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Average Suburbanite Slobs
Retired [X] Dwarf

A team inspired by Dennis Leary's 1993 song about his view of the average American male. It's title, if you don't already know it, sums up how I feel about Dorfs in general. If you've not seen it before and fancy a laugh, check out the video below. And if you're really keen, the lyrics are hidden at the bottom. Just watch out, there are a few naughty words in there...

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<div><span><input type="button" value="Show Lyrics" style='width:150px;font-size:12px;margin:0px;padding:0px;' onclick="if (this.value == 'Show Lyrics') { this.parentNode.parentNode.getElementsByTagName('span')[1].getElementsByTagName('span')[0].style.display = ''; this.value = 'Argh, too naughty for me!'; } else { this.parentNode.parentNode.getElementsByTagName('span')[1].getElementsByTagName('span')[0].style.display = 'none'; this.value = 'Show Lyrics';}"></span><span><div class="alt2" ><span style='display: none;'><!--
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<b><big>Lyrics</big></b>
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream.
About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down
in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the
cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle
area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the
colon, we don't know.
(Sung)
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football and porno and books about war.
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.
My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table and a cuban cigar.
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no) no way (uh-uh)
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and piss on the seat,
I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's a real fucking asshole)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
NAAAAH!
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
(Spoken)
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado,
hot-fuckin'-pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big
brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in
that baby doing 115 miles an hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down
quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-
biodegradable styrofoam containers... yeah! And when I'm done suckin' down
those greaseball burgers I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the
side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why?
Because we got the bombs, that's why... yeah! Two words--nuclear fuckin'
weapons, OK? Russia, Czechoslovakia, Romania, they can have all the democracy
they want...they can have a democracy cakewalk right through the middle of
Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick of fuckin' difference, because we got
the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead--he's frozen! And when we find a cure for
cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You
know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million
times--that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and
John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of fuckin' whisky and drive...
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know you really are an asshole?)
Why don't you shut up and sing the song, Chris. I thought I was the
asshole... all the time it was him... what an asshole!
(Sung)
I'm an asshole (I'm an asshole, he's an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)
A S-S H-O L-E
Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay
A-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo
(Spoken)
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it!
(Chris mouths: Asshole)
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<small>(Pictures are all taken from the first result on google images when searching for players name, some wierder than others!)</small>
New Team Page Beta
Player Ma St Ag Av Skills Inj G Cp Td It Cs Mvp SPP Cost  
1
Troll Slayer
5 3 2 8
Block, Dauntless, Frenzy, Thick Skull
Side Step
  6 0 0 0 1 1 7/ 120k
(125)k
 
2
Troll Slayer
5 3 2 8
Block, Dauntless, Frenzy, Thick Skull
  3 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 90k
(95)k
 
3
Blitzer
5 3 3 9
Block, Thick Skull
Stand Firm
  19 1 2 0 2 0 11/ 110k
(105)k
 
4
Blitzer
5 3 4 9
Block, Thick Skull
Mighty Blow, +AG, Guard
  16 8 1 0 3 3 32/ 160k
(160)k
 
5
Runner
6 3 3 8
Sure Hands, Thick Skull
Dirty Player, Block
  35 4 4 0 0 2 26/ 120k
(143)k
 
6
Runner
7 4 3 8
Sure Hands, Thick Skull
+ST, Dodge, Side Step, +MA
  17 0 17 0 2 1 60/ 220k
(218)k
 
7
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
  1 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 70k
(75)k
 
8
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
  0 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 70k
(75)k
 
9
Longbeard
4 3 1 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard, Mighty Blow, Stand Firm
-ag 46 0 2 0 14 2 44/ 140k
(145)k
 
11
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard, Mighty Blow
  13 0 0 0 6 2 22/ 110k
(135)k
 
12
Longbeard
4 3 1 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
-ag 8 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 70k
(55)k
 
13
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard, Mighty Blow
  41 0 2 0 3 1 17/ 110k
(135)k
 
14
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard, Mighty Blow
  29 0 2 0 3 1 17/ 110k
(135)k
 
15
Longbeard
4 3 2 9
Block, Tackle, Thick Skull
Guard
  28 0 1 0 3 0 9/ 90k
(115)k
 
14 players  
Coach: Cribbleobblepie Re-Rolls (80k): 5  
Race: Dwarf Fan Factor: 11  
Current Team Value: 0k Assistant Coaches: 0  
Treasury: 20k Cheerleaders: 0  
Team Value: 1950k Apothecary: Yes  

Games Played:48 (24/8/16) |TD Diff:13 (66 - 53) |Cas Diff:81 (89/57/26 - 40/29/22)
Last Opponent: Fekal BBC