mushoomy
Joined: Oct 18, 2013
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  Posted:
Sep 27, 2020 - 08:01 |
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Week 6
Strawberry: Welcome everyone to a very special edition of the SWL Fantasy league!
Chocolate: And by special, you mean it's hosted by me!
Strawberry: That's right, Chocolate. We're one week out from the grand finale, so we figured we'd rip into this season's top 10 duds! But first, here's this week's leaderboard.
Chocolate: I thought I was the host?!
Strawberry: Yes... but consistency???
Chocolate: Sod the leaderboard! Let's have suspense before the grand finale!
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LEADER-BORED
1:(+0) Foad - XXXspp in XX games
2:(+0) HaruHaru - XXXspp in XX games
3:(+0) Tussock - XXspp in XX games
4:(+1) Semitence - XXspp in XX games
5:(-1) Mushoomy - XXspp in XX games
6:(+0) Sharper - XXspp in XX games
7:(+1) MiyusoBot - XXspp in XX games
8:(-1) Ramchop - XXspp in XX games
9:(+0) Klazam - XXspp in XX games
Chocolate: Ta-da!
Strawberry: I guess this does the trick...
Chocolate: Foad keeps his spot in first place, but how far behind is HaruHaru? Meanwhile, MiyusoBot has taken Ramchop's short lived lead, in what is being described by many as the most intense rivalry in the Fantasy league yet!
Strawberry: I'm sorry, Chocolate. But HaruHaru has a triple X like Foad. Does that mean he's broken into triple digits?
Chocolate: It sure does! But we won't know for sure until next week!
Strawberry: ... alright yup. That's definitely how it works.
Chocolate: It's how it works when I'm host!
Strawberry: Onto team of the week?
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Team of the Week:
Chocolate: No time or place for team of the week this week, Strawberry.
Strawberry: And why the hell not?
Chocolate: Spoilers! It'll reveal too much about the final results.
Strawberry: The team of the week is Foad isn't it?
CRASH!!! BANG!!!
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TOP 10 DUDS OF THE SEASON:
Chocolate: Alright! With Strawberry knocked out, we can get into the real segment! Chocolate has taken over! Let's start at number ten...
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NUMBER 10:
Rudy (Federated Fowlers) - 110k - 3spp in 6 games - 220 cost/spp per game
Strawberry: Uhhhhh... what happened? Have we started yet?
Chocolate: Yup! We just wrapped up talking about the team and player of the week. Onto the top 10 duds now.
Strawberry: And Rudy is number 10?
Chocolate: Pick numero uno!
Strawberry: ...So Rudy is number 10?
Chocolate: *sigh* ... yes Strawbery, Rudy, Foad's choice of OWA Catcher is number 10. Scoring 1 touchdown all season (so far), Foad won't be happy with this dud!
Strawberry: ...Is Rudy number 10?
Chocolate: ... Onto number 9!
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NUMBER 9:
Darren Lockyer (Aspley Boncos) - 150k - 2spp in 3 games - 225 cost/spp per game
Chocolate: Darren Lockyer is our number 9. An unfortunate last minute pick by Klazam.
Strawberry: Sorry, feeling really dizzy. Only 3 games?
Chocolate: That's correct Strawberry! After getting a casualty in Round 2, Darren Lockyer has been missing every second game! Seems like he thought 2spp was enough to collect this season's check. Next!
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NUMBER 8:
Cracker (Pugs Not Drugs) - 130k - 2spp in 5 games - 260 cost/spp per game
Chocolate: Our very own, Cracker is our number 8! Life hasn't been the same since he had his skull cracked.
Strawberry: Poor Ramchop
Chocolate: Indeed! Especially since Mushoomy's other wight, Chip, has gotten 20spp so far this season! Cracker was definitely the wrong choice.
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NUMBER 7:
Pooroogooroo (Didgeridead) - 110k - 2spp in 5 games - 275 cost/spp per game
Chocolate: Another bad choice from Ramchop, Pooroogooroo is another 1 casualty wonder!
Strawberry: No wonder Ramchop has been battling MiyusoBot all season.
Chocolate: No wonder... No wonder... Next!
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NUMBER 6:
Muffin (Bloody Sphynxes) - 170k - 4spp in 7 games - 297.5 cost/spp per game
Chocolate: Block... Claw... Mighty Blow.... but only 2 casualties! Muffin disappointed 2 fantasy coaches this season.
Strawberry: Being MiyusoBot and Klazam.
Chocolate: I was going to say that.
Strawberry: Just because you're the host for once, it doesn't mean you can say everything.
Chocolate: Whatever. The fantasy league is tough at the bottom end of the table. Life is harder for Muffin... and Strawberry it seems.
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NUMBER 5:
Comghan Sycamoreolive (Nottingham Arrows) - 160k - 2spp in 4 games - 320 cost/spp per game
Chocolate: Up next is the first ever rip-off of the week, Comghan Sycamoreolive, chosen by Sharper
Strawberry: After being shown u-
Chocolate: Look, you're most likely going to be doing all the talking in the awards ceremony. Can you at least let me run this segment that you gave to me after you infected me with fleas!
Strawberry: Now you know what it's like hosting the show with you as a cohost.
Chocolate: Don't make me knock you out again...
Strawberry: YOU WHAT?!!
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NUMBER 4:
Nightmare (Mutated Antagonists) - 130k - 2spp in 6 games - 390 cost/spp per game
Chocolate: Nightmare has been a nightmare for HaruHaru. Only 2spp's in 6 -
Strawberry: Look Chocolate, they can read that. You knocked me out???
Chocolate: Yeah, did you want me to do more than that?
Strawberry: If your SWL career is anything to go by, you can't get more than 3 casualties in a game.
Chocolate: I haven't even gotten one this episode!
Strawberry: Leaderboard... Team of the Week... Player of the Week... 3!!! Anyway, Nightmare shouldn't count. He's got the 50k big guy discount.
Chocolate: It's still 50k not well spent. Onto the top 3 choice casualties!
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NUMBER 3:
Gorden Tallis (Aspley Boncos) - 140k - 2spp in 6 games - 420 cost/spp per game
Strawberry: Again with the big guy discount!
Chocolate: Again with the big mouth - shut up! Gorden Tallis is a well deserved 3rd place dud, chosen by Sharper. You'd expect a block snow troll to do more.
Strawberry: One would expect you to do more with a whole episode to yourself! No one's going to remember this one.
Chocolate: You're not going to remember it either if I knock you out again.
Strawberry: Always if. Never will. Admit it. You like me to much to ever do such a thi-
CRASH!!! BANG!!!
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NUMBER 2:
Fast Az Finn (Flack Ork Flockers) - 150k - 2spp in 6 games - 450 cost/spp per game
Strawberry: See! You couldn't even do it!
Chocolate: I'd like to see you try, mister 3 casualty career.
CRASH!!! BANG!!!
Chocolate: Like Fast Az Finn's performance for Mushoomy's fantasy team, pathetic.
Strawberry: At least you do good segways...
Chocolate: HA! I WIN!!!
Strawberry: No you dont, because this special feature is flawed! There are plenty of players who haven't scored a single SPP. Some of whom are more expensive than your number one dud! Face it Chocolate. I am better at this then you.
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Honourable Mentions:
Chocolate: An honourable mentions section then!
Strawberry: Some would call these the actual duds of the fantasy league.
Chocolate: Some being you. Here are all of the players who haven't scored a single SPP this season so far...
Achomkim (Concussion Protocol) - 20k - (Ramchop)
Caolan Redcedar (Redgum's Repugnance) - 40k - (MiyusoBot)
Dinglebat III (Trondheim Hammers) - 50k - (Foad)
Mutiny Morton (Salute οf the Jugger) - 50k - (Klazam)
Bowser (Mutated Antagonists) - 60k - (Sharper)
Arthas Menethil (Legends of Azeroth) - 70k - (Tussock, MiyusoBot)
Robert Terwillicker (Federated Fowlers) - 70k - (MiyusoBot)
Eve, the Vampire Slayer (Blackwater Cockfighters) - 90k (Sharper)
Yasmirullah (Didgeridead) - 100k - (Tussock)
Turbo Angry Dog III (Trondheim Hammers) - 110k - (Semitence)
Herb and Cheese (Bun Dead) - 120k - (Tussock)
Strawberry: That means only Mushoomy and HaruHaru's fantasy teams are the only one's that all players contributed spp to! Must mean the race between Foad and HaruHaru is quite close then?
Chocolate: Might be! You'll find that out next week though. But first, this season's ultimate dud.
Strawberry: That isn't any of the players above...
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NUMBER 1:
Cyan Bloodbane (Druchii Dynasty) - 100k - 1spp in 6 games - 600 cost/spp per game
Chocolate: And just like that, Cyan Bloodbane is our dud of the season! 6 games, 1 spp, 100k in cost. Really doesn't seem like a worthy investment now, does it Sharper or Klazam?
Strawberry: 1 spp is better than no spp. Why can't you see that?
Chocolate: I can see that Strawberry. I just refuse to admit that you're right.
Strawberry: Regardless, you're the host this episode. Congratulations to Cyan Bloodbane... or... not...
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Closing Words:
Strawberry: Alright. Did you have fun, Chocolate?
Chocolate: Surely I can do it again next season?
Strawberry: Depends on how the ratings do. Do you guys like a bit of suspense before the final week? Or do you really not care?
Chocolate: I'm sure people do.
Strawberry: Right... See you all next week, for the grand finale.
Chocolate: And unlike every other week, the full standings are not available down below.
Strawberry: Pssst... they are. If you want to spoil yourself, the full standings are down below.
Link to full standings |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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  Posted:
Sep 30, 2020 - 05:57 |
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SWL DEATH WATCH SEASON LXXXIII WEEK SIX
Welcome back, for the penultimate week's death report! We've had the goblins from the Norscan Peninsula University Accounting Department working double time, adding up all the deaths and injuries since the new era of Blood Bowl, just to tell you who's the most violent player of all."
"We have?"
"We certainly have, Bob. They've been working so hard we haven't heard a word from them all week. They've been sat, cooped up in the pantry, which is the only space we had for them, busily counting away and -"
"In the pantry?"
"Yes, in the pantry. Next to the kitchen. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I thought they were snacks, Jim..."
"You ate the Norscan Peninsula University Accounting Department?@
"Well, not all of them. I was saving some as a snack."
"What are you, a troll now, Bob?"
"Hey - us big guys resent being lumped together like that. And we all get hungry some times."
"Never mind your stomach, Bob. Let's just make do and get on with the deaths, but without any accountancy goblins, where will be all the stats we know and love?"
Pete II, not quick enough to escape MacFast. Norse Ulfwerener, 0 SPP.
"A blast from MacFast and his career is past, eh Jim?"
"I actually think you eating goblins was better than you writing poetry."
Brian, the Vampire Prince, won't be getting resurrected after a block by Crazy Crace. Norse Lineman, 16 SPP.
"Well! Honestly, if you go prancing around impersonating nobility like that -"
"Do you mean calling himself a vampire, or the chainmail budgie smuggler he was wearing?"
"-uh -"
Stone Cold, living up to his name after a hit by Bruiser. Chaos Beastman, 38 SPP.
"He's living up to his name? But he's dead."
"It's difficult, isn't it, Bob?"
"So you're saying Stone Cold isn't really dead? That's great, he was my favourite beastman!"
"Sorry, he is dead."
"Oh."
Troll, slain by Fred Woodman. Human Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Hang on. A troll, or a human? Which is it?"
"I think they're just trying to confuse us on purpose, Bob. I didn't think there could be a joke name stupider than 'Fred Woodman' and then Troll appears."
"To be fair, he's disappeared now."
Pizza Scroll, had his crust stuffed by Cronus. Undead Ghoul, 4 SPP.
"Ah, delicious undead pizza. They were scraping him off the pitch like a burnt pizza topping."
