| | Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
| 10 | Pfffffffffffffffft | Thrower | 1 | 0 | Pass | d |
| 1 | Played Emphasy With Only Nine Elfs And Survived Win!!! | Blitzer | 2 | 6 | Block, Side Step | d |
| 10 | Please Next Game Lets Have Some Decent Winnings Share The Wealth You Stunty Buggers! | Thrower | 4 | 3 | Pass | d |
| 3 | Is This The Beginning Of The End Master Slayer? | Lineman | 11 | 8 | +ST | d |
| 4 | DMU Season 3 Has Started So Badly....... | Lineman | 12 | 12 | Block | m, -av |
| 15 | Casulty Draughts Do My Brains In | Catcher | 7 | 17 | Catch, Nerves of Steel, +MA, Block | n, d |
| 4 | Yay DMU3 Starts Today!!! WIn!!! | Lineman | 4 | 5 | | d |
| 1 | Ooooo So Close We Almost Had Two Blitzers Then! | Blitzer | 8 | 17 | Block, Side Step, +AG, Leap | m, n |
| 12 | Ironic My Name Is Death And Ive Died Already | Lineman | 7 | 11 | Block | -ma, d |
| 3 | Are We Ever Going To Raise Enough Cash To Buy Another Blitzer Again? | Lineman | 14 | 17 | Mighty Blow, Block | d |
| 1 | Playing With Ten Players Is Getting Very Upsetting Now | Blitzer | 7 | 9 | Block, Side Step, Tackle | m, n |
| 11 | Were Still going After 69 Games? How Is That Possible? | Lineman | 4 | 6 | Mighty Blow | m, n |
| 10 | When I Grow Up I Wanna Be Just Like HMS Norscas Ex Player Crom | Lineman | 17 | 10 | Block | m, n |
| 5 | Here We Go Again With The Recovery! Bloody Av 7 | Lineman | 6 | 2 | | d |
| 4 | Really A No Assist Foul And You Rip Me Without A Dp And Ive Done 6 Mass Gang Dp Gang Fouls And No Ca | Lineman | 12 | 1 | | n, m, n |
| 8 | Long Bomb? I Think Not Il Go For DP If Its All The Same To You | Thrower | 27 | 39 | Pass, Mighty Blow, Block, Side Step | m, n |
| 14 | Bundle! | Catcher | 4 | 16 | Catch, Nerves of Steel, Block | d |
| 13 | Elfs Only Playing Dwarfs? Awesome! | Catcher | 15 | 20 | Catch, Nerves of Steel, Block, Side Step | d |
| 1 | Not On A "REAL DMU TEAM" | Blitzer | 8 | 9 | Block, Side Step, Tackle | d |
| 4 | Good Grief Its Getting Harder And Harder To Field 11 Healthy Players! | Lineman | 10 | 16 | Block, Dirty Player | d |
| 11 | Fresh Meat | Lineman | 11 | 2 | | d |
| 10 | FF Increase Yes!!!!! Finally They Get Beating On Dwarfs Is Entertaining! | Lineman | 11 | 3 | | d |
| 4 | Hanging In There By The Skin Of Our Teeth! | Lineman | 4 | 11 | | d |
| 3 | Fingers Crossed For The Next Game Huh? | Lineman | 21 | 12 | Dirty Player | -av, d |
| 5 | Grind That Axe For Me Baby! Grind! | Lineman | 12 | 12 | Block | d |
| 1 | Mr Love | Blitzer | 8 | 16 | Block, Side Step, Leap, +MA | m, n |
| 8 | What A Great Catch And With Those Heavy Gauntlets On As Well Very Well Done Tiny | Thrower | 15 | 23 | Pass, Block, Dirty Player | d |
| 3 | Your Arms May Hold Me Tight | Lineman | 5 | 8 | Mighty Blow | d |
| 8 | Youve Polished That Armour Of Yours So Brighty I Can See My Unworthy Elven Face In It What A Clever | Thrower | 2 | 0 | Pass | d |
| 8 | Play Horsey Horsey With Me King Dwarf? | Lineman | 3 | 6 | | d |
| 10 | Your So Manly Downing All That Ale In One Go Makes Me All Excited Your Mighty Midget | Lineman | 14 | 16 | Dirty Player, Block | -av, m, n |
