24 coaches online • Server time: 03:26
Index Search Usergroups Profile
Log in
Recent Forum Topics goto Post Unable to activate t...goto Post FUMBBL Dice 2021goto Post Creating a tournamen...
SearchSearch 
Post new topic   Reply to topic
View previous topic Log in to check your private messages View next topic
mushoomy



Joined: Oct 18, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 01, 2020 - 00:21 Reply with quote Back to top

Image

===
Week 1

Strawberry: And we're off! Welcome everyone to the first week of the SWL Fantasy League. I'm your host, Strawberry, and I'm here joined by Chocolate.
Chocolate: Why is it that your the host joined by me, rather than both of us being cohosts?
Strawberry: I really don't see what you're complaining about.
Chocolate: I'm simply pointing out you're a spotlight hog, twat.
Strawberry: I really don't see what you mean Chocolate. Let's kick off the first week with our new quiz segment!
===

===
Weekly Quiz

Strawberry: Our new segment is quiz of the week, where we highlight the best and worst choices in the form of a fun quiz! What do we have this week Chocolate?
Chocolate: This week we've got a handful of pesky skink runners. Skinks were a very popular choice this season, with 5 different skinks making an appearance in this fantasy league. Our question is, which skink has the best Cost per SPP?

Image Bind Soul (Blood Crag Strips) - 150k
Image Herbad Uar (Cult of the Firedrake) - 80k
Image Walk Fame (Blood Crag Stripes) - 60k
Image Herbad Ith (Cult of the Firedrake) - 100k
Image Snickers (Cold Rock) - 60k

Strawberry: Each skinks have played 2 games, but who's the best deal out of all of them? Answers will be available at the end of the post. Let's jump into this week's standings!
Chocolate: I'm ready to SHAAAAAAME some teams!
Strawberry: Sorry to tell you this Chocolate, buuuut....
===

===
LEADERBOARD

1: Foad - 40spp in 17 games
2: Tussock - 40spp in 20 games
3: HaruHaru - 35spp in 18 games
4: Semitence - 34spp in 18 games
5: Bobs - 33spp in 16 games
6: Mushoomy - 20spp in 22 games
7: Ramchop - 18spp in 14 games
8: Sharper - 18spp in 15 games
9: Daudy - 16spp in 14 games
10: MiyusoBot - 10spp in 16 games

Strawberry: You won't be shaming anyone any time soon
Chocolate: BLASPHEMY!!! Need to roll better numbers for MiyusoBot next season it seems.
Strawberry: Indeed. Foad is in the lead this week, with Tussock not too far behind him. Meanwhile, a tight contest between HaruHaru, Semitence, and Bobs, with only 2 spp separating them all.
Chocolate: Tighter than your mothe -

CRASH!!! BANG!!!

Chocolate: Rude...
Strawberry: ... In the bottom half of the table, Mushoomy's not-so-sweet sixteen carves out a path of mediocracy, with Ramchop, Sharper and Daudy following closely.
Chocolate: 40 spp in 17 games?!! What type of steroids has Foad been pumping into his dreams?
Strawberry: Good ones. Let's take a deeper look into our team of the week.
===

===
Team of the Week:

Foad
Image Cah (Concussion Protocol) - 5spp in 1 games
Image Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 0spp in 1 games
Image Torduken (Bronzed Raiders) - 3spp in 2 games
Image Bind Soul (Blood Crag Strips) - 9spp in 2 games
Image Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 4spp in 1 games
Image Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 6spp in 3 games
Image Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 10spp in 3 games
Image Geirólfr Vilgeirrson (Skelligen Spoilers) - 3spp in 1 games
Image Mystique (Murder Maidens) - 0spp in 1 games
Image Flyin Fillop (Flack Ork Flockers) - 0spp in 1 games
Image Prug (Bony Boyz) - 0spp in 1 games
Total:40spp in 17 games

Strawberry: Fantastic!
Chocolate: Eh. Looking into it, Foad is being carried by 3 players at the moment, with Khangor, Bind Soul and Cah contributing half of his spp count.
Strawberry: Calm down Chocolate. It's only the first week. Although it doesn't touch Foad's season 73 performance of 50spp in 14 games, it comes bloody close. With Tussock not too far behind, it shows fantasy teams are becoming more efficient.
Chocolate: Or more monotonous.
Strawberry: Or that...
===

===
Player of the Week:

Image Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 10spp in 3 games

Strawberry: Khangor is our player of the week this week! With a 3 game sprint, he has accumulated 10spp for 5 different fantasy teams.
Chocolate: The sole AG4 Beastman in a well established Chaos team. You'd have to be blind not to choose this guy.
Strawberry: Or random-rolling MiyusoBot or peeping-Tom Mushoomy.
Chocolate: Regardless, choosing this player would have certainly pushed Ramchop, Sharper and Daudy closer to the rest of the pack.
===

===
Deal of the Week:

Image Geirólfr Vilgeirrson (Skelligen Spoilers) - 16.6 Cost/SPP/Game

Strawberry: Continuing last season's segment, this week's deal of the week goes to Geirólfr Vilgeirrson who, for only 50k, scored 3 spp for Foad, Mushoomy and Semitence.
Chocolate: Is it a great deal though? Grod has gone ahead and trained him to be dauntless, and has hired a pair of runners. I believe they've hit an spp brick wall, Strawberry.
Strawberry: He could get a cas or two. Regardless, 3spp for 50k is a good deal which could make all the difference in the final weeks.
===

===
Rip Off of the Week:

Image Felix (Federated Fowlers) - 170k - 0spp

Chocolate: After a stellar performance last season, Felix has greatly disappointed Sharper and Ramchop by doing nothing last game! He didn't even hold the ball!
Strawberry: Looking at the game, Fox would have been a better pick. Though, only 20k cheaper...
Chocolate: Maybe he'll pick up his game. I'd like to see him continue to disappoint though. Misfortune to you all!
===

===
Curse of the Fantasy League:

Image Mystique (Murder Maidens) - 0spp in 1 games - (Foad)
Image Cream (Pugs Not Drugs) - 2spp in 1 games - (MBobs)

Chocolate: After a THRILLING first round of the SWL Death Watch, we have had a disappointing number of deaths this week, saying goodbye to Mystique and Cream.
Strawberry: Not too much to say here is there? At least Bobs managed to score 2spp.
Chocolate: As I always say, it's still 90k he could have spent elsewhere. Even if it was our former teammate.
===

===
Weekly Quiz Answer

Image Walk Fame (Blood Crag Stripes) - 24 Cost/SPP/Game

Strawberry: So what's the answer to the weekly quiz, Chocolate?
Chocolate: Even though Bind Soul got a whopping 9spp in 2 games, Walk Fame is the better choice, scoring a touchdown and getting a casualty for only 60k!
Strawberry: Congratulations to HaruHaru for picking the right choice.
===

===
Closing Words:

Strawberry: And that's it for the first week of the Fantasy League! Join us next Sunday for even more SPP goodness!
Chocolate: Make sure you check out the full standings below to see how Mushoomy managed to sneak past other teams with his 16 players.
Strawberry: Until next time!

Link to full standings
mushoomy



Joined: Oct 18, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 08, 2020 - 02:32 Reply with quote Back to top

Image

===
Week 2

Strawberry: Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the SWL Fantasy League! A few changes in the leaderboard this week. Are you excited to jump right in?
Chocolate: Excited? I'm PUMPED! I've got new shaming criteria.
Strawberry: New shaming criteria? Have you given up on MiyusoBot already?
Chocolate: If you're team places lower than MiyusoBot, you deserve more than just a shaming... humiliation.... degradation.... *drools*
Strawberry: ... Riiiiight... Let's get into this week's fantasy goodness - starting off with the weekly quiz.
===

===
Weekly Quiz

Chocolate: Bada-bing! Bada-boom! This week, we've got Dark Elves in the quiz room.
Strawberry: Please please please do not try and rhyme Chocolate. In particular, we have three Dark Elf Blitzers.
Chocolate: Yes we have dark elves that blitz. No they're not the ones with tits.
Strawberry: ... Here are your options. Which player has the lowest cost/spp in 2 games?

Image Sammael Dreadblade (Spite and Malice) - 150k
Image Hauclir Fellhand (Spite and Malice) - 140k
Image Wynfreda Winsor (Ceasg-Coast Corsairs) - 200k

Chocolate: So who's got the most spp's scored? Find out at the end - LEADERBOARD!
Strawberry: I swear these get worse every time...
===

===
LEADERBOARD
1:(+2) HaruHaru - 63spp in 27 games
2:(-1) Foad - 60spp in 25 games
3:(-1) Tussock - 60spp in 28 games
4:(+4) Sharper - 48spp in 23 games
5:(-1) Semitence - 45spp in 27 games
6:(-1) Bobs - 46spp in 23 games
7:(+0) Ramchop - 37spp in 22 games
8:(+1) Daudy - 25spp in 21 games
9:(-3) Mushoomy - 25spp in 29 games
10:(+0) MiyusoBot - 12spp in 24 games

Strawberry: As you can see, there has been a shift in the tide this week, with HaruHaru sneaking into first place!
Chocolate: Foad and Tussock are neck and neck. Semitence goes down by one, Sharper - What the Heck?
Strawberry: You are reaaaally starting to cheese these rhymes Chocolate. I suggest you stop before you embarrass yourself.
Chocolate: Bobs aims for the sixth place prize. Ramchop goes nowhere, but that's no surprise.
Strawberry: *sigh*... Daudy jumps up into eighth place, whilst Mushoomy drops a massive three pla -
Chocolate: SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!! SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!
Strawberry: Seems like shaming is the only thing that can snap you out of this rhyming fad.
Chocolate: Shame rhymes with shame, step up your rhyme game. Mushoomy gets shamed for less than 1spp per game.
Strawberry: You just rhymed game with game! Just face it, you suck at this.
Chocolate: I really do not... then there's MiyusoBot.
Strawberry: *sigh*... Team of the week then!
===

===
Team of the Week:

Sharper
Image Felix (Federated Fowlers) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Lemon (Pugs Not Drugs) - 10spp in 1 games
Image Gary Whetton (Amateur Professionals) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 0spp in 1 games
Image Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 12spp in 2 games
Image Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Blip Raydur (Vermitide) - 3spp in 1 games
Image Caillen Calder (Ceasg-Coast Corsairs) - 0spp in 1 games
Image Maruva Nysty (Sprinting Sprites) - 5spp in 1 games
Image Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 0spp in 1 games
Image Basayban (Concussion Protocol) - 0spp in 0 games
Total:30spp in 8 games

Strawberry: Despite HaruHaru taking out the top spot, Sharper takes team of the week, earning 30spp in only 8 games!
Chocolate: Lemon and Aeneas carried this team...
Strawberry: ...
Chocolate: .......
Strawberry: What rhymes with team Chocolate?..
Chocolate: Their... star player points..... are so shiny they're starting to gleam!!!