"On the bright side, at least he wasn't Pineapple..."
François Volente, elf-on-elfed by Mornelithe Falconsbane. Wood Elf Lineman, 7 SPP.
"One more for the wood chipper, eh?"
"On the one hand, I do enjoy seeing those greased up elves beating each other off ... the pitch. But it is just a bit too much."
"I think what you mean is an ST5, AG5 blitzer is a bit too much..."
"There's always time for a Stu Wilsoning, Bob."
Witzie, didn't have such a nice time with by Nice-as-Nasty. Khemri Skeleton, 0 SPP.
War-failin Tonix, defizzed by the big boots of Tebec. Skaven Lineman, 9 SPP.
Grarp the Lamuellan Baker, sent back to his bakery by Maruvie Tiberus. Skaven Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Didn't he die just last week?"
"Hmm. Something is amiss here. I suspect some of the coaches are trying to cheat their way to the Squashed Freddo by sending in imposters with the same name, and then paying the apo to kill them."
"That's Blood Bowl for you Jim. Desperate strokes to get the biggest prize in the business."
"Speaking of the biggest prizes in the business, apart from that Norseman, there's not been many skilled players removed this week."
"Well, you say that, but how about:"
Maruvie Tiberus, took a very hard hit from the boots of Aaron Hardhammer. Elf Blitzer, 8 SPP.
"Lovely revenge foul there by the journeymouse, Hardhammer. I expect he was jumping up and down on Tiberus's head, acting like it was a job interview for the Bandits."
"Bandit? No, they should never ban fouling, Jim!"
Genor Ziva, blocked by Benjy the Mouse. Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Genor, shown the door."
"To be fair, he showed he had guts, going up against Benjy."
"Yes, he showed he had guts. And a spleen. And both of his kidneys. And a bladder. And ..."
Olympe Maxime, given an inappropriate feeling by Uncleshape Sleazyhands. Human Lineman, 11 SPP.
"Well, I'd have to say that Uncleshape might be one to watch. As Manshape's protege, he's already learned how to block. Could this finally be a successor to Ladyshape in the Scoundrels' hall of fame?"
"As long as they keep him away from Shandyhands, what could possibly go wrong, Bob?"
Little Miss Legneck Won't Stop Bouncing, certainly has stopped bouncing after a foul by Ludo Bagman. Goblin Pogoer, 28 SPP.
"Now that serves those goblins right for chortling too much."
"I heard them complimenting the 'Doom on a proper gang foul."
"Such lovely sports, the Scoundrels."
"Well, they call it a compliment. Looked more like itching powder in everyone's jockstraps."
Double Trouble
Cullan Hemlockwing, turned into so much chipboard by Aggro' Hardnukkle. Wood Elf Catcher, 27 SPP.
Ian Grottyhawk, a hawk who ended with a squawk after meeting Aggro' Hardnukkle. Wood Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
"A lovely way to end the week. Well, not for those two wood elves. But two wood elves ending is usually a lovely way to end something, right?"
"Are you keeping your end up, Bob?"
It's a short Death Watch this week as we're busy preparing for the big end of season finale. Coach Happy Amateur has been polishing the plates, the remaining goblins are counting all the deaths and injuries to figure out who deserves the prizes, and we'll all be back this time next week for the awards that everyone cares about. We'll leave you with the damage from the Curse this week, and the customary parade of injured bodies:
Big T., 2 kills. Groin Strain
Chris Jubba, 1 kill. Smashed Ankle
Niabatteroo, 1 kill. Smashed Hand
War-failin Tonix, 1 kill. Dead
Maruvie Tiberus, 1 kill. Dead
Little Miss Legneck Won't Stop Bouncing, 1 kill.Dead
Xenopus Laevis IIIIII, 1 kill. Fractured Skull
Savage Truth, 1 kill. Gouged Eye
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mushoomy
Joined: Oct 18, 2013
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  Posted:
Oct 06, 2020 - 02:51 |
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THE GRAND FINALE
Strawberry: Welcome everyone to the grand finale of the SWL Fantasy League Season 83! After a 7 season hiatus, the fantasy league reboot was an exciting one, filled with intense rivalries between coaches, and in one case, a bot.
Chocolate: Maybe Ramchop would be better off picking his choices randomly next season. Far less stress free.
Strawberry: Yes... before broadcasting, he had requested to Mushoomy that we cancel the show! He must know what's coming...
Chocolate: SHAAAAAAAAAAAME!!! SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!
Strawberry: Indeed Chocolate. A quick teaser for what's to come. Before jumping into the final
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PLAYERS OF THE SEASON
Felix (Federated Fowlers) - 28spp in 7 games - (Tussock)
Torgan Silvermead (Blue Mountain Giants) - 28spp in 7 games - (Semitence)
Strawberry: Congratulations to Tussock and Semitence for picking this season's top performers, Felix and Torgan Silvermead!
Chocolate: Two touchdown hogs. Seems to be the way to go. Pity you weren't playing this season, Strawberry.
Strawberry: I let you score your fair share! Besides, not my fault Mushoomy didn't train anyone else. Seems to have learned that lesson though.
Chocolate: Jeepers! Torgan Silvermead is one expensive player! 220k... Semitence got his money's worth. What's this season's best deal?
Strawberry: Glad you asked Chocolate. Glad you asked Chocolate.
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DEAL OF THE SEASON
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 24spp in 7 games - 23.3 cost/spp per game
Strawberry: Congratulations to... basically the whole fantasy league for finding this season's best deal, Aeneas!
Chocolate: Who didn't choose Aneas?! He was in good hands with JPM at the helm!
Strawberry: The only coaches to not choose Aneus were MiyusoBot, Ramchop and Klazam.
Chocolate: Ok. MiyusoBot I can understand - Random picks. Klazam I can understand - Late entry... but Ramchop??? SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME
Strawberry: Guess Ramchop isn't a fan of Anus. Onto the next player award!
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STUNTY OF THE SEASON
Bind Soul (Blood Crag Strips) - 20spp in 6 games - (Foad)
Strawberry: Although we can't encourage coaches to choose a stunty player with a discount, we can certainly acknowledge the best pick. Congra-
Chocolate: Do skinks really count though? Sure, Bind Soul is great, and he's stunty, but really?
Strawberry: Well they fit the criteria. Congratulations Foad for picking this season's best stunty! If this was a tabletop tournament, Foad would be stunty king.
Chocolate: Is he the Fantasy king though?
Strawberry: Let's find out shall we! Let's kick of the final standings starting from the bottom.
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HOPE YOU HAVE A USE FOR A WOODEN SPOON IN YOUR FANTASIES
Klazam
Jon the Silastic Armorfiend (Brockian Brown Bandits) - 6spp in 6 games
Khugthauc (More Food for Thawt) - 9spp in 7 games
Muffin (Bloody Sphynxes) - 4spp in 7 games
Darren Lockyer (Aspley Boncos) - 5spp in 4 games
Lemon (Pugs Not Drugs) - 3spp in 7 games
Cyan Bloodbane (Druchii Dynasty) - 3spp in 7 games
Amazonia (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 6spp in 7 games
Herbad Ith (Cult of the Firedrake) - 10spp in 7 games
Mutiny Morton (Salute οf the Jugger) - 0spp in 6 games
Burst Inner Tube Watson (Singed Poor Scoundrels) - 2spp in 6 games
Kutanshy (Concussion Protocol) - 3spp in 7 games
Total:51spp in 71 games
Strawberry: It's always tough for late entrants and Klazam certainly faced a lot of pain being one this season.
Chocolate: KUTANSHY GOT A TOUCHDOWN??? After all my trash talking.... that's embarrassing.
Strawberry: Hahaha, yes it is, Chocolate. Herbad Ith was this team's top performer this season. Sadly, that top performance only contributed 10spp towards Klazam's sad 51.
Chocolate: At least he passed 50.
Strawberry: At least he passed 50...
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NOT LAST, BUT STILL SHAMED
Ramchop
Salty Dog Seldon (Salute οf the Jugger) - 12spp in 6 games
Jon the Silastic Armorfiend (Brockian Brown Bandits) - 6spp in 6 games
Cracker (Pugs Not Drugs) - 4spp in 6 games
Gangrene Greg (Redgum's Repugnance) - 17spp in 7 games
MacHandle (MacHumburgers) - 6spp in 6 games
Pooroogooroo (Didgeridead) - 2spp in 7 games
Daniel (Trondheim Hammers) - 4spp in 7 games
Weak (Crazy Beard Express) - 11spp in 6 games
Mephisto (Mutated Antagonists) - 6spp in 7 games
Snickers (Cold Rock) - 3spp in 7 games
Achomkim (Concussion Protocol) - 0spp in 7 games
Total:71spp in 72 games
Strawberry: Ah Ramchop. You got so close to passing MiyusoBot in round 5. Sadly, you failed.
Chocolate: SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!
Strawberry: Top performer for this team was previous rip-off of the week, Salty Dog Seldon, who contributed 12 spp.
Chocolate: Unfortunately, it was not enough to push Ramchop's team past 1spp per game.
Strawberry: And was not enough to push him past MiyusoBot
Chocolate: SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!
Strawberry: SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!
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DID A LOT BETTER THAN EXPECTED
MiyusoBot
Tindra Voidrunner (Druchii Dynasty) - 13spp in 7 games
Caolan Redcedar (Redgum's Repugnance) - 0spp in 4 games
Iron Otto (Covid 6) - 2spp in 4 games
Stampede (Crazy Beard Express) - 18spp in 7 games
Sorrow (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 2spp in 6 games
Robert Terwillicker (Federated Fowlers) - 1spp in 7 games
Sturm Battlehand (Blue Mountain Giants) - 5spp in 7 games
Muffin (Bloody Sphynxes) - 4spp in 7 games
Raklah (Bronzed Raiders) - 2spp in 5 games
Djizzax The Wretched (More Food for Thawt) - 13spp in 7 games
Squee Lassrate (Vermintidе) - 2spp in 2 games
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 15spp in 7 games
Thor Jr the Flaybooz (Brockian Brown Bandits) - 4spp in 6 games
Total:81spp in 76 games
Strawberry: The completely randomised team, MiyusoBot, did surprisingly well this season. Beating 2 other teams and passing 1spp per game.
Chocolate: Certainly a pleasant surprise and it was very entertaining following this team's progress.
Strawberry: Change of heart then Chocolate?
Chocolate: Change of heart indeed.
Strawberry: A few cool players in this team, but the best of them all was Stampede, contributing a large 18spp toward this chaotic team.
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ESCAPED UTTER HUMILIATION
Sharper
Comghan Sycamoreolive (Nottingham Arrows) - 2spp in 4 games
Gorden Tallis (Aspley Boncos) - 2spp in 7 games
MacHandle (MacHumburgers) - 6spp in 6 games
Lemon (Pugs Not Drugs) - 3spp in 7 games
Giles (Federated Fowlers) - 14spp in 7 games
Faeclol The Swift (Hаrlequins) - 16spp in 7 games
Cyan Bloodbane (Druchii Dynasty) - 3spp in 7 games
Eve, the Vampire Slayer (Blackwater Cockfighters) - 0spp in 2 games
Weak (Crazy Beard Express) - 11spp in 6 games
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 24spp in 7 games
Thor Jr the Flaybooz (Brockian Brown Bandits) - 4spp in 6 games
Bowser (Mutated Antagonists) - 0spp in 6 games
Total:85spp in 72 games
Strawberry: Narrowly escaping utter humiliation by 4spp, Sharper is most likely thankful for placing 6th this Fantasy league.
Chocolate: So close to being shamed! Disappointing honestly...
Strawberry: Unfortunately, escaping humiliation isn't enough to add the fantasy cup to Sharper's large trophy cabinet.
Chocolate: He'll be glad that he chose Anus for sure!
