FUMBBL, the online Blood Bowl league

Well, it's been a while but I've cruised back on in.

Still trying to figure out the new skills and stuff.
Still trying to figure out what possessed me to come back in the first place.
Still trying to find the race I like playing the most.
Still managing to produce epic moments of utter failure.
Still managing to show I hold a strong claim to the most useless coach on FUMBBL.

But there must be something that keeps dragging me back?

Anyway, I'm almost there at 2,000. Quite hard to believe really.

I'll be seeing if I can organise a special match against one of my mates to celebrate the occasion. Will it be Dragon Gate back from the dead? Will it be the formerly disgusting minmaxed Eastern Dogs? Will it be something fresh and new? Who knows.

In any event, it's a good community here and always has been.

Undefeated Purple Pain Eye Playoff Berth


The Purple Prince performs the team song in the end zone after a recent game. The performances of the team’s ode to sacrificing thralls for the greater good has quickly become a tradition after each win.

With 4 victories and 1 tie through their first 5 games of the Bonehead League, the Sylvaniapolis Purple Pain have many saying they got the look of a playoff team. Just one win out of the last four games to go in the regular season will earn the vampire team a spot in the postseason.

“This is clearly should be no surprise or controversy,” said team captain and runner The Purple Prince, who leads the squad with three TDs on the season. “Sometimes Nuffle is just on your side, and everything feels automatic or almost like you’re delirious, you know?”

As the team prepares for the stretch run, let’s take a look back at how they’ve kept the momentum for this impressive start going after their opening 2-0 win over the Gorgoth Infernals.

Game 2: 2-0 vs. Irn-Bru Quaffers


Though they stood up well to the dwarves blocking, the vampires did complain that having to bend so far down to hypno-gaze the dwarves strained some backs and necks

The Vampire Formerly Known as Prince (thrower) and Sheila E-vil (runner) each ran for a score in a shutout that saw the vampire squad nearly match the sturdier dwarf squad 41 to 44 on blocks. In addition to some well-placed kick-offs, the key, E-vil said, was frequently using hypnotic gazes to take away the dwarves' blocking skills before blitzing them.

“That was tough though,” she said after the game. “Bending down to look those little fellas in eye so much kind of put a crick in my neck.”

Game 3: 1-0 vs. Helles Belles


Ghoul runner Annar Dee Armaz tries to dodge along the sidelines moments before blitzer Leesa Killman surfs her into the crowd

Out-blocked, out rushed, and out-cas’d (with two serious injuries and the death of a thrall), the Purple Pain looked sure to take their first loss in this match vs. the all-female Necromantic Horror team. However, a key positioning mistake late in the first half tilted the game when Helles Belles’ ghoul runner Annar Dee Armaz ran too close to the sidelines on her way toward what looked to be a likely touchdown.

Purple Pain blitzer Leesa Killman quickly charged toward her, lowered her shoulder, and blitzed the alluring ghoul clear into the second row of the stands. “Well, when I saw her standing so close to the edge of the field,” said Killman, lowering a pair of darkened glasses. “I just thought maybe she needed to … get off.”

Though the Purple Pain were not able to score after the crowd threw the ball back in, the key surf enabled them to hold Helles Belles scoreless in the first half, so that a late second-half TD from The Purple Prince gave them the win.

Game 4: 1-1 vs. Stratford Mobstars


The Stratford Mobstars’ skaven thrower Al Capone was spotted in the Purple Pain locker room stealing the team’s BlooderAde in an attempt to generate more blood-lust in the second half.

Star player Bomber Dribblesnot turned the tide for the Mobstar underworld squad in the first half when he hit The Purple Prince in the face with a bomb just a few yards from the end zone as the vamp was threatening to score. Though the official records indicated that the vampire runner missed the rest of the game with an injury, fans told reporters that they saw The Purple Prince dancing in the casualty box for the remainder of the match.

“I just figured, hey, every gobbo’s got a bomb we could all die here today,” he said later told reporters. “Before I let that happen, I’ll dance my life away.”

Gutter runner Lucky Luciano then put the Mobstars up 1-0, but the Purple Pain were able to take Luciano down late in the second half as he was threatening to ice the game with a second TD. After a bit of scrum, the vampires hypnotized several goblins and rats, enabling runner Shelie E-vil to scoop up the ball. Despite several blood-lusts on her way to the endzone, the speedy vamp nibbled a well-placed thrall nearly to death on her way to a late TD to tie the game.

With players named Luciano, Ma Baker, Pablo Escobar, and Al Capone, it’s no surprise that after the game there were reports of the Mobstars stealing vials of blood from the Purple Pain locker room in an attempt to cause the vampires to suffer more blood-lusts in the second half.