CRASH!!! BANG!!!

Strawberry: You're quite right Chocolate. Aeneas and, our very own, Lime have carried Sharper's team this week, earning over 2 thirds of the 30spp.
Chocolate: That was rude... dude...

CRASH!!! BANG!!!
===

===
Player of the Week:

Image Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 12spp in 2 games

Strawberry: Unsurprisingly, this weeks player of the week is a SWL Fantasy favourite, Aeneas, who earned a good 12spp for half of the fantasy teams.
Chocolate: Yes you're right, he is a fan favourite. Unlike you, you piece of -

CRASH!!! BANG!!!
===

===
Deal of the Week:

Image Yez The Smelly (Bony Boyz) - 22.5 cost/spp/game

Strawberry: Up next is the deal of the week, which is being awarded to HaruHaru's Yez The Smelly, AKA, the Cah rip off!
Chocolate: Wait a minute, this is fraud! Sharper's Maruva Nysty should win this award.
Strawberry: That is true, he does have the miniscule cost/spp/game of 12. However, when you apply the big guy discount, Yez ends up being... 16.26 cost/spp/game...

Image Maruva Nysty (Sprinting Sprites) - 12 cost/spp/game

Chocolate: Eh - Yez The Smelly is cool. If you can't see that, you are a fool.
Strawberry: ... please stop...
===

===
Rip Off of the Week:

Image Glee Strawberry (Bravado) - 160k - 0spp in 2 games

Chocolate: Week 2 reveals another failed pick, Glee Strawberry. Dropped from fame, played 2 games, no spp.
Strawberry: Glee Strawberry was picked by Foad and Sharper, based off of last seasons stellar performance. However, she has disappointed both this season.
===

===
Curse of the Fantasy League:

Image Mystique (Murder Maidens) - 0spp in 1 games - (Foad)
Image Cream (Pugs Not Drugs) - 2spp in 1 games - (Bobs)
Image Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 0spp in 2 games - (Mushoomy, HaruHaru, Sharper)

Chocolate: This week, we're only reporting one new death. Rest in peace Hobgoblin dude, Pokett
Strawberry: How tasteful...
===

===
Weekly Quiz Answer

Image Sammael Dreadblade (Spite and Malice) - 37.5 cost/spp/game
Image Hauclir Fellhand (Spite and Malice) - 70 cost/spp/game
Image Wynfreda Winsor (Ceasg-Coast Corsairs) - 50 cost/spp/game

Strawberry: And here are the answers to this weeks quiz! Congratulations to HaruHaru for picking the right choice... Again...
===

===
Closing Words:

Strawberry: And that's it!
Chocolate: Finally... I can stop rhyming...
Strawberry: FANTASTIC!!! Make sure you check out the full standings below. Catch you next time!

Link to full standings
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Nov 10, 2020 - 07:00 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL DEATH WATCH SEASON LXXXIII Week Two

Welcome back, to a short episode of Death Watch. That's right, with two teams refusing to play this week (possibly having been spooked by the Death Watch predictions, there's been a real paucity of atrocity this week. With only a miniscule number of deaths, we'd better start off with the big guys and then rush through it all...

Image Mornelithe Falconsbane, mo'blocks, Mobad Glakuarn. Dark Elf Blitzer, 93 SPP.
"Mornelithe? More like Mournlithe, am I right, Jim?"
"Ha, well, not really. The Druchii Dynasty respect no weakness in their players, even if it's a player as strong as Falconsbane. Quite how they managed to roster an AG5 Ogre without getting in trouble with the league commission is a mystery, almost as big as the mystery of Falconsbane turning down the apo."
"That's right, as a one time Premier star and prospective All-Star, he had the world at his feet."
"He also had his head by his feet, and most of his entrails, if you believe the reports from the match."
"Well, I'm glad the coach did the honourable thing and didn't stand in the way of the Curse of the Death Watch. He can walk home with his head held high."
"That's more than Mornelithe can do."


Image Persephone, Block by Big T.. Underworld Troll, 55 SPP.
"Now, if an ogre dressed up as a elf wasn't bad enough, you're telling me we've lost an Underworld Troll as well? Those things are tougher than a roast beef dinner at your mother-in-law's: we haven't had one die on us since records began!"
"Well, in a horrible example of big-guy-on-big-guy action, Big T turned Persephone into a mess resembling the reddish seeds of some exotic fruit."
"Mean ol' mino mashed Persephone into pomegranate paste permanently?"
"You can say that again!"
"I wish I could!"


Image Kara'eal Ditherleaf, just a quivering leaf after a hit by Mobad Firnakr. Dark Elf Lineman, 8 SPP.
"THe Dynasty could do with a furniture maker after Firnakr sized that elf up for a box!"

Image Martin Deepfist, Block by Khograkh Bronzeheart. Orc Lineman, 0 SPP.
"After what you wrote about Persephone I didn't think we could top that headline, but how about 'Martin Deepfisted By Bronzeheart'?"
"No thanks, Bob."


Image Vengeance Trust, won't need to wear a truss after a foul by Lagertha. Lizardman Saurus, 65 SPP.
"I wonder if he tasted like chicken?"
"Bob, stop thinking of your food, and think of those poor defenceless lizards!"
"That is food, Jim."


Image Scott, Foiler of Plans, went surfing. Norse Lineman, 1 SPP.
"Certainly not foiling any plans after that one, eh?"

Image Stewart, the Vampire Aristocrat, served up with cheese on a Cracker. Norse Lineman, 20 SPP.
"Classy, Bob, I like it!"
"I'm partial to a bit of cheese myself."
"No, I mean I like dead norse aristocrats!"


Image David Darkrock, looking like he sucked a lemon after a hit by Lime. Norse Lineman, 0 SPP.
"The less we say about journeymen Norse, the better."
"Correct."


Image Pokett, filled up by Detestation. Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin, 0 SPP.
"There's that old saying, Dwarfs have short arms and deep pockets."
"Well, Chaos Dwarves don't even have a Pokett!"


Image Jinzap, zapped by Max Spleenripper. *Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin, 10 SPP.
"Technically speaking only wizards can zap people, Bob."
"Well, Spleenripper put some sort of spell on him."


Image Adalynn Trion, tried it on with, and then regretted, Roogooroo. Ogre Snotling, 0 SPP.
"Ironically, 'Roogooroo' was the last thing Adalynn said while being punched by the big dusty lad."

Image Matteo Bolrock, thumped in the bolrocks by Roogooroo. Ogre Snotling, 0 SPP.
"And was that what Bolrock said as well, Bob?"
"No, he just made a disgusting squirting noise. Why do you ask?"


Image M'lain Fasciaripper, ripped apart by Sturm Battlehand. Skaven Lineman, 0 SPP.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say that M'lain Fasciaripper was an unlucky name, Bob..."

Image Cory Deepspike, hammered into the pitch by Sammael Dreadblade. Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Well, that's a glamourous way to go out, as ever."

And with that short interlude, there's just time to look at the damage the Curse of the Death Watch has wrought this week, look at the ever increasing mound of damaged bodies, and ask where this week's predictions are:

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

Curse of the Death Watch
Image Mornelithe Falconsbane, 3 kills. Dead
Image Uther Lightbringer, 2 kills. Fractured Leg
Image Vengeance Trust, 1 kill. Dead
Image Brad, the Barkeep, 3 kills. Fractured Skull
Image Jinzap, 1 kill. Dead
Image Georgia Lennon, 1 kill. Fractured Skull

This week's ever-so-accurate predictions
Week three brings with it ever-increasing weariness in some teams, while others have a spring in their step. With the mid-season rest only two games away, a few players lose a bit of concentration and end up dead. But traditionally week three brings the least work for the Death Watch, averaging only nine and a quarter deaths each season. The quarter death? That's about two snotlings, for those of you paying attention. Anyway, without further ado, let's look at the matches we think will bring the pain:

Premiership
Really too close to call, this time. The 'Dynasty are returning after losing their big guy to a lizardman last week, and up against the reliably squishy pro elf Harlequins. But would you bet against three Mighty Blow players on the Cold Rock team vs the returning champion rats? With Thriller Filler dead and the Woodman just back from his convalescence, we doubt anything will happen in the Fowler/Professional game, but the Crazy Beard Express will probably run over the Firedrake's skinks like a freight train!

