"Well, sports fans, I hope you're as big a fan of statistics as I am, because-"

"Otherwise you'll be the biggest geek here?"

"I was ACTUALLY going to say I've got a half-season round up of the best and worst of the SCBBL for your perusal, but if you're going to be like that..."

"C'mon, Jim- don't be a whiny little bloodsucker. I was just joking."

"I'd sigh, but I don't breathe."

"Hurrr, hurrr, hurrr."

"Anyway... with half the SCBBL season gone, the race for first place is really quite something. The Morkami Dolphinz currently sit atop the pile, but only precariously- their Undead rivals the Red Dead Rising have a game in hand on them."

"Their game against each other's gonna be one for the ages if things stay like this, Jim."

"Indeed, Bob, but those two aren't the only teams eyeing the inaugural SCBBL title- even as we speak the Darkwood Chiropractors and the Witcham Wanderers are chomping at the bit to catch them up."

"Third versus fourth? That's gonna be a good game."

"Indeed, and anyone wanting to watch it can-"

"Catch it on Blood Bowl Game Pass for only ninety-nine gold crowns, we know."

"I was GOING to say can switch over and watch it live, but now you come to mention it..."

"Now it's gonna be MY turn to sigh."

"Also in the hunt for the title are the pesky High Elf team of Needs More Dodge."

"Weren't they the team who heaped five touchdowns on the Frostholm Dragons earlier in the season?"

"Indeed they are, Bob- that five-one win is still the biggest victory AND highest-scoring game in the SCBBL so far."

"That one must have bruised the egos of a few Dwarves."

"Indeed it did, but they're still plugging away despite being bottom of the league on points- they have the hardest-hitting team in the league, leading on Casualties For AND Casualty Differential."

"Such a shame they're the leakiest defence in the league, too."

"Yes, especially as the defence of their rival Chaos Dwarf team Pow, Reet In Da Kisser is amongst the strongest defences in the SCBBL."

"Who is else is in the running for that title, Jim?"

"Well, there's the aforementioned Darkwood Chiropractors-"

"Black Orcs are always gonna be tough nuts to crack."

"-but the current leaders are oddly the Wissenland Thunder, whose defence has yet to be breached."

"Wait a minute, you're saying that a bunch of humies has the best defence in the league?"

"Not entirely- they've only played two games."

"Oh- I expect that stat to change soon, then."

"Indeed. Spare a thought for the poor Snotlings of the Snot Valley Urchins whilst you're at it- an average of three-point-one of the little guys don't make it through a whole SCBBL game at the moment."

"What's point one of a Snotling?"

"I'd guess an arm or a leg, Bob."

"Hurrr, hurrr, hurrr."

"As for the other teams in the league, there's still plenty to play for- the Khornate warriors of the Tyrants of the Bloody Mists team are still bashing their way through the league, whereas the Humans of Leodis United are looking to get a second win."

"Hang on, weren't there twelve teams at the start of the season?"

"Indeed there were- the Fer Daric Chiefs have had to resign after running out of players willing to take the field."

"Well, what do you expect from a bunch of daisy-sniffing, underpants-wearing, hair-washing-"

"Before we get another session with the Network's Racial Sensitivity Training Team, I think it's only fair that I should change the subject- if you switch channels right now, Witcham have just scored against the run of play!"

"Nice move, Jim."

"I thought so. Until next time, folks!"