“Well, to us the stadium is a temple,” said the Purple Prince after the game, before lowering his own pair of darkened glasses. “So let’s just say there were definitely thieves in the temple tonight.”

Game 5: 3-0 vs. Tears n' Fears


Depending on who you ask, Tears n’ Fears dark elf lineman Relerar Dareene either places a Druchii curse on the Purple Pain or weeps loudly on the sidelines near the end of the game.

With touchdowns from thrower Morris Night, blitzer Leesa Killman, and even lowly thrall Wendy Hellvoin, the Purple Pain dominated the dark elf team, which could not execute despite a solid coaching plan. The vampire team out-blocked the delves 36 to 26 and out-gained them 44 yards to 18, as the normally agile Tears n’ Fears squad seemed thoroughly cursed by Nuffle, struggling to dodge or even complete a single pass.

The bad luck, however, could shift from the delves to their opponents in the future. Some fear the road ahead could be dangerous for the Purple Pain, as injured dark elf lineman Relerar Dareene was heard placing a Druchii curse on the team from the injury box at the end of the game.

But the Purple Pain’s team captain isn’t worried.

“A curse?” The Purple Prince said after the game. “Yeah, I heard all that noise he was making from the casualty box, but I don’t think it was a curse. I believe he was just weeping from the pain of his injury. I thought, huh, I guess, ‘this is what it sounds like when delves cry.’”

Hello fellow followers of the Official FUMBBL Tournament scene!



As you may have noticed already, the Grotty Little Tournament XIX has started. Asteflix (Orcs), Bazakastine (Amazons), Elyod (Wood Elves), Java (Amazons), Jokaero (Dwarves), Juhmo (Tomb Kings), MartinSeptim (Tomb Kings) and spinball (Vampires) will battle it out in those thrilling major tournament matches! So keep your eyes peeled for those.


In other (and from some peoples perspective more important) news, Bazakastine is stepping down as Tournament Manager and I have the honour to take over the position.
Baza has carried the bundle for quite a long time. If I am not mistaken, he took over from easilyamused in, um, 2019? As a coach, I have very much enjoyed the entertainment of many tournaments in that time, and as a Support Staffer I always felt 100% supported. I hope I can live up to his example.
Huge thanks, Baza!

FFB-Spectator Project
By now, you might have seen a spectator named "FFB-Spectator" join some of your games. That’s the account used by this project — a Discord-based app that lets people spectate FUMBBL games directly inside Discord.

This is a personal project I’ve been building on my own, and it’s still under active development.

If you want to try it out, join our Discord server and start spectating.
You can also see who’s currently spectating inside the server.

We’re now in Open Beta, so bugs and issues may occur.
If you find anything broken or have any feedback, please report it — I really appreciate the help.

Rogmesh hated Rat Ogres. He hated them even more than he hated Sunday school. And every game, seemed he was bellied up to a Rat Ogre. It was like he had a sign hanging round his neck that said, 'Rat Ogre Parking'. Shredder on Roids a few games ago and now Warpfang. And possibly Murderfang next game. Ok, so Rat Ogres do have the coolest names. Rogmesh would give them that.

Tonight, as he sat at the top of the Coal Butte, Rogmesh was not alone. Tonight, he was joined by legends. Natalie had stopped by along with 'Trampoline' Cali and Patrick 'Boss' Lear. Natalie Johnson and Cali were both knocked out of the FA Cup and of course Boss Lear was retired and had brought the darn thing with him! The only current legend not here was Power Slave. He had just joined the club and was the only other legend beside Flingsnake whose season hadn't ended.

They passed the FA cup around to Natalie. As she drank the Coal Butte shine from the gaudy trophy cup, it was as close as she had ever come to it. Trampoline Cali had won the FA cup a few seasons back, Flingsnake had come so close in season 3 but lost in a shoot-out and of course, Boss Lear had just taken the darn thing home with him and just put it on his mantle bringing it down only for special occasions such as needing something to drink out of when you were behind on dishes.

Rogmesh still hadn't gotten totally over the loss to Flatwoods. Trampoline Cali had come down this evening from Flatwoods, a small subdivion of a town just north of Coal Butte. Rogmeshs' forehead still had the boot imprints on it from her cleats as she leapt over him for the win. But she had brought some recreational herbs, so she was cool.

'Trampoline Cali, Boss Lear, wow such cool nicknames! Rogmesh was sure Natalie had one yet, but Flingsnake only had a super lame one - Rogmesh 'Rat Ogre Parking' Flingsnake. Didn't exactly roll off the tongue.