Conferences
The Pongs Not Dongs have been giving it a lot of chat about clawing their way through the Facts, but are we going to see those ersatz all stars take the pain to the never-dying nightmares?

No, they'll probably choke. The one to watch is the reliable AV7 frightfest of Bravado and the Blackwater Cockfighters. Although fun fact, fatality fans - in all the games those two teams have played, while the Cockfighters edge it on serious injuries, neither team has managed to kill anyone. Yet. With Slumbering Leaves hiding in the woodpile this week, how's it going to finish? Bloodily.

Regionals
This is where it's at this week. We hope the Boncos make a comeback with a headsplitting fight against those Amazons. If somebody remembers how to tackle it could be hilarious to watch them all fall down.

But we will be tuning in for some of the fan favourites - with Kingdom Decay and the Sprites both stuttering as they came out of the blocks in the first two weeks, we expect both teams to make a big show as they fight for their first win of the season. There will be blood, guaranteed!

_________________
Image
mushoomy



Joined: Oct 18, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 16, 2020 - 02:10 Reply with quote Back to top

Image

===
Week 3

Strawberry: Welcome everyone to a slightly late edition of the SWL Fantasy league!
Chocolate: And why exactly are we late this week? Mind informing our viewers?
Strawberry: Nah, not really.
Chocolate: I think you owe it to our viewers, Strawberry. 1 day late is unacceptable. And you preach about consistency.
Strawberry: ... A loose Bloodtennis ball... was asked to fetch...
Chocolate: Who's a good boyyy! Let's crack on, starting with the weekly quiz.
===

===
Weekly Quiz

Strawberry: We've got 3 lovely players from the Amateur Professionals this week. But which choice is the most cost effective?
Chocolate: Ah yes, high elves. Masters of throwing. Think you'd be a good fetcher on that team? Being an amateur professional yourself?

CRASH!!! BANG!!!

Image Wayne Smith (Amateur Professionals) - 120k
Image Gary Whetton (Amateur Professionals) - 170k
Image Lachie Cameron (Amateur Professionals) - 90k

Chocolate: Rude...
Strawberry: Rude yourself! May I remind you that I am a SWL legend, just like you?
Chocolate: I don't think anyone forgot... may I remind you... t'was a mere jest Strawberry, you buffoon.
Strawberry: ... so who's it going to be? Wayne Smith, Gary Whetton, or Lachie Cameron.
Chocolate: Well I'll say this much Strawberry. I'd be very surprised if the high elf linemen was the most cost effective.
Strawberry: You'll have to wait until the end of the show to find out the answer then. Onto the leaderboard!
===

===
LEADERBOARD
1:(+0) HaruHaru - 92spp in 36 games
2:(+1) Tussock - 76spp in 34 games
3:(-1) Foad - 67spp in 30 games
4:(+2) Bobs - 64spp in 31 games
5:(+0) Semitence - 62spp in 34 games
6:(-2) Sharper - 57spp in 30 games
7:(+0) Ramchop - 55spp in 30 games
8:(+0) Daudy - 47spp in 29 games
9:(+0) Mushoomy - 41spp in 43 games
10:(+0) MiyusoBot - 16spp in 30 games

Strawberry: HaruHaru maintains a steady lead this week, soaring to a whopping 92spp!
Chocolate: Just shy of 100spp! Could have broken the record for fastest sprint to 100spp.
Strawberry: That record is currently held by Tussock, who reached 103spp in 4 rounds of Fantasy goodness. Mushoomy has also reached 100spp in 4 rounds, and Manzoo had reached 113 spp while MVP's were still counted.
Chocolate: Great piece of trivia that! Tussock hops in front of Foad, but has a long road ahead of him to get to first place. Meanwhile, Bobs sprints past Semitence and Sharper into fourth place!
Strawberry: No changes in the bottom end of the leaderboard however. Would you like to do the honours Chocolate?
Chocolate: SHAAAAAAAAAME!!! SHAAAAAAAAME!!! SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!
Strawberry: Although 41spp in 43 games is close to escaping the shaming threshold, it's not quite enough. Hard luck Mushoomy.
Chocolate: Why are we even including MiyusoBot in the leaderboard at this point? Absolutely useless!
Strawberry: I'm still hanging onto the possibility of a ultra bloody week. The CAS have been dry for the poor sodbot.
Chocolate: Poor MiyusoBot.
Strawberry: Indeed.
===

===
Team of the Week:

HaruHaru
Image Yez The Smelly (Bony Boyz) - 0spp in 1 games
Image Sammael Dreadblade (Spite and Malice) - 4spp in 1 games
Image Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Bruiser (Crazy Beard Express) - 2spp in 1 games
Image Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Shokupan (Bun Dead) - 5spp in 1 games
Image Leeloo Dallas (Murder Maidens) - 6spp in 2 games
Image Panthera (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 7spp in 1 games
Image Blip Raydur (Vermitide) - 1spp in 1 games
Image Walk Fame (Blood Crag Stripes) - 4spp in 1 games
Image Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 0spp in 0 games
Total:29spp in 9 games

Strawberry: Unsurprisingly, HaruHaru takes out team of the week, accumulating an impressive 29 spp in 9 games.
Chocolate: Won't you look at that spread? All but one player that have played games for HaruHaru this week scored spp! Wake up Yez the Smelly!
Strawberry: HaruHaru will be very pleased with his fantasy team this week and rightfully so. Will anyone catch up with him?
Chocolate: Doubt it.
Strawberry: Well let's see if anyone can make the race interesting. Otherwise we're looking at another fight for second place.
===

===
Player of the Week:

Image Gangrene Greg (Redgum's Repugnance) - 8spp in 2 games

Strawberry: Our player of the week this week is Gangrene Greg, who scored 8spp for Ramchop this week.
Chocolate: After disappointing him last season, he must be happy to risk taking him again.
Strawberry: You know, if we hadn't reported this week's fantasy results late, Ramchop would have been team of the week.
Chocolate: RAMCHOP??!! TEAM OF THE WEEK?!!!
===

===
Deal of the Week:

Image Panthera (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 11.4 cost/spp/game

Strawberry: This week's deal is Panthera, scoring 7 spp in last nights game!
Chocolate: I take it this is how HaruHaru snatched team of the week?
Strawberry: Precisely! Tussock, Semitence and Daudy will also be celebrating this great deal this week. Getting 7spp is always a win.
===

===
Rip Off of the Week:

Image Bharkhak Stonefist (Bronzed Raiders) - 0spp in 2 games

Chocolate: Now. We try to avoid choosing a MiyusoBot pick during our Rip off segment, but for 160k and 0spp, this is a huuuuuge rip off!
Strawberry: Poor MiyusoBot rolled an exiting killer from the former prem winning Sharper, and gets nothing in return!
Chocolate: Poor MiyusoBot.
Strawberry: Poor MiyusoBot.
===

===
Curse of the Fantasy League:

Image Mystique (Murder Maidens) - 0spp in 1 games - (Foad)
Image Cream (Pugs Not Drugs) - 2spp in 1 games - (Bobs)
Image Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 0spp in 2 games - (Mushoomy, HaruHaru, Sharper)
Image Wynfreda Winsor (Ceasg-Coast Corsairs) - 9spp in 3 games - (Ramchop)


Chocolate: Only one death this week, but man it's a big one!
Strawberry: 200k down the drain for Ramchop
Chocolate: 9 spp for 200k? I'd say that's a bit of a rip off wouldn't you?
Strawberry: There's always that danger with choosing elves.
===

===
Weekly Quiz Answer

Image Wayne Smith (Amateur Professionals) - 36 cost/spp/game
Image Gary Whetton (Amateur Professionals) - 45 cost/spp/game
Image Lachie Cameron (Amateur Professionals) - 63.75 cost/spp/game

Strawberry: And here are the answers to this weeks quiz!
Chocolate: Naww, how disappointing. It wasn't the lineman.
Strawberry: Close though! Congratulations to Mushoomy for picking the right answer!
===

===
Closing Words:

Strawberry: And that's it! Since Bloodtennis is on Sundays (and mushoomy's side job), fantasy posts will now go up on Mondays!
Chocolate: Fantasy Mondays... doesn't quite ring as nice as SPP Sundays....
Strawberry: When have we ever called it that?
Chocolate: ... see you next time!

Link to full standings
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Nov 17, 2020 - 05:37 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL DEATH WATCH SEASON LXXXIV Week Three

Welcome back to the show that's good clean fun for all the family! After last week's shock death of Mornelithe Falconsbane, the crowds have been waiting with baited breath to see what's next. Will the pointy eared people have revenge on those of us with rounded lugholes? Or will it be yet more emasculating of effeminate fops? Stay tuned for the pantomime of pain that all the cool kids are calling SDWS-LXXXIV!

Image Echemeia, bound to die after encountering Glazdhoz Deathbinder. Underworld Goblin, 0 SPP.
"Typical Chaos Dwarf, picking on somebody smaller than him. Shameful, that's what it is. I hope he bucks his ideas up soon."

Didn't even need Dauntless Award
Image Wrath of Hashut, undone by Dodone. Chaos Dwarf Minotaur, 2 SPP.
"Remember a few seasons ago where one of the Facts double-downed on an AV4 snotling and died, and the little chap wandered away unscathed? Well, this is an even bigger triumph for the little guys - blitzing a minotaur, knocking himself out, and sending Hashut straight to the chopped meat department!"
"That's a lot of bull, Jim!"
"What, you're not happy seeing a Big Guy die?"
"No, I'm just saying, that's an awful lot of bull. You could make roast beef sandwiches out of him for a week."
"Anyway, speaking of Big Guys..."


