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The Craghammers are widely known as the warm-up act for the Cryptic Humours on their Eternal Gemstone Tour. Coach Johar of Jaarvic met fellow Coach Stonefist drinking somewhere in Northern Brettonia. Just after sundown, Johar had stuck a knife in the Dwarf's guts but by the following morning they were staunch friends.
The stabbing didn't kill Stonefist, but he died later that year and rose up from the dead shortly after that. It didn't affect their friendship much. 'He stunk while he was alive anyway,' Johar says fondly.
It's widely known that Johar is one of the many bastard sons of King Albar the Norseman, but he won't be heading back to his father's court in a hurry. In his homelands Johar is branded a kinslayer and oathbreaker. Publicly, he pleads his innocence, but anyone who knows him well enough has heard about the Night of the Five Axes.
This Norse outfit aren't the best. They play to get the crowd ready for the main event, and they know it. They're brave and strong and stupid. Plenty of them will get smushed. Those that do might even make it into the Cryptic Undead lineup. Those that don't might eke out a decent living. Either way, you better ready yourselves for a blood bath.
The Craghammers follow their parent team on its tour around the Old World. Johar adorns each ten game set with some Norse flavour by handing out a ceremonial weapon to the player deemed most worthy of merit. Reviews can be found below. |
| Record: 7 wins, 1 draw, 2 losses. | | TD Difference: +10. 17 for, 7 against. | | Casualty Difference: -12. 15/4/1 dealt, 16/8/4 received. Three linemen killed. | | Summary: The Hammers take part in the inaugral Eternal Gemstone tour in the southern Duchies of Brettonia. They visit Aquitaine, Brionne and Carcassonne and play for Duke Theodoric of Brionne, house Massonne, Baron Leuthere, Aiden the Brave, Duke Huebald and others in their first ten games. | Tour Summary:- Their debut. A 1-1 draw with an extremely bashy Orc outfit. Skolli Gra Tung is removed by a turn 5 goblin foul (Nig apo'd to MNG). The referee doesn't see it and consequently Johar has a man remove his eyes after the game so he never sees anything else again. Lineman Borkir gets the score.
- Down an Ulfwerner, the Craghammers decide to take a chance on merc Boomer. He nearly costs them the game! Jaarvic go down by a touchdown but rally and win 2-1 with two second half touchdowns. Lineman Grenak Svatr Steinn suffers MNG; lineman Josurr Votek Mynt is killed. Lineman Borkir smashes a beastman's collar bone with the game's first block. He also bags himself a second TD (the equalisier) and skills up for Kick.
- The Craghammers shut out the Frogguars 2-0 in front of 18,000 fans, their biggest crowd yet. Kicker Borkir continues his fine run of form with a casualty. Lineman Alrek gets his 2nd cas and Ulfwerener Josurr opens up his own bloody account book. Lineman Harek scores the opening TD and Ulfwerener Skolli Gra Tung nets a TD to skill up for block. New boy Berserker Snorri manages 8 blocks on his debut but can't secure any Spp.
- 18,000 fans show up again to watch an unforgivably bad performance from the Craghammers which results in a 2-0 drubbing. Kicker Borkir and linemen Bodvarr and Alrek will miss the next game with serious injuries. We're lucky it wasn't worse.
- Jaarvic manage a comfortable 3-0 win over an undead team. The Craghammers turn up to the game to find a skeleton-only team. It must have been their lucky day with three linemen out injured. Berserker Snorri Haettasokk picks up two scores on their offence in the first half and skills up for Mighty Blow. Runner Havardr Askelson scores the other td and nets a casulty to skill up for Sidestep. One of three merc linemen die; another, named Haki Reiborga, gets the MVP and nets himself a permanent place on the squad.
- An entertaining win for Jaarvic against an Ogre outfit that ends 2-0. Lineman Hermundr will miss the next game through injury. Havardr Askelson has a big game for Jaarvic, scoring two TDs with 33 rush yards. There are a raft of Craghammers KO'd, but coach Johar is glad with the lack of injuries. He tells his opposing coach at the end of the game: 'The lads are hardy, but not too hardy.' The Ogres and Craghammer outfits end up drinking together after the game.