Strawberry: Ramchop, Klazam, this is where you could be if you went with the An-... Did you change.... I expect nothing less from you.
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CLOSE TO THE PODIUM, BUT NO CIGAR
Semitence
Torgan Silvermead (Blue Mountain Giants) - 28spp in 7 games
Vilgorgin (Harlequins) - 9spp in 7 games
Neapolitan (Cold Rock) - 8spp in 7 games
Lemon (Pugs Not Drugs) - 3spp in 7 games
Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 25spp in 7 games
Turbo Angry Dog III (Trondheim Hammers) - 0spp in 5 games
Jormama Liewood (Nottingham Arrows) - 5spp in 6 games
Filing-lay Flabbergast (Lab Rat Elysium) - 4spp in 4 games
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 24spp in 7 games
Arthas Menethil (Legends of Azeroth) - 0spp in 2 games
Iron Otto (Covid 6) - 2spp in 4 games
Total:108spp in 63 games
Strawberry: Semitence is up next in the standings, and oh boy did he come close to a podium finish.
Chocolate: Finally! Team's that have passed 100spp!
Strawberry: Getting into the good stuff Chocolate. 3 players carried Semitence over the spp line, being Torgan Silvermead, Glee Strawberry and... Aeneas.
Chocolate: Nearly got you that again.
Strawberry: Nearly... these 3 players contributed 71% of Semitence's total spp! Goes to show how crucial some of your picks can be.
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CLOSER TO THE PODIUM, BUT CERTAINLY NO METH PIPE
Mushoomy
Niabatteroo (Didgeridead) - 18spp in 6 games
Torduken (Bronzed Raiders) - 18spp in 6 games
Fast Az Finn (Flack Ork Flockers) - 6spp in 7 games
Queen of Blades (Mutated Antagonists) - 15spp in 7 games
Mirhi Tybressa (Trees and Peas) - 6spp in 6 games
MacHandle (MacHumburgers) - 6spp in 6 games
Bruiser (Crazy Beard Express) - 8spp in 7 games
Filing-lay Flabbergast (Lab Rat Elysium) - 4spp in 4 games
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 24spp in 7 games
Stewart, the Vampire Aristocrat (Blackwater Cockfighters) - 3spp in 7 games
Kutanshy (Concussion Protocol) - 3spp in 7 games
Total:111spp in 70 games
Strawberry: Missing out of the podium by 5 spp's, Mushoomy will be furious with some of his picks!
Chocolate: As the creator of the SWL Fantasy League, you'd think that he'd put a bit more thought into some of his picks?
Strawberry: You could say that, but Mushoomy is one of 2 teams not to have a single player that didn't contribute.
Chocolate: Or... I could say that again and shame him!
Strawberry: Only coaches who place below MiyusoBot have the right to be shamed Chocolate.
Chocolate: Aw...
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UNFORTUNATELY FOR THIS GUY, BRONZE CONTAINS NO SILVER
Tussock
Gareth Madronebrook (Nottingham Arrows) - 7spp in 7 games
Felix (Federated Fowlers) - 28spp in 7 games
Time (Speeeeed Killzzzz) - 7spp in 7 games
Herb and Cheese (Bun Dead) - 0spp in 1 games
Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 25spp in 7 games
MacHandle (MacHumburgers) - 6spp in 6 games
Yasmirullah (Didgeridead) - 2spp in 7 games
Daniel (Trondheim Hammers) - 4spp in 7 games
Kerros Walters (Aspley Boncos) - 10spp in 7 games
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 24spp in 7 games
Arthas Menethil (Legends of Azeroth) - 0spp in 2 games
Kutanshy (Concussion Protocol) - 3spp in 7 games
Total:116spp in 72 games
Strawberry: Onto the top 3! Tussock is our third place finisher, with 116spp in 72 games!
Chocolate: Ouch! Only 5spp behind our second place.
Strawberry: The fight for second was certainly very tight.Tussock had some great picks, but unfortunately, those great picks weren't enough to win the battle for second place.
Chocolate: So what you're saying is winning the battle for second is the more impressive accolade?
Strawberry: No...
Chocolate: But it's the winner of the tighter contest?
Strawberry: Yeah... your point?
===
===
WHO CARES ABOUT FIRST PLACE? SECOND IS WHERE IT'S AT!
HaruHaru
Niabatteroo (Didgeridead) - 18spp in 6 games
Dave Loveridge (Amateur Professionals) - 17spp in 7 games
Carriwitchett Clackbox (Lab Rat Elysium) - 13spp in 7 games
Blemoa The Menace (Malice Renegades!) - 18spp in 7 games
Nightmare (Mutated Antagonists) - 2spp in 7 games
Lime (Pugs Not Drugs) - 6spp in 7 games
Suzie Scabs (Redgum's Repugnance) - 10spp in 7 games
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 24spp in 7 games
Khadgar (Legends of Azeroth) - 8spp in 7 games
Gelidus Rimewood (We'reWho!) - 2spp in 7 games
Kutanshy (Concussion Protocol) - 3spp in 7 games
Total:121spp in 76 games
Strawberry: Alright, fair.
Chocolate: Look Strawberry, without me, no one would be interested in the build up to the winner.
Strawberry: I reaaaaaally don't think that's true... HaruHaru is this season's runner up with 121spp!
Chocolate: During the fantasy league preseason, we had pointed out that HaruHaru's top 3 players cost more than half of the budget. The question becomes: "Did they pull their weight"?
Strawberry: Not quite! Only a third of HaruHaru's total. Thankfully, the rest of his team pulled their weight.
Chocolate: Well done HaruHaru... buuuuuuut you weren't even close to this season's champ.
Strawberry: Sorry...
===
===
I MEAN, DID YOU EXPECT ANYONE ELSE?
Foad
Cah (Concussion Protocol) - 20spp in 7 games
Bind Soul (Blood Crag Strips) - 20spp in 6 games
Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 25spp in 7 games
Furiosa (Murder Maidens) - 7spp in 7 games
Mark Donaldson (Amateur Professionals) - 15spp in 7 games
Rudy (Federated Fowlers) - 7spp in 7 games
Vivandi Lidorn (Harlequins) - 9spp in 6 games
Weak (Crazy Beard Express) - 11spp in 6 games
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 24spp in 7 games
Custard (Pugs Not Drugs) - 12spp in 7 games
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 15spp in 7 games
Dinglebat III (Trondheim Hammers) - 0spp in 7 games
Total:165spp in 81 games
Strawberry: And our winner is.....
Chocolate: On screen anyway!!!
Strawberry: Yes... that's right... it's Foad!!!
Chocolate: FOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!
Strawberry: With only 4 out of 12 players contributing less than 10 spp, Foad dominated this season of fantasy goodness, topping the leaderboard 6 out of 7 weeks!
Chocolate: We said they'd be hard to beat, and they were!
Strawberry: A huge congratulations from all of us on the fantasy league committee.
Zombie Elvis: ARRRRRRRRGH!
Chocolate: GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE!!!
===
===
Final Words
Strawberry: And that's it for this season's fantasy league!
Chocolate: And a great one at that. Do you think Mushoomy will let us host again next season?
Strawberry: Ah... so you enjoyed hosting then...
Chocolate: No... for the money and shaming... totally...
Strawberry: Sure sure. A huge thanks to the 9 coaches who participated in this season of the Fantasy League! It was a pleasure to host, even the worst bits with Chocolate. To end this season off, we'd like anyone to flick Mushoomy a message with the following feedback:
- Should Strawberry and Chocolate's contracts be renewed?
- Should the budget for next season be increased?
- What are your thoughts on a 3spp bonus for stunties?
Chocolate: Aaaaaaand would like everyone to theorise what the best possible fantasy team for last season could have been! The best team devised will be featured in the first post of the next fantasy league.
Strawberry: Should be a fun off-season activity. Thanks again for tuning in. As always, full standings are available down below.
Link to full standings |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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  Posted:
Oct 06, 2020 - 06:18 |
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SWL DEATH WATCH LXXXIII WEEK SEVEN GRAND FINALE
Here goes with the top 17 performances from the last week of the show we like to call the Southern Wastes League:
Stone Cold, warmed up nicely by Bruiser. Chaos Beastman, 38 SPP.
Daniel, punished for having an even stupider name than the elves by none other than Fred Woodman. Norse Runner, 10 SPP.
Jock Hobbs, Hobbs by name, crumbling like a Hob Nob in hot tea by nature after a hit by Bill II. High Elf Lineman, 6 SPP.
"Aren't Hob Nobs massively anachronistic in the Blood Bowl universe, Jim?"
"Not as anachronistic as you using words like 'anachronistic', Bob!"
From Oni to just plain 'oh no!' following an encounter with MacNooooo. Human Lineman, 22 SPP.
We bid farewell to the suspiciously Kislev-sounding Ogre player Kutanshy, now cut and dry after being tackled by Petero Civoniceva. Ogre Snotling, 6 SPP.
Alice, flattened by Targon Heavyiron. Amazon Catcher, 20 SPP.
"I know it's a tradition for catchers to be squashed beneath heavy objects in this league, but what was that? Didn't Heavyiron know you can't win the Stu Wilson if you're on the pitch?"
I hope you washed your hands section
The Business Man II, sacked by Neapolitan. Nurgle Pestigor, 25 SPP.
"That's another reason not to have ice cream on your lunch break."
"He certainly turned three different colours there."
Colonel Autumn, fouled by Kit Kat. Nurgle Rotter, 0 SPP.
"Is that winter coming?"
"No, it's a wheelbarrow doused in hand sanitiser. That's the only way to get rid of them."
Super Nova, would have stars in his eyes if he still had any eyes after a hit by Trozyrk The Insane. High Elf Catcher, 20 SPP.
"There goes another 20 SPP catcher."
"There'll be another along in a minute, I'm sure..."
Caging Hades Chris, uncaged by Haldir Axebreaker. Necromantic Zombie, 0 SPP.
David Puddy, given a lesson the Classics by Eurynomos. Human Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Well, that, or beaten to death by a Norse drummer from one of those death metal bands. I don't know, I just read the cue cards and try to stay out of trouble."
Failing to regenerate, it's Dan, the Vampire Justicar, fouled by Pineapple. Norse Lineman, 6 SPP.
"It's ironic, isn't it? It hurts a lot to sit on a pineapple, but it hurts a lot more when one stamps on you..."
Bait-Shy Nu-k, decarbonated by Fizzy. Skaven Lineman, 6 SPP.
"I wouldn't wish pain on anyone, but I kind of feel it should have been Tonix that had his bubbles taken away by Fizzy..."
Not so nice for Nice-as-Nasty, Block by Fox da Mox. Skaven Rat Ogre, 14 SPP.
"Here last week to pick up a prize, this week, just being picked up and thrown in the bin. That's nasty, alright!"
Dragon Chivas, nothing but a fiery taste in the mouth of Impak. Wood Elf Lineman, 5 SPP.
Diesel, drained and restrained by Blacksprout Mellowthorn II. Chaos Dwarf Minotaur, 6 SPP.
"That's one hell of a mellow thorn, eh?"
"That's right. And the first time in (un)living memory that somebody actually killed a Chaos Dwarf Minotaur."
And finally, finishing off the season in style, it's a Dark Elf Lineman with a lovely pair of (slightly singed) boots:
Shareth the Heartstealer, stolen away forever by the first fireball fatality of the modern error. Sorry, era. Dark Elf Lineman, 6 SPP.
Well, what a season it's been! After a confoundingly slow start, we didn't think we'd have anything to write about. But the last few weeks have turned into a mass brawl, with players being torn apart left right and centre. With a record setting 19 deaths in week 5, and 17 in a week when the murder hobos of the Conferences, those Alternative Facts, could hardly bruise an elf, this has been a spectacular send off for the end of the season.