Image Pluto, confirmed not to be a planet after all by Glazdhoz Deathbinder. Underworld Troll, 0 SPP.
"Underworld Trolls are a lot like buses, Bob."
"What, you wait ages and then two die in one season?"
"Well, I was going to say they're a strange anachronism that doesn't exist, but I'll take that, too."
"Rumour has it that JPM has a wager going, that he can kill at least four trolls this season."
"Halfway there already..."


Image Faeclol The Swift, not looking so fast after a run-in with Kindra Voidrunner. Elf Catcher, 34 SPP.

Image George Weakspike, should have been more afraid of the big bad Wilford B. Wolf. Lizardman Skink, 0 SPP.
"Weakspike by name, dead lizard by nature, eh?"

Image Kurgowallah, suffered from a tremendous Impak. Khemri Tomb Guardian, 2 SPP.
"Somebody needs to fix that revolving door, Bob. One week Kurgowallah is in here for killing somebody, the next, there's bits of Kurgowallah all over the place."
"I keep telling you Jim, there's this thing called the Curse of the -"
"- No! Enough of your eldritch madness, Bob!"


Image Abhainn Avallach, stamped into the turf by Lagertha. Dark Elf Blitzer, 43 SPP.
"Avallach couldn't take the avalanche of boots, could he?"
"I'd rather say that Abhainn is going to abstain ... from life!"
"Er... I don't get it, Jim."
"You've never been one for sophisticated humour, Bob."
"I have. Humour is that stuff that squirted out of his spleen, right?"


Image Wynfreda Winsor, sent into a place only blacklight can find by Ultraviolet. Dark Elf Blitzer, 77 SPP.
"Well, there I was worrying that there'd be more AG5 scum prancing around. Wynfreda was leading her division on passing yards this season."
"We can still throw her head across the pitch a few times - that would count, wouldn't it?"


Image Altair, not one hair spared by Stella Elyon. Chaos Pact Skaven Renegade, 0 SPP.
"That's what happens when you have too many Stellas, isn't it?"

Feels Like Deja Vu Again
Image Pokett, pocketed by Dudette Love. Nurgle Rotter, 0 SPP.
"Hang on, didn't we see him last week?"
"Well, we're definitely not seeing him next week, Bob!"


Image Misskind, will be missed after getting tangled up with Abhorrence. Chaos Beastman, 3 SPP.
"Bob, I know you have a soft spot for Beastmen, but do you really think an unskilled ungulate like that is going to be missed by anyone?"
"That's hurtful, Jim, but yes. We've almost finished eating Wrath of Hashut so we could do with more raw beef."


Image Luckless by name, smashed into hundreds of tiny pieces by Mobad Namimdigr. Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin, 3 SPP.
"Luckless, boneless, hopeless..."

Image Sophie Lee, surfed into the crowd. Amazon Linewoman, 0 SPP.
"I guess you could say Lee went out to sea!"
"To see what, Jim?"
"Never mind..."


Image Talon Nu-k, sent sprawling to his death by his own shoelaces. Skaven Lineman, 2 SPP.
"That's one of those glorious traditions of the Death Watch, isn't it?"
"What, the tradition where at least one player every week forgets to tie his shoes up properly?"


Well, once again a good variety of kills. Sadly no fireballs, bombs or chainsaws featured this week, but there's four weeks to go. Before we look at the predictions for week four, Bob insists on showing us 'proof' that the Curse of the Death Watch exists, even if it looks more like the Curse of the Slightly Damaged Leg this week:

Image Kurgowallah, 1 kill. Dead
Image Aggro' Hardnukkle, 3 kills. Serious Concussion
Image Big T., 3 kills. Fractured Leg
Image Brute, 1 kill. Fractured Leg
Image Giles, 1 kill. Fractured Leg

And of course, the hit parade:

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

SWL Death Watch Predictions
But of course, this is the thing everyone tunes in for, the uncannily accurate predictions of death and destruction that are issued every week by the proud statisticians of the Death Watch. Next week they're taking a break while we review who's in the running for the best prizes in the Southern Wastes, but here's the three matches they're tipping for total death and destruction this time around:

Premiership
With the Federated Fowlers missing the inimitable Thriller Filler forever, along with Giles for a week, they don't have the hitting power they used to. (Should that be kicking power?) But with enough Mighty Blow to kill a few hobgoblins, and the Crazy Beard Express ready to run a train on them, we expect the casualties to come thick and fast. If you're not keen on that, then the AV7 circus of the Harlequins/Lab Rat Elysium match might prove worth watching. D_Arquebus's rats have yet to hurt anyone this season, but there's a whole lot of AV7 there. Did you know?: in all their seasons, the Elysium have only managed to seriously hurt two (journeymen) Pro Elves, whereas the Harlequins have already matched that with one dead, and another niggled, rat in just three seasons.

Conferences
Oh my lord, there's another ST5 Dark Elf, this time on the Corsairs' bench, but without packing much Tackle, we don't expect them to do much damage to Styx & Warpstones. It's either going to be the dream match up of the Murder Maidens vs the Gongoth Heavies, or, after a disappointing loss this week, the Real Fake Alternative Facts getting blown off the pitch by the inducements of Vermintide. Is that the biassed Death Watch Committee hyping up their coach again? Rumour has it that there's already been offers of bribes for the Facts to take it easy this week, but we hear Puggy has learned a few new tricks...

Regionals
The Aspley Boncos have been restrained up til now, but we expect, with Kingdom Decay confident after their first win of the season, that we're going to see a lot of carnage on the pitch this week. We had high hopes for the Hostile Estrogen/Bun Dead match but we just don't think the undead bakers have the power to tackle those lithe ladies...

Until next week, stay safe! Stay strong! Apothecaries and Guard are for wimps!

_________________
Image
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Nov 24, 2020 - 07:55 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL Death Watch Season LXXXIV Week Four

Welcome back, cultists of contusion and calamity, to the mid-season pause where the Death Watch takes a sigh, ducks and gets ready for a mad dash to the end. Remember, death is like a box of chocolates - it's bad for your health!

Image Wagnob, introduced to royalty by Diana Prince. Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin, 0 SPP.
"Whew. I was scared there was going to be a laboured pun about having his wagnob cut off."
"I'm sure glad we didn't let anything crass like that get in."


Image Glazdohz Deathbinder, unbound by Lagertha. Chaos Dwarf Blocker, 26 SPP.
"That waif-like Amazon is turning out to be the most dangerous thing in the league this season, Bob."
"Huh? I think you'll find the Curse of the Death Watch is what's to blame, Jim..."


Image Magikk Vise, had his (cold) rocks put in a vice by Neapolitan. Dark Elf Lineman, 1 SPP.
"Crikey. That sounds worse than having your [wag]nob cut off!"
"What did we say about this being a family show, Bob?"


Don't Let The Revolving Door Hit Your Arse On The Way Out
Image Misskind, Block by Crash Blind. Nurgle Rotter, 0 SPP.
"Now I'm sure Misskind was here last week."
"He was, Bob. Some people love death so much they die twice."


Image Spac, cracked by Snow Scare.*Nurgle Rotter, 7 SPP.
"It's not often you see an AG4 Rotter, Bob."
"That's right. But it is quite often that we see a dead one."


Image Ruby, the Art Director, didn't like the script alterations from Bombina Orientalis III. Norse Berserker, 0 SPP.
"Ah, Rub, she was such a gem."

Image Peg Leg Pete, Stu Wilsoned by the crowd. Chaos Pact Marauder, 18 SPP.

Image Crow's Nest Clayton, took a good booting from Tebec. Chaos Pact Marauder, 10 SPP.
"It's funny, Jim. You'd think it would have been Clayton who got knocked out the crow's nest by a rock, and Peg Leg who got trod on, but it was the other way round."
"I guess that shows Nuffle likes irony, Bob."
"Irony? He doesn't even wear a shirt, Jim."
"Er..."


Image Brawndo The Thirst Mutilator, went surfing. Chaos Pact Dark Elf Renegade, 60 SPP.
"Honestly Bob, that's twice as much audience participation as we need in a match. If the crowd keep killing players, what will the rest of them do?"

Image Rogbut Frogtooth, won't ever have to visit the dentist after an extraction by Muradin Bronzebeard II. Orc Goblin, 3 SPP.
"There's some kind of thing about having a frog in his throat, right?"
"I don't think he'd swallow that. Or anything else ever again, Bob."


Image (), put out of our minds by On Second Thawt. Chaos Dwarf Blocker, 0 SPP.
"Dear old (), I remember him from way back. Friends with ; and :, wasn't he?"

Image Sneak, couldn't get past Cassandra Black. Undead Zombie, 0 SPP.


Image Pineapple, sliced up by Jade Michelle. Undead Skeleton, 11 SPP.
"Finally kicking the bucket, Pineapple is the first undead skeleton to die in the SWL in fourteen seasons."
"There's a prize for that, right?"
"Yes. A bucket."
"It seems to be full of broken bones."
"Oh, well, leave it out back, I'm sure a werewolf will pick it up shortly."


Image Plait loaf, unplaited by the crowd while surfing. Undead Ghoul, 0 SPP.

Image Jonty Chirorupture, ruptured by Griff Oberwald. Skaven Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Wow! Wasn't that the match we predicted would be in line for the biggest omelette of the season, Jim? There were a load of serious injuries as well, right?"
"Er ... moving swiftly on, Bob..."


