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Past Players of Philosophical Beards
| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 11 | René Descartes | Blocker | 10 | 5 | Block, Tackle, Thick Skull | d |
| 10 | Erasmus of Rotterdam | Blocker | 9 | 16 | Block, Tackle, Thick Skull, Dodge, Guard | -st |
| 7 | Baruch Spinoza | Runner | 9 | 20 | Sure Hands, Thick Skull, Block, Leader | d |
| 5 | Friedrich Nietzsche | Blitzer | 11 | 37 | Block, Thick Skull, Mighty Blow, Juggernaut, Frenzy | -av |
| 2 | Plato | Troll Slayer | 7 | 13 | Block, Dauntless, Frenzy, Thick Skull, Mighty Blow | n, d |