- It will be hard to top this 2-1 comeback victory. It starts well: the Craghammers blitzed at the first whistle and got stuck into their undead opponents, but a blodge ghoul runner managed to wriggle himself free of the pack somehow. Then, three BHs in a row to tackler lineman Grenak (who failed a dodge) and rookies Alrek and Haki allowed an undead score anyway. With three men out by turn 4 and five men out by turn 7, Havardr still manages to find the hole and tie up the game for half time. Snorri Haettasokk makes him plenty of space with two casualties and a KO from three in a row first half blocks. Jaarvic start the second half with 7 players; fouled Block Ulfwerener Skolli remains KO'd. The Undead come down the pitch hard grinding and bashing as they go. Defeat looks certain. Then it happens: unbelivably clutch defending from Havardr leads to the ball carrier getting sacked into the corner. The ball bounces out to the Malachite Gem fans and they eventually hurl it roughly to the centre of the pitch. Bodvarr is ready. He dodges his zombie marker, picks up the ball in spite of a mummy's tackle zone and hurtles down the pitch into touch for the counter-attacking score. A Craghammer triumph! Even the apo is awake. He saves a turn 8 -1MA injury to one of the hapless sacrifices placed on the LoS against an angry undead horde utterly bewildered with the scoreline.
- An eventual 3-0 win for Jaarvic in a game that was far closer than the scoreline would have you believe. Runner Havardr, Berserker Snorri and newbie lineman Haki get the TDs. Haki skills up for dirty player but will also miss the next game through injury along with linemate Alrek. Kicker Borkir, Snorri and Ulfwerener Skolli are all 1spp from their second skill.
- A gory, brutal battle of attrition with a favoured Dorf outfit that ends in a 2-0 victory for Jaarvic. After the game, Snorri Haettasokk pleads with coach Johar to be allowed to develop his agility game (with a 6,5 roll) but is told to stop being a pansy and work at piling on opponents. He nearly killed someone with his first blitz, but it was apo'd to a -1 MA injury. Thrain Haettasokk, the newbie berserker and Snorri's cousin, is later responsible for a crowd-push kill on a Dwarf blitzer. Thrain himself is saved from death by our apo who has been in good form lately. At the end of the game, the pitch is drenched in blood. The Craghammers have suffered 6 casualties (none serious) and caused 3. Havardr and Thrain get the TDs.
- Jaarvic end the Malachite Tour in terrible fashion. They lose 2-0 to a bashy Khemri team. Both Harek and Olafur are killed, and dirty player lineman Haki will be out for the next game. In fairness, the Craghammers played so badly that this level of damage can actually be considered a decent outcome. In death, Harek steals the MVP to ensure that Jaarvic don't take home a solitary SPP. They wouldn't have deserved one anyway.
| | Malachite Axe Winner: Havardr. |
| Record: N/A yet. | | TD Difference: N/A yet. | | Casualty Difference: N/A | | Summary: Jaarvic take part in the second leg of the Eternal Gemstone tour in the western Duchies of Brettonia. They visit Bordeleaux, Mousillon, and Artois and play for the likes of Earl Burden the Wild, Ganelon, Evroul and Mallobaude. They even headline the tour on one occasion as the Cryptic Humours head east to take part in a tournament. | Tour Summary:- Jaarvic make a despicable comeback against a fling team, winning their Topaz opener 4-1. The Craghammers inflict 4/0/1 casulties and stomp-kill one of the fling Treemen. In fairness, the Topaz Tour fans love it. Suma Snua Drepa and Var Nyteblur make their debuts. Hermundr gets two casulties. Grenak, Snorri Haettasokk, Skolli Gra Tung and Thrain Haettasokk all get TDs. Lineman Bodvarr Storþruma skills up for +1 str after netting the MVP. Tackler Grenak skills up for fend. Thrain takes guard and Skolli takes mighty blow.
- As penance for their fling game, coach Johar signs the lads up for this 1-0 loss. Jaarvic get bashed about by guard-heavy Orcs. A scoreless first half displays some textbook defending from the Craghammers, but the Orcs step up their hitting in the second half. Moments after our apo saves Skolli from death, a merc bombadier goblin murders POMB Berserker Snorri Haettasokk. Jaarvic were simply not capable of standing up to the might of this Orc horde. Newcomer Suma Snua Drepa is also killed. Original lineman Hermundr skills up for dirty player, but nobody notices amidst the carnage.
- The White Flag incident occurs. Dirty player linemen Hermundr Afsjo and Haki Reiborga are fired after a brawl with Coach Johar. Jorundr Samloka and Svatr Lengri are signed up instead.
- Jaarvic come back from Snorri's death with a 3-0 victory over this Necromantic outfit. Runner Havardr causes absolute chaos all game and nets himself a hatrick and his tenth TD. Jaarvic cause two SIs and two BHs. However, lineman Grenak gets his hips messed up and has to bow out of the team. Newcomer zerker Volki skills up on his first game and takes mighty blow.