Image Graham Darkfire, put out by Eurynomos. Dark Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
"That's the trouble. Every journeyman is quite anonymous until they meet Eurynomos."
"And then they're just pushing up moss."
"They take up a career in gardening?"
"Never mind, Bob. Let's just finish this week with:"


A matched pair of leather handbags award

Image Julius Strongeagle, Block by David Kessler. Chaos Beastman, 0 SPP.

Image George Hotwing, Block by David Kessler. Chaos Beastman, 0 SPP.

"Yep, David Kessler is taking home a lot of leather with him tonight, which is sure to please his wife."
"I read that he had 'experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even afterlife's tragedies.' "
"Yes, well, one of afterlife's tragedies is being murdered on a pitch by somebody who refuses to die."
"I guess so, Bob."


Victims of the Curse of the Death Watch
It's been a quiet one this week: (60% quiet, permanently...
Image Glazdohz Deathbinder, Foul * 2 kills. Dead
Image Boysenberry Swirl, Foul * 4 kills. Pinched Nerve
Image Peg Leg Pete, Hit by a rock * 1 kill. Dead
Image Brown Tooth Beldon, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Collar Bone
Image Pineapple, Block * 1 kill. Dead

"Great news - this season's Death Watch utensils have just been delivered. If we can get them past the mound of dead and broken players, we'll be showing them off to you just after the predictions for week five!"
"Ha, nobody cares about that! Just show them the bodies!"


Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

Predictions
Last week, we tipped the Fowlers and the Express to deliver the goods, but it was the AV7 wildcards of the Lab Rat Elysium and the Harlequins that topped the Premiership Omelette with ... three casualties? That's hardly a scrambled egg.

Especially when the Gorgoth Heavies and the Murder Maidens gave us 6 deaths and serious injuries, with 26 SPP being spread across the pitch like so much fertiliser. (We did accurately predict that, although to be fair, we did wrie the prediction after watching that match, to avoid being biassed. The Didgeridead/Jugger match was another surprise, with the audience getting involved a bit more than normal. We'd expected a bit more death from the Corsairs and the Warpstones, but I guess sacrificing an AG5 blitzer helped protect the elves from more cursing. As for the much vaunted Chaos/Skaven death match ... another disappointing turnout by the fake all stars. All mouth, no trousers.

Well, let's hope for more accurate predictions this week. What do we have?

Premiership
It could go one of two ways. Either the mirror match of the Cult of the Firedrake vs Cold Rock will show some lizard-on-lizard destruction, or Lab Rat Elysium will show that even with their Chaos Dwarf Kryptonite, the Bronzed Raiders, out of the picture, there's some other top-hatted nemeses in the Premiership. Our money is on the chorf-rat combo to bring another big omelette. Best they did was 7, 7 seasons ago - could eight be an [un]lucky number?

Conferences
Three obvious matches to watch: the Murder Maidens vs Redgum's Repugnance - constantly hard hitting ladies, vs the nastiest Nurgle team around at the moment; Flack Ork Flockers vs Blackwater Cockfighters - big brutish orcs with a Block troll, vs one of the great class cannons of the modern era; Concussion Protocol vs Salute of the Jugger - big ogres and tiny gnoblars vs a Renegade team looking for revenge after last week's Khemri-reaming. Each of the divisions could dish out something tasty!

Regionals
Boncos vs Spoilers. Nothing like Norse-on-Norse to deliver the goods, right?

Death Watch Mid Season Prize Predictions
Image
The You Can Dish It Out But Can You Take It Butter Dish: going back to Didgeridead, in the lead with Gorgoth Heavies on 10 casualties each, but with the Khemri avoiding many serious injuries this season, it'll be desert dust in the butter by the end of LXXXIV

Image
The You Can Take It But Can You Dish It Out Butter Dish - we thought it would be the Maidens, but they've been reliably violent in the right direction this season. The Cockfighters are probably taking this, with a lamentable 11 injuries sustained vs only 1 inflicted.

ImageImage
The Delicately My Dear Kid Gloves; 38 teams have hurt a player so far, which means four teams are missing entirely - will they get some action, or be in line for the Massively Patronising "It's Called Blood Bowl For A Reason!" Bowl?

Image Image
The Glass Cannon Glass Cannon could go to a Chorf team this year, depending on (a) decisions about whether you can win the Omelette and another prize in one season, and whether Redgum's Repugnance get more violent, or more fragile, or both, in their final three matches. Everything to play for here.

Image
The What Took You So Long Digital Watch, otherwise known as the prize nobody cares about, let alone even wants, will be dished out to somebody who misses the Gloves and the Bowl by a whisker. No decision on who it'll be until the end of week seven.

Image
The Gastrotheca Riobambae III Commemorative Squashed Freddo was lined up to be presented to one of Bravado's luckless linemen, but with the injuries being evenly distributed among them this season, none of the forest dwellers have reached even two injuries this season. Those in the know suggest that the Evil Doctor is trying to sneak the prize by a cunningly double-niggling himself and then laying back and waiting for the pain to be delivered. Will it pay off? You can't collect the frog if you die too early...

Image
Finally, the one everyone wants, but nobody wants to meet, the Chamberpot of Terrifying Doom; Crash Blind, Klazam's super nasty saurus, has managed 1.5 injuries and deaths per game so far; his only threats are 'Lethal' Lagertha and On Second Thawt. If he doesn't get chorfed in week 5, the Blind lizard only has Underworld and Dark Elves between him and glory. Lagertha has a much harder draw, between regenerating Nurgle and Undead, and typically robust Chaos in the form of Big Boys Don't Block, and lastly, the big cow with a heart of gold has to put his horns through orcs, Khemri and Chaos Pact. So, barring calamity, the Chamberpot is going to be delivered to the Blood Crag in a few short weeks' time...

_________________
Image
mushoomy



Joined: Oct 18, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 28, 2020 - 22:58 Reply with quote Back to top

Image

===
Week 4

ImageImage

Mushoomy: Have you seen these dogs? They've been gone for over a week! Last seen chasing an ice cream truck. Apologies for their tardiness. Here's the stats from last week's week of Fantasy. Hopefully someone will contact us soon about the whereabouts of Chocolate and Strawberry before the next post.

===

===
LEADERBOARD (as of 25 Nov.)
1:(+0) HaruHaru - 127spp in 50 games
2:(+0) Tussock - 102spp in 48 games
3:(+0) Foad - 100spp in 44 games
4:(+0) Bobs - 87spp in 44 games
5:(+2) Ramchop - 86spp in 41 games
6:(+0) Sharper - 80spp in 45 games
7:(-2) Semitence - 77spp in 47 games
8:(+0) Daudy - 58spp in 41 games
9:(+0) Mushoomy - 53spp in 58 games
10:(+0) MiyusoBot - 24spp in 46 games
===

===
Team of the Week:

HaruHaru
Image Yez The Smelly (Bony Boyz) - 3spp in 1 games
Image Sammael Dreadblade (Spite and Malice) - 3spp in 2 games
Image Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 12spp in 2 games
Image Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 3spp in 1 games
Image Bruiser (Crazy Beard Express) - 4spp in 1 games
Image Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 4spp in 2 games
Image Shokupan (Bun Dead) - 3spp in 2 games
Image Leeloo Dallas (Murder Maidens) - 0spp in 1 games
Image Panthera (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Blip Raydur (Vermitide) - 0spp in 1 games
Image Walk Fame (Blood Crag Stripes) - 3spp in 1 games
Image Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 0spp in 0 games
Total:35spp in 14 games
===

===
Player of the Week:

Image Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 12spp in 2 games
===

===
Curse of the Fantasy League:

Image Mystique (Murder Maidens) - 0spp in 1 games - (Foad)
Image Cream (Pugs Not Drugs) - 2spp in 1 games - (Bobs)
Image Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 0spp in 2 games - (Mushoomy, HaruHaru, Sharper)
Image Wynfreda Winsor (Ceasg-Coast Corsairs) - 9spp in 3 games - (Ramchop)
Image Footcuddle (Concussion Protocol) - 0spp in 3 games (Ramchop)


Chocolate: Only one death this week, but man it's a big one!
Strawberry: 200k down the drain for Ramchop
Chocolate: 9 spp for 200k? I'd say that's a bit of a rip off wouldn't you?
Strawberry: There's always that danger with choosing elves.
===

===
Link to full standings
mushoomy



Joined: Oct 18, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 28, 2020 - 23:56 Reply with quote Back to top

Image

===
Week 5

Strawberry: Welcome back, to us and to you, to another week of the Fantasy league! Sincere apologies for our disappearance. We just went walkies is all.
Chocolate: Just went walkies...
Strawberry: Yup! Just went walkies. Maybe a bit of runnies too, but we made our way back home eventually!
Chocolate: Calling this crammed kennel of an office space a home is a huge overstatement Strawberry.
Strawberry: It's cozy!
Chocolate: It's way way way too close to you! Don't want to catch fleas again...
Strawberry: Yeah but that was on purpose.
Chocolate: I am aware...
===

===
Weekly Quiz

Strawberry: This week's quiz is a fun one!
Chocolate: And a brilliant idea devised by the one and only!
Strawberry: Alright sure thing. This week's quiz is a battle of budget! What's better value? The Fantasy league's most expensive player (including big guy discount), Aggro' Hardnukkle, or the Fantasy League's cheapest players added up to his cost?