With a smashing new set of plates commissioned by the highly professional artist known as Happy Amateur, we expect this season's awards to go with a bang. But before then, let's review some of the glories of the season.
First up, the Curse of the Death Watch has claimed quite a few players:
Griff Oberwald, 1 kill. Fractured Leg
Ched, 1 kill. Groin Strain
Edward Silentshield, 1 kill. Dead
Mobad Tendaeriodr, 2 kills. Dead
Mornelith Falconsbane, 2 kills. Broken Ribs
Stuart, the End Level Guy, 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Rogski Splatterhand, 2 kills. Smashed Hip
Big T, 1 kill. Fractured Skull
Kullo Ironflagon, 1 kill. Broken Neck
Kezhan, 1 kill. Broken Neck
Borrl, 2 kills. Fractured Arm
Dhimvaco Tholnath, 2 kills. Smashed Ankle
Ferrari, 1 kill. Fractured Arm
Xenopus Laevis IIIIII, 1 kill. Fractured Skull
Ambivolence, 1 kill. Dead
The Accountant, 1 kill. Smashed Hip
Cronus, 2 kills. Fractured Arm
Ruffen' Kneeslamm, 1 kill. Pinched Nerve
Shin Shadowstrike, 1 kill. Smashed Ankle
Chris Jubba, 1 kill. Smashed Hand
Pete, 5 kills. Dead
Burger, 1 kill. Dead
Corpse, 1 kill. Groin Strain
Frankie the Mouse, 2 kills. Dead
Takharth Stoneheart, 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Elmer "Foodie" McCol, 1 kill. Pinched Nerve
Big T., 2 kills. Groin Strain
Chris Jubba, 1 kill. Smashed Ankle
Niabatteroo, 1 kill. Smashed Hand
War-failin Tonix, 1 kill. Dead
Maruvie Tiberus, 1 kill. Dead
Little Miss Legneck Won't Stop Bouncing, 1 kill. Dead
Xenopus Laevis IIIIII, 1 kill. Fractured Skull
Savage Truth, 1 kill. Gouged Eye
Albert, 3 kills. Groin Strain
Hannah Abbott, 1 kill. Smashed Hand
Blemoa The Menace, 4 kills. Broken Ribs
Golem Pokémon, 2 kills. Pinched Nerve
Nice-as-Nasty, 1 kill. Dead
Mobad Kulmokr, 1 kill. Smashed Collar Bone
Wow. A few repeat visitors there. Let's give it up for the frog with the twice-fractured skull, the one and only Xenopus Laevis IIIIII! And another big hand for Big T, the only minotaur to take a fractured skull from the Curse and still come back for seconds! |
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Last edited by MrCushtie on %b %06, %2020 - %08:%Oct; edited 1 time in total |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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  Posted:
Oct 06, 2020 - 06:27 |
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But it's not just about the glorious killers who meet their final comeuppance. Let's put it there for the players who put it on the line, day in, day out, and then just get maimed for their troubles. Take a look at all the positionals, per race, who took their share of a beating this season:
Of course, nobody tunes in to look at dead linemen. Look at this amazing graphic rendition of all the dead and seriously injured players from the season:
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Last edited by MrCushtie on %b %06, %2020 - %19:%Oct; edited 1 time in total |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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The SWL LXXXIII Team Achievements
Regional:
Turns (1138): Gorgoth Heavies
Completions (13): Kingdom Decay (SWL)
TDs (11): Gorgoth Heavies & Legends of Azeroth
Cas (23): Legends of Azeroth
SPP (113): Legends of Azeroth
Passing yards (41): Murder Maidens
Rushing yards (214): Legends of Azeroth
Blocks (353): Murder Maidens
Fouls (39): Singed Poor Scoundrels
Blocks/Cas (14.8): Legends of Azeroth
Pass/Cp (5.3): Salute οf the Jugger
Kills (3): Gorgoth Heavies
Conferences:
Turns (1184): Blue Mountain Giants
Completions (22): Amateur Professionals
TDs (18): Federated Fowlers
Cas (29): Real Fake Alternative Facts
SPP (143): Amateur Professionals
Passing yards (154): Amateur Professionals
Rushing yards (283): Blackwater Cockfighters
Blocks (373): Blue Mountain Giants
Fouls (40): Federated Fowlers
Blocks/Cas (11.4): Styx αnd Warpstones
Pass/Cp (7.0): Amateur Professionals
Kills (5): Styx αnd Warpstones
Premier:
Turns (1125): Flack Ork Flockers
Completions (10): Bravado
TDs (9): Lab Rat Elysium, Cult of the Firedrake & Druchii Dynasty
Cas (26): Bronzed Raiders
SPP (92): Flack Ork Flockers
Passing yards (26): Druchii Dynasty
Rushing yards (192): Flack Ork Flockers & Didgeridead
Blocks (331): Flack Ork Flockers
Fouls (34): Bronzed Raiders
Blocks/Cas (14.7): Bronzed Raiders
Pass/Cp (4.3): Druchii Dynasty
Kills (3): Bronzed Raiders
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
On Second Thawt (More Food for Thawt) & Cah (Concussion Protocol) 20 spp
The SWL Season LXXXIII Awards
Regional:
Zharkorth Bloodhoof (Gorgoth Heavies) 7 TDs
Magni Bronzebeard (Legends of Azeroth) 8 cas
Uther Lightbringer (Legends of Azeroth) 115 turns
Brawndo The Thirst Mutilator (Salute οf the Jugger) 99 rushing yards
Femme Fatale (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) 17 pass yards
Pinkeye Growthspurt (Singed Poor Scoundrels) 21 fouls
Manshape Gutwart (Singed Poor Scoundrels) 74 blocks
Femme Fatale (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) 11 cps
Uncleshape Sleazyhands (Singed Poor Scoundrels) 5 block/cas
Paedophryne Amauensis III (Skye Hoppers!) 4.34 pass/cp
Zharkorth Bloodhoof (Gorgoth Heavies) 27 SPP
Conferences:
Torgan Silvermead (Blue Mountain Giants) & Felix (Federated Fowlers) 9 TDs
Fred Woodman (Amateur Professionals) 12 cas
MacKillkenny (MacHumburgers) & MacSpeed (MacHumburgers) & Bender (Federated Fowlers)114 turns
Torgan Silvermead (Blue Mountain Giants) 230 rushing yards
Dave Loveridge (Amateur Professionals) 143 pass yards
Thriller Filler (Federated Fowlers) 29 fouls
Semla (Bun Dead) 79 blocks
Dave Loveridge (Amateur Professionals) 17 cps
Big T (Big Boys Don't Block) 3.86 block/cas
Dave Loveridge (Amateur Professionals) 8.42 pass/cp
Fred Woodman (Amateur Professionals) 34 SPP
Premier:
Niabatteroo (c) (Didgeridead) 6 TDs
Brattleboro "Guzzla" Schrinton (Lab Rat Elysium) 6 cas
Glee Strawberry (Bravado) 115 turns
Niabatteroo (c) (Didgeridead) 147 rushing yards
Dodgy Service (Bravado) 14 pass yards
Khezhan (Bronzed Raiders) 19 fouls
Hazhek Copperfist (Bronzed Raiders) 59 blocks
Dodgy Service (Bravado) 6 cps
Brattleboro "Guzzla" Schrinton (Lab Rat Elysium) 6.5 block/cas
Dodgy Service (Bravado) 2.34 pass/cp
Glee Strawberry (Bravado) 25 SPP |
Last edited by ramchop on %b %26, %2020 - %03:%Oct; edited 2 times in total |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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  Posted:
Oct 06, 2020 - 19:18 |
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SWL DEATH WATCH AWARDS, LXXXIII
You Can Dish It Out But Can You Take It Butter Dish for the team that inflicts the highest number of serious injuries and deaths, while suffering the least itself, was grabbed not by one of the predicted Chaos teams, all failing to hit hard this season, but by the Federated Fowlers with a highly respectable 16-4 ratio, including two crowd-pleasing surfs and four fouls.
On the other hand, the You Can Take It But Can You Dish It Out Butter Dish for the team with the highest casualty rate and the lowest number of kills and serious injuries was initially awarded to Lab Rat Elysium, sustaining 15 injures and only gaining 5 in return, but as giant ratmen don't exist and therefore aren't eligible for prizes, Trees and Peas (13 injuries sustained for only 1 kill) take the beloved dish home to the forest with them.
Because the 'Peas took the Dish, The Delicately My Dear Kid Gloves are jointly awarded to four teams, the Bloody Sphynxes, Mythic Blood, Kingdom Decay and Speeeeed Killzzzz, each only causing two injuries this season. That's one glove each, figure it out amongst you.
The Massively Patronising "It's Called Blood Bowl For A Reason!" Bowl was initially going to the Blood Crag Stripes for a surprisingly low total number of deaths and injuries (4!) but they did have the disadvantage of only playing 6 games this season. Instead, the Bloody Sphynxes with a lamentable contribution of only 5 bodies, take it this season.
The Glass Cannon Glass Cannon for the team that suffered the most injuries while injuring more players than anyone else did - in a shock surprise, a Chaos Dwarf team takes this award for the first time - suffering three deaths, two permanent injuries and a host of MNGs, the Crazy Beard Express went 15-8 to win. Usual contenders like the Cockfighters and the Boncos were way off the pace here. And before anyone starts complaining that it's easy to get the Glass Cannon by sacrificing hobgoblins, just check out the donations that the Express made to the Death Watch:
For:
Against:
Well ok, that is quite a few hobgoblins...
The Oozeboss-SquirrelyDan You Can't Make An Omelette Without Breaking A Few Eggs Omelette, now named in honour of this 7-person bloodfest, went to Lab Rat Elysium, who managed to pull off not one, but two 5-injury omelettes in a single season. Pretty good going for a team of non-existent giant ratmen, we say.
The What Took You So Long Digital Watch was initially a three-way tie between the Flack Ork Flockers, Cold Rock and the Waaaaghton Redskins, all taking until week 7 to get a kill. The Flockers at least managed to seriously hurt somebody in the first week, taking them out of contention, and the Redskins take home the prize, having only managed a single kill in the entire season. Do Wood Elf Linemen even count, any more?
The Gastrotheca Riobambae III Commemorative Squashed Freddo - yet again, just three injuries to win. A tie between two elves, the malingering Sheridan Shaw just took off three games, whereas François Volente would hoist the mangled confectionary for being properly injured ... except he's dead. Broken ribs in the first week, smashed knee as soon as he got back, and then dead in round 6.
Now that the Terrifying Chamberpot Of Certain Doom is no longer available for shoelaces, it was available for Fred Woodman to pick up. One of three players to kill three times this season, Woodman picked up the chamberpot based on his superior serious injury score. And to show there was no animus from the Death Watch committee just because he has a silly name, we filled the chamberpot to the brim for him. Hats off!
Thanks everyone, and come back soon to see next season's even-more-reliable predictions! |
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mushoomy
Joined: Oct 18, 2013
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  Posted:
Oct 15, 2020 - 02:52 |
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===
TEAM OF YOUR DREAMS
Spee Daymon (Vermintidе) - 29spp in 6 games
Wynfreda Winsor (Ceasg-Coast Corsairs) - 28spp in 6 games
Felix (Federated Fowlers) - 28spp in 7 games
Zharkorth Bloodhoof (Gorgoth Heavies) - 27spp in 7 games
Gary Whetton (Amateur Professionals) - 24spp in 7 games
Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 25spp in 7 games
Chip (Pugs Not Drugs) - 20spp in 7 games
MacPickerrupper (MacHumburgers) - 17spp in 7 games
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 24spp in 7 games
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 15spp in 7 games
Gelidus Rimewood (We'reWho!) - 2spp in 7 games
Kutanshy (Concussion Protocol) - 3spp in 7 games
Total:242spp in 82 games
Chocolate: Isn't this team sexy?!!
