
Block
+ST, Mighty Blow
 n 16 1 2 0 9 1 30/ 160k
(146)k
  
3
Beef
Blitzer
7 3 3 8
Block
Guard
 n 23 0 0 0 1 2 12/ 110k
(104)k
  
4
Fingers
Blitzer
7 3 3 8
Block
Mighty Blow, Frenzy
 n 23 0 1 0 8 2 29/ 140k
(108)k
  
5
The Mysterious Nigel
Blitzer
7 3 3 8
Block
   4 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 90k
(95)k
  
6
'Potatodog' Bill
Lineman
6 3 4 8
+AG
   2 0 1 0 0 1 8/ 90k
(90)k
  
7
Z. F. Pirate
Catcher
8 2 3 7
Catch, Dodge
Block, Side Step, Strip Ball
 n 24 4 5 1 1 3 38/ 130k
(135)k
  
8
Mean ol'Smithy McSmith
Lineman
6 3 3 8 m 1 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 50k
(0)k
  
9
'Fishgills' McGinty
Lineman
6 2 3 8
Dirty Player
 -st, n, m 24 0 0 0 1 2 12/ 70k
(0)k
  
13
Tiger-Face Jr.
Lineman
6 2 3 8 -st 11 0 1 0 1 0 5/ 50k
(20)k
  
15
Rudy 'Yarr' Roberts
Thrower
6 3 3 8
Pass, Sure Hands
Accurate, Safe Throw
   19 19 0 0 0 1 24/ 110k
(135)k
  
9 players (+2 players missing next game)  
Coach: horsehawk Re-Rolls (100k): 4  
Race: Human Fan Factor: 6  
Current Team Value: 0k Assistant Coaches: 4  
Treasury: 30k Cheerleaders: 2  
Team Value: 1420k Apothecary: Yes  

Games Played:25 (2/6/17) |TD Diff:-37 (18 - 55) |Cas Diff:-43 (22/14/3 - 42/26/14)
Last Opponent: Pharoes Bones