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Past Players of You Have No Cows
| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 6 | Other People's Money | Beastman Runner | 6 | 6 | Horns, Guard | m, d |
| 6 | Crimson Dawn | Beastman Runner | 6 | 10 | Horns, Wrestle | d |
| 13 | Red Dawn Remake | Beastman Runner | 11 | 0 | Horns | -ma, m, -av |
| 7 | Bootstraps | Beastman Runner | 9 | 0 | Horns | -ag, d |
| 6 | Bonfire of Regulations | Beastman Runner | 4 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 5 | The Invisible Finger | Beastman Runner | 4 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 8 | Supply Side | Beastman Runner | 14 | 8 | Horns, +ST | -av |
| 13 | Wolverines! | Beastman Runner | 4 | 0 | Horns | m, -av |
| 5 | The Invisible Foot | Beastman Runner | 9 | 8 | Horns, Block | n |
| 15 | Oliver East | Beastman Runner | 8 | 0 | Horns | m, d |
| 5 | Oliver West | Beastman Runner | 9 | 0 | Horns | -av |
| 5 | Oliver South | Beastman Runner | 8 | 0 | Horns | -av |
| 14 | Iran Contra Affair | Beastman Runner | 33 | 30 | Horns, Wrestle, Tackle | m, d |
| 10 | Bootstrap Puller | Beastman Runner | 8 | 2 | Horns | d |
| 5 | Acceptable Losses | Beastman Runner | 3 | 0 | Horns | -av |
| 1 | The Military | Chosen Blocker | 31 | 60 | Block, Mighty Blow, Claw, Tackle | m, m, -av |
| 14 | Mootually Assured Destruction | Beastman Runner | 5 | 7 | Horns, +ST | d |
| 8 | Red Dawn | Beastman Runner | 38 | 19 | Horns, Wrestle, Tackle | m, m, -ma |
| 8 | Red Dawn | Beastman Runner | 3 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 8 | Red Dawn | Beastman Runner | 1 | 0 | Horns | -ag |
| 11 | Gold Standard | Beastman Runner | 60 | 72 | Horns, Dodge, Leader, Block, Two Heads | m, -ma |
| 14 | The Only Way To Win | Beastman Runner | 7 | 10 | Horns, Wrestle | m, -av |
| 13 | The Bureaucracy | Beastman Runner | 37 | 19 | Horns, Wrestle, +MA | m, -av, d |
| 9 | Yuppie | Beastman Runner | 37 | 16 | Horns, Block, Guard | m, d |
| 12 | Mootually Assured Destruction | Beastman Runner | 4 | 0 | Horns | -ag |
| 9 | Trident | Beastman Runner | 1 | 0 | Horns | -av |
| 17 | David Bluefist | Beastman Runner | 1 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 11 | Red Dawn | Beastman Runner | 8 | 22 | Horns, +AG, +MA | m, d |
| 10 | Nobody Wins | Beastman Runner | 23 | 0 | Horns | m, m, d |
| 9 | Sell The Milk | Beastman Runner | 1 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 8 | Not Aggressors | Beastman Runner | 8 | 0 | Horns | m, m, d |
| 7 | Tear Down This Wall | Beastman Runner | 57 | 25 | Horns, Block, Guard | m, -ma |
| 6 | Trickle Down | Beastman Runner | 54 | 60 | Horns, Block, Tackle, Mighty Blow, Claw | m, m, m, m, m, -ma |
| 5 | Sheeple | Beastman Runner | 24 | 51 | Horns, +ST, Block, +AG, Tackle | m, d |
| 4 | The Aristocracy | Chosen Blocker | 50 | 87 | Block, Mighty Blow, Claw, Jump Up, Piling On | m, d |
| 3 | The Oligarchs | Chosen Blocker | 60 | 95 | Block, Mighty Blow, Claw, Guard, Tackle | m, m, m, m, d |
| 2 | The Free Market | Chosen Blocker | 18 | 24 | Block, Mighty Blow | -ma |
| 1 | The Government | Chosen Blocker | 22 | 19 | Block, Guard | m, -ag |