But the game earlier in the evening did have a special guest star - Glart Smashrip. Ather this whole nonsense a few games ago about Flingsnake being better than a Mega Star, well this was a good chance to prove coach Joey wrong. Glart, while not a Mega Star was about as close as the NWBL allowed. He tripped turn one and was seriously injured on the immediate boot to the groin. Oh well, so much for that comparison. Nothing was proven one way or the other. Perhaps we will never know for certain.

Natalie 'Three EFL Cups' Johnson, Trampoline Cali, Boss Lear and Rogmesh 'Rat Ogre Parking' Flingsnake drank well into the night until they stumbled off the hill.

“Rogmesh sit atop the highest coal butte with a mason jar of shine. Another crushing loss to the archrival Flatwood Smashers had put Rogmesh in a predictably bad mood. That game should have been ours and the Boozers should have been playing the Surcharge for the EFL Cup. But a coin flip that goes against you, a great play by Cali, and finally a shootout can turn even the assured victories into a unexpected loss.

But there was one little nugget of game play that brought Rogmesh some joy, that epic hit on Blaze. Blaze was such a simple name for a human. Maybe you could add 'Flingsnake bait' as a handle. Coach Wolvezzz admitted post-game, that he put Blaze out there as a trap; bait to lure Flingsnake behind the lines. It worked spectacularly well; except for the getting Blaze killed part. Another legend and past Golden Destroyer award winner gone.

Speaking of legends, Rogmeshs' favorite stat was

Total number of all Legends killed by every player not named Flingsnake in the history of the NWBL - 0
Legends killed by Flingsnake - 3

The hits on Þorbergr Vígsterkrson and Blaze had been epic and crushing hits. The third, the death of Ugor Dorfshield, the Boozers' legend Thrower had happened post-game in the parking lot after a Boozer/Smasher game. This third KIA was well within Rogmeshs' counting range, but Rogmesh was unsure if HyperboLemer was going to allow this post game back lot mugging to count toward 'Official' league stats.

But Ugor had this coming. The previous game, he had obtained 'Legend' status. Then Coal Butte had to play Flatwoods the next day in the EFL Cup. Ugor claimed it was an honest mistake, but Rogmesh knew better. The Boozer had the game in the bag, Ugor had the ball and Rogmesh was in scoring position. Then Coach shouted out play "One!" Well, everyone in the stadium knew what play 'one' was except apparently Ugor- give the ball to Flingsnake. But now that Ugor had obtained Legend status, he assumed that with his animosity, that that meant for him to keep the rock. Coach Cervus called again, "One! Once again, Ugor in his hubris kept the ball so he could get the score and the glory. Coach Cervus then shouted a third time, "ONE! Give the damn ball to Flingsnake so he can score you son of a Bitch!" Ugor ignored the coach once again. Flatwoods sacked his newly minted legend ass, took away the ball and won the game.

Ugor had one less than glorious game as a Legend. Coach fired his ass before he could even return to the locker room. Flingsnake in a moment of righteous rage met Ugor in the parking lot and gave Ugor a lethal lesson on what exactly play number "One" was. Yes, a valid third Legend kill. If HyperBoLemur can't see that and give Flingsnake credit for that kill, then HyperBoLemur just doesn't know anything about stats and stuff.

Rogmesh took the last sip of shine and stumbled off the hill to get ready for his next game.”

Rogmesh was getting old. That last game he had taken a pounding, and he could feel it the next day. Oh well, nothing that a little Coal Butte Shine couldn't fix. Maybe that was what Doc Sawbones had given him after that hit by Bennet Ramrod. He wasn't for sure, his memory was a bit fuzzy at that point. The last thing he remembered was jumping over Shredder on Roids, dodging past Bennet Ramrod IV and then rushing twice for a sweet highlight reel TD.

But what Rogmesh was totally sure of was that he was a Bad Dude! He words carried real weight - a storyslinger! Last time he had retold the story of the Cheer Book caper and as a result, Coach Joey had trained Shredder on Roids to tackle the little guy. Poor Bashnag Ogrefield. Must have been scary for the little Gobo with that monster out trying to headhunt (Murder) him.

Coach Joey had even went as far in the post-game conference to compliment Rogmesh by saying, and I quote; "A player with that skill spread should be no where near that efficient." High praise indeed of Rogmeshs' ability to wax poetic. Rogmesh nodded to himself, yes, from a deep tradition of Orcish storytelling, to his command of language, to his rythym'n and spell'n, it was indeed an efficient skill spread.

Later in the press conference he even used the word "Abomination". Rogmesh didn't exactly know what that word meant, but he could use his skills as a wordsmith to figure it out. First step was to break it down into its' root words. "A Bom', of course was Latin for 'A Bomb'. Translating that into Orcish, you changed the 'A' for a "Da'. So it translated into 'DA BOMB'! Now the last part of the word 'ination' obviously had the word 'Nation' in it. 'Nation Wide Baby! So putting it all together - Da BOMB, Nation Wide! Rogmesh smiled that he was cleaver enough to figure that out. Not only could he count to four, he was a world class linguist.