Strawberry: Oh how I long for this team. But I would never be able to field that many spp hogs! They'd always fight!
Chocolate: If only there were some way to gain 242 spp's in one season of SWL. It would certainly be a FANTASY.
Strawberry: Well good news everyone! There is a way to track how many spp your dream team would get! The SWL Fantasy League is back for another round of spp goodness.
Chocolate: Right... now that that's over can I go off script?
Strawberry: Didn't you find that cheesy in a good way?
Chocolate: Maybe cheesy is what we should be aiming for with the Lab Rats winning last season. Boost the ratings?
Strawberry: Since when did you care about ratings?
Chocolate: Since when did you care about me being on a script! We didn't do that last season.
Strawberry: Yeah... we didn't... and how many episodes went of the handle, Chocolate?
Chocolate: Not enough - so we're back for more! What is the Fantasy League? Read below and see for yourself!
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What is it?
The SWL Fantasy League is a fun way to add extra excitement to spectating SWL. It is a way to compete with fellow coaches by creating fantasy teams out of your favourite players in SWL.
How it works:
-You have a 1200 budget to select players from SWL Season 84 teams. A player's total cost is their positional price plus their skill cost. WTR cost is not included.
-You may spend 1250 on your team if you include a big guy on your roster. A big guy includes Trolls, Ogres, Mummies Etc. This number does not increase if you were to choose more than one big guy.
-Rosters must have between 11 and 16 players
-Only one player from each SWL team. For example, you cannot have two players from Concussion Protocol.
-Maximum of one position type per race. This means you are unable to get 2 Skaven Gutter Runners, but you may get 1 Skaven Gutter Runner and 1 Underworld Gutter Runner. (Yes, that means if you wish, you can field 4 types of goblin!)
-Players must not be hired if they have earned spp in Season 84 of SWL. This means any player that has earned spp in season 84 is ineligible for your fantasy team.
-You may not choose a player from your own SWL team. This is to ensure full focus on SWL. This also means if you are not currently an SWL player, you may still participate in the Fantasy League.
-MVP's are not included in SPP Total.
-Optional: Include a name for your Fantasy team (e.g. The Rookies). Otherwise, enjoy the name that Chocolate gives your fantasy team.
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Last Season's Winners
Foad
Cah (Concussion Protocol) - 20spp in 7 games
Bind Soul (Blood Crag Strips) - 20spp in 6 games
Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 25spp in 7 games
Furiosa (Murder Maidens) - 7spp in 7 games
Mark Donaldson (Amateur Professionals) - 15spp in 7 games
Rudy (Federated Fowlers) - 7spp in 7 games
Vivandi Lidorn (Harlequins) - 9spp in 6 games
Weak (Crazy Beard Express) - 11spp in 6 games
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 24spp in 7 games
Custard (Pugs Not Drugs) - 12spp in 7 games
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 15spp in 7 games
Dinglebat III (Trondheim Hammers) - 0spp in 7 games
Total:165spp in 81 games
Strawberry: The team that has accumulated the most SPP by the end of the season will be crowned the champ of the Fantasy League and will take back the Fantasy Cup and unlimited bragging rights.
Chocolate: Last season, Foad took out the title with this amazing team! It's no TEAM OF YOUR DREAMS, but it was enough to take out the top spot.
Strawberry: Please get your teams pm'd to Mushoomy by the end of SWL ROUND 1 to participate.
Chocolate: And if you want to be helpful, send the team using the following format.
Player ID Name Race Position Team Price Starting SPP Starting MVP Starting games
Chocolate: Do note that teams are currently undergoing rebuy process. Some obvious picks may want to retire. Be aware of this and check the rebuy link to see whether the player you want, wants to retire or not.
Strawberry: We're looking forward to having an even more successful fantasy league than the last! To tune into all of the updates, make sure you watch the SWL Channel BB every week, for all of your fluff needs.
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Past Winners
Season 66: Budget of 1500, No Big Guy bonus, Must have 1 player from your own team, MVP's included
Winner: Manzoo - 203spp in 71
Runner-Up: Karnov - 186spp in 70
Wooden Spoon: D_Arquebus - 99spp in 58
Season 67: Own player ruling excluded, Not allowed to choose your own players
Winner: m0gw41 - 173spp in 68 games
Runner-Up: Tomay - 152spp in 63 games
Wooden Spoon: Manzoo - 93spp in 64 games
Season 68: 50k Big Guy bonus introduced, excluded mvp's, FortisBot was created
Winner: Tussock - 159spp in 64 games
Runner-Up: Balle2000 - 134spp in 66 games
Wooden Spoon: Redgum - 88spp in 56 games
Season 69: No new changes
Winner: Mushoomy - 169spp in 68 games
Runner-Up: Balle2000 - 164spp in 73 games
Wooden Spoon: Relezite - 69spp in 57 games
Season 70: No new changes
Winner: Mushoomy - 152spp in 66 games
Runner-Up: Tussock - 144spp in 65 games
Wooden Spoon: Pdarbs - 69spp in 67 games
Season 71: No Fantasy League due to the redraft
Season 72: Budget of 1100
Winner: Jevouse - 148spp in 63 games
Runner-Up: Tussock - 127spp in 66 games
Wooden Spoon: Pdarbs - 72spp in 57 games
Season 73: Budget of 1150, FortisBot officially broken
Winner: JPM - 166spp in 75 games
Runner-Up: Mushoomy - 125spp in 69 games
Wooden Spoon: Sharper - 72spp in 64 games
Season 74: Budget of 1200
Winner: Ramchop - 178spp in 69 games
Runner-Up: Mushoomy - 146spp in 75 games
Wooden Spoon: Pdarbs - 59spp in 72 games
Season 75: Teams may now have 11 - 16 players
Winner: Mushoomy - 162spp in 68 games
Runner-Up: Daudy - 156spp in 74 games
Wooden Spoon: Nebula753 - 47spp in 61 games
Season 76 - Season 82: No Fantasy League due to lack of interest
Season 83: No new changes
Winner: Foad - 165spp in 81 games
Runner-Up: HaruHaru - 121spp in 76 games
Wooden Spoon: Klazam - 51spp in 71 games |
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mushoomy
Joined: Oct 18, 2013
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  Posted:
Oct 21, 2020 - 02:09 |
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===
MiyusoBot 2.0 Reveal
Strawberry: Hello everybody and welcome back to a bit of pre-season fun.
Chocolate: After SHAMING Ramchop and Klazam last season, MiyusoBot is back for more with a brand new randomised team.
Strawberry: Instead of revealing this wonderful disaster of a team, we thought it'd be better to reveal each player individually, and break down how many SPP MiyusoBot 2.0 is expected to get this season.
Chocolate: Cover your eyes! Here comes your first piece of competition...
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Team Roll: 48 | Player Number: 7
Raisin Toast (Bun Dead) - 70k
Strawberry: Up first is the potential scoring undead ghoul, Raisin Toast. Not a bad start, don't you think, Chocolate?
Chocolate: Not too shabby, not too shabby. Although this piece of toast hasn't been buttered with any skills, he's only 1 touchdown away from one! Will he roll AG and become a scoring powerhouse?
Strawberry: Possibly! But most likely not. We expect Raising Toast will score 2 touchdowns at most this season.
Predicted SPP: 6spp
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Team Roll: 62 | Player Number: 4
Tarman (We'reWho!) - 40k
Strawberry: Next up is Necromantic zombie, Tarman!... Not awfully exciting...
Chocolate: If MiyusoBot 2.0 keeps rolling like this, he'll end up DEAD last!
Strawberry: Pretty suiting having only rolled dead players so far.
Chocolate: Aaaand you just killed the joke. Well done.
Predicted SPP: 0spp
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Team Roll: 80 | Player Number: 8
Strawberry: Ah! At last! A high roll!
Chocolate: Not just a high roll, but from last season's prem winning team!
Strawberry: A gutter runner from D_Arquebus would boost MiyusoBot's spp for sure.
Chocolate: Who's number 8 then?...
Ars-Cynical X (Lab Rat Elysium) - 50k
Strawberry: ...
Chocolate: ...
Strawberry: We need a new number generator...
Predicted SPP: 0spp
===
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Team Roll: 69 | Player Number: 12
Eunoe (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 40k
Chocolate: Alright this is just depressing. Should we just scrap this team and start over?
Strawberry: As tempting as it is Chocolate, we still have a lot of budget left. We might roll something large.
Chocolate: I mean, really though. We could have rolled Cronus... We could have rolled SPP king, Aeneas... Eunoe??? I'm not going to be able to shame anyone this season...
Predicted SPP: 0spp
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Team Roll: 63 | Player Number: 1
Murder Thunder (Blood Crag Strips) - 140k
Strawberry: Chocolate! Wake up! This could be a hit!
Chocolate: Since when was a rookie kroxigor a hit?
Strawberry: Not just a rookie kroxigor, Chocolate, but one called Murder Thunder!!! Surely this beast of a player will murder some guys?
Chocolate: By that logic Strawberry, I would have melted on the pitch...
Predicted SPP: 4spp
===
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Team Roll: 61 | Player Number: 6
Zheccag (More Food for Thawt) - 80k
Chocolate: See, this could have been a good roll if it were Khangor, but what's Zheccag going to contribute?
Strawberry: You always were a pessimist Chocolate. Think of the possibilities! A wrester breaking armour! Or even a beastman pass play!
Chocolate: I'm saying it now to all of our average-looking viewers at home. There's no point watching MiyusoBot this season.
Strawberry: *sigh*... onto the next roll I guess.
Predicted SPP: 5spp
===
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Team Roll: 63 | TEAM ALREADY CHOSEN | Team Roll: 60 | CANNOT BE LINEMAN | Player Number: 2
Aggro' Hardnukkle (Vermtide) - 220k
Strawberry: HOLY SMOKES!!! WE GOT A BIG ONE!!!
Chocolate: Earning 21 spp last season, Aggro' Hardnukkle may potentially be the CAS machine MiyusoBot DESPERATELY NEEDS in order to shame a couple coaches.
Strawberry: And with the agility boost, Aggro' Hardnukkle might even score a touchdown or two!
Chocolate: Let's keep rolling like this please!
Predicted SPP: 15spp
===
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Team Roll: 79 | CANNOT BE KROXIGOR | Player Number: 3
Mobad Rilmiod (Cult of the Firedrake) - 100k
Strawberry: A mighty blow Saurus in an agile division certainly isn't bad!
Chocolate: Eh... Not as cool as the last pick. Mobad Rilmiod may get a CAS or two, but would need to be rather fortunate to get any more than that.
Strawberry: Orrrrrr he could smash up the entire premiership!
Predicted SPP: 6spp
===
===
Team Roll: 66 | Player Number: 6
Strawberry: WHeeewwwww... triple 6's. Surely that must warrant a devilish player?
Chocolate: Do we need more CAS getters though? We need a scorer!
Bharkhak Stonefist (Bronzed Raiders) - 160k
Chocolate: I change my mind. This is a pretty cool hard hitter.
Strawberry: Bharkhak Stonefist may not have claws, but he sure has strength! A few CAS and he'll be a worthy roll to the team!
Predicted SPP: 6spp
===
===
Team Roll: 79 | CANNOT BE BEASTMAN | Player Number: 16
Puggy Baconbreath (Real Fake Alternative Facts) - 200k
Strawberry: Wooaaaaah! Now this could be fun! Pity we've used the big guy discount already.
Chocolate: What do you mean by big guy? Puggy Baconbreath is tiny! I'd smash him off the pitch!
Strawberry: Wrong Puggy... Block, claw, mighty blow minotaur... man if MiyusoBot 2.0 was a real team I'd be afraid to set foot on the pitch...
Chocolate: I clearly see puggy! This is fake news I tell you! FAKE NEWS!!!