///
Image Aggro' Hardnukkle (Vermtide) - 220k
///
Image Flyin Fillop (Flack Ork Flockers) - 40k
Image Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 40k
Image Tarman (We'reWho!) - 40k
Image Eunoe (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 40k
Image Prug (Bony Boyz) - 20k
Image Basayban (Concussion Protocol) - 20k
Image Footcuddle (Concussion Protocol) - 20k
///

Chocolate: The battle of the century! Can Aggro' Hardnukkle take on 7 players???
Strawberry: Find out at the end of this week's broadcast. Onto the Leaderboard!
===

===
LEADERBOARD:
1:(+0) HaruHaru - 137spp in 54 games
2:(+0) Tussock - 113spp in 52 games
3:(+0) Foad - 103spp in 47 games
4:(+1) Ramchop - 90spp in 43 games
5:(-1) Bobs - 90spp in 46 games
6:(+0) Sharper - 87spp in 48 games
7:(+0) Semitence - 86spp in 54 games
8:(+0) Daudy - 61spp in 43 games
9:(+0) Mushoomy - 57spp in 61 games
10:(+0) MiyusoBot - 26spp in 50 games

Strawberry: HaruHaru stays up top, but Tussock closes the gap by... 1 spp...
Chocolate: He can catch up... Foad maintains a steady 3rd place, but Ramchop is climbing up the leaderboard week by week!
Strawberry: Yes Chocolate, Bobs won't be pleased to see that Ramchop pushed him into fifth place. He's now in Sharper's reach!
Chocolate: Which makes him vulnerable to Semitence too! Only 1 spp separates him and Sharper.
Strawberry: Meanwhile in the land that never changes, Daudy, Mushoomy and MiyusoBot are probably all nervous about whether they will make 100spp in time.
Chocolate: MiyusoBot is probably asking himself whether he'll even break 50!
Strawberry: Poor MiyusoBot
Chocolate: Poor MiyusoBot.
===

===
Team of the Week:

Tussock
Image Torduken (Bronzed Raiders) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Bind Soul (Blood Crag Strips) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Aeneas (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Anduin Wrynn (Legends of Azeroth) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Þorgautr Ánison (Skelligen Spoilers) - 4spp in 1 games
Image Khangor (More Food for Thawt) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Aloy (Mutated Alliance) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Time (Speeeeed Killzzzz) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Panthera (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 3spp in 1 games
Image Blip Raydur (Vermitide) - 4spp in 2 games
Image Flyin Fillop (Flack Ork Flockers) - 0spp in 0 games
Image Basayban (Concussion Protocol) - 0spp in 0 games
Total:11spp in 4 games

Strawberry: This week's team of the week is Tussock, who scored a massive.... 11 spp in 4 games...
Chocolate: This is what happens when we disappear for a week!
Strawberry: Very true. Nevertheless, team of the week is Tussock. Hope you're proud of your 11 spp earned!
===

===
Player of the Week:

Image Vulture (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 4spp in 1 games
Image Blip Raydur (Vermitide) - 4spp in 2 games
Image Þorgautr Ánison (Skelligen Spoilers) - 4spp in 1 games

Strawberry: It's certainly grim that our players of the week only earned 4spp.
Chocolate: Indeed. But hey? We'd probably never see a human lineman in the player of the week slot if we hadn't gone walkies right?
Strawberry: Very true. Well done to our players of the week.
===

===
Deal of the Week:

Image Vulture (Kingdom Decay (SWL)) - 22.5 cost/spp/game
===

===
Rip Off of the Week:

TOO LITTLE GAMES PLAYED
===

===
Curse of the Fantasy League:

Image Mystique (Murder Maidens) - 0spp in 1 games - (Foad)
Image Cream (Pugs Not Drugs) - 2spp in 1 games - (Bobs)
Image Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 0spp in 2 games - (Mushoomy, HaruHaru, Sharper)
Image Wynfreda Winsor (Ceasg-Coast Corsairs) - 9spp in 3 games - (Ramchop)
Image Footcuddle (Concussion Protocol) - 0spp in 5 games
===

===
Weekly Quiz Answer

///
Image Aggro' Hardnukkle (Vermtide) - 220k

110 cost/spp
///
Image Flyin Fillop (Flack Ork Flockers) - 40k
Image Pokett (Gorgoth Heavies) - 40k
Image Tarman (We'reWho!) - 40k
Image Eunoe (Styx αnd Warpstones) - 40k
Image Prug (Bony Boyz) - 20k
Image Basayban (Concussion Protocol) - 20k
Image Footcuddle (Concussion Protocol) - 20k

44 cost/spp
///

Strawberry: And in the end, the cheap picks won!
Chocolate: Wow! Goes to show that the more expensive pics aren't always worth it. Maybe we'll see more 16 man teams next season?
Strawberry: Doubt it.
===

===
Closing Words:

Strawberry: And that's it! Sorry for our absence. We'll try to be here from now on.
Chocolate: Emphasis on try. Life gets busy when we're at the dog park.
Strawberry: Full standings down below. See you next week!

Link to full standings
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Dec 01, 2020 - 19:36 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL DEATH WATCH SEASON LXXXIV Week Five

Seven days have passed - as have eleven players. So let's get down to business and list all the glorious demises, then start shovelling...

Image Targon Heavyiron, bashed and smashed by Crash Blind. Chaos Dwarf Blocker, 11 SPP.
"I guess you could say Heavyiron was flattened, Jim. Bet his coach is feeling a bit shirty about it! Particularly after all the SPP in-vested in him."
"Enough of these sartorial puns, Bob."
"Hey, you might not like iron-related humour, but it creases me up! And I didn't even mention, Targon is one of the three lucky beneficiaries of the Curse of the Death Watch this week."
"Your occult obsession is the only thing that's worse than your laboured wordplay, Bob..."


Image Rowdy The Rude Piper, forced to play a different tune by Nicholas Weakhawk. Chaos Beastman, 0 SPP.
"Journeymen get a bad rap in Blood Bowl, but when Weakhawk silenced the Piper in the first turn of the match - well, you have to admire his enthusiasm!"

Image Shaw Sheridan, blocked by Dudette Love. Dark Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Shaw sure is sore after meeting the Dudette, isn't he?"

Image Raoghnailt Reaghan, belittled by Big T.. Dark Elf Lineman, 9 SPP.
"Reaghan ravaged by rampaging r- r- r -"
"What's the matter, Bob? Can't find a synonym for minotaur that starts with an r?"
"All minotaurs start with an rrrrr!, Jim"


Image Footcuddle, given something other than a hug by Peg Head Pete. Ogre Snotling, 0 SPP.
"Peg Head Pete, a relative of Peg Leg Pete, is quite the vicious marauder, eh?"
"Wait till you see his brothers, Peg Torso Pete and Peg Metatarsal Pete. They're terrifying!"


Image Murkub Treespike, wrecked by Tyzusk the Wreckage. Orc Lineman, 2 SPP.
"Can we say the Treespike was cut down in his prime?"
"Not really, Bob, unless you think 2 SPP is the greatest achievement for an orc ever."


Image Rivinit Ithric, stamped on by Talion. Elf Blitzer, 8 SPP.
"Ithric is sick after a thick hit by a massive pr-"
"- OK Bob, time to stop the alliteration and rhyming now, please."


Image Arkit Roster, permanently taken off the roster by Ashen One. Elf Lineman, 0 SPP.
"Ashen One? That's funny, because it's Arkit who's looking grey..."

Image Pandemic, tripped on his own shoelaces trying to establish social distance. Human Blitzer, 11 SPP.

"And we saved the best until last this week - it's a double down double death from the Vampires and Kingdom Decay! If you didn't believe in the Curse of the Death Watch until now, what more evidence do you need?"

Image Arienthil Nicholai, had to die by Discharge. Vampire Thrall, 2 SPP.

Image Discharge, wiped away by Arienthil Nicholai. Human Lineman, 12 SPP.

"Well, a bit of a quiet week for the Death Watch. 'Only' eleven deaths, and not even anyone with two skills."
"Or anyone AG5."
"You can't kill a super elf every week."
"Why not?"
"Enough of your well-documented antipathy for pointy eared fops! Don't we have anything else to talk about?"
"Well, there is..."


THE CURSE OF THE DEATH WATCH
Image Targon Heavyiron, 2 kills. Dead
Image Tania, the Blademistress, 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Image Kullo Ironflagon, 1 kill. Pinched Nerve
Image Brute, 1 kill. Smashed Hip
Image Dodone, 1 kill. Broken Neck
Image Ferrari, 1 kill. Smashed Hand
Image Distant Harley, 1 kill. Broken Neck
Image Discharge, 1 kill. Dead
Image Arienthil Nicholai, 1 kill. Dead

"No, not the stupid curse again!"
"Oh, you were wanting some more of our ever-more reliable predictions, right?"
"Oh no -"
"Too late!"


Death Watch Predictions, Week Six

Premier
Injuries for AV7 rats have been light on the ground this season, but with Lab Rat Elysium coming up against the hard hitting Cult of the Firedrake this could be the one to watch. Last time they played all we saw was one broken ankle, but Mobad Namimdigr needs to justify his existence - with just a single kill this season and three other casualties, he needs at least four injuries in the next two games to beat Voidrunner to the Replacemnt Knuckles. The Elysium are bringing a lot of strength to this game, but they're going to need to hit those skinks - a suspicious lack of claw in this match to pierce the lizards' leathery hides.
Did you know...? The deadliest game ever for the Elysium was way back at the end of their first season, when a lizardman team killed four players. The Veophiles still lost 2-0 - will the Cult do better?