| 3 | Is That A Hammer In Your Apron Or Are You Just Pleased To See Me Sir Engineer? | Catcher | 8 | 11 | Catch, Nerves of Steel, Block | d |
| 15 | Group Dwarf Hug? | Catcher | 33 | 44 | Catch, Nerves of Steel, Block, Side Step, Mighty Blow | d |
| 16 | This Stone Bread Is To Die For Mr Blitzer You Devil You | Catcher | 54 | 70 | Catch, Nerves of Steel, Block, Side Step, Leap, Tackle | -av |
| 4 | Oooh Spank Me | Lineman | 19 | 1 | | d |
| 2 | Let Me Roll More Than A One Please Grungi | Blitzer | 22 | 20 | Block, Side Step, Tackle, Mighty Blow | m, n |
| 6 | Not The Face NOT THE FACE! | Lineman | 20 | 20 | Block, Dirty Player | n |
| 10 | I Get So Dirty Down The Mines And Lonely......... | Thrower | 11 | 13 | Pass, Block | d |
| 6 | My I Smoke On Your Pipe | Lineman | 2 | 5 | | d |
| 5 | Good Grief Your Buff Under That Beard | Lineman | 19 | 41 | Block, Dirty Player, Kick | -ma, m, n |
| 9 | I Bet You Could Throw The Ball So Far With Those Powerful Arms Of Yours | Thrower | 57 | 31 | Pass, Block, +ST, Side Step | -ma, -av, m, n |
| 10 | Watch This Im Such A Good Thrower You Scary Slayer You | Thrower | 6 | 6 | Pass, Mighty Blow | d |
| 14 | You Look So Big With Your Chest All Puffed Out Like That Master Dwarf | Catcher | 42 | 76 | Catch, Nerves of Steel, Block, Mighty Blow, Side Step, +MA, Piling On | n |
| 9 | Not the face not the FACE! | Lineman | 7 | 16 | +AG | d |
| 6 | All that gold must take long to polish master Dwarf | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | m, -ma |
| 15 | Your Armour Is So Well Maintained | Catcher | 18 | 34 | Catch, Nerves of Steel, Block, Mighty Blow, Side Step | d |
| 14 | Does My Bum Look Big In This? | Thrower | 7 | 14 | Pass, Block | m, n |
| 15 | Tag Your It *Giggles* | Catcher | 4 | 4 | Catch, Nerves of Steel | d |
| 16 | Watch Me Run Little Boy | Catcher | 18 | 28 | Catch, Nerves of Steel, Block, Side Step | d |
| 12 | Make a Daisy Chain With Me Master Dwarf? | Lineman | 48 | 34 | Dirty Player, Block, Mighty Blow | m, n |
| 11 | your Not So Grumpy Are You Under all That Armour | Lineman | 38 | 37 | Mighty Blow, Block, Guard | m, n |
| 10 | Come Here Short Stuff Gimme Some Love | Lineman | 13 | 17 | Block, Dirty Player | m, n |
| 9 | May I Touch Your Axe? | Lineman | 4 | 10 | Mighty Blow | m, n |
| 8 | Love You Long Time You Tackling Stud You | Lineman | 39 | 29 | Block, Dirty Player | d |
| 7 | Ooo Your So Macho With All That Block | Lineman | 23 | 16 | Block, Dirty Player | m, n |
| 6 | Not Seen You Round Here Before | Lineman | 8 | 8 | Block | m, -av |
| 5 | What a Lovely Long Beard You Have Mr LongBeard | Lineman | 15 | 0 | | -ag, d |
| 4 | Want My Last Rolo Sir Blitzer? | Lineman | 29 | 23 | Block, Kick | -ag, d |
| 3 | You Look Big and Strong Mr Slayer | Lineman | 31 | 4 | | n |
| 2 | Hold My Hand Runner? | Blitzer | 19 | 16 | Block, Side Step, Tackle | -ma, d |
| 1 | Mr Hug | Blitzer | 43 | 45 | Block, Side Step, Strip Ball, Pro, Tackle | d |
killing by fun?