Predicted SPP: 8spp
===
===
Team Roll: 59 | CANNOT BE BEASTMAN OR MINOTAUR | Player Number: 3
Dudette Love (Big Boys Don't Block) - 140k
Chocolate: Man... MiyusoBot 2.0 is so set on getting casualties you'd think that I made the team...
Strawberry: You're not wrong. Completing the Chaos Chosen set, Dudette Love brings another set of claws to the table.
Chocolate: I think you were onto something before, Strawberry. I totally would need to bring my poop bags with me.
Predicted SPP: 4spp
===
===
THE TEAM
MiyusoBot 2.0
Aggro' Hardnukkle (Vermtide) - 220k
Puggy Baconbreath (Real Fake Alternative Facts) - 200k
Bharkhak Stonefist (Bronzed Raiders) - 160k
Murder Thunder (Blood Crag Strips) - 140k
Dudette Love (Big Boys Don't Block) - 140k
Mobad Rilmiod (Cult of the Firedrake) - 100k
Zheccag (More Food for Thawt) - 80k
Raisin Toast (Bun Dead) - 70k
Ars-Cynical X (Lab Rat Elysium) - 50k
Tarman (We'reWho!) - 40k
Eunoe (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 40k
Total 1240k
Predicted SPP: 54spp
Strawberry: Well there you have it folks! This is your benchmark for Season 84.
Chocolate: And a very very low one at that.
Strawberry: Although a lucky CAS season could propel the team forward, you're going to have to choose extremely badly in order to be shamed this season.
===
===
Closing Words:
Strawberry: Season 84 has officially kicked off, but it's not too late to pull together a team!
Chocolate: DON'T BE A SLACKER!!! Only 5 games have been played so far. There are plenty good picks to choose from.
Strawberry: With 8 teams signed up for season 84 of the SWL Fantasy league, we only need 2 more teams to beat last season's numbers and with more teams comes more writing material for SWL Channel BB.
Chocolate: And more pay for us!
Strawberry: It takes 20 minutes to make a team, then all you have to do is tune in every Sunday for some hopefully enjoyable fluff. We hope to see you enter. Bring on Fantasy League Season 84!
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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  Posted:
Oct 21, 2020 - 21:49 |
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SWL DEATH WATCH PREDICTIONS , SEASON LXXXIV
It's that time again, with the season just started (but we promise our prognosticators have not been sneaking a look at early results!) as we bring in the new, Grudge-o-matic enhanced predictions for who's taking home the prizes in 8 weeks time:
The You Can Dish It Out But Can You Take It Butter Dish for the team that inflicts the highest number of serious injuries and deaths, while suffering the least itself, was handed by the Didgeridudes to Federal Fowlers. In their first Premiership season we'd expect them to take a few more hits, but with the softhanded elfball promised by the top division of SWL LXXXIV, all bets are off. Safe money says the Really Fat Alternating Farts will prioritise hurting over scoring again, but let's face it, it's either going to be a surprise effort by the Amazing Proverbials, or Bonzo Rapiers. Hard to call this one, as although Sharper's chorfs are reliably hard hitting, it's not often that the team escapes without a few broken hobgoblins.
The You Can Take It But Can You Dish It Out Butter Dish for the team with the highest casualty rate and the lowest number of kills and serious injuries will go to Mordor Mayhems. They have one Mighty Blow blitzer right now, but Furiosa will probably spend half the season in traction and the Conferences are no strangers to Tackle.
The Delicately My Dear Kid Gloves, for the team that damaged the least number of opposing players will be taken by Sale of the Jug ... Er because it's no good spamming Guard if you can't back things up with plenty of Mighty Blow. And rerolls. Or at least that's what some goblin on Farcebook told us, and who are we to argue?
The Massively Patronising "It's Called Blood Bowl For A Reason!" Bowl is going to Pigs Not Dogs, as this Necromantic side has been consistently disappointing when it comes to thumping people. Yes, they might be able to win multiple Premiership titles, but they've never come close to double figures for serious injuries, and that's what the fans all want.
The Glass Cannon Glass Cannon for the team that suffered the most injuries while injuring more players than anyone else did - pretty much a shoe-in for Asthma Broncos. Miyuso's games always end up with a lot of players off the field, and bouncing down to the Regionals for a season gives him a chance to beat up some unprepared rookies. But we're also sure that AV7 will be a treat for more than one new team...
The You Can't Make An Omelette Without Breaking A Few Eggs Omelette, won't be retained by Lobrot Enthusiasm as there just aren't enough hard hitters in the Prem to take on the current champions. We expect it to be a slaughter fest led by Semla as Bored Dead destroy all the snotlings of the Bonny Booze
Who will take the What Took You So Long Digital Watch? As always, nobody cares, it's an award for making people wait and nobody has time for that. All we can say is, if the Wormington Redsocks retain this for a second season, Impackt should take up a new sport. Get stuck in!
The Gastrotheca Riobambae III Commemorative Squashed Freddo went to Braver Dough last season, but still nobody's cracked the elusive four injuries in a single season. Will ramcheap's wooden elves pull this one off?
The Terrifying Chamberpot Of Certain Doom got scooped up by everyone's favourite joke name, Franklin Wheelman but this season we believe it'll be that vicious minotaur, On Second Fart that will be clenching the Chamberpot in his tentacles come the end of everything... |
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mushoomy
Joined: Oct 18, 2013
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  Posted:
Oct 26, 2020 - 04:31 |
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===
The Teams
Strawberry: Hello everybody and welcome to what is arguably the most exciting part of the fantasy league, the big team reveals!
Chocolate: Not only will you get to see who everyone has chosen, you'll also be able to watch us rip into everyone's choices.
Strawberry: That's right Chocolate. It's truly an exciting time at the SWL Fantasy League HQ, let's hope we won't receive any hate-mail this time for misrepresenting "useless green dudes".
Chocolate: You sure can hope, but I'm not holding back! Let's rip into this season's sad mistakes, starting with last season's champion, Foad.
===
===
Foad
Cah (Concussion Protocol) - 260k
Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 160k
Torduken (Bronzed Raiders) - 160k
Bind Soul (Blood Crag Strips) - 150k
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 140k
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 120k
Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 100k
Geirólfr Vilgeirrson (Skelligen Spoilers) - 50k
Mystique (Murder Maidens) - 50k
Flyin Fillop (Flack Ork Flockers) - 40k
Prug (Bony Boyz) - 20k
Total 1250k
Strawberry: And here it is! The team to beat! Chocolate has suitably named this side, "The If-It-Aint-Broke Blokes". Would you care to explain?
Chocolate: Quite simple really. 5 out of 11 of Foad's players made an appearance in his team last season! Some people never change.
Strawberry: He certainly seems like he has a winning formula, with Cah, Aeneas and Glee Strawberry expected to rip up the Fantasy League once again.
Chocolate: Sure... but TWO USELESS GREEN GUYS??? Who the hell is Prug?
Strawberry: You're right Chocolate... some people never change... apologies to all of the gnoblars tuning in.
===
===
Mushoomy
Yasmirullah (Didgeridead) - 120k
Wayne Smith (Amateur Professionals) - 120k
Melore Iarri (Sprinting Sprites) - 100k
Time (Speeeeed Killzzzz) - 90k
Aloy (Mutated Alliance) - 90k
Vulture (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 90k
Hurien the Shade (Spite and Malice) - 80k
Drivin-at Drasackin (Lab Rat Elysium) - 80k
Tough (Waaaaghton Redskins) - 80k
Herbad Uar (Cult of the Firedrake) - 80k
Brute (Crazy Beard Express) - 70k
Raisin Toast (Bun Dead) - 70k
Ultraviolet (Murder Maidens) - 70k
Geirólfr Vilgeirrson (Skelligen Spoilers) - 50k
Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 40k
Basayban (Concussion Protocol) - 20k
Total 1250k
Chocolate: Ah yes, the "Not-So-Sweet Sixteen". If only Mushoomy hadn't peaked at Foad's team before he finished his, he wouldn't have had to settle for this subpar team.
Strawberry: I mean... it's not tooooo bad... Yasmirullah might get a couple casualties... Time might get a couple completions....
Chocolate: Just face it Strawberry! The only competition Mushoomy will face this season is MiyusoBot.
Strawberry: Basayban might get a touchdown...
CRASH!!! BANG!!!
===
===
MiyusoBot
Aggro' Hardnukkle (Vermtide) - 220k
Puggy Baconbreath (Real Fake Alternative Facts) - 200k
Bharkhak Stonefist (Bronzed Raiders) - 160k
Murder Thunder (Blood Crag Strips) - 140k
Dudette Love (Big Boys Don't Block) - 140k
Mobad Rilmiod (Cult of the Firedrake) - 100k
Zheccag (More Food for Thawt) - 80k
Raisin Toast (Bun Dead) - 70k
Ars-Cynical X (Lab Rat Elysium) - 50k
Tarman (We'reWho!) - 40k
Eunoe (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 40k
Total 1240k
Strawberry: That was uncalled for...
Chocolate: So is suggesting that a snotling could get a touchdown! At least MiyusoBot had the sense to not roll a snotling in his team, "Weapons of Mass Disappointment".
Strawberry: Gnoblars Chocolate... We've covered MiyusoBot's chaotic team in our last installment, so make sure to rewind in order to see the full team breakdown.
===
===
HaruHaru
Yez The Smelly (Bony Boyz) - 180k
Sammael Dreadblade (Spite and Malice) - 150k
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 140k
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 120k
Bruiser (Crazy Beard Express) - 120k
Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 100k
Shokupan (Bun Dead) - 90k
Leeloo Dallas (Murder Maidens) - 90k
Panthera (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 80k
Blip Raydur (Vermitide) - 80k
Walk Fame (Blood Crag Stripes) - 60k
Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 40k
Total 1250k
Strawberry: Up next is last season's runner uppers, HaruHaru and his team... "The If-It-Aint-Broke Blokes Knockoffs"???
Chocolate: Precisely! Yez the Smelly is a Cah knockoff. Pokett is a Torduken knockoff. Blip Raydur is an Aeneas knockoff. The team name is justified!
Strawberry: But HaruHaru also chose Aeneas?
Chocolate: Nothing you say will change my mind, Strawberry.
Strawberry: HaruHaru didn't choose a gnoblar.
Chocolate: Alright fair. Sometimes knockoffs are just as good or better than the real deal.
Strawberry: That might just be the most reasonable thing you have said so far Chocolate...
===
===
Tussock
Torduken (Bronzed Raiders) - 160k
Bind Soul (Blood Crag Strips) - 150k
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 140k
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 120k
Þorgautr Ãnison (Skelligen Spoilers) - 110k
Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 100k
Aloy (Mutated Alliance) - 90k
Time (Speeeeed Killzzzz) - 90k
Panthera (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 80k
Blip Raydur (Vermitide) - 80k
Flyin Fillop (Flack Ork Flockers) - 40k
Basayban (Concussion Protocol) - 20k
Total 1180k
Chocolate: Up next is Tussock, whose team I have rightfully called "I'll Have What They're Having".
Strawberry: Very appropriate Chocolate. Tussock's team only has 1 original player in it! Everyone else has already been listed!
Chocolate: He certainly looked over everyone's shoulders when picking his fantasy team.
Strawberry: He'll have to hope that Þorgautr Ãnison is a sufficient point of difference if he is hoping to come out on top.
Chocolate: Oh how I'd love to see a Norse Berserker get as many spp as a gutter runner. Get onto it Grod! Tussock's counting on you.
===
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Semitence
Puggy Baconbreath (Real Fake Alternative Facts) - 200k
Torduken (Bronzed Raiders) - 160k
Hauclir Fellhand (Spite and Malice) - 140k
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 120k
Tyrus Thon (Hаrlequins) - 110k
Herbad Ith (Cult of the Firedrake) - 100k
Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 100k
Aloy (Mutated Alliance) - 90k
Panthera (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 80k
Blip Raydur (Vermitide) - 80k
Geirólfr Vilgeirrson (Skelligen Spoilers) - 50k
Prug (Bony Boyz) - 20k
Total 1250k
Strawberry: Up next is Semitence! Have you come up with a team name for this one Chocolate?
Chocolate: How about you come up with a team name Strawberry? Humour me.
Strawberry: Ummmm ok... let's see... he's got Tyrus Thon, pretty cool pretty cool...
Chocolate: You're taking an awfully long time.
Strawberry: Your face is taking an awfully long time. This team is called "PTHATHKAPBGP"!
Chocolate: Ha! What a terrible team name! An acronym? Pathetic.
Strawberry: You rushed me! Besides, it'll be interesting to see how the acronym changes over time right?
Chocolate: Maybe... I'd at least want to see the last letter disappear...
Strawberry: I'd expect nothing more of you Chocolate. Again, apologies to the gnoblars tuning in.
===
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Sharper
Felix (Federated Fowlers) - 170k
Lemon (Pugs Not Drugs) - 170k
Gary Whetton (Amateur Professionals) - 170k
Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 160k
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 140k
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 120k
Blip Raydur (Vermitide) - 80k
Caillen Calder (Ceasg-Coast Corsairs) - 70k
Maruva Nysty (Sprinting Sprites) - 60k
Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 40k
Basayban (Concussion Protocol) - 20k
Total 1200k
Chocolate: Want to give Sharper's team a name too Strawberry? Because your last attempt was so hilarious.
CRASH!!! BANG!!!
Chocolate: I'll take that as an enthusiastic yes.
CRASH!!! BANG!!!
Strawberry: You're naming this one...
Chocolate: Alright! Alright... This team shall be called "The Wannabe Elf Team", as none of his players exceed strength 3, armour 8, and eight out of eleven of his players are agility 4.
Strawberry: *sigh*... alright. It'll certainly be interesting to see whether Sharper's team will accumulate as many spp as an elf team. With elves like Gary Whetton and Glee Strawberry, it may be achievable.
Chocolate: Unlikely.
Strawberry: Pessimist.
===
===
Ramchop
Wynfreda Winsor (Ceasg-Coast Corsairs) - 200k
Felix (Federated Fowlers) - 170k
Gangrene Greg (Redgum's Repugnance) - 160k
Úlfar Úlfarson (Skelligen Spoilers) - 140k
Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 140k
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 120k
Aloy (Mutated Alliance) - 90k
Drivin-at Drasackin (Lab Rat Elysium) - 80k
Brute (Crazy Beard Express) - 70k
Snickers (Cold Rock) - 60k
Footcuddle (Concussion Protocol) - 20k
Total 1250k
Chocolate: Ah yes! Finally! The time has come to roast Ramchop's team, "The" -
Strawberry: Sorry to interrupt, but Ramchop has actually requested a name for his team. He read the fine print!
Chocolate: Boring... What has he come up with?
Strawberry: ... "Team Ramchop"...
Chocolate: ...
Strawberry: Well anyway! At least his team looks better than last season. He's bound to beat MiyusoBot this time with players like Wynfreda Winsor and Felix.
Chocolate: Potentially... but out of all of the available snotlings, why choose Footcuddle? Unforgiveable...
===
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Bobs
Artoria Swan (Bravado) - 160k
Gangrene Greg (Redgum's Repugnance) - 160k
Bind Soul (Blood Crag Strips) - 150k
Hauclir Fellhand (Spite and Malice) - 140k
Úlfar Úlfarson (Skelligen Spoilers) - 140k
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 120k
Bombina Orientalis III (Skye Hoppers!) - 110k
Cream (Pugs Not Drugs) - 110k
Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 100k
Flyin Fillop (Flack Ork Flockers) - 40k
Basayban (Concussion Protocol) - 20k
Total 1250k
Strawberry: A big welcome back to Bobs, who last submitted a fantasy team in SWL Season 73.
Chocolate: Welcome back indeed. Now let's rip into this team shall we? Two useless green guys and a Slann Blitzer? Does anyone expect Bombina Orientalis III to get spp?
Strawberry: Maybe? But look on the bright side, Artoria Swan and Khangor are bound to get some spp!
Chocolate: Feed them to the MiyusoBot. Already itching to shame. "Shame Bait". Sounds fitting.
Strawberry: I really think that this team will do better than you think Chocolate.
===
===
Daudy
Cronus (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 190k
Jairo (Federated Fowlers) - 150k
Hauclir Fellhand (Spite and Malice) - 140k
Galethe Laurh (Sprinting Sprites) - 130k
Yasmirullah (Didgeridead) - 120k
Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 120k
Lachie Cameron (Amateur Professionals) - 90k
Panthera (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 80k
Drivin-at Drasackin (Lab Rat Elysium) - 80k
Tegan Mckinney (Hostile Estrogen) - 70k
Rotting Southside (Bravado) - 70k
Total 1240k
Strawberry: Lucky last! Daudy has submitted a fantas team this season, with some exciting picks from an outsider's perspective.
Chocolate: "The Outsiders" has a nice ring to it. I mean, who is Tegan Mckinney? Last time I looked, she wasn't there.
Strawberry: Last minute addition into the league actually.
Chocolate: An outsider!
Strawberry: ... I guess you're right. With unique picks Cronus and Jairo, this team may have the edge to push ahead of the others.
===
===
Strawberry: And that's it! Did you enjoy naming all of the teams, Chocolate?
Chocolate: Can't wait to see them on the leaderboard.
Strawberry: You won't, it was purely for fluff reasons.
Chocolate: Not. Cool.
Strawberry: Catch you in season everyone! Stay tuned for an exciting first week... |
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suttbutt
Joined: Mar 16, 2015
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  Posted:
Oct 26, 2020 - 05:59 |
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the weathered coach turns off the telecaster, chuckling that one of his rookie players was mentioned in the fantasy watch list, *poor Tegan Mckinney she'll never see the field.* he thought wisely.
Curiously he flicked through the season preview flyer they'd handed out at the league offices, burrowed away on a page number of inconsequence "Return of Coach Suttbutt, can he actually win?" |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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In recent months, rumours have proliferated of changes to the rules of Armorical football. Whether it's been steps taken to remove teams full of suspiciously over muscular players, or most elves from being banned from throwing the ball, coaches throughout the Southern Wastes have been equally confused and fascinated by the potential changes.
No change has been as dramatic as the one that came at the end of the 83rd SWL season: of a team of nonexistent, imaginary rat men winning the premier trophy. With Pinkeye Growthspurt out of retirement and too busy to write protest letters, it was left to sages such as Happy Dancer and Socrates to lead the picket line outside the All Star Committee's HQ, demanding no all star scrolls to be awarded to anyone who couldn't prove they actually exist.
A counter protest by the Salamoneous Old Rat Memorial Association soon formed, and a riot was only averted when the All Stars Committee took to the street to announce the select eleven:
All-Stars Season LXXXIII
Bun Dead got chewed up and spat out of the Conferences last season, but their unlucky run can't be blamed on Semla, the bandaged monstrosity that haunts the dreams of so many players. For a desiccated corpse, he packs a lot of muscle on his ancient bones, and was the hardest working blocker in the league. The mummy was on a roll coming into this season and showed no sign of slowing down. Those 79 blocks translated into four serious injuries this time around, although there were grumblings that Semla hasn't actually killed anyone for a while. Still, the big guy knows which side his bread is buttered and we expect him to keep bringing the pain. Mummy needs the dough too much to want to retire for a long time.
We usually get at least one complaint from Pinkeye Growthspurt that nobody's fouling like they used to, so we were surprised to find a letter from the old man of the boot, extolling the achievements of Thriller Filler, for 29 fouls in the conferences. With four serious injuries, Mr Filler has clearly been working hard on his ground blitz. Growthspurt's only advice is to up his work rate - 2.83 fouls per match isn't where he'll need to be to excel in the Premiership. When asked to comment, Filler's only question was "who's this shortarse trying to tell me how to do my job?"
They laughed, they jeered, they threw rotten vegetables when the Scoundrels' coach announced he was retiring the goblins and recruiting a team made up entirely of star players. The insults only got louder when it turned out the cut-price 'stars' in the Alternative Facts dressing room were some beastmen in makeup, five halflings sewn into a Hexensnacht Minotaur costume, and some roided-up monsters pretending to be elves. Controversy continued to rage as, after a lot of battering, the team made it into the Conferences on their second attempt, and then like some horrible growth refused to be removed. But the Facts themselves have had room for complaint, with Jordell Freshbreeze passed over for consideration for the Silver Knuckles, despite getting as many casualties as the winner, Fred Woodman, with less blocks. Freshbreeze himself has had nothing bad to say about Woodman (possibly intimidated by the elf's superior kill rate), offering to have all the Professionals over for dinner. We hope there's no suspiciously violent jostling in the line to accept the awards this time around.
Fred Woodman shows no signs of wanting to retire, and indeed, a seasoned pro like this one should be celebrated, even with the endless complaints from the Death Watch Committee that his silly name ruins the dignity of this oh-so-serious game. For an effeminate knife-eared fop to bag one casualty in a season is surprising enough, but the Woodman chopped down 12 players, including three kills and four serious injuries. (Sadly, none of these count, because he was unkind enough to break the hip of a snotling who had just wandered onto the pitch to ask for his autograph during the Concussion Protocol game, a breach of decorum that saw Woodman heavily censured in the press.) Fred can put his All Star Scroll next to the overflowing Chamberpot of Doom, although we hope and pray he doesn't drop it inside.
After the Bronzed Raiders were banned from nominating any players for the Star Player list (either because of their overweening arrogance in declaring their rival 'Hall of Bronze' awards, or because everyone else is jealous of them) we didn't expect to see any top hatted tomfoolery making it to the prize giving this time around. But how could we overlook the speed and grace of Zharkorth Bloodhoof? Despite being trained to smash heads, this four-legged friend of the game scored a Reggies-leading seven TDs in his first season. We look forward to the bearded wonder galloping up the Conferences. Will it be an all-chorf Premiership in SWL LXXXV?
Heads turned this season when Brattleboro "Guzzla" Schrinton was awarded an All-Star scroll, and not just because people were confused about the presence of an enormous rat. This was a rat with muscles so big you wonder what the Elysium coach was feeding him, and while Guzzla, lacking the sharpened talons that made a blitzer like the lamented Salamoneous so feared, hasn't been a massive contributor to the Death Watch, he did put a dent in the career of Takharth Stoneheart by smashing his knee. Recovering, Stoneheart sent his best wishes to congratulate Schrinton, saying he'd "see him in the season after next", whatever that means.
After Dan Dan retired to coach small children in the junior Paintree League, Bravado wardancers couldn't be accused of hanging around too long, with Chocolate Fish calling in sick permanently shortly after receiving a dose of performance enhancing herbs. His replacement, Glee Strawberry, shows no signs of wanting illegal stat increases, but is also freakish, insofar as nobody spent more turns on the pitch than her this season. For an AV7 player with a stack of skills to be spending more time out of the dugout than in it suggests the fouling game in the Premiership is well below par, and with the plucky lass getting 25 SPP Strawberry's skills are clearly bearing fruit. Bear in mind that she's done that without a single MVP, unlike some of the glory hogs that dominate the league. This season she'll either go far, or somebody will be eating Strawberry jam before the new year.
With so few players getting a second All Star scroll recently, you might almost think the awards are cursed, but it hasn't stopped Dave Loveridge, the elf with the golden arm, making a second appearance. With 17 passes for a total of 143 yards, he held onto both the silver arrow and boomerang as the team clambered back up to the Premiership. A premiership rammed full of pointy-eared freaks suggests there'll be a lot of competition when it comes to flinging the ball this season, but for now, Loveridge's in a class of his own. However, there's another AG5 elf out there who's been reportedly very angry to not make it into the all stars - will sparks fly when Loveridge meets Mornelithe this time around?