- The Craghammers beat a fling outfit 2-0. Runner Havardr gets two TDs (that's five in two games). Jaarvic cause a raft of MNG injuries and foul brutally for most of the game. In the first half, it stays relatively even but the Craghammers pull away in the second half.
- The Craghammers three game winning streak comes to an end with this costly 2-1 Norse on Norse defeat. Really, it should have been a draw but a poor mistake at the end of the game threw the game away. It boiled down to this: Jaarvic could only KO their opponents whereas the opposition racked up the casualties. Linemen Vakrajar Tungo Skegg and Var Nyteblur both die, and Skegg steals the MVP as he goes.
- Jaarvic return to winning ways with a 2-1 victory in their first outing against Skaven. Runner Havardr Askelson gets himself a brace of touchdowns. Skolli Gra Tung continues to be a total menace, grabbing 2 casulties. Guarding Berserker Thrain Haettasokk also grabs a casulty and nets the MVP, allowing him to skill up for mighty blow. An attempt is made here to even up our killed to kill ratio (currently at 7 Craghammers dead for 1 opponent) but the KIA is apo'd.
- A bad day for the Cryptic Gemstone Tour itself is still a good night for Jaarvic. They win 2-1 here against a Necro outfit in glorious sunshine. The opponents receive and make a nice play down their left flank to get the score (though, in fairness, our beserkers could have been better placed to stop it). The Craghammers respond well and runner Havardr ties it up for half time in spite of our opponent's well worked blitz. DP lineman Alrek Langvetur makes a crucial foul against a flesh golem here which results in a BH. The other flesh golem breaks his neck making a GFI! In the second half, Jaarvic ratchet up the KOs but can't injure anyone permanently. Consequently, they patiently wait out the clock before Berserker Volki Voldugu runs in the score. He skills up and takes piling on. He's managed 2 casulties from 30 blocks, we hope that will improve soon.
- In the penultimate Topaz Tour game, the Craghammers provide their fans with a triumphant display. They shut out this Chaos outfit 2-0 and deal a total of 7 casualties (2 serious). Star Player Boomer is hired by the Cryptic Tour admin and ordered on the line to tie-up the Minotaur. The opposing coach and the fans are confused by this, but when he deliberately fumbles a bomb into two opposing Chaos Warriors and a Mino, everyone gets the idea. For once, Jaarvic stick to the game plan and are cautious with their engagement until they can get a number advantage. The Chaos strike first, BHing lineman Svatr Lengri on turn 2. That wakes up the Craghammers, who live up to their name. Ulfy Skolli Gra Tung sets up the block for lineman Bodvarr Storþruma to open his casualty account book with a niggling injury. Moments later new POMBer Volki Voldugu BHs another lineman with another casualty. This is his first of three casualties in the match from only six blocks. Before the game, he'd managed only 2 from 30. Runner Havardr picks up his obligatory TD and MB/G Zerker Thrain Haettasokk grabs the second along with his own casulty. Ulfy Skolli Gra Tung also secures a casualty. The Craghammers end up with three players sent off from the pitch and are one Chaos beastman away from a full pitch clear. Lineman Herik Storsjó is credited with the turn 5 foul that MNG'd the Mino. He was red carded to a standing ovation. Jaarvic will be hoping this isn't just a freak game and that they can use this match as a springboard to more brutality.
- The Craghammers' 20th game and Topaz Tour finale ended in a rousing 3-1 victory over a Chaos Dorf outfit. This heavily delayed game began with a pitch inavsion after the C Dorfs elected to receive. Ulfy Skolli Gra Tung only waited until turn 2 to MNG a Claw Blocker. The minotaur responded by BHing Herik Storsjó (who, bizarrely, was awarded Jaarvic's MVP). Skolli BHs another blocker and MB-G Zerker Thrain Haettasokk removes a hobgoblin from the game. Forgetting the Mino's break tackle leads to the C Dorfs taking the 1-0 lead. From there, Jaarvic press their numbers advantage and don't let up their intensity up for a second. DP Alrek Langvetur MNG-fouls a guard/blodge hobgoblin and, in the next turn, smashes the Mino's ankle with another dirty stomp. Early in the second half, he BH-fouls the Bull Centaur before later KO-fouling a blocker to complete an amazing game. Havardr gets two tds and Thrain Haettasokk gets the Craghammers' third.
Topaz Beard-Warmer Winner: Skolli Gra Tung. |
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Gnomes are trash
[R] Norse
