Weighing in at a substantial 800-900 kg...
He's an envoy of joy,
He's laying waist to the competition,
The mirth with the girth,
Introducing...
Duke Cacklefat the Bogwight of Greed

Wobblesqueeze can usually be found stagnating near the line of scrimmage. He simply lacks the motivation or athleticism to move much further than his starting place on the gridiron.

Often dissatisfied with the all-too-brief pre-match handshakes, he prefers to fully embrace the opposition in some of the most awkward hugs seen outside of a first date. These encounters are so unwelcome that 9/10 linemen surveyed would prefer a punch in the face.