Conferences
A few prime matches to watch. Will it be the Murder Maidens vs Big Boys Don't Block? Or the foul lizards of the Blood Crag Stripes vs Styx and Warpstones, in their first ever match-up? After last week's disappointment, we don't think the Facts' investment in claw is going to pay off at all this season, so their frog match will be a damp squib. The Flockers could be out to make Bravado feel sheepish, although there's never been a match where the wood elves have suffered more than 2 serious injuries against orcs. But it's the Tinkerbell Conference where the fireworks are tipped to explode: the Bronzed Raiders vs Salute of the Jugger - more Mighty Blow than we know what to do with, Didgeridead and More Food For Thawt have both had smashing seasons, and with Speeeeed Killzzzz having almost as many journeymen as regular players, and armour so weak they look like the high elves were replaced by the union, the Redskins might be causing havoc.
Tip for the top: too much regen in the Khemri match means there'll be a disappointing body count. The Raiders and the Jugger will bring home the bodies.

Regionals
Boncos and Bony Boyz or Sprites and Spoilers? Hard to say. The delicious combination of Mighty Blow and AV7 means those Ogres might wreck Miyuso's Norse, but it's just as likely that we'll see a swarm of snotlings leaving the pitch under constant assault. Meanwhile the Sprites have been taking a battering this season, but this could be the week they turn it around with some juicy inducements and Amandala Wylf bringing some much needed muscle to the team. We're going to assume the Sprites-Spoilers is the match to generate the most hurt, as those snotlings might just take stunty injuries and avoid anything serious.

Will this be the week we get a prediction right for a change?

Finally, it wouldn't be Death Watch without the hit parade:
Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image


Until next time, be good! And if you can't be good, be careful!

_________________
Image
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Dec 10, 2020 - 05:47 Reply with quote Back to top

SWL DEATH WATCH SEASON LXXXIV Week Six

"Welcome back for another passing-on packed celebration of what makes this the - Bob, are you alright? You look so glum."
"It's hard to muster enthusiasm for anything, Jim. I thought life was certain, I thought I knew how things worked, and it's like everything has changed and it's all meaningless now."
"Look, you can't be that upset about a few changes to your favourite boardgame."
"It's not Devastation Dish, the funpacked thrill of fighting and tennis."
"Then what is making you so sad, Bob?"
"It's this week's Death Watch."
"Don't be sad, Bob, players are always dying."
"Yes, but this week it's only nine of them."


BUMPER AV7 SPECIAL
Image Trey Goldfist, cut down in his prime by Fred Woodman. Elf Lineman, 0 SPP. "Goldfist? Goldfish, more like, with that life expectancy."
"Who'd have thought elves would be so fragile?"

Image Duane Hideousshield, offered no protection against Julius Strongeagle. Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin, 0 SPP.
[i]"What is this, a journeyman extravaganza? Where are the permanently rostered, highly skilled players we like seeing here?"


Image Eunoste, splattered by Crash Blind. Underworld Goblin, 0 SPP.
"It says here that Eunoste is a nymph."
"Well, she certainly died like a fly, didn't she?"


Image Tommy, rocked on by Gyrzoagnort The Dark Night. Khemri Skeleton, 3 SPP.
"Don't go gently into the dark night."
"Other way round, Jim. That dark night certainly didn't go gently into Tommy."
"Careful, Bob. Family production, remember..."


Don't Call It A Comeback Ceremonial LL Cool J Second Album Award
Image Frankie the Mouse, restored to his grave by Eanuk Flamecaller. Necromantic Zombie, 0 SPP.
"I'm sure Frankie the Mouse looked a damned sight more agile last time we saw him here."
"Well, I just think it's great that some players get a second chance. Even if they don't last more than a season."


Image Nicholas Hideousbrook, dammed forever by Sean Darklightning. Undead Zombie, 0 SPP.
"Are we still just doing linemen and part timers, Bob?"

Image Hyla Versicolor III, nothing but a fart in the wind after a hit by Jordell Freshbreeze. Slann Lineman, 8 SPP.
"Well, the rumours we heard about Slann are partly true. That's one frog who's definitely not playing next season!"

Image Milo Hearthheart, very bitter after a slice of Lemon. Dwarf Blocker, 9 SPP.

"And that's it."
"Wow, now I see why you're so sad. A few weeks ago we were looking at a record number of fatalities this season, and now we're falling behind."
"Yes, although this scribbled note from the stats goblins says that 86 deaths in 6 weeks is more than we've had in 7 weeks of any season before LXXXII."
"Who's LXXXII?"
"Some Bretonnian, I think."


Even the Curse of the Death Watch is light this week:
Image Blood Carnage, 2 kills. Smashed Hand
Image Leptobrachium Smithi IIIII, 1 kill. Damaged Back
Image Dull, 1 kill. Fractured Arm

Next week is time for the grand Death Watch Awards. Until then, we've got four more predictions for you for the games to watch in the final week of the season. With four serious injuries, we correctly called the most violent game in the Premiership, although our prediction of destruction scared off the Jugger match entirely, we missed out on the Bun Dead injurystravaganza, and the Khemri-Chaos match we pooh-poohed turned out to be a five-man omelette. So, as 1 out of 3 isn't bad, let's see how we do this time round:

Premier This is the match that decides if the Amateur Professionals finally win the Premiership, or if those non-existent rat men retain the title. With Ferdinand Woodchipper at full strength after two big hits against the Harlequins, and a battered Elysium limping towards the end zone, it's going to be a big match for injuries. Bring popcorn, and bandages!

Conferences Two to watch. The only Nurgle team this time around is strong and touch, but Gangrene Greg is the Repugnance's only tackler, so expect him to get sabotaged by the Styx and Warpstones' coaching team early in the match. It's Impak's 95th game - will he spend all of it killing gnoblars? We can but dream...

Regionals Mutated Alliance are bringing lots of Mighty Blow, but against the icy army of block that the Boncos have lined up, will they survive? Forecast: lots of injuries

Speaking of injuries, here's this week's motley lot...

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

_________________
Image
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Dec 14, 2020 - 06:30 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch Retch-ro-spective

So with the fabled End Times only a season away, Bob and Jim have been scouring the archives of the Death Watch, to give you a breakdown of all those teams that have managed to survive through to season 84 of the Southern Wastes Leagues. Johnny-come-latelies probably won't feature here - they're looking at the teams that have endured the most, and given the most to the Death Watch over the years.

Starting in the Premiership, only one team has played more than 75 matches, so let's start with perennial fan favourite, and non-existent giant ratmen, the Lab Rat Elysium

Cruelly denied the chance to hold onto the trophy in the final game of the season, the Skaven have played 90 games. In that time they've suffered 134 injuries and deaths, the highest of any team since Death Watch records began, while also handing out a highly respectable 74. At 18 deaths provided vs 27 sustained, that's a fairly decent record for the rodents, although the high proportion of deaths suffered as a proportion of total casualties suggest somebody in the medical staff has it in for them.

However, there's no player the Lab Rats really fear: the biggest single health risk for them has always been untied shoelaces, with 4 deaths and another 13 serious injuries caused by those pesky mice slipping and falling over.

Zucker "Fats" Leptin was a perennial menace, with 3 kills and a whole bunch of smashed bones to his name. A candidate for the Where Are They Now? file of the SWL, Leptin retired after season 78 (His departure is shrouded in mystery - was it because he wasn't fast enough any more? Did he demand too much money? Was it just the fear of another hit from the Curse of the Death Watch? [Leptin, as it stands, is the holder of the Most Injuries Suffered By A Single Player prize, a whole bag of shop soiled Freddoes]) to manage a cheese factory in Skavenblight.

Speaking of the Curse, it certainly did a lot of damage to the Elysium over the seasons, especially to old Smutly, who seemed to be trying to break every bone in his body:
Image Hooded "Smutly" Rex, Block * 1 kill. Fractured Arm
Image Hooded "Smutly" Rex, Foul * 1 kill. Fractured Leg
Image Hooded "Smutly" Rex, Foul * 1 kill. Fractured Arm
Image Hooded "Smutly" Rex, Block * 1 kill. Fractured Arm
Image Hooded "Smutly" Rex, Block * 1 kill. Gouged Eye
Image Hooded "Smutly" Rex, Surfed * 2 kills. Smashed Ankle
Image Hooded "Smutly" Rex, Block * 2 kills. Broken Neck
Image Ballin' Bitties, Block * 2 kills. Damaged Back
Image Zucker "Fats" Leptin, Failed dodge * 1 kill. Gouged Eye
Image Ballin' Bitties, Surfed * 2 kills. Broken Ribs
Image Zucker "Fats" Leptin, Foul * 2 kills. Smashed Hand
Image Aargol Baargol, Block * 2 kills. Broken Ribs
Image Zucker "Fats" Leptin, Block * 2 kills. Fractured Leg
Image Zucker "Fats" Leptin, Failed GFI * 2 kills. Smashed Hip
Image Zucker "Fats" Leptin, Hit by a rock * 2 kills. Smashed Knee
Image Rodenticide Fizzing, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image War-Failin Tonix, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Hand
Image War-Failin Tonix, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Image Elmer "Foodie" McCol, Hit by a rock * 1 kill. Groin Strain
Image Aargol Baargool, Failed dodge * 1 kill. Dead
Image Elmer "Foodie" McCol, Foul * 1 kill. Pinched Nerve
Image War-failin Tonix, Foul * 1 kill. Dead
Image Nice-as-Nasty, Block * 1 kill. Dead

In return, the rats only helped the Curse take effect eight different times:
Image Flauros the Leopard, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image Gobslag Tango, Block * 2 kills. Smashed Hip
Image Fjalarr, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image Yengangarry, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image Cyber Doom, Block * 1 kill. Fractured Skull
Image Takharth Stoneheart, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Image Niabatteroo, Failed dodge * 1 kill. Smashed Hand
Image Brute, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Hip

Next season, will the Elysium look after their Rat Ogres any better than before? The Society For The Protection Of Large Rodents is quite concerned:

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

Finally, think about that line-up of injured rats, and raise your hats to a coach who has never yet lost a thrower or a blitzer to the grave. It's only the small, very quick rats, and the big, very angry rats, that should tread carefully. Oh, and the linerats, but that's what they're meant to do.