Now with almost as many All Star scrolls as bandages, Niabaterro is that rarity, an agile Khemri who also packs a big punch. Now the stuff of Legends, he lurched to a Premiership leading six TDs - leaving some of the commentators asking how a desiccated bag of bones scored more than any of the Gutter Runners, and other commentators asking why anyone is still talking about imaginary rat men. Those scores weren't enough to keep Didgeridead in the Premiership, but if anyone can lead them straight back up again, it'll be Niabaterro!
Jeered at for his stumpy legs, Torgan Silvermead rushed for 230 yards this season. If you want to think about that in terms of the length of a Blood Bowl pitch, that's ... a lot of Blood Bowl pitches. The combination of a hyper agile Dwarf and a super strong throw-ra means this is one of the strongest passing All Star teams in recent history. However, rumours that passing is either banned from next year under the NAF's new rules, or made compulsory, suggests the All Stars in SWL LXXXIV might look very different.
While some of us turned up to the Fowlers' matches just to see how many fouls they'd commit, others were watching Felix, who reminds people that elves aren't the only agile players out there. Scoring four times against the dreaded gluten-ghouls of Bun Dead, Felix finished last season by demonstrating total calm under pressure. If the stench of a decaying zombie can't put you off catching the ball, it seems nothing can. However, nerves of steel mean nothing if the muscle surrounding them has been rendered to pieces, and we've seen other human catchers run out of space when they reach the Premiership. We're hoping Felix makes it back for the All Stars in SWL LXXXIV, but he'll have to avoid booking a one-way ticket on the Crazy Beard Express first.
LXXXIII All Stars
Semla, Bun Dead
Thriller Filler, Federated Fowlers
Jordell Freshbreeze, Real Fake Alternative Facts
Fred Woodman, Amateur Professionals
Zharkorth Bloodhoof, Gorgoth Heavies
Brattleboro "Guzzla" Schrinton, Lab Rat Elysium
Glee Strawberry, Bravado
Dave Loveridge, Amateur Professionals
Niabatteroo, Didgeridead
Torgan Silvermead, Blue Mountain Giants
Felix, Federated Fowlers
LXXXIII Prem Stars
Mobad Vaelam, Cult of the Firedrake
Hazhek Copperfist, Bronzed Raiders
Dinga, Didgeridead
Brattleboro "Guzzla" Schrinton, Lab Rat Elysium
Glee Strawberry, Bravado
Impak, Waaaaghton Redskins
Mornelithe Falconsbane, Druchii Dynasty
Dodgy Service, Bravado
Niabatteroo (c), Didgeridead
Torduken, Bronzed Raiders
Khezhan, Bronzed Raiders
LXXXIII Conference Stars
On Second Thawt, More Food for Thawt
Semla, Bun Dead
Big T, Big Boys Don't Block
Jordell Freshbreeze, Real Fake Alternative Facts
Fred Woodman, Amateur Professionals
Thriller Filler, Federated Fowlers
Wynfreda Winsor, Ceasg-Coast Corsairs
Dave Loveridge, Amateur Professionals
Felix, Federated Fowlers
Spee Daymon, Vermintidе
Torgan Silvermead, Blue Mountain Giants
LXXXIII Rising Stars
Salty Dog Seldon, Salute οf the Jugger
Manshape Gutwart, Singed Poor Scoundrels
Magni Bronzebeard, Legends of Azeroth
Uther Lightbringer, Legends of Azeroth
Hannah Abbott, Griffindoom
Zharkorth Bloodhoof, Gorgoth Heavies
Femme Fatale, Kingdom Decay (SWL)
Anduin Wrynn, Legends of Azeroth
Paedophryne Amauensis III, Skye Hoppers!
Brawndo The Thirst Mutilator, Salute οf the Jugger
Pinkeye Growthspurt, Singed Poor Scoundrels
Note: The All Stars committee is a group effort. Currently numbering 6 members who played a part in the selection and (all MrC) fluffmanship. |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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  Posted:
Oct 30, 2020 - 19:44 |
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DEATH WATCH SWL LXXXIV WEEK ONE
Welcome back everyone, to a record (and player) breaking week! This is the first time we've had to deal with twenty dead bodies in a single round of the Southern Wastes League, double the death toll from the first week of last season, and narrowly beating the total from week 5 of that same season. Will this be just the start of the most violent season ever, or will everyone play nice from now on?
Before we review the copious corpses this week, let's take a look back at the glorious omelettes from seasons' past. Here's the four biggest matches - will we see teams get to 9 serious injuries this time around?
Bronzed Raiders - Wildwood Windlords, season 76. 5 deaths, 3 serious injuries
Bravado - Brew Pub Brouhaha, season 74. 4 deaths, 4 serious injuries
Blackwater Cockfighters - Secret Wasteland Love, season 78. 2 deaths, 6 serious injuries
Dean Park Rangers - Lab Rat Elysium, season 73. 1 death, 7 serious injuries
Anyway, so much for the history lesson. Let's get on to current affairs:
Turokk the Hairy, shaved by by Semla. Ogre Runt Punter, 8 SPP.
"And that ringing noise you can hear isn't the sound of your eardrums being punctured by an enormous undead monster - it's the bell ringing to announce another first - that's right, Turokk is the first ever dead Runt Punter! Congratulations on that one!"
Ghorloz Lizardtree, cut down in his prime by Peg Head Pete. Orc Lineman, 0 SPP.
Bálki Bekans, blocked by Sackboy. Norse Lineman, 3 SPP.
"A good whack from the sack."
"I'm not passing comment on that, Bob."
Trey Truespike, blocked by Sackboy. Norse Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Whereas that whack was not worth jack."
"That's right, Sackboy beating up on rostered linemen is one thing, but assaulting a journeyman? That's cold. Colder than a Norseman's jockstrap."
Okkuro, had to go after a bite of Boysenberry Swirl. Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
"It just goes to show that ice cream really is bad for your health."
Marshmallow, toasted, roasted, and stuck on a wooden stick over a bonfire by Bel-Gedir The Powerful. Lizardman Skink, 78 SPP.
"We won't see any s'more of the Marshmallow, will we?"
Novice AV7 Special Edition
Ashley Barty, never returning to the party after a hit by Distant Harley. Amazon Linewoman, 0 SPP.
Jackson Darth, smashed in half by Georgia Lennon. Vampire Thrall, 2 SPP.
Mystique's time was up when she got demystified by Cronus. Amazon Linewoman, 0 SPP.
Probably had it coming section
Thriller Filler, filled in by Mobad Koketh. Human Lineman, 9 SPP.
"After waging a one-man reign of terror against any players unlucky enough to be sitting down on the pitch in Conferences, the Filler had his comeuppance. Some will say it shows that if you don't have to worry about the Curse of the Death Watch, you still need to look out for the Curse of the All Stars, but I just have to say Mobad, mo' problems. "
"That's bad, Bob."
"No, that's Thriller! Or at least, it was..."
Macauley Malvin, zippety-zapped by Jinzap. Dark Elf Blitzer, 47 SPP.
"Watching the replay on this one shows why you can't ever expect any player to be totally reliable. Malvin blocked a rookie hobgoblin, fluffed it and went down. The apothecary took one look at that pathetic display, said he wasn't worth saving. After two seasons of the team avoiding serious injuries on any important players, we didn't expect them to lose a blitzer that way."
"Well, it's still shocking. But I don't expect we'll see any more Dark Elf Blitzers die this season."
"That's right Jim. Fortunately, our statistickal geniuses from the Norscan Peninsula University Mathematickal department tell us it's practically impossible. There's only been one season since records began where we saw more than one Dark Elf Blitzer die, so all the others are probably sighing in relief that Malvin took one for the Naggarond nation."
"Well you can't argue with statistics, can you Bob?"
"Wasn't Statistics a goblin on the Styx and Warpstones team in 78?"
Mankind, put in a bind by Crash Blind. Chaos Beastman, 0 SPP.
"Oh, the humanity!"
Denial Rain, suffering a permanent drought after meeting Mr Perfect. Lizardman Skink, 0 SPP.
Warp Speed 3, definitely slowing down after running into Peg Leg Pete. High Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
Falstad Wildhammer, taken out by Kurgowallah. Old World Alliance Blocker, 7 SPP.
"Hopefully somebody still has the Wildhammer to bang in the nails on Falstad's coffin."
Tirion Fordring, fouled by Tebec. Old World Alliance Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Never mind Fordring, it's ding-a-ling-a-ding-ding time as we get to ring the Permanent Time Out For A First Timer Bell for a second time this week. Tebec's massive boot means that's a second position to join the collection of different dead bodies this week."
"Can you say that again six times fast?"
"I know Fordring can't!"
Quindroo, sent back to where the sun don't shine by Uther Lightbringer. Khemri Blitz-Ra, 0 SPP.
"Ironically that's the second player that Lightbringer has extinguished. If he keeps turning the lights out, he's going to need to change his name."
Mulooloo, went surfing. Khemri Skeleton, 0 SPP.
Spee Daymon, now just a Chip off the block. Skaven Gutter Runner, 74 SPP.
"Well, everyone slows down some time..."
Cream, had all the fat removed by Aggro' Hardnukkle. Necromantic Ghoul, 27 SPP.
Incredibly reliable predictions
"Well, for once there's nothing claimed by the Curse of the Death Watch. Let's take a look and see what might be coming up in week two..."
"And now we have 13 seasons of data to rely on, we can be sure all our predictions are going to be perfect and error free."
"And unbiassed. Don't forget that."
"That's right, Bob. It's not like there's any chance of us letting personal preference, grudges against people who beat the Facts or the Scoundrels, or anything else interfere..."
Cold Rock vs the Amateur Professionals: a death and a pinched nerve last time round. With the 'Rock now at 11 kills, and Woodman concussed due to the Curse of the All Stars, those lizards might run rampant in the absence of any strong tacklers.
The Blackwater Cockfighters vs Pugs Not Drugs: the Pugs have never managed to harm any of the Cockfighters in five matches, whereas the Norsemen, while moonlighting from whatever other jobs they have to get on the Blood Bowl field, have killed three and maimed five of their opponents. Will this be the time that those pugs finally manage to get revenge?
Flack Ork Flockers vs Skye Hoppers!: A single death two seasons ago - are we going to see something green and mean make something else go squish? Or will the orcs be hopping mad for a change?
Bronzed Raiders vs the Waaaaghton Redskins: a bit of a surprise, as there hasn't been a serious injury when these two teams played since ten seasons ago, when the Raiders administered a proper beating. Are we going to see an improvement this time around?
Aspley Boncos vs Bun Dead: these two teams are slumming it back in Regionals, both looking to ricochet back to the Conferences. The Boncos are reliable wreckers, but will regen and the brutal Semla mean there's more Norsemen in the pitch than standing on it by the end of the match?
One not to watch:
The Ceasg-Coast Corsairs vs We'reWho!: While both sides might show some brilliant plays, for fans of the sploosh we expect there'll be nothing to see here. |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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  Posted:
Oct 31, 2020 - 02:44 |
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Embarassed faces at the Death Watch Committee today, when it was pointed out that we didn't break the previous record by having 20 deaths in one round.
We broke it by having 21 deaths in one round:
Mark Donaldson, crushed in a Stampede. High Elf Catcher, 29 SPP.
"What's with all the hooting and cheering? One more dead player isn't a cause for celebration, Bob."
"But one more dead player with Guard definitely is!"
And we also didn't spot that the Curse of the Death Watch had reliably claimed its first victim of the season:
Fred Woodman, Failed GFI after 3 kills. The Woodperson was probably running to get away from his nemesis, and instead earned a serious concussion.
To compensate for everyone upset by this calamity, here's a parade of everyone who got hurt this week:
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