But Joey was not through praising Rogmesh. "...surpass Mega Star..." Well there were no bigger stars in the Blood Bowl media than Jim Johnson and Bob Bifford. True legends of reporting. And now Joey was placing Rogmesh in that vaulted Pantheon of journalist greatness. (Apparently taking words out of context was also an effective skill.)

Rogmesh took a last drink of medicinal shine to ease the soreness as he stumbled off the Coal Butte. ”

“<< Warning - The following rift contains an Ear Worm.>>

Rogmesh was sure that Coach Oryx had read his musings on the last game. He had read about the interpretive expression and Elvish Dance Bosses. And he was apparently not amused that some Orcs had engaged in cultural appropriation. And in a 'Hold my Mimosa' moment said let's show them some real Elvish Haka! The god of Irony fell over dead.

The whistle blew and the Midlothians' ran back to their end zone and started doing the Blood Bowl Frug. Rogmesh had to admit, it was an impressive display of choreography, perhaps a lost bit of performance art from the great Bob Fosse. The grand finality came as the elves rushed forward and stood next to the sidelines. Rogmesh and crew didn't understand high art, but decided to play along for the 'show' and pushed them into the crowd so they could do the rock star crowd surf thing. Regardless of how bad the Booziers thought they had played last game, they were truly upstaged by this dance troop.

Now with all that early game Elf Boss stuff out of the way, we need to take a step back to the night before. Unbeknownst to Coach Oryx, there was deception afoot. Things were not as they seemed. In a Noir sting operation that would have made Bill Belichick proud, Rogmesh and the kids table were scheming. They had the perfect plan and went into the game knowing that they couldn't lose, because if you can't outplay them, Cheat!

Bashnag Ogrefield, the goblin, was not too sure it would work, but seemed to be a good sport about putting on the red dress and lipstick. As Bashnag graciously sashayed away in his high heels, Rogmesh thought to himself that this had to be his best plan, ever! It was flawless and not even a little bit snaggy. Rogmesh was indeed a master at spy craft. Rogmeshs' second thought was 'where did Bashnag learn to sashay graciously in high heels? Wait, What?

Back to the Sting operation. Bashnag turned out to be a much better at being an uncover agent than he had any right to be as he blended seamlessly with the elven cheerleading squad. They chatted about bling, and cheers, and about how dreamy Heliod the Bold was. After Bashnag had finished his drink, he seen his chance. He sit down his lipstick covered bottle. "I'm going to go to the ladies room to power my nose. Does anyone want me to bring them back a wine cooler?"

Bashnag quickly left the room and headed up to the bedroom of the head cheer leader. He was surprised the door was unlocked, but he managed. As he entered the room, he seen it. The cheerleading play book was sitting on the nightstand! Bashnag worked with purpose as he tied a rope to the overhead light and used some sort of modified shoe knot to dangle himself above the nightstand. <Cue cheesy spy movie suspense music> I'm not sure the name of the score, but it doesn't matter, it's already playing in your head. But you were warned!

Bashnag smiled as he reached down and grabbed the book simply labeled 'Cheers'. His red fingernail polish and green skin kind of matched the Midlothian's colors on the cover, but yet was somehow off slightly invoking a sense of unease, but whatever, Success! This game was as good as won. Bashnag yelped as the janky knot gave way and he fell on top the nightstand. It flipped over but worse, the picture frame of a shirtless Holiod the Bold that had been sitting on the nightstand broke. He got up, stuffed the picture into his boob pocket and kicked the bed. As he walked out of the room, he wondered what the purpose of all the climbing gear was for, but in spy movies, that's just how it's done.

Back to the game, Cheerleading playbook in hand. We now knew their cheers and we could counter with ours. Sneaky stuff indeed. So when they gave the signal to start the 'Give me' cheer, the goblin cheerleaders were a step ahead. We would start with "Give me a U!" And the crowd would respond- "U!" "Give me an 'N'!" "N!".

Then the Elvish cheer leader would start the actual cheer. "Give me a 'L'! "L!', "Give me an 'U"! U!. "Give me a 'C'! "C'! "Give me a 'K!" "K!" Give me a 'Y'!" "Y!". What's that spell?

"Un"
"Lucky!"

Things got even worse during the 'Let's Get' cheer. The Elven cheerleaders would start "Let's get..."
Goblins - "Un"
"Lucky!"
"Super"
"UN"
"LUCKY!"

Winning is easy when you have the opponents play book. Bill Belichick would be proud indeed.