_________________
Image
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Dec 14, 2020 - 07:28 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch Retch-ro-spective

As storied teams go, it's impossible to get any longer a story than that of Bravado, having played the most matches of any team in the current era. With their coach suffering the ennui that might be brought on by the constant death and destruction of AV7 players, they might not be hanging around to hit the big 100, but they've given us a lot to write about over the years, and for that we should always be thankful.

Just like Lab Rat Elysium, these lightly-armoured players have taken a lot of damage (108 serious injuries and deaths) but enjoy a slightly better Butter Dish Ratiotm, having handed out 76 kills and hurts. Unlike the rats, there is a clear nemesis for the wood elves - the dastardly Chocolate, who singlehandedly broke or battered five players long enough to make them take at least a week off (pour one out for Bouilloires Glenmorangie.

Bravado have only contributed one omelette to the kitchens - an eight-person brawl with Brew Pub Brouhaha which left four dead and three permanently ruined players. Meanwhile Dan Dan was one wardancer Bravado held onto even after a fractured skull, chalking up 4 kills and 22 serious injuries through his career. Dan Dan did suffer from the Curse of the Death Watch, though, taking both a groin strain and a serious concussion as reward for what he'd done for all of us.

Not to harp on the differences with that other veteran team, but Bravado have also given us a lot more variety when it comes to the corpses. Every kind of Wood Elf is represented in their crypt - and if you look closely, you'll even spot a star player...

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

_________________
Image
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Dec 15, 2020 - 02:25 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch Retch-ro-spective

Third on our list are the Waaaaghton Redskins, who started as they meant to go on - in the very first week of SWL LXXI, with teams freshly embracing the BB16 rules, Impak and company left two Norsemen with smashed collarbones and hips, just a taste of the rampage that would follow in the next 95 games...

Speaking of Impak, he has 17 serious injuries and kills on his mantlepiece, out of 48 total casualties. That's not the highest casualty count we'll see in this series, or even the best ratio of very badly hurts to badly hurts (a certain Goblin troll has a 20/49 record, which is hard to beat) but you don't get to 405 SPP without being justly feared throughout the league. Then again, we know Impak has a soft spot, doing a lot for charity in the off season, and this is demonstrated by the big hearted lunk only having two kills to date.

But a team is not just one player (although with the Redskins lately it's been one player and a whole bunch of mercs, journeymen and inducements). As a whole, the Redskins are third best, with 104 serious injuries and deaths provided, but with an eyebrow raising 82 injuries sustained. At least they've done more damage than they took, which is more than we can say for the other teams we've surveyed so far.

The Redskins have more in common with Bravado than you might think - both of them are a green tinge, both play Blood Bowl, and they both have only given us one omelette each - although this 6 person brawl was certainly one for the ages. With all that death, you might think they'd be concerned about the Curse of the Death Watch, but it's only been half as fatal for them as what it did to Lab Rat Elysium:

Image Guardsman Happyfeet, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image Rat, Surfed * 1 kill. Serious Concussion
Image Squig, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image Bruce, Block * 1 kill. Fractured Arm
Image Ted, Hit by a rock * 2 kills. Groin Strain
Image Ted, Block * 2 kills. Smashed Ankle
Image Impak, Surfed * 2 kills. Smashed Knee
Image Billy Clumsyhammer, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image Happy Dancer, Block * 3 kills. Fractured Arm
Image nemko, Block * 1 kill. Broken Ribs

However, the Redskins are as much an instrument of the Curse as a victim of it; kill somebody and play the Redskins, and there's a very good chance of a smashed ankle, a smashed knee, a smashed life.

For anyone who thinks orcs don't have pizazz, consider these two fun facts: the Redskins will (barring something very strange in the next season) be the only team in this ruleset to have a player eaten while trying to score a touchdown. Raise your glasses for Bambi, gobbled down by Happy Dancer in a game against the next team to feature in the Retch-ro-spective... And even more dangerous was the time a mercenary Black Orc was fouled so hard by Tebec that he vanished not just from the pitch, but from the team roster for the match report too. That's some spicy Blood Bowl voodoo there for you!

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

_________________
Image
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Dec 15, 2020 - 02:52 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch Retch-ro-spective

Behind the fourth door of this advent calendar of agony are yet more AV7 lunatics, this time the Blackwater Cockfighters. Whereas the previous three teams are clearly all playing for the love of the game, these Norsemen (and women) have a clear contempt for Blood Bowl, defining themselves by whatever job they have off the pitch. As if anything could be more important than 16 turns of kicking a pigskin up and down a muddy field.

The goblins of the statistickal department were at pains to point out the Cockfighters' casualty delta is identical to that of the Scoundrels, the SWL's longest serving Goblin team, but we'll ignore that as sheer chauvinism. After all, total hits is what counts and 473 casualties for and against beats 367. And it keeps us busy, too. Consigning those goblins back to their dungeon, let's consider the Norsemen.

Unlike other teams we've looked at, the Cockfighters really are a team. That makes it harder to choose a standout killer, because the violence is pretty evenly distributed. Rather than an Impak or a Dan Dan to deliver the goods, you can bet that just about any of the Cockfighters will be ready to hurt you, possibly while rushing back to their day job. That spread does give a lot more opportunities for the Curse to kick in, of course. (Nothing to do with the fabled Norse armour...)

Image John, the Mage, Block * 2 kills. Groin Strain
Image Scott, the Alchemist, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Hip
Image Fjalarr, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image Stewart, the Gunslinger, Block * 2 kills. Smashed Hip
Image Stewart, the Gunslinger, Block * 2 kills. Dead
Image Stuart, the Kung Fu Pro, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image Dan, the Ninja In Training, Block * 1 kill. Fractured Leg
Image The Blood Red Cock of Hell, Blown up * 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Image Stuart, the End Level Guy, Block * 1 kill. Fractured Arm
Image Dan, the Ninja in Training, Block * 1 kill. Dead
Image Allan, the Chaplain, Foul * 1 kill. Fractured Arm
Image The Blood Red Cock of Hell, Failed GFI * 1 kill. Fractured Leg
Image Allan, the Chaplain, Block * 1 kill. Serious Concussion
Image Allan, the Chaplain, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Image Brad, the Barkeep, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Image Brian, the Scoundrel, Block * 3 kills. Dead
Image Brad, the Barkeep, Block * 1 kill. Broken Jaw
Image Andrew, the Ne'er-Do-Well, Block * 1 kill. Smashed Ankle
Image Brad, the Barkeep, Block * 1 kill. Broken Ribs
Image Stuart, the End Level Guy, Surfed * 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Image Brad, the Barkeep, Block * 3 kills. Fractured Skull
Image Tania, the Blademistress, Foul * 1 kill. Smashed Knee
Image Brad, the Barkeep, Failed dodge * 3 kills. Serious Concussion



The one outlier is The Blood Red Cock Of Hell with 9 SIs and one death to his name. However, he's done less damage to other teams than the Cockfighters' fans, who have contributed three deaths and eight serious injuries. Then again, nobody should stand too close to the sidelines; we've seen six Cockfighters dead, niggled or injured by their own fans.

But talking of the fans, after a few teams that have failed to provide a lot of big shows, the Cockfighters have probably got unstinting loyalty after serving up a succession of omelettes, none finer than this eight-man/dark elf debacle. The Cockfighters finished this season injuring more of their own players in their final match than they did the opposition - will the Evil Doctor get better in the off-season and come back unniggled? There's a few people who hope not.

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

_________________
Image
MrCushtie



Joined: Aug 10, 2018

Post   Posted: Dec 15, 2020 - 03:16 Reply with quote Back to top

Death Watch Retch-ro-spective

Rounding out the top five, it's a team that keeps coming back, yes, it's none other than Pugs Not Drugs, that sweet sweet army of confectionary-themed doggos and random zombies. Again, unlike the Redskins and more like the rats and the wood elves, these undead horrors have almost parity between injuries supplied and sustained, getting a slight advantage with 78 vs 72 received. Maybe they are more cuddly than their reputation suggests.

Still, who doesn't like Chocolate? 4 kills and 17 serious injuries after he started, it's a shame he retired after 69 games, otherwise he'd probably still be building his own legacy. But demanding extra cash probably got him the "Ol' Yeller" treatment. With three injuries from the Curse of the Death Watch, this was one wolf waiting to be huffed, puffed, and blown apart. But there'll be others, there's always others...

The Pugs have gone almost entire seasons without achieving anything of note (apart from topping their conference, winning two Premiership trophies, blah blah blah, not like they've ever got the Terrifying Chamberpot of Doom, is it?) - worst of all in SWL LXXIX, where they didn't do any serious damage until their final match of the season - but despite rumours that they're just snobbish about which teams they'll take recruits from, the fans keep coming out to see them. Again, unlike the Cockfighters, and more like everyone else, there's only been one six-casualty match for them so far, although it was a particularly one-sided affair for the poor Yeast Lords, who really didn't rise to the occasion.

Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image Image

_________________
Image
Display posts from previous:     
 Jump to:   
All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Post new topic   Reply to topic
View previous topic Log in to check your private messages View next topic