"Good afternoon, sports fans! Pull up your favourite La-Z Squig reclining chair, crack open an ice-cold Bloodweiser and get ready once again for the greatest game in the world- Blood Bowl! As always I'm your host Jim Johnson..."

"...and I'm Bob Bifford."

"With the second season of the SCBBL well under way, we turn our attention once more to the Sludge River Shamblers. Smarting about being knocked off the top of the Most Casualties Caused table, they took on the all-conquering Chaos Dwarf team the Bradford Bulls..."

"...and proved about as useful as a half-dead Snotling. They were down two touchdowns to nil at half-time and only a costly slip from one of the Bulls stopped it from being three, for Nuffle's sake!"

"Indeed, the Nurgle-worshippers slipped to their third defeat in four games after a woefully toothless performance, but their coach seemed pleased enough with his team's performance in his post-match interview- either that or he's hoping that the Bloater he hired with his team's share of the purse will hopefully give the Shamblers some much needed spine in their remaining games."

"Or at the very least sever a few of them! I've never seen a game of Blood Bowl in which so little blood got shed! What's wrong with the world these days? It makes me so mad I could murder a whole village of Halflings!"

"On that... bloodthirsty... note I think we'd best take a commercial break whilst Bob calms down. Don't